Pixie Dust
by InsaneGrizzlies
Summary: AU. They knew each other in what feels to each like a different lifetime. Now they're both irrevocably changed. He's a different person. She's seen too much. Confusion reigns, danger lurks, and both fight to find the elusive magic they knew from before.
1. Prologue

**Hello everyone! This is just the prologue, which I don't usually write, but this story needs one. It's in 3rd person POV, but the rest of the story won't be. **

**This idea kind of just popped into my head the other day. I was re-reading a certain part of a story and I just wondered at something that I can't say now for spoiling things, and then musing on that led me to thinking and developing a story for it. Which led to this. **

**I know there are probably millions of stories out there like this but I hope you give this one a shot, because I am going to work hard to make it a little different than the norm. You all know me - I hate to be predictable.**

**Enjoy, review, and let me know what you think!  
**

"Edward," Bella laughed, catching the young boy and swinging him up into her arms. "Gotcha!"

Laughing, the boy hugged her neck. "Miss Bella, can we have piz'a fer dinnuh?"

"Hmm…" Bella hummed, tapping her chin and looking up at the ceiling. She flicked a glance down, smiling. Edward watched her in excitement, a hopeful expression on his little face, and tightened his arms around her neck.

"Okay," she smiled, and Edward cheered, planting a kiss on her cheek.

Bella carried him inside, setting him down in the kitchen and reaching for the phone, flipping through the phone book to find the number for a pizza place. She was picky about her pizza consumption, and was _not_ going to settle for Dominos or Pizza Hut or something.

Edward watched her as she spoke into the phone, ordering a small cheese pizza, and giving out the address for the pizza guy to deliver to. When she hung up, he grabbed her hand. "Miss Bella, Miss Bella! I gots a new movie yeserday. Wanna watch it?"

Bella grinned at him. "Okay, lead the way."

Edward lead her into the living room, dropping her hand when the reached the couch and searching the cabinet under the TV with a large frown puckering his face. That disappeared into a grin as he grabbed the video box he was looking for and ran it over to his babysitter. "This one, this one!"

Bella looked down at the box and made an excited sound. "I wanted to see this!" She smiled down at his happy and proud expression. "Do you want to wait for the pizza to get here?"

Edward frowned, puzzling out if this was a trick or not.

"We can eat the pizza while watching the movie in our pajamas," Bella added. "Like a slumber party."

Edward grinned, turning to rush up the stairs to his room. Bella caught him by the elbow when he stumbled on the second to last stair, and he grinned at her in thanks. She changed into her own pajamas - she always changed for 'bed' when Edward did - in the bathroom and waited for Edward outside his door. He came out, hair tousled, shirt inside out. He had his favorite teddy bear in his hands, the fur bedraggled and faded in some places, the bowtie hanging crooked and loose.

Bella pressed her lips together, commented on how cool his pajamas were, and held his free hand as they walked downstairs. They had to wait about twenty more minutes for the pizza, by which time Edward was getting antsy. Bella gladly went to the door to get the pizza; it would keep Edward from throwing a rare fit.

"Hey Dillan," she greeted the delivery boy. "How are you?"

He smiled at her. "I'm good. We're still on for tomorrow night?"

She smiled shyly up at him handing him the money. "Yeah. Thanks," she added as he pulled out the box.

"Careful, it's hot," he warned, and Bella rolled her eyes as she took it.

"Call me when you get off," she said, and he told her he would, pressing a swift kiss to her lips. Bella smiled as he walked down the walkway, turning and closing the door.

Edward was standing in the hallway, his face twisted. "Eew," he stated.

Bella laughed. "What?"

"He kissed you." Edward said the word kiss like it was dirty, making Bella laugh again.

"One day, you're gonna kiss girls, too," she teased him, setting the pizza on the kitchen table.

Edward shook his head so hard, his hair flew around it crazily and Bella wondered how he didn't get dizzy. "Nuh-_ah_. Girls are icky."

Bella raised a brow. "Hate to break it to you, kid, but I'm a girl."

Edward's brow furrowed as he looked up at her. "But Miss Bella, yer the cep- eggcek-" He frowned, huffing in anger.

"Exception," Bella provided, then added, "Where'd you learn that word?"

Edward beamed proudly. "Momma. She said all other little boys are meanies but I'm a genelman, and the…" He trailed off, frowning.

Ex-cep-tion," Bella said slowly and clearly, listening and smiling as he said it like she had, hardly stumbling over the large. "There ya go. Did she tell you what it meant, too?" she asked, slicing the pizza.

"Uh-huh," Edward agreed, stepping closer to wait. "She said the one that isn't like the others."

Bella smiled down at the smart boy. "Well, thank you for making me your exception to the icky girls."

Edward grinned, stretching up to try to see the pizza.

"Why don't you go grab a plate?" Bella suggested, and Edward rushed over to the cupboard where his plates and cups were kept for his easy access. When he came back, Bella put two slices onto his plate and told him to sit on the floor in the living room. When she joined him, she had two cups of water and her own plate.

As she pressed play for the movie, she said, "One day, Edward, you'll find a girl that isn't icky, that you love, and you'll kiss her like Dillan kissed me."

Edward scrunched his face. "I love you and you ain't icky."

Bella smirked. "A girl _your_ age."

Edward shook his head, sighing at the silly thoughts big people had. "Nuh-uh Miss Bella. No I won't."

Bella shrugged. "We'll see."

They watched the movie, Edward falling asleep towards the end. Bella turned off the movie, leaving the screen glowing blue, and grabbed the dirty dishes. She set them all in the sink, promising herself she'd wash them once Edward was in bed. She bagged the spare pieces of pizza, brushed her hands off on her pants, and walked back into the living room. Leaning down, she lifted Edward into her arms, carrying him upstairs and into his room. As she tucked him in, he stirred awake and stared at her.

"Miss Bella," he mumbled sleepily. "Can I have a bedtime story?"

"Sure," Bella whispered, searching his little bookshelf. "How about Peter Pan?"

Edward grinned, sitting up against his headboard and rubbing his eyes. Sitting down at the edge of his bed, leaning back slightly with him, Bella began to read. Edward interrupted her a couple times, asking why Peter didn't want to grow up, and why pixie dust helped people fly.

"Because it's magic," Bella whispered. "Magic makes it possible for people to do amazing things, things that other people can't do."

"So why don't more people use magic?" Edward asked in confusion.

Bella thought, slowly answering the little boy. "Well, I guess it's because not a lot of people believe in magic. Not even in little, every-day magics. Like a kiss, or learning a new word, or…" she thought harder. "Or in learning new things and helping people. Most people don't believe in magic."

"Why?"

Bella shrugged. "They think it's for little kids. It's make-believe."

Edward frowned at his blanket, then looked up at Bella. "Do you believe in magic?"

Bella smiled, looking at the little boy next to her, and thought that she most definitely did. "Yeah, I do."

"So can you fly?" he asked, eyes shooting wide.

Bella laughed. "No, I can't. I don't have a pixie!"

"Oh," Edward frowned. "Well when you find one, can we go flying and visit Never Land?"

Bella smiled slightly. "We'll see."

After a moment, Edward nodded and looked back at the colorfully illustrated book, and Bella started to read again.

They were at the point where Captain Hook kidnapped Wendy and the Lost Boys when Bella suddenly stopped, tensing. Edward looked up at her, noticing the frown on her face.

"Miss Bella," he started, when she put her finger to her lips. Edward went quiet, watching as Bella quietly closed the book and set it on the bedside table, before creeping her way to the door. She pressed her ear against it, listening, a variety of emotions running across her face.

Edward felt fear churn his stomach sickly when something shattered downstairs.

Bella bit her lip, looking back at the little boy sitting upright in his bed, eyes wide and fearful, face pale. She crept back over to him, staring him straight in the eyes. "Edward, I want you to hide in your closet, okay? Don't come out until I get you. No matter what."

Edward nodded, quickly rushing over his carpet and slipping into his closet. Bella, muscles tense and strained, slid open his door just enough to slip into the hallway. She tip-toed her way to the top of the stairs, glancing down. Shadows danced across the floorboards, stretching out from the living room.

Terrified, Bella rushed as quietly as she could to the parents' bedroom, knowing there was a phone in there. She prayed the intruders would stay downstairs until the cops arrived.

Edward sat on the floor of his closet for forever, wondering and worrying. Miss Bella had seemed really scared, and Miss Bella wasn't afraid of anything, not monsters under the bed or Captain Hook or the dark. What was scary enough to make Miss Bella afraid? Edward shifted in his spot on the floor, feeling tears gather in his eyes. He wished he were as brave as Peter Pan.

His hands felt around the floor for his teddy, and he felt his panic spike when he couldn't find him. It had been forever and Miss Bella hadn't come back. What if she was hurt? What if she was in trouble and waiting for him to save her? Like Wendy was waiting for Peter Pan to save her from Captain Hook!

Edward pushed open the closet door, peering around it on his hands and knees. His bedroom door was open just a sliver, and Edward could hear muffled voices downstairs. They weren't familiar.

He glanced at his bed - teddy wasn't there. Biting his lip, Edward crawled to the door and peered through the crack out to the hall. No one was there. The strange voices were gone.

Quickly, Edward pushed his door open and stood up in the hallway. He walked towards Momma's and Daddy's room, and heard Miss Bella on the phone. Edward felt his fear slip away. She must be talking to the boy who kissed her. She had told him to call her. She must have forgotten Edward was hiding in the closet and she had to let him out.

Reassured that everything was okay, Edward decided to look for his missing teddy. He thought back to earlier in the night, and remembered that Teddy had wanted to see the movie, too. Grabbing tight to the banister, Edward lowered himself down step by step, grinning proudly when he reached the bottom without incident. He glanced around, and hurried into the living room to grab Teddy. Miss Bella had put him to bed, and he wasn't supposed to get out of bed once she did that. He was hoping if he hurried, she wouldn't know he had broken her rules.

He found Teddy on the ground where he'd been sitting down, and hugged him to his chest in relief. He turned to go back to his room and stopped, confused. Two men were standing there, grinning. They weren't nice smiles, though, and their teeth were yellow. Bella and Momma and the dentes' always told him that if he didn't brush his teeth every morning and night, his mouth would turn yellow. These men obviously didn't listen to their denteses and mommas.

One had a bag in his hand, and the other held a shiny black squirt gun. Edward frowned in confusion.

"Hello little boy," one chuckled. "Where's your mommy and daddy?"

Edward frowned some more, looking at the mom. "Momma says to not to talk to strangers."

The men grins widened. "Oh, but we're not strangers. We're friends of your parents. Where are they?"

"At a party," Edward said. "You need to leave," he added decisively, his frown growing. Friends weren't allowed over to play when Momma and Daddy weren't home.

One of the men stepped closer, and Edward scrambled backwards. They scared him, and he wished he'd stayed upstairs like Miss Bella always told him to.

The man grabbed Edward's arm, pulling him off balance. Edward tugged, feeling tears gather in his eyes. "Lemme go!"

The man growled out for him to be quiet, but Edward struggled harder. "Stop squirming!"

Edward bit the man on the arm. _Hard_.

"Ow!" the man shouted, yanking his arm away. Then he backhanded Edward, sending him to the floor, crying. Through his tears, Edward looked over at the two men, who still blocked the living room doorway. Neither of them were grinning anymore, and they looked really, really mad.

Then Edward felt hope flutter in his chest. Miss Bella was sneaking out from the kitchen behind them, a frying pan held in her hand. When she saw him staring, she quickly put a finger to her lips.

Bella was petrified. When she'd finished her call to the police, she'd hurried back to Edward's room.

To find the door open. And Edward not in the closet. She'd whispered as loud as she dared, searching the rooms upstairs, when she heard the intruders talking downstairs. Thankfully, their backs were to her. She'd edged past them, heart pounding too hard, and into the kitchen. She could have grabbed a knife, she figured, but a frying pan would be so much more effective, and it was larger. That should make it easier to hit a target, right?

She was also completely furious. The man had backhanded Edward when he bit him, and anyone who could hurt little kids deserved to go to the deepest pits of Hell in Bella's opinion. Anyone. She'd felt vicious pride that Edward had bitten the man, but sort of wished he hadn't had to. If only the boy had stayed upstairs!

Holding her breath as she got as close as she dared behind one of the men, she pulled her arm back and swung with all the strength and anger and fear she had in her.

The man fell to the ground with a loud thump, and Bella turned quickly for the second man, the one who had hurt Edward.

He pointed a gun at the little boy. Bella froze, her breath freezing in her chest. Oh, no.

"Put it down," the man spat, and Bella dropped the pan from her hands, listening to the loud thwang as it hit the floorboards. Her eyes flickered from the man, to the gun, to the little boy.

"Take the stuff and go. The cops are on their way already. If you leave, I'll say we didn't see anything, you can get out of here, get away before anything bad happens," Bella whispered. Of course, she _would_ tell the cops everything she could. No way was she completely idiotic. Her dad had died because of idiotic, uncaring, horrible men like these. Because he'd always tried to stop them. Tried to be the freakin' hero.

The man laughed. "I don't trust you farther than I can throw you, girlie."

Bella was glad the man's attention was on her, because that meant he didn't see Edward crawling away to hide closer to the couch. She took a step farther back….

The sirens started reaching their ears. The man backed up towards where he _thought_ Edward was still sitting. When he reached down, still staring at Bella, and didn't find anything, a frown crossed his face. He looked down, noticed the boy wasn't there.

Edward dashed for Bella, fear making him want her comfort.

The man aimed his gun for the little boy.

Bella shouted, darting forward to grab Edward out of the way.

The gun shifted towards her and went off.

Edward screamed as Bella fell to her knees, a pained, shocked look on her face. One arm wrapped over her chest, and she pushed Edward towards the stairs with the other.

"Run," she ordered, glaring.

Edward dropped his teddy and ran into the kitchen and out the backdoor. He heard angry shouting from the bad man, more loud noises that made him clap his hands over his ears, and he pushed at the loose board in the fence and ran faster, his bare feet cutting on loose rocks.

He hid himself in his friend Rickie's fort house, which was a few houses away, and crushed his knees to his chest. He trembled fiercely, and wished he knew if Miss Bella was okay. She'd looked like she was bleeding, but he couldn't be sure. She'd covered her chest too quickly.

And that hadn't been a squirt gun. Squirt guns didn't go ba-bang.

Edward swiped one hand across his face, snuffling loudly. He wished that Bella was a fairy, like Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell had gotten hurt and then everyone clapped their hands and she got better. Bella was like a fairy, Edward thought. She was pretty and magical. Shaking, sniffling loudly, and tears staining his cheeks, Edward unwrapped his arms around his knees and clapped his hands, feebly at first, then with growing ferocity. Maybe, he thought, maybe if I clap loud and hard enough, Miss Bella will get better too.

Eventually, his hands stinging and his clapping weaker, tired, his tears all dried up, and his nose dripping, Edward heard people calling his name. There were flashlights shining all the way at the street, and lights were on in Rickie's house.

Edward scrambled down the ladder, rushing towards the backdoor.

"Missus Harrison!" he yelled, sobbed. His tears were back. He wanted his momma and his daddy and his Bella back right now. He wanted to wake up and find this was all a bad dream.

Mrs. Harrison, eyes wide and hair dishelved, phone pressed to her ear, appeared at the backdoor.

"Liz, he's here. I swear to god, he's right here at my back door. No, he's okay. Alright, I'll see you in just a few minutes." She hung up and yanked the door open, dropping to her knees and holding her arms wide.

Edward launched himself into the embrace, sobbing. She picked him up, making soothing noises, telling him he was okay.

"Miss-Miss-Missus Har-Harrison!" Edward sobbed brokenly. "Miss Be-Be-Bella! She-She-She-"

"Shh, shh. Your Momma and Daddy are coming, Edward. You're okay. Everything is okay now, I promise," she soothed calmly.

Edward sniffed and nodded, burying his head in her shoulder again. Everything was okay. That meant Miss Bella was okay, too. The bad men were caught, and he could pretend this night had never happened.

*~**~**~**~**~*

"We have the men in custody. The one we found at the house is willing to testify that the gun the bullet matched to was his partner's, and if you can get your son to also testify as identifying him, it will be a shut case."

Elizabeth looked at the officer in front of her with desperate eyes. "Do you really need Edward's testimony so much? He's only four and a half!"

The officer glanced into the living room, where the little boy was staring at the floor. Elizabeth glanced at him too, crossing her arms anxiously. No matter how much she'd scrubbed and scrubbed, it didn't seem to be enough. And he had torn apart his teddy bear because it had blood stains on it, then cried for it the other night. She was panicked over what this whole thing was going to do to her son. Bringing him to court and letting him see that violent man again? What would that do? Certainly nothing good.

The officer ran a hand through his hair. "It might, it might not. I don't want to let this man get away because of any reason, though, Mrs. Masen. I want to see him brought to justice as much as you do."

Elizabeth Masen looked back at the officer. "No you don't. You didn't know Bella Swan like I did. You don't have a son who has been suffering the entire time because of that mad-man! You don't want to see him burn in hell nearly as much as I do!" she finished, her voice nearly a yell. She was breathing heavily as she stepped back a step, trying to control her raging emotions again. Not only did the officer look taken aback, but now Edward was staring at her with his haunted, wide green eyes. She moved over to him.

"Edward," she said, crouching down to his level. "Go outside and see if your father need help with anything, okay?"

After a long moment, the little boy nodded once and - sparing a final glance at the floor, as if he could still see the stain there - he left to the kitchen and back door.

Elizabeth walked towards the officer. "If there is no other way," she said quietly, "Then if Edward says yes, I'll let him testify that that man was the one who shot Bella. If there is _no other way_."

The officer nodded, realizing that was as good as he was going to get, and put on his hat. "Thank you, ma'am. I'll call you to let you know by the end of the week."

Elizabeth saw the man to the door and closed it behind him, locking it. When she turned around, she was startled to see Edward standing there, staring into the living room. He looked up at her, and she stepped back a little at the look in his eyes, bright and angry and too full of emotion for a boy of his age.

"Is the man dead?"

It was the most he'd said since they'd admitted Bella had died. No one had had the heart to tell him that her body had disappeared, too. The police believed it was someone trying to cover up for the murder. She come out of surgery, with things still looking like they weren't going to be good, and then she'd been gone. After three days, they'd pronounced her dead.

Elizabeth shook her head. "No, Edward. He is going to be put in jail, though."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Mr. Police Man said he might not."

She hadn't realized Edward had been listening, that he'd understood what they were talking about. "I'm sure he will be, though."

*~**~**~**~**~*

The man who had killed Isabella Marie Swan was staring at the boring wall across from him of the armored car transporting him to the jail, musing about how he could get out of here faster. He'd pled guilty to the court, knowing that would lighten his sentence, then lied and said he'd shot her out of panic. He hadn't meant to kill her.

Which _wasn't_ a lie. He had meant to kill the boy. That was the one he wanted to kill. That damn little boy. He lifted his cuffed hands, gazing at the deep bite mark that marred the skin of his left arm. He'd probably end up with a damn scar.

He lowered his arm, plotting some more. If he faked some good behavior, lied at acted remorseful, maybe he'd be out in fifteen years or something. Then he could hunt that damn boy down. First he'd hunt down his partner, though. He'd ratted him out, said it was all his idea to hit the house and bring the gun and kidnap the kid. Of course, he'd been knocked out, but if he hadn't been he wouldn't have hurt the girl or boy.

A complete load of bullshit.

Markus Ryans rolled his eyes. He would have to visit his old 'friend' first thing when he got out. Then he would go after the stupid boy.

Breaks squealed, and the car jerked around.

"What the hell?" he muttered, then cursed as he pitched forward and banged his head, unable to break his movements because of his chained hands and feet. The officers in the front stepped out, gun shots rang, and then silence. Markus shifted so he was sitting, listening curiously. What was all this about?

The door opened, and the sun blinded him, making him lift his arms to cover his eyes. Hadn't that door been locked? And what had run them off the road? He knew it was deserted, that they wouldn't take a murderer along a publicly used street.

He was yanked out by the hairs on the back of his head, and tossed onto the harsh, hot pavement. He swore under his breath as he felt some skin scrape off, then twisted to glare at whoever had treated him like that.

The blood drained out of his face.

"No… no, it's not… not possible…." As his attacker stepped closer, stalked closer, he felt terror hit his system like a punch to the gut, his heart beat race out of control. "No! Please! Go away! _No!_"

Then the blood was drained out of the rest of his system.

**Okay, so as you can see this will be a human Edward / Vampy Bella fic. Like I mentioned, lots of different ones like it out there. But I decided to give this fic a shot, because it seemed pretty cool when I started thinking on it.**

**To everyone who has already read my other stories, you know what I'm like and what to expect. ;) Fun, fun, right? Remember Hydeward anyone? I have a feeling little Edward is going to put Hyde to shame. Jus' sayin'. _smirks_**

**Review, I know you want to!!!  
**


	2. Chapter 1

**Trust me when I say, two updates in as many days is not gonna be the usual. Try more like a week or two between updates.**

**However, I am on a bit of a kick with this fic, and in love with this Edward already, so you already have a new chapter. Thanks for all the reviews already, and I love hearing from you all!**

**On you go now!  
**

BPOV

I shut the car door behind me, ignoring the envious, lustful looks of the students of Forks High School. I hated the attention they gave me and my 'siblings'. The lustful looks the boys sent Rosalie as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. The fearful ones sent to Emmett because of his size and vocal capability. The hateful ones from the human girls towards my sisters and me. The constant fawning of the boys. It drove me up the metaphorical wall.

Alice came up beside me and linked her arm through mine. "Bella," she said sweetly. "I know you don't want to, but could you-"

"No." I stated flatly. When she pouted at me, I simply laughed and kissed her temple. "Sorry sis, but I'm immune."

She muttered sourly and went to tell Rosalie I would not be joining them and their boys and the movies tonight. I hated feeling like a fifth wheel. It was bad enough being the newbie, but the only single one of the family made things worse.

I entered the English room, taking my seat at the back of the room, and immediately pulling my most recent read out of my backpack. Sometimes, it helped deter the boys from bothering me.

I vaguely listened as people chattered around me, their lives seeming so… petty. I always tried hard not to think of them that way. I had been a human once, too, and different things held importance when you were human. I worked hard to think of them as equals, while some of my family didn't see them that way.

Still, when the only thing they could find to talk about was that Angela Weber had asked out the shorter Ben Cheney, I wanted to smack them all upside the heads and tell them to get their own lives. Seeing as this would have been my response had I still been human, I figured it wasn't a bad one.

Jessica Stanley was the worst of them all. She felt it was her business to know everything about everyone, and to do her best to make their lives hell. She'd tried pestering me about my family. I don't know why she'd attacked me; maybe she thought I was the weakest one, since I was the loner of the group. Whatever her reasons, she'd spent the first several weeks of my arrival here asking the most invasive questions.

I finally told her to shove her questions up her ass.

She'd told everyone I was a crude, bitchy, bitter bitch who wanted Emmett and was mad because Rosalie had him. Okay, whatever. Rosalie and I got along well in the family, because our situations of being changed were so similar.

We knew what it was like to have our lives ripped away, stolen, because of a wrong-place, wrong-time scenario.

The class started, and I shifted my book to under my desk, making it a point to read slowly. When the teacher called on me to answer a question, I gave her the answer easily, not even looking up. High school was so boring the second time around.

And the third… don't get me started.

When class was over, I closed my book and rose, walking as swiftly as I dared out of the room and into the filled hallway.

Where I was attacked.

"Hello, Bella. How are you?"

I sighed heavily. "Hello, Michel."

He frowned. "Mike."

"Mmm," I made a vague noise that was only slightly apologetic. I knew his name. I just loved pretending I didn't. Humans got so worked up over that. "Did you need something Mick?"

"Mike," he muttered. "I was wondering if you'd like to sit with my friends and I at lunch."

"No thanks," I said vaguely. "I'm happy sitting with my family."

He grumbled more under his breath. I refused to even honor him by listening to his petty comment.

"See you around, Nike."

"It's Mike," I caught him growling as I walked away, making me grin at the floor.

Jasper started walking next to me. We entered the advanced calculus class and sat in our usual spots at the back. The teacher spared a glance towards us, shaking his head. Smirking, Jasper muttered lowly, "He's disgusted again."

"Lustful?" I asked in annoyance.

Jasper snorted. "They all are."

I made a face, which made him chuckle. Throughout the class Jasper and I made fun of the students and teacher, and I drew a quick sketch of the teacher with big lovey-hearts eyes, drooling, staring at Jasper. Jasper balled it up and threw it at my head, which made me giggle and toss it quickly into the trashcan.

At the end of class, however, it was me the teacher asked to stay behind. I glared at Jasper as he left me behind, amusement radiating off of him.

"Bella, you did exceptionally well on the last exam."

I stared at the man expressionlessly. "So did Jasper." I said flatly.

"Yes, well." The man cleared his throat. "Jasper isn't as welcoming towards praise and other students."

I raised a brow slowly, silently asking him if he thought I was that much better. He shifted again.

"I was thinking you could take some time after school, tutor some of your struggling classmates."

"No thanks," I said, and left. Jasper was waiting outside - probably to make sure I didn't lose control and kill the teacher in annoyance - and smirking. I swatted his arm.

"Bastard," I muttered as he walked towards biology.

Lunch came by soon, and I grabbed a bunch of food, avoiding the pizza because it made my stomach twist painfully. When I sat down, Emmett draped an arm over my shoulder.

"So, Bells, I was thinking," he said conversationally.

"Always dangerous," I said, cutting up the hamburger in front of me.

He rolled his eyes. "We should get those gossipers off of Angela and Ben's case, don't you agree?"

I looked at him, suspicious.

"So I was thinking we could pretend to be cheating on Rosalie."

Rosalie laughed as she sat down on the other side of him. "You guys want to have an affair? That's not scandalous enough. How about Bella and _I_ have the affair, that'll make them talk for weeks."

"Months," I corrected, rolling my eyes.

"Does that mean you'll do it?" Emmett asked eagerly.

"No," Alice said, sitting down as well, Jasper right behind her. "She won't."

Emmett sighed like he was the one with all the problems. "Bella, you are _no_ fun."

"Thanks, Em," I said dryly.

After lunch was my last two classes of the day, the last two hours of torture. When I finally made it out to the car, I was having to resist yanking on my hair. We piled into Rosalie's BMW, and raced home.

I let myself into my room, removing my two books for the day from the backpack and shelving them. I scanned the rows for possibilities for tomorrow. Maybe The Odyssey. Or perhaps I'd read The Complete Works of Shakespeare.

Esme stepped into the room, smiling at me. "Good afternoon, Bella."

"Hello, Esme," I said, smiling at my mother-figure. She was the complete opposite of what I could remember of my real mother.

"I was thinking - would you like to accompany me to the nursery in Port Angeles? I'd love to plant some new flowers in the garden."

Getting out of the house and avoiding any more pestering from Alice about joining them tonight?

"Sure," I smiled, replacing the book I'd pulled out to consider and grabbing a purse. Esme and I got into one of the spare cars in the garage, a Mercedes like Carlisle's, and drove comfortably to Port Angeles. That was the thing with Esme. You couldn't feel uncomfortable with her, and you never had the urge to talk. Silence was fine. At the same time, she always knew what to say, if something was wrong or you needed advice.

We browsed the plants of the nursery, and I pointed out a kiwi fern to her that looked nice. She smiled at me, and put it in my hands. After paying, we loaded our plants into the car and drove home. It was about six when we got back, and my siblings had already left. Carlisle would be home soon, so Esme promised me we'd plant them when I got home tomorrow.

I scanned the channels of the TV, got bored, and moved to select a movie. There was a large range of choices, because everyone had differing tastes and times they favored. In the end, I picked a movie I knew I'd loved as a human, Secondhand Lions. I had watched it with little Edward once, while babysitting him.

The thought made me smile sadly. I often wondered what had happened to him. I knew the man who had killed me hadn't hurt him, hadn't chased him because I'd grabbed his ankle and tripped him.

But I wondered how his life had progressed. He had been an intelligent little boy. I was sure he'd done well in school, Elizabeth and Edward Sr. would have made sure of it. I smiled sadly as I wondered if he still thought of girls as icky. He'd be seventeen now - I doubted it. Was his favorite book still Peter Pan? Did he still have that ragged teddy bear? Did he hate the color orange still, or was his least favorite color different? So many things I'd never know about the boy I'd cared for.

The door opened, distracting me from my thoughts, and Carlisle walked into the room, pausing when he saw me on the floor.

"Bella," he smiled. "What are we watching tonight?"

I held up the DVD box and he nodded. "Good choice. Let me change into something more comfortable, and Esme and I will join you."

"Okay," I said quietly, preparing the DVD to be played. Carlisle had been the one to change me. He told me he'd realized I wasn't going to survive the bullet shots and surgery, and felt as if he could not just let me die. While many members of my family felt bitter about their new lives, I never really had. It had allowed me the vengeance I would have been unable to get any other way, and allowed me a chance to live again. Yes, perhaps some things would be forever lost to me. I would never have children and I would lose any human friends I made to age. I'd have to watch people die around me all the time, and I'd simply live on, nearly indestructible.

Carlisle and his family had been seemingly perfectly fine with uprooting their lives and moving because of my joining their ranks. We had rushed to the remote regions of north Canada, and I'd learned as much about my new life and skills as I could. I'd learned control. We had moved down to Alaska about eight years after that. Tanya and the Denali coven had been welcoming. I had learned more about being a vampire from the ancient Denali sisters, the original succubus. Jokingly, I had written a parody of their lives and given it to each of them as a gift before we'd left. Three years made it a sad affair to leave, but I kept in touch with them.

Forks had been our home for almost two years now. It was my least favorite so far out of all the other homes we'd lived in. Not because of the house itself, which was fine. But because of the people I was surrounded by. The community wasn't what I would want to spend years at a time with.

Carlisle and Esme came down the stairs, joining me on the couch. I pressed play and curled up at the end, holding my knees to my chest. We watched the movie, and the rest of my family showed up partway through, silently joining us for the rest.

We all retired to our rooms for the rest of the night, each to their own agendas. It was times like these that I felt the most envious and alone. Times when I knew they had each other, and while I always would have them, I couldn't have that kind of connection.

I could wait though. I knew I'd find it one day. And I had forever to search.

Sometimes, I felt suffocated. There was only so much to do, only so much that I could repeat again and again without growing sick of it. Those were the times I settled on my bed, laptop on my legs, and typed. I wrote about whatever took my fancy, whether it be what my life might have been like if I had lived, to what I hoped would happen to Jasper's awful Maria, to memories of my times as a human. Anything that came to my mind, I wrote down.

Tonight, I settled against the pillows, fingers lightly tapping the tops of the keys as I thought about what to write. I finally started writing about Edward. I wrote about what his life might have turned out like often, perhaps because I felt so guilty. I didn't know how long it had taken them to find him - hours, days? - or how the whole ordeal had affected him. I knew nothing, and if I had taken better care of him that night, perhaps his life wouldn't have had to suffer the catastrophe that had ended up occurring.

As I wrote, my fingers turned towards one of the darker paths they sometimes began to take, making me wince as I typed. Always, I knew I could stop typing, and then I wouldn't have to read it. But it would still play out in my head. If I typed it, it felt like it was stuck to the screen, to the paper, and unable to sneak away and become true.

So I furiously typed at the keys, saved the document, then cleared the page.

And started writing about Mike Newton being eaten by a grizzly bear.

By morning, I would have been feeling much better… if I didn't have to repeat the school day all over again. Things passed in a monotonous drag, and I was glad to get home. Esme and I went out to plant all the flowers and plants we bought the other day. The moist soil of Washington felt rough and moist on my fingers, and I spared a moment just to enjoy the texture of the earth in a way I hadn't been able to as a human.

"Esme," I asked as I patted the earth around the fern I'd chosen. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" she asked with a puzzled smile.

I sat back on my heels, lightly brushing the fern's leaves. "Repeat the same thing so many times over. Does it ever… bore you?"

She smoothed the soil around a _collinsia parviflora_ before leaning back and answering me. "Sometimes, things do seem to lose their… interest. But the world is always changing, Bella. There is always something new for us to do, to enjoy. Sometimes it takes a little searching, but life has a way of keeping things interesting." She smiled and patted my hand. "Don't get bored so quickly, honey. You have decades ahead of you for that."

I rolled my eyes and went back to planting a deer's tongue.

When all the plants were tucked away in the soil, I took a shower to clean the dirt off of me and then wandered downstairs. Emmett's video game was lying in front of the couch, game paused, and Emmett himself was no where to be seen or heard.

I smirked as I grabbed the controller and settled onto the couch.

Thirty minutes later, when Emmett came back inside from wherever he had been, I was absorbed in the game and winning, which is more than can be said for when _he_ had been playing it.

"Damn, Bella," he said appreciatively. "You do know how to aim and shoot."

I snorted, blasting away another adversary. "You get too excited."

He shrugged, plopping onto the couch next to me. When I finished the game, he switched it out for another, grabbed his own controller, and we settled in to battle it out all night. I won, of course. Rosalie was a great help in keeping Emmett _not _focused on the game.

The next morning, Alice stopped me on the way to the car. She pulled me to the side, looking a little anxious. Anyone could hear us still, but the action would hopefully incite them to give us privacy and not listen.

"Bella…." she started, before stopping and frowning lightly.

I raised a brow. "What, Alice? What's wrong?"

"I'm not sure," she sighed, shaking her head in frustration. "I just see you leaving rather abruptly today."

I slowly tilted my head, thinking about why that would be. "And you have no clue why?"

She shook her head. "Not a one."

I nodded, then shrugged. "Thanks for the heads up." There wasn't much any of us could do without knowing why I ran off, so the best thing to do would be prepared.

Worst case scenario, I finally just threw Mike Newton out a window.

EPOV

I leaned back in the seat, balancing on the two back legs, as my mom and dad stared at me. Mom looked sad and concerned, while Dad looked like he usually did - angry. My fingers played with the lighter under the table, my own version of twiddling my thumbs. Damn nervous habits.

"Edward," my dad started, his voice low and serious. That meant this lecture was supposed to be a big one, with inconceivable punishment at the end. Which Mom would most likely manage to get me out of. He'd tried boot camp a few times; Mom just absolutely refused. I figured if I ever actually was sent to boot camp, I'd be shot within ten minutes.

"We've tried to be patient, and learned that didn't work a long time ago. So we tried cracking down on you. That just seemed to make things worse. We've tried everything we can possibly think of, and you're still throwing your life away. We're running out of options here."

"Please," my mom said, begged practically. "Just tell us what to do." Her eyes were misty, and I resisted the urge to look away guiltily. "We just want our Edward back."

I clenched my jaw, because I _was_ their Edward. No matter how much they wished I wasn't, I was. And they couldn't accept that.

My father scoffed, looking like he hadn't expected any answer from me anyway. Instead, he slammed his hands down on the table and leaned in my face. "We working on our final option here, Edward. If this doesn't work, I _will_ send you to military school. Your mother has agreed too, so don't think she'll get you out of it."

I smirked in his face, shrugging. "Whatever you think will work, Pops."

His eyes flashed angrily and he straightened, crossing his arms over his chest. "Considering your most recent escapade has gotten you basically under house arrest, we've decided now would be the opportune time to move."

I rolled my eyes. I could leave the house any time I wanted. I just couldn't go into most the places in town anymore. Big deal.

"Where to, Pops? New York? No one will notice a delinquent like me there. Or perhaps you're moving us to Alaska. No one around for me to bother." I smirked at him, waiting to hear the verdict.

He stared at me coldly. "No Edward. We're not moving somewhere where you can feel free to go about your usual business with no concern for how it makes you appear to others. We're moving to the smallest damn town I could find and still be close enough to a law firm. That way _everyone_ will know your business and the first time you screw up, I can ship you off and wash my hands of you."

"Edward," Mom admonished him quietly, frowning.

I stared back at my dad coldly, hating him. He'd never gotten it, never taken a damn minute to understand. Like I gave a fuck.

"Whatever you say, _Pops_," I sneered, dropping the chair loudly back into place. "Now if you'll excuse me, I apparently have some _packing_ to do."

I sauntered out of the room, towards the stairs. My eyes naturally flicked towards the spot on the floor of the living room, just like they had for the past twelve years. I winced, and ran up the stairs two at a time, slamming the door of my room just to piss my dad off some more.

I fell onto the bed, reaching under the mattress and drawing out a pack of cigs. With the lighter, I lit up one of Mom's candles, the strongly scented ones, and then the cigarette, pulling in a lungful of smoke. I closed my eyes as I breathed it out, feeling the tension slowly leak from my shoulders. A small town. Damn my dad and his stupid ideas. None of them ever helped, and I knew he was just waiting for me to screw up enough to disown me. The bastard hated me, and I hated him. At least it was mutual, and I wasn't one of those pansies who wanted their daddy's love and never got it. I couldn't care less about the man.

A new town meant new people to scope out. Find who knew where to get what, and who was into what. Who would rat me out to my dad if they caught me smoking behind the gym, and who would ask to join me.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I crushed the cig against the side of my bedside table, and blew out the candle. I scanned the room, wondering where to start with the packing. Knowing my dad, he'd try to get us out as soon as possible, before it somehow caused him trouble. Or before I got into deeper shit.

A tentative knock on the door interrupted my mental perusal of the room. I sighed, leaning back against the pillows and staring at the ceiling.

"Come in, Mom," I said flatly. The door creaked open and she slipped inside, coming over to sit at the edge of the bed. Her hand cautiously settled onto my arm, and I glanced at her from the corners of my eyes.

"He just wants you to be the man you could be, Edward."

I snorted rudely, shrugging off her hand. She sighed, looking down at her clasped hands in her lap, and spoke to them.

"Edward, I love you. I always will, no matter what you do. But I'm worried about you. You're doing all of this, and I can't understand why. I'm hoping that this new town will be good for you. I'm hoping that maybe you'll find some friends who won't encourage your… actions. But even if you don't do better, I'll still always love you. You know that… right?"

A small spasm of guilt punched my gut. I sighed, sitting upright and kissing my mother's temple. "I love you too, Mom."

She smiled sadly. "I know you do." Sighing, she rose, walking over to the door. "And open the window. If your father comes up here and smells your room, he'll probably make you leave tonight without any of it."

I grimaced as she shut the door, rubbing a hand through my hair. Maybe I should have let the candle burn a little longer. I got up, opening the window and letting the mild air seep into the room through the curtains. Then I walked into my closet, stretching up and dragging down one of the suitcases that took up residence in there.

By the end of the week, almost everything was in boxes or bags, our whole lives packed away. Dad would be leaving early tomorrow morning to get a head start, and Mom and I would leave a few days after him, with the Volvo. Incredibly long time in a car with my mother. The thing all bad boys dream of. I swear, there had to be a class expectant mothers took - "How to Guilt-Trip Your Son Without Actually Doing Anything".

I was standing at my window, smoking my third cig of the past two hours, when a rock fucking smacked my head.

I glared down, grabbing the sharp projectile and launching it down at Jack. "What?" I snapped.

He smirked up at me, arm slung around Kimberly, who was shifting with obvious discomfort in the cold. "Dude, Pete's throwing a crazy-ass party. Since you're ditching us all so soon, I figured you'd want to have one last night of fun."

Slowly, a grin stretch across my face. "Give me two minutes."

I woke up with the biggest hangover I'd had yet, which was saying something, and groaned in frustration. Hell, I was probably still drunk with all I'd downed last night. The chick next to me shifted, making a whiny noise as she pulled a pillow over her head. I scrubbed a hand over my eyes quickly, shaking my head to wake myself up more, and failing that, fell out of the damn bed to search for my clothes. I spared a bleary glance at the clock, trying to read the time. It took me a few long moments, but I finally registered the numbers as about half past ten. Good. My father would have already left, which meant he couldn't chew my ass.

I struggled into the clothes, waking the girl on the bed, so that she glared at me. "Keep it down, dickhead," she snarled.

I threw her panties at her face. "You should talk," I told her, pulling my shirt over my head. "You know, they have things you can buy at the store to help with that snoring problem."

"Asshole," she muttered, burying her face again.

I grabbed my shoes, not bothering to put them on or search for my socks, and walked out of the room. Trash scattered around the hall and stairs, cups and plates and bottles. Jack was slung across the couch, with a chick that _wasn't_ Kimberly. Big surprise. I kicked his foot.

He peeled his eyes open to glare at me. "What Masen? Woke up next to an ugly ass this morning?"

I smirked, slowly perusing the girl he was with. "No uglier than yours."

He glanced at the chick and made a face, shoving her off. She woke with a start, glared and smacked him, and yanked the blanket down onto the floor with her before slipping back into sleep.

Jack got up and grabbed my hand, slapping me on the back before stepping back. "Maybe I'll see you before you go, Masen. My parents might be gone, so I can break into the booze."

I snorted. "Doubt it. I'll probably be locked in the basement."

"Well then, try not to suffocate in that dinky-ass town you're moving too."

I expressed my belief in how likely that would be, and walked out the door.

The sun was too bright, blinding my eyes, so I pulled the hood of my jacket high over my head and glared down at the ground. It was a good couple miles to my house from this one, but it wasn't that difficult to walk. It also gave me time to brace myself for my mother's sad, disappointed looks that she would simply follow with a basic greeting and probably breakfast or lunch. Never once getting on my case about it. Sometimes, I wished she would. Mostly, though, I just managed to ignore the guilt.

I was busy staring at the ground as I turned to make my way up the walk, so when I started up the steps and the front door slammed open and shut, I stopped short and looked forwards.

My father stood there, arms crossed tightly over his chest, expression furious. He was blocking the way inside.

I raised a brow. "Aren't you supposed to be driving all our shit up to Washington?" I drawled, shoving my hands in my pockets and leaning back.

His expression intensified. "Where have you been?"

I shrugged in response, which just seemed to piss him off more. He grabbed my arm tightly in his and dragged me down the steps, towards the drive. I glared angrily at him and tried to jerk my arm back.

"Come on, boy," he growled. "You're coming with me."

"Yeah, no thanks," I sneered, yanking my arm again.

He shook me slightly, whirling around and getting in my face. "I'm not leaving you here to find some way out of moving, Edward. You are coming with me to Forks, so I can keep an eye on you."

The only thing worse than driving up to Washington with Mom? Driving up with dear old Dad.

"Fuck that," I spat, finally managing to tear my arm away. "I'll drive up with Mom."

"No," he snapped, "You won't. You're driving up with me."

I opened my mouth to yell at him, when Mom showed up at my shoulder, staring at the ground. She held two bags in her hands - one of them my backpack, the other filled with food. I stared at them with horror creeping up, then glared at her, feeling betrayed. I knew that was slightly irrational, but she was basically letting him yell at me the next couple of days without her there to temper him.

She handed me the bags. "I put your iPod in there, and a couple of things I thought might keep you… from getting bored." She sniffed slightly. "I'll see you soon, Edward." Then she leaned up and pecked my cheek, hand gently squeezing my arm, before hurrying back inside.

My father leaned closer to my ear. "You keep hurting your mother, and I'm gonna hurt you, Edward. Do you seriously get a kick out of making her feel like shit or what?"

I seethed, shrugging my bag over my shoulder, and stormed around to the other side of the car, slamming the door as I settled in. As my dad got in, I twisted around so I was staring straight out the passenger window, found my iPod, and plugged the earphones into my ears. I turned the volume up as loud as I dared, and settled back into my seat, arms crossed defiantly.

The car started, and we pulled out onto the street. I could see Mom standing at the base of the steps of the porch, arms folded across her chest, looking torn, defeated, sad. She lifted her hand in a wave before we started pulling away.

I sank deeper into my seat, wishing I could smoke, but it would be a frozen day in hell before my dad let me do that.

Fuck. My. Life.

_**Dances around happily**_** I'm telling you guys, I am already loving this Edward. He's so fun. **

**Review please!  
**


	3. Chapter 2

**I'm contradicting myself. I keep saying this isn't going to be a regular occurrence, but I'm not really proving that to anyone here.**

**Thanks for all the reviews! It's great to see people from Ignorance supporting me here as well! And to see new people! I hope you're all enjoying this!  
**

BPOV

There was something different this morning. It took me a moment to place what it was, but when I did, I glanced at Alice with a frown.

"There's a new student."

Alice, arm linked with Jasper's, nodded, a small frown on her face. "Must have been last minute. I didn't see anything about it."

Jasper grimaced. "Just great - they're all worked up. Today's going to be hell."

I nodded sympathetically. I didn't envy Jasper his gift - I didn't envy Alice hers, either. I wouldn't want to have that kind of responsibility.

As I entered English, the students also entering the classroom where gossiping away already. I had to admit, a part of me was curious. That didn't mean I lowered myself to listening in on the gossip, but I was wondering about the new student. There was no new body in the classroom, however, and after a while, my curiosity waned.

When I met up with Jasper in the next class, he already looked strained. Some of the students in the room had obviously already met the new student, and were discussing it and letting all their classmates know everything they possibly could. I sat down, immediately pulling out a piece of paper and sketching a drawing. I passed it to him, and smirked as he let out a sharp laugh. I'd drawn the main gossipers of the school, all telling a different elaborated description of a shiny metal object off to the side, labeled 'scrap metal'.

I spent the entire class focusing on sending Jasper funny notes and sketches, and personifying the emotion peaceful. I knew it had at least been an appreciated gesture when he gave me a grateful hug outside of the classroom. A few of the students immediately started whispering pettily.

Rolling my eyes, I detached myself from him and headed to my next class. More and more people began to whisper of the new boy, and though I didn't really listen to their words, I caught on to their tones. Confused, intrigued, lustful, disgusted, dismissive. I heard a variety of emotions from the students and teachers alike.

You'd be surprised how much teachers gossiped with each other between classes.

It was lunch, and I had been wondering if maybe Alice's vision wasn't going to come true. I hadn't felt any reason to leave yet today, and I couldn't think of one that would appear. I had hunted just a few days ago, so my thirst couldn't possibly be the issue. I was still leaning towards the Mike-Newton-learned-to-fly possibility, but I was hoping my control was better than that.

Though that would definitely be a worth-while experience.

I quickly sped through the lunch line and joined my family at the lunch table. Jasper was rubbing his temples in obvious aggravation, and Alice was rubbing his back, looking at him in sad sympathy. I instantly started tearing apart my food, my annoyance abruptly spiking. Damn this stupid school and the stupid gossiping students and the stupid new student for showing up.

I shot a glare at Jasper. "Chill," I told him.

He glanced up, and grimaced apologetically. "Sorry."

I nodded, working to shrug off the emotions pouring from him. He was really only increasing my own emotions. I agreed with his annoyance at the student body here, especially when they acted like this.

A sudden hush fell over the cafeteria, followed by an eruption of whispers. With a muttered curse, Jasper gritted his teeth, obviously working to block out the emotions of the student body. There was only so much disinterest or calm he could work up when emotions so opposite of them were surrounding him.

"No wonder they are talking so much," Rosalie said with vague surprise.

Emmett nodded, eyes briefly following the new student behind me. "Yeah."

Alice looked over her shoulder to behind us, and her brows raised. "He's going to cause trouble."

I smirked over at her. "That a prediction, or absolute knowledge, Alice?"

She rolled her eyes. "I don't have to see him in a vision to be able to tell _that_, Bella."

We all went back to picking at our food, waiting for someone to approach him and make work of the gossip. Would he be told about the weird Cullen family today? Or would that come up later? That was on of Emmett's main sources of entertainment, our family's reputation.

"Edward!" Lauren's nasally voice rang out from close by our table. I snorted and rolled my eyes, wondering if she could possibly be more fake.

I decided I'd had enough of this for the day and dug into my bag for my iPod, plugging it into my ears and turning up the music loud enough that I couldn't hear the buzzing of conversation above the hum of the music. Alice rolled her eyes at me and mouthed cheater, so I just grinned smugly.

Lunch was almost over when Alice tensed next to me, and I quickly yanked out my earphone, allowing the humdrum cacophony of the cafeteria to invade my senses again. Jasper wrapped an arm protectively over her shoulders, hand rubbing up and down her arm.

"What is it?" Rosalie asked, leaning closer across the table. To the outside students, we probably looked like we were having a little powwow or making a plan of secret missions or something. Their sense of exaggeration was boundless.

Alice blinked rapidly a few times, then gave her head a light shake, glancing at me curiously. "Nothing. Just a small change in what I told Bella earlier.

I frowned. "Why?"

She shrugged, and I frowned at her. "Alice," I said warningly, just before the bell rang.

She jumped up, dancing away to throw her uneaten food away. I glared at her as she giggled and sang, "Saved by the bell!"

I got up to head to government, one of my final classes of the day. I had the terrible misfortune of being surrounded by all the most annoying students of Forks High in this class. The only saving grace had to be Angela, who was quiet, unassuming, and probably the most kind-hearted person I'd met besides Esme. Still, she was not enough to make up for Mike, Jessica, Lauren, and Tyler all in the same class, all next to my desk.

If I'd thought shooting myself in the head would have been at all effective, I would have done it ages ago.

As I walked in, I noted gladly that the little annoying group wasn't here yet. I took my seat, sparing a polite smile for Angela, who smiled back kindly. I got a text from Alice and slipped my phone out to read it.

_Brace yourself_

I closed my eyes, feeling my posture slump. 'Brace myself for _what?'_ I wanted to whine.

"Bella, come up here please," the teacher called, and I reluctantly got up to do so.

I was being chewed out - apparently, Lauren had complained after last class that I had said something derogatory to her. If I had, she wouldn't have been able to hear it, but that was besides the point, because I hadn't said anything the other day.

I was defending myself - did anyone _else_ hear it, besides her group of friends? - when the door opened and they all stepped in, a new scent accompanying theirs. I had to assume it was that new guy, Edward. The name made me wince in pain.

"I promise you, Mr. Hatch, I never have said anything derogatory to Miss. Mallory," I assured him. I wasn't lying - I wouldn't spare breath to speak to the stupid girl. I offered up my most sincere expression, mixing it with a bit of that pouting look Alice used to get her way and make people think she was innocent, and I inwardly cackled and danced with victory as I saw him crumble to my will. Manipulating humans was so easy, it should be illegal.

"Alright, Bella, why don't you return to your seat so I can start class."

I smiled at him, nodded, and walked back to my seat. The petty part of me wanted to smirk at Lauren, but I refrained. I didn't have to grace her with any of my time, she wasn't worth it.

I stopped in annoyance as I reached my seat and found it occupied.

"Excuse me," I said, forcing polite tones into my voice. The new kid had his head down on the desk, hood pulled over his head. I tapped my foot and waited for him to at least make a noise of reorganization. He didn't.

Damn humans thinking the world revolved around them. If only they knew the reality of the world.

"I _said_ excuse _me_," I said, voice strained and obviously no longer polite. "You're in my seat, and have to move, _thanks_."

He still didn't move. Huffing in annoyance, I kicked his foot.

"Hey, move it," I snapped.

At that, he did finally glance up, an annoyed and slightly furious expression on his face, defiance written in every pore of him.

Everything around me stuttered to a stop, because there was something about him that felt far too familiar. I drew myself together quickly, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at him.

"My seat. Move." I snarled lowly.

He smirked, leaning back in the seat so it tilted slightly. "Make me."

"Don't tempt me," I muttered lowly enough that none of the humans would be able to pick it up.

I simply raised a brow at him and waited, staring him down. Humans couldn't hold our gazes for long, if at all. They instinctively recognized the predator in us, feared us.

He lasted longer than most, gaze unwavering. Actually, it wasn't even that he lost the staring contest. It was more that the teacher made him lose.

"What is the problem?"

I didn't look away. "Nothing, Mr. Hatch," I said simply. "I believe I was just explaining to our new member of the student body that he was in the wrong seat."

Lauren sneered. "Who cares, Bella? Just let him sit there."

I gritted my teeth, reminding myself of all the reasons I couldn't let a human get the better of me, all the reasons Lauren deserved to live her life.

I didn't want to back down. I hated backing down to people like this, because they saw it as a victory and a reason to walk all over me from then on. I saw it as giving in to people who needed to learn that life didn't always let them have their way.

"Bella," Mr. Hatch began with a sigh. I swallowed the snarl that wanted to rip up my throat and glared at the boy in front of me. He was frowning back. Not angrily, or anything like that. More like he was trying to think of something that was eluding him.

The teacher must have picked up on my spiking anger, though, because he quickly changed course. "Uh… Edward, is it?" I managed to keep from wincing. Visibly, at least.

The boy nodded slowly, finally switching his eyes from me and to the teacher.

"Yes, well. Edward, that is Bella's seat, so if you could move to the one behind her…." He gestured, letting the sentence drift off there.

As if he had all the time in the world, the new student rose and slung his back over his shoulder, brushing past me as he moved to the seat behind me. His skin burned even from a distance, just like every human body did.

I had learned early on in my new life that I found that heat the most attractive aspect of humans. I longed to be able to feel that warmth in my own skin, but I couldn't. I was and always would be cold.

I settled into my seat, ignoring Lauren and Jessica glaring and whispering spitefully about me.

Partway through class, the new kid asshole behind me kicked my seat. I tensed, reminding myself that humans fidgeted, and sometimes accidents happened.

But then he went and did it again.

I chanted to ignore him over and over, my muscles tensing and freezing as I worked to keep from twisting around to snarl at him.

He did it again. Then again. Again….

"Knock it off," I snapped in a sharp whisper, glaring at him over my shoulder quickly.

He offered me a smug innocent expression. "What?"

The bell rang and I got up quickly, grabbing my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. Asshole was getting up, and I saw such a perfect moment to trip him. All I'd have to do was quickly shift my foot in his way, then shift it back. No one would ever see.

I mentally scolded myself. I was becoming as bad as Emmett, wanting to play tricks on the poor helpless humans.

Unfortunately, I had my next class with the new kid. We had a substitute, as well, so the classroom was wild. I stormed out at the end of class, clenching my hand around the strap of my backpack and distorting the shape.

Jasper raised his brows as I came forward, and shot a wave of calm towards me. I wrapped it around me gratefully, and smiled tiredly.

"Thanks. The student body calmed down enough?"

He shrugged. "He's still the object of fascination, but it's not as intense now."

I nodded, sliding into the car. Alice popped in a few moments later, and Rosalie drove us off the campus, hurrying us to our sanctuary home.

EPOV

Forks High School was full of a bunch of posers, wannabes, gossips, small-town snobs, and leeches. They didn't bother to keep their musings about me quiet, and I swore each story I heard was more outrageous. By the end of the day, if you believed the stories, I was a madman who had killed three people, had a fortune stashed away in a Swedish bank, and was wanted in at least two other countries.

Oh, and I had set my last house on fire, which had led to this move to middle-of-nowhere.

The students here were desperate for action, for something dangerous and exciting. They figured they'd found that in me. Perhaps they had. That chick Lauren had asked to know about all my 'adventures' like I was some dude who had traveled the world. Before now, I hadn't been outside of the state of Arizona.

The only unpredictable person I'd met had been the girl in my final two classes, the one that hadn't seemed to care whether I was from another universe, let alone state. She had a bit of a bitchy attitude, which one wouldn't expect from looking at her. She looked far too demure. _Gorgeous _- but demure.

She looked like a challenge, a dangerous challenge, and I was all for throwing myself into danger.

There was something that bothered me though. I couldn't place it, couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, but I had felt as I refused to move from her seat like…. Damn, I didn't know. I'd felt like I was a little kid that was defying their parents about their bedtime. I felt fuckin' _childish_.

I was lying on my bed, staring up the at new, unfamiliar ceiling, smoking a cig. My dad had gone into work in Seattle, which was a few hours drive away. I didn't see the point of that - he'd end up spending half his time driving, basically. Dumbass.

Mom was downstairs, baking _cookies_. Like this was the third grade or something. Though, I hadn't really gotten cookies when I came home in third grade. I'd gotten into too much trouble to deserve them. But she'd still made them, as if she didn't want me to _think_ I was such a bad child I didn't deserve homemade cookies when I got home from school.

She was slightly delusional, but I loved my mom.

I wished I had something slightly stronger than the cig, but I didn't. And I probably wouldn't for a while, since I didn't know where to get any. Not around here. I was betting that asswipe Mike-whatever would know where though. I'd have to ease into the subject, because he'd probably be all jumpy as shit about the whole ordeal. Like weed was really that bad. I'd seen worse.

Hell, I'd even _done_ worse.

I scowled up at my ceiling, and crushed the cigarette butt. I hated this damn town, and I hadn't even been there a full week. I'd only been among the people that lived there for part of a day. This town was going to drive me fucking insane. I gave myself three weeks before I high-tailed it out.

Dear old Dad wasn't going to be home for dinner, so it was just me and Mom eating the lasagna she had prepared. When she asked about school, I shrugged and told her it was boring. Not a lie. Might not be what she wanted to hear, but it wasn't what I really wanted to say about the place, either. I excused myself and went back upstairs, scratching out the answers to the homework that had been assigned throughout the day, wondering if I'd even make it three weeks. I'd probably last only two.

I laid back on my bed, playing with the lighter, frowning. It had been bugging, _nagging _at the back of my head all day. That girl from the last two classes. That unidentifiable _thing_ about her.

I continued playing with the lighter, watching the flame burst up, hot and dancing, then poof out of existence. Things were like that in life. They could be so alive one instance, and the next….

My eyelids drooped as I watched the flame, brooding. I hated this. Hated the fucking Washington weather. The dumbass, lame school I had to go to. The waste-oids I was supposed to call classmates and peers. My whole damn fucking life for the past twelve-odd years.

_Terror flooded his body, and all he knew was that Miss Bella could make it better. She was brave. She'd know what to do. She could chase away the monsters and the fear. He raced towards her, not looking at the bad man behind him._

_Panic flooded her features. She dashed forwards._

_The loud bang and the flash of red._

_The flood of panic and unadulterated horror as he raced along the street towards his friend's house to hide._

_The swamping guilt when he realized…._

_It was his fault._

I bolted upright, gasping, and threw my pillow in anger across the dark room. Curses flew steadily out of my mouth, as I stormed over to the dresser and yanked drawers open. I tugged on a pair of jeans, threw on the first shirt I touched, then grabbed the jacket off the back of the desk chair and slammed my arms through the holes for them.

I stomped over to my window, throwing it open, glancing at the ground two stories below, gauging. I could make it. I knew I could, I'd done it before. I swung one leg over the sill, then the other, and dropped to the ground, landing hard and crouching down until I was sure of my balance again. I grimaced at the stinging pain in my knees and ankles from the impact, but ignored it. It'd go away soon enough.

Shoving my hands deep into my pockets, I heatedly walked into the woods. If I got lost, who gave a shit? Not my fucking father. Mom would be sad, but I knew she'd move on, because she had to. Mom always did what she had to do. She was a good person like that.

It wasn't like I had any friends that would honestly give a shit if I disappeared forever. The only person I could think of that hurting would be Mom, and I couldn't help but ask myself if it would hurt her more or less in the long run.

I decided it didn't fucking matter. I'd end up going home anyway. I couldn't help it.

I kicked trees and ferns that got in my way, ripping branches and snapping them in my hands. I made a general racket that would scare off basically anything that wouldn't look at me and think 'dinner'. The air was damned _cold_, basically freezing, and my breath misted in front of my face. My nose and ears grew frigidly numb, and I hunched in on myself. Maybe I'd just end up freezing to death, I mused. It might be cold enough here for that, if I stayed out long enough.

I roamed the woods for hours, well into early morning. When I made it back to the house, I let myself in through the backdoor, kicking off my muddy shoes and taking the stairs two at a time. I paused, listening, but heard my father's snores and knew that my parents were asleep, none the wiser about my night adventure in the woods. I let myself into my room and grabbed the pack of cigarettes, lighting one up and pulling in a deep lungful of smoke. Running a hand through my hair, I stared out the window, brooding. In just a few hours, I'd have to go back to that lame ass school. I'd have to suffer through hours of people who thought they knew something about the world, when they didn't. They didn't know anything, were cushioned by their sheltered town and easy lives.

I wished I was still in Arizona. I knew where to go to get my mind at least a little calmed down, who would be willing to hand over what I'd want, whether it was drugs or sex or just a good fight. I knew what was what.

Damn Forks, I probably wouldn't be able to sneeze without it being reported to my dad, or him finding out in some obscure way.

I was antsy, could already tell this was going to be a fucking disaster of a day. It got worse when I finally sauntered downstairs and my dad was sitting at the table eating breakfast and gave me his "don't get into trouble for once" speech. Sometimes, I wanted to punch him in the fucking face, just to see him really crack. Just once.

I arrived at the school, glaring as I was immediately swamped by the fake preppy people from yesterday. They thought I would like them, hang out with them. They were a bunch of fucking lame excuses for people. Why would I want to spend my time with them? They cared about all that Hollywood bullcrap gossip. They didn't do anything unless it was deemed cool. That was the only reason they wanted to hang around me - they thought I was _cool_, that danger was 'in'. What a load of crap.

I wondered how much trouble I'd get in if I ditched my second day of school. Probably more than was worth the trouble. I gritted my teeth as that Lauren bitch hung herself on my arm, batting her eyes as if she were trying to see the world through fast paced still-images. _Get a life, and get out of mine_, I wanted to say. I didn't though. For all I knew, maybe it would be better to be on her good side for now. I'd wait until I knew she was useless before telling her off.

My foot was constantly tapping through the first half of the day, and when lunch rolled around, I ducked behind the gym as fast as I could, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. I let out a deep breath of relief as the tobacco hit my system, watching the smoke rise into the slightly misty air of Forks. I leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes and tilting my head towards the sky. The tension from the day slowly left my muscles.

I calmly mused about what the rest of my day might be like. I had only two classes left - I'd made it through the majority of the day on edge, I could finish off the rest now. Of course, I had those last two classes with that enigma of a girl. I frowned, pulling in another deep lungful of smoke, exhaling on a sigh. I still couldn't pin point what it was that felt familiar about her. Occasionally, I felt like it was on the tip of my tongue. I never managed to catch it, though.

I glared slightly out across the campus. This smoking behind the gym thing was too easy here. Back in Arizona, they'd usually had a teacher patrol around the campus, searching out delinquents like myself to ship to detention. I had been a regular, might as well have placed a name plaque on my desk.

Here in Forks, it seemed no one expected their precious students to be doing stupid crap like this. There was no sense of danger, of adrenaline, of the possibility of being caught and in huge-ass trouble. It was almost peaceful.

It wasn't supposed to be, though, and I hated that it was.

I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn't hear them coming around the corner until it was too late. Whatever - I wasn't going to hide who I was from people. I didn't hide it from my parents, why the hell would I hide it from any of these lame-brains?

It was two of those people from the secluded lunch table the other day. I had noted it, but hadn't asked. They hadn't looked like my type of people - quite the opposite, actually. They didn't look like they went looking for anything more dangerous than a new fancy outfit or shit. I hadn't paid much attention to the ones I occasionally saw in class or two, and they'd returned the favor.

The only fucking ones to do so, for which I was kind of relieved. At least a _few_ people kept their plastic and altered noses out of my business.

It was a short girl, with a super tall guy. They both glanced over at me as they started to walk past, looking like they weren't breathing - holding their breaths against the smoke and smell, probably. The girl glanced at me with open curiosity, but didn't say anything. The guy her arm was looped with sent me a calculating stare.

I glared. People in this town paid too much attention to everyone else. I dropped my cigarette butt on the ground and ground it out with the heel of my shoe before making my way to my locker. I felt the calm slipping away bit by bit. Fuck, fuck, fuck it all.

There wasn't enough danger in this town. Hell, there wasn't _any_ danger in this small town. I lived off of danger and stupidity and my own guilt, and here, all I was left with was some minor stupidity and guilt.

That wasn't good enough. I needed more.

I slammed my locker shut loudly, earning a couple startled stares as I stalked to my next class. How does one go about making their lives more dangerous in a town like this? Provoking bears or something?

I let out a harsh laugh under my breath at that thought. Oh, yeah. Because it'd be so easy to just go hiking in the woods, scout out a bear, and throw pine cones at its head. Sure thing. Easy as pie.

Ha.

I dropped loudly into my seat behind The Enigma, slamming my books down on the desk, earning a reproving glare from the teacher. I sent him a snarky grin, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning far back in my seat, slouching.

His glare gained some actual anger, and I smirked, my lips twisting. He hated me already - had to be a new record. Though there had been that eighth grade math teacher….

The Enigma didn't turn around, didn't acknowledge anything. She seemed to be lost in her thoughts, eyes focused on absolutely nothing, twisting a piece of hair around a finger. I would say the action seemed absent, yet it didn't.

Smirking, wanting to shake off the black mood at least somewhat, I leaned forward as far as I could and let out a slow breath in her ear.

"Hello."

She didn't jerk, like most people would have, just slowly shifted her eyes until they glanced at me from the sides of her eyes. Her brow raised just as slowly.

I offered her my best grin, the one that made the girls back home swoon and drop their panties. "How's your day so far?"

Her eyes narrowed at me, and she said flatly, "It was basically fine until you spoke. Thanks for ruining my day, though." With that, she twisted around and ignored me.

A bit of shocked anger bubbled up in me. Instead of lifting or lessening my black mood, she'd just sent it spiraling out of control. I settled back and glared at the back of her head the whole of class. Bitchy, aloof, unaffected enigma.

When school finally released me, I raced as fast I could along the slick streets of Forks, stomping up the stairs to my room. In there, I dug through my shit, searching, searching. It was supposed to be for a desperate time. I didn't know what today had done to make me so desperate. I was saving it for tomorrow. I'd need that intense calm tomorrow.

Tomorrow was the day everything in my life had gone down the crap hole.

The day my guilt took up permanent residence in my soul.

The day I learned that good people suffered and magic was a lie.

The day I got my babysitter killed.

But I needed this today. This place was driving me crazy. Two weeks? Ha! I wasn't going to make it to the end of one. I needed alcohol for tomorrow. I could break into my father's stash, but he'd notice. I'd have to find someone who would be willing to throw crazy party or at least be able to tell me where to find one. Friday night… _someone_ had to be partying, _somewhere_.

I find the small stash of weed, and quickly rolled it up. I lit the end, dragging deep on it. I let my head slam back into the wall, smacking it hard a couple of times. Damn. Fuck. Shit. Crap.

I went through every swear word I could, letting the weed soak into my system. I didn't even hear the steps on the stairs, or the knock on my door. I only looked up when she sighed sadly.

"Edward." She sounded so tired, so defeated. I hated doing this to her, but I needed this. I was this person, and she was just going to have to accept that one day. I had a long time ago. Why couldn't my parents?

"Go do that outside. I'm not going to allow it in this house."

I picked myself up, brushed past her, unconcerned, and wandered out to the woods behind the house. I found a relatively dry patch of ground, dropped down, and let everything wash out of me with the help of the drugs.

Tomorrow was going to be hell on earth, just like every other year. I couldn't help but vaguely wonder how bad I'd be this year. It always seemed to get worse every year. Last year, I'd probably done the stupidest thing of my life yet.

At the very least, those dimwits of Forks would finally see something exciting.

**There ya go. Something to look forward to for the next chapter, which I can promise _will_ take longer this time! ;) Loves and Hugs all!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Haha, told you it would take longer. Been busy, have my first "midterm" for my Poli Sci class this Tuesday and Thursday. Thank god this weekend coming up is a three-day one.**

**Enjoy the chapter!  
**

BPOV

"You're moping."

I glared over at Rosalie. "Am not."

"Are too."

"Am _not_."

"Are too."

"Not."

"Are."

Our words started jumbling over each other when suddenly a hand clamped over my mouth as a different one did over Rosalie's.

"Jeez, can you two shut up?"

We both glared at Jasper, and I bit down on his hand tightly enough to make him let go in annoyance. "No, I can't," I replied snootily.

Rosalie snickered, Jasper glared, and I smirked. Shaking his head, Jasper went to find Alice; we could hear her getting anxious because her favorite pair of shoes was missing. Rosalie and I glanced at each other again, and she raised a perfect brow. I sighed.

"Okay, so maybe just a little."

Smirking, she linked our arms and led me down the stairs. "As long as you admit it. It's okay, Bella, to be upset still about being turned."

"I'm not upset about that," I dismissed, shaking my head. Rosalie sent me a skeptical look, but didn't press. None of them every really understood why this day upset me. It wasn't so much that I lost my life, or that the events of that day upset me. It was more what I worried that day meant for the other party involved.

Over the years, I'd gotten good at pushing thoughts like that from my mind; while it remained difficult on this day, I could appear to manage it as if it were any other day to those who didn't know me. I kissed Esme on the cheek as I passed her on my way downstairs to the car, and she gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

I managed to get through most of my morning classes without overreacting to the petty instances of human life. I couldn't wait until we left this place. At least if we moved, I'd have new people to listen to all day. I was in my class before lunch when the teacher asked me to run something to the office.

I took my sweet time, not at all eager to get back to the boring lecture. The office was on the other side of the school, so I figured that keeping my pace to a slow human wouldn't draw attention. It was quiet, for a high school. The buzz of all the talking and conversations and lectures could still reach me, but it was faded like white noise. I played a game with myself. Randomly, I'd tune in to one of the voices around me, taking a few words in, then switch to another one.

The result was a very odd and pointless sentences that the meaning of could be either nonsense or… odd.

I tuned into the conversation in the office as I reached the door, hand on the handle, and then everything felt like it froze.

"Mrs. Masen, if you would just wait a few more minutes, the principal will be right with you."

My hand continued on the movement of the door handle, twisting it and pulling it open. The shifting in the air around me felt surreal. The person sitting in one of the hard plastic chairs in front of me was even more surreal.

Her hair had more grey in it than I remembered. The lines around her eyes were deeper, her skin less… vital. But she was still familiar. Her bright green eyes looked up as I stepped in, and I instantly dropped my gaze to the floor.

Did she recognize me? Did Elizabeth Masen, mother to the boy I'd babysat, see in me the girl she'd known? What would happen if she did? I'd of course have to deny it, but still…. There'd be complications if she did recognize me.

I handed the paperwork that my teacher wanted copied to the secretary, who decided this was a job she could simply set to the side of her desk while she did who knew what else. Probably nothing of importance.

I was nervous. I hadn't been nervous in who knew how long. Definitely not for over a decade. When you were probably one of the world's deadliest predators, you lost any reason to be nervous.

Unless, apparently, faced with the mother of the boy you used to baby-sit. Then those nerves decided to attack with a vengeance, to make up for lost time.

The secretary glanced up at my hovering and irritated expression, leaning back slightly. "Miss. Cullen, you can have a seat; those copies should be ready in a bit."

I tightened my eyes, which made her glance worried towards the phone next to her, her hand twitching. I stepped away and went to take a seat, a small vicious satisfaction coursing through me. I made sure I sat as far away from Mrs. Masen as I could.

What was she doing here? They were supposed to be living in Phoenix, weren't they? If she were here, that meant Edward had to be here as well, I realized. Which meant he'd be going to school here. My mind didn't need more than a split nanosecond to do the math - he'd be in my grade.

I froze, not breathing or blinking. If I'd still been human, the blood would have drained from my face; hell, I'd have probably passed out.

Of course, if I were human, I wouldn't be having this problem….

Edward. He was here. In my school, in my _grade_….

In my last two classes.

The principal's office door opened, and he looked around before setting his eyes on Mrs. Masen. "Mrs. Masen," he said formally. "If I may speak with you in my office. Privately for a moment?"

She nodded, rising. She hadn't seemed to notice me, thank god. As she stepped into the office, Edward stepped out.

I stared at him, unwillingly drinking him in. Now that I knew who he was, it all seemed so obvious. That unique shade of hair. Those green eyes. That nose, no longer rounded with youth. His features were still the little boy I'd known, but stronger, sharper and more angular with age. I had always known he'd be beautiful when he grew up. The one who broke hearts with a simple smile. He already had all the girls here half in love with him. And I hadn't seen him _smile_ which meant they probably hadn't either.

My heart shattered. This is what had become of that sweet little boy. He had turned bitter, twisted, unhappy.

_"Momma. She said all other little boys are meanies but I'm a genelman, and the…"_

Looks like he wasn't the exception any longer. He'd become the poster boy for the "meanies". His eyes didn't hold that happy light that I was used to. They were dark and haunted, even more so today. I could tell today was hard for him. It was in the way he looked like he was being chased by a horde of ghosts, the way his hair was just slightly plastered to his forehead with a slight sheen of sweat. It was in his pale complexion, in the way he hunched slightly, protectively.

It was in the stench of smoke that clouded around him and the poison that tainted his blood's sweet scent.

"Oh, Edward," I breathed inaudibly. I'd done this to him. Not on purpose, but I had. So many things I wish I could have done differently….

He slouched against the wall, his fingers tapping restlessly against his thigh, twitchy and edgy. I wondered how much that was the drug and how much was just plain the fact of what today meant to both of us.

I tuned in to the conversation behind the principal's closed door.

"…he's a disruption in his classes and the teachers already have a stock pile of complaints regarding his behavior. Today Mr. Hatch caught him behind the gym smoking, Mrs. Masen. Your son's record shows that this isn't unusual…"

I let my head slam lightly back against the wall.

"Fuck," I muttered.

With a snort, Edward muttered, "Got that right." I obviously wasn't meant to hear him, but he hadn't been supposed to hear me, either.

I glared at him, suddenly furious. How dare he do this to himself? He was _better than this_. Better than what he was letting himself be. "How can you do this? How can you possibly justify doing this to yourself? You think-" I shut myself up before I said something I'd regret. Such as _"You think I died that night for you to throw your life away?"_

I heard the copy machine finish and stood abruptly, knocking the chair into the wall. I stormed over and tore the copies from the secretary, who flinched back. My eyes had probably bled to black, and I didn't care, couldn't care less. I shot a venomous glare at Edward as I walked past; he shot one right back, even going so far as to flip me off. I shook my head, disgusted, and slammed the office door behind myself.

I dropped the papers on the teacher's desk, walked to my seat and grabbed my bag, then just left. I ignored the startled splutters the teacher sent after me. I stormed to the edge of the school grounds and into the woods, pulling out my cell and flipping it open as if vibrated.

_What's wrong?_

I shut the phone off. All Alice could see was me leaving, not the why. She would simply have to be left wondering until I got home. And I wasn't sure when that would be. I was too furious to care about what my actions might do to my family, what it would look like to anyone, what it meant that I was so angry. I didn't look too closely at any of it, I just ran by home to throw my bag onto the porch and then took off. How long would it take me to run up to Denali?

I figured now was as good a time as any to find out.

EPOV

Fucking Mike Newton. I was going to kill him with my bare hands.

Okay, maybe not. But only I had to know that. I hoped he pissed his pants when I saw him next, when he saw how livid I was with him. Give me the drugs then rat me out? I'd show him.

As if the day weren't bad enough, I had to see Mom's defeated, torn, brokenhearted expression. That didn't help anything. I worried what the principal would do. He'd chewed me out, pointed out every single fucking fault I held and shoved it under my nose. He'd all but said I was never going to amount to anything and would end up a druggie and in jail before ten years was up. What would he say to Mom? If the bastard tried to blame her, I swear to god, I'd drive his fucking car into a tree and blow it up. _At the very least_.

My body was still in a kick from the drugs. I couldn't even really remember what Mike had sold me, except it wasn't one of the most addictive types out there. I wasn't stupid, just reckless. There was a difference. A small one, but still a difference.

"Fuck."

At first, I'd thought I'd imagined the word, or that it had just been a hallucination or some shit like that. But then I realized it was The Enigma (whatever her name _was_) speaking, just softly enough that it was easy to think it hadn't been her. I wouldn't have thought it was her, except she had an expression on her face that fit the word.

"Got that right," I muttered, bitter and angry. I knew she wouldn't answer, I had gotten good at speaking so no one could hear me. It helped that people usually didn't want to listen.

Her glare was surprising and unexpectedly angry. "How can you do this? How can you possibly justify doing this to yourself? You think-" She cut herself off abruptly and stood with enough force to knock the chair back into the wall. She snatched a stack of papers out of the secretary's hands, making the older woman flinch back in her seat, her hand snapping towards the phone.

The Enigma glared at me with enough hate that I was taken aback. I didn't let it show though. What the hell had that been about, judging me and my decisions, my actions? She didn't understand.

So I glared back, and to show what I thought of her questions, I flipped her off. She snorted as she slammed out of the office.

The principal opened the door and glared at me, jerking his head to let me know he wanted me to come in. My mom's eyes were glistening, but she had her chin up, eyes tight. I knew that look; it was her fighting look. She got that look anytime someone attacked my actions.

I slouched in the seat next to her, glaring at the wall behind the principal's head. He stared at us, expression grim and serious. I'd seen that look so many times, I could probably imitate it with little trouble, if I ever felt a need to.

"I'm suspending Edward for three days, Mrs. Masen. And when he comes back, I expect him to be on his best behavior. I'm not willing to give him chance after chance to ruin the lives of students that work hard here."

I barely managed not to snort. Mike was the one who knew where to get the drugs, not me. Just because I smoked more than he did didn't mean I was the druggie.

"Have a good day, sir," Mom said respectfully. Only I could hear the cold tone it held. She rose, and I grabbed my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and following her out to the car. I thought I saw a flash of color at the trees, but when I looked more closely, I didn't see anything. Mike had to have given me some bad stuff.

Mom didn't speak to me the entire ride home, and when we got there, I went straight up to my room, locking the door behind myself. Once my father got home, I had a feeling that lock would be gone. Might as well enjoy what privacy I could while I still had the chance.

I dozed off at some point, tired from the lack of sleep the previous night and coming down from the high. When I woke up, I was pissed and embarrassed to feel the dampness on my pillow and cheeks. Crying, again.

Fuck it all.

I rolled off of my bed, grabbing my pack of cigs and searching the room for a place to hide them. There was a loose floorboard in the closet, so I pried it up and dropped them there, then covered it with a box. I closed the door and headed downstairs, bracing myself as I heard my father's voice. Time to face the music and get it over with.

I sauntered into the kitchen, grabbing a snack out of the cupboard and leaning lazily against the counter, projecting all the indifference I could. It was harder than most days, but I expected that. How could I act indifferent when I was anything but on this one day of the year?

"Edward," my father said, his voice low and furious. Mom looked at me sadly, then stared at the floor as she exited the room. I bet my dad had told her to let him talk to me alone. As if it would make a difference.

I listened to him tear me up to pieces and stomp all over them for over a quarter of an hour, never once responding whether he wanted me to or not. I just stood there, staring expressionlessly at him as he picked at all my faults, asserted that I had no redeeming qualities anymore, and then threatened that if I didn't stop all this "crap" soon, I was going to be kicked out.

What else was new?  
When he was finished, I made to head back up to my room, but he stopped me. Apparently, I was no longer allowed a door. I wanted to ask him how he expected me to change without flashing anyone, but held my tongue. Not because I didn't want to push him, but because I wanted my door back sometime before graduation, thanks.

Mom had me do all kinds of chores over the next three days, and I did them without arguing. Anything to make things a little easier on her for once. She seemed fine with having me around the house. I'd almost say happy, or at the very least pleased.

I wasn't. I was itching for a smoke, but she kept a sharp eye on me. I figured I'd sneak out at night, except my stupid father did everything but put bars on my windows. Because he had my door, I didn't want to push things with him, so I was stuck waiting until school started again and I'd be away from most watchful eyes.

It was the middle of the third day that something strange happened. The doorbell rang, and Mom went to answer it.

"Hello," she said, sounding surprised. "May I help you?"

"Hi, you must be Mrs. Masen. I'm Alice, and this is Jasper. We brought Edward some of the homework that has been handed out. Not all the teachers were up to giving it to him, but we got some from a few."

"That's very kind of you dear. Would you like to come in?"

I peered around the corner of the living room into the hall, grimacing. It was the short girl and tall guy that had seen me smoking that one time. They brought me the homework like it was a favor when it wasn't. It just meant more work for me.

"Oh, that's gracious of you, but no thank you," the short girl said with a smile. "We have to get home." She handed over a thing stack of work and smiled brilliantly up at the boy with her. "Come on Jaz, have a nice day Mrs. Masen," she added, walking away. The tall guy smiled before following the girl.

Mom turned and saw me spying around the corner. She smirked and I glared.

"Sit down and do your homework, Edward. It the teachers were kind enough to let you make it up, don't be rude and not do it."

I crossed my arms, and she tightened her eyes at me.

"Don't make me keep your door longer, Edward Masen."

I rolled my eyes, stepped forward, and snatched the work from her. "Fine," I growled.

She didn't seem to catch on to my tone. Or, more accurately, she couldn't care less. "Good. I'll start making dinner."

I stalked onto campus the day I was allowed back on, glaring at Mike's back. I quietly made my way closer to him, letting my anger take me over. I hadn't had a smoke since the day I got caught, I had been forced to listen to my dad chew me out more times than I cared for, and I had been made to complete homework for classes I hadn't been attending. This little fucker was going to pay.

I stood there, waiting for him to turn around. I didn't clear my throat. I didn't say anything. I didn't even _glare_. I just stared coldly at the back of his head. The people around him, glanced nervously at me and backed away slightly. Mike finally turned around with a frown of confusion.

He quickly paled when he saw me there.

"H-Hey, Edward," he stuttered. Wimp.

My lips curled up viciously at one corner, and I continued staring at him silently.

"Uh, um, is there, can I…"

My cruel smile grew slightly larger, turning into a smirk, and then I turned and walked away. Threatening without actually doing so. It was a great way to keep them worrying what the hell you'd do to them, letting their imaginations rule for a while.

I handed in the homework I'd been sent, probably shocking the hell out of the teachers. I smirked, enjoying that. If they expected the trend to continue, they were in for a rude awakening.

When I entered the cafeteria, I got in line, realizing quickly I was behind The Enigma. She looked… tired. Worn out. Different.

I eyed her, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. She was texting on her cell, frowning. When she received a reply, she snorted, typed up her response, then pocketed the slim device.

She grabbed food randomly, uncaring about what she put on her plate. I was, too, but then, I didn't eat. She had a lemonade, a banana, and some potatoes and chicken shit that didn't look edible for a _dog_.

She sat down with that group she usually hung out with, which included the ones who had dropped off homework for me. The big one slung an arm over her shoulder, pulling her close, and her head fell onto his shoulder, eyes drifting shut.

"Man, don't stare at them so much."

I glanced to my side to see Tyler standing there, raising a brow at me. I raised one back in question.

As we walked to a table, he spoke. "The Cullens, they're weird to put things simply. They're all adopted. The two blondes are twins, the niece and nephew or some shit like that of Mrs. Cullen. The other three are all adopted. And the kids are fucking each other, too. The blond ice queen and the muscle man. The blond guy and short girl. Brunette wants the big guy, but Ice Queen won't let her near him. Man, I'd love to live in that house. The shit they must get away with…."

His insinuations there were clear. I eyed the table, noting the way the blond girl didn't seem to upset by The Enigma's proximity to the big guy. In fact, she moved so she was on the other side, resting her head on The Enigma's shoulder.

I raised a brow at Tyler. "I'm not so sure about that."

Tyler looked over, and shrugged. "I told you, they're fucking weird. Brunette disappeared until right before lunch. No one knew what happened to her. Word is, she got herself pregnant and went to get an abortion out of town, so no one would know it."

I ran my eyes up and down the girl. Would that explain the change in her…? I narrowed my eyes. Somehow, I couldn't see her as being pregnant. It just seemed… wrong. No idea _why_, but it did. In response to what Tyler said, I shrugged.

He changed the subject. "So I heard you went to Newton for drugs."

I stared at him expressionlessly. He stared back, neither of us looking away or giving away anything.

"He's just a poser. He thinks it'd make him cool, but that bastard doesn't know anything."

"And you do." I said, reading between the lines.

Tyler shrugged, taking a bite of his burrito. "Ask anyone. Mike just does things to seem cool. He doesn't know jack shit about drugs."

I snorted, silently agreeing.

"We should talk," Tyler said offhandedly. "I have a feeling we'd be able to find some things in common."

I didn't answer him. I just rose and dumped my uneaten tray in the trash before leaving the cafeteria.

I didn't go behind the gym, because I was sure the principal and Mr. Hatch would look there for me for a while. Instead, I locked myself in a bathroom stall and finally got my fix of tobacco.

I let out a relieved breath, leaning back against the wall. I stayed in there until the bell rang, reminding me I had to return to hell.

I walked into the classroom and took my seat right as the bell rang, making Mr. Hatch glare. In disappointment, I thought, though maybe he was just mad I was cutting it so close. I was leaning towards disappointment that he couldn't get me in trouble again.

His eyes landed on The Enigma. "Bella, nice of you to join us again. I take it the bronchitis is better?"

She smiled politely at him. "Much better, thank you. Sorry for missing classes."

He smiled kindly, his eyes lingering too long in my opinion. Though I may be a little biased because I hated the guy's guts. "Well, just speak with me after class and I'll give you your assignments."

She nodded, ducking her head down to stare at the desk again. Her hair curtained forward, hiding her from view.

Lauren leaned across the aisle as Mr. Hatch started teaching something or other. "Hey, Edward," she purred. "I was wondering. There's this party Friday. Wanna go with me?" She batter her eyes.

Party usually meant booze. I could definitely use some of that, so I smiled at her in a way that made her eyes glaze over and leaned closer to her, letting my breathe fan her face. The gum I was chewing would keep the smoke-smell from hitting her.

"I'd love to go with you, baby. When do you want me to get you?"

"Uhm," she breathed. "Seven. The party starts then."

"See you then," I said, leaning back and smirking.

The Enigma was glaring at me. "Prick," she muttered, just loud enough for me to hear.

"What is it to you?" I snapped angrily, leaning forward. I could see Lauren glaring at me from the corner of my eyes, but I couldn't care less. She wasn't going to back out, she was obviously too interested.

The Enigma shrugged. "Just hate to see someone throw their life away."

I snorted, falling back in my seat and crossing my arms. "What life?" I grumbled under my breath.

She twisted around, staring at me sadly enough that I shifted uncomfortably. Her gaze didn't waver, and I couldn't look at her, couldn't meet that odd gold-brown gaze.

"Bella?" the teacher asked, and The Enigma twisted around, facing forward. "Pearl Harbor," she answered easily, turning her head to stare out the window, a thoughtful, sad look on her face.

Her name made my insides twist and boil. Fuck, her name was… why?

Why did life hate me?

I slammed my head onto the desk, making a few people glance at me in amusement.

"Is there a problem, Edward?" the teacher asked, sneering my name. I shook my head, not lifting it up.

"Nope. Just fine. Dandy," I added, all of it sarcastic. He grumbled something, but continued his lecture.

Next class was worse. Bella-who-wasn't-Bella sat on the other side of the room in this class. I stared at the clock the whole time, waiting for the day to be over. This day couldn't be any worse.

Of course, when I got home, my father was there. And let me know he had the next five days off.

I didn't even have the satisfaction of slamming the damn door of my room.

**Okay, so Bella knows, Edward finally realizes what her name is, and he's going to a party to get drunk and going with LAUREN. Eew.**

**Review, thanks for all the support so far! It's amazing! Love hearing from all of you!  
**


	5. Chapter 4

**Haha. Okay. Sorry for the post-not-post earlier. FF and my comp weren't cooperating and the format was all wacked out. But I went back and fixed it up myself for you guys, because you review encouragingly well (_winks_) and I love you all.**

**Enjoy. The formatting is a little different the previous chapters - there's barely any Bella and a truckload of Assward.  
**

BPOV

I was avoiding my siblings.

It was harder than one would think, because the damn psychic pixie always seemed to be two steps ahead of me. I could always give in, but then I'd have to explain myself. I didn't want to explain myself. I didn't want to hear the words and advice and chastisement they'd all give to me whether or not I'd want it. I definitely didn't want to hear anything about Edward.

Thankfully, they'd all gone hunting today because it was a rare sunny day. I'd hunted while up in Denali with Tanya and her sisters, so I managed to stay home. I was waiting in Carlisle's study for him to get home. He was the only one I could imagine talking to about this… development.

I listened as he walked inside and up the stairs to his room. The rustle of clothing reached my ears as he changed out of his work scrubs, and then he entered the study, closing the door behind himself. He sat down, booting up his computer, before facing me with a concerned expression.

"What's bothering you, Bella?"

I sighed, resting my forehead on the edge of his desk. "There's a… complication. I wanted to ask you your opinion on it."

He nodded, waiting for me to elaborate.

I sighed, twisting my face so I could see him. "Remember why I was dying?"

"You were shot by an intruder."

I nodded, shifting my face so I was staring at the floor again. "I was babysitting a boy."

Carlisle nodded again. "Yes, I remember. His family was worried about you. They attended your funeral."

I grimaced. "They're here."

He was quiet for a long enough time that I wondered if I had spoken too softly. I lifted my head to see him staring at me, fingers steepled.

"Have they recognized you?"

"No." I frowned. "At least, I don't think they have. Edward hasn't."

"Edward is the boy you were babysitting."

I nodded, then buried my fingers tightly into the roots of my hair. "He's so… broken, Carlisle. He's not the same, I'm not even sure that little boy exists somewhere deep inside him anymore. There's so much… anger, and pain." I curled in on myself slightly. "I feel so guilty."

"It is not your fault, Bella."

"I know. But I still feel like I should have been able to prevent what he's become. Carlisle, what do I do? If he recognizes me, or his parents do?"

"You play it off as well as you can. If they get too suspicious, Alice will see. Then we can take the proper measures." He eyed me gently. "As for Edward…. Bella, you can't control people. You can't control what they do to their lives. He's not a child anymore. He knows what his actions mean, what consequences they have. There's not much you can do."

I sighed lightly, nodding. "Thank you," I said softly, rising. Carlisle did as well, pulling me into a comforting hug.

"If it becomes too difficult, Bella, tell me. Perhaps we can work something out, leave a little sooner than we expected."

I shrugged, hugging him back, and left the room.

I was a woman possessed. I couldn't get Edward out of my mind, couldn't stop thinking and comparing him to the boy I'd known. I couldn't stop wondering if it was an act, or it he really was like that all the time. My curiosity was growing too large, too consuming, too… intense.

I wandered out of the house, needing a distraction and deciding to hunt a deer. Simple, easy meal. But enough of a distraction that I wouldn't be thinking of Edward. I started through the woods, following the scent trail of a deer, when I came across the faintest trail of something else.  
Edward?

That damn curiosity shot higher again, pulling my attention away from hunting the deer…. I found myself stalking after the trail, towards town. I came out behind a quaint two-story that didn't stand out from the others around it. I snuck closer to the house, drifting around the outside of it. Edward Sr. was in the living room, reading a paper. Elizabeth was cooking in the kitchen. Edward was in his room.

Their scents were strong, saturating the air. Edward's room had the drifting scent of smoke, and I felt equal parts anger and sadness. I chewed the inside of my lip, thinking. A part of me wanted to go in that house and shake sense into Edward. I couldn't, of course, but I wanted to.

Shaking my head at myself, I turned and returned to the forest, slowly making my way back to the house. The rest of the family was back - they hadn't gone far for the hunting trip - and I dashed up the stairs, ducking the grasps of Alice and Emmett. I locked myself in my room, falling onto the bed and staring up at the ceiling fan. It spun slowly, the air and dust molecules swirling in a crazed, frantic dance.

I could relate - my life felt like that right now.

EPOV

I hated that damned class Mr. Hatch taught. Government or whatever the hell it was. I never paid enough attention to really know.

It was made worse, because the man was out to get me. I'm not being paranoid, I'm serious. He hated my guts and wanted to ruin my life. All teenage angst aside, if the man had the chance, I had a feeling he'd do everything in his power to destroy me.

He had picked up on my dislike of the Not-Bella. So when it came time for some stupid partner presentation project on Thursday, who did he pair me up with?

Fucking Not-Bella.

Of fucking course.

She twisted her seat around so our desks were facing, like everyone else in the classroom was. Lauren and Jessica were glaring over at her, then winking and sending flirtatious gestures to me. I was pretty sure little Jess was with Mike fucking Newton. The idea of screwing her just to get back at the fuckhead crossed my mind often, but I hadn't decided yet. I wasn't sure I wanted to go near anything he'd fucked.

Not-Bella didn't talk much to me, so I returned the favor by bugging her as often as I could. And maybe it was because each day I spent near her, the more she fucking reminded me of things I didn't want to be fucking reminded of. Her presence got on my nerves, so I wanted mine to grate against hers as much as possible.

I had been leaning back in my seat, sending flirtatious looks and shit over to the two bitches across the room when a wadded up paper ball smacked my head. I glared at Not-Bella.

"What the fuck was that for?" I snapped.

She rolled her eyes. "Pay attention, dumbass."

I glared, jaw clenching. I could tell she was pissed, because she was still enough to hardly be moving except for her hand writing down notes or some shit, and because she usually kept the name-calling to a minimum and PG.

Like swearing in front of me was a crime or some shit. I couldn't care the fuck less what she called me, I'd heard it all before.

"Whatever," I muttered, rolling my eyes. I glanced over and saw Lauren staring at me with desire. I smirked and winked at her. She grinned leaning back in her seat and arching her back, stretching her arms above her head. My eyes traveled down over what she was presenting when a pencil slammed into my face this time.

"Watch what the fuck you throw at me, bitch!" I snapped, glaring at Not-Bella again.

A look of pure anger flashed over her features, and her eyes darkly glared back. "Watch your fucking language, Edward Masen, before I shove a bar of soap into your mouth."

I snorted. "I'd like to see you try," I sneered.

"Don't tempt me," she growled.

I smirked.

Her eyes narrowed, and she opened her mouth as if to snap something, when the door opened and that short girl popped into the room, grinning.  
"Hey Bella," she said, waving. Not-Bella just glared at her in annoyance, then rolled her eyes and went back to her work. The short-girl handed a note to the teacher, and he read it before nodding and coming over to our table.

"Bella, it appears you are dismissed for the rest of the day. Edward here will turn in the work at the end of class."

She nodded, smiling all polite and sweet up at the dickhead, then smirked slightly as she thrust the papers she'd written on at me. "Good luck," she said, all insincere like and sauntered out of the room, linking her arm with the short girl, who was giggling and shaking her head.

I looked over the notes in frustration, since I had no idea what the fuck we had been doing. I glanced around, wondering if any of these lamebrains around me would tell me or just let me suffer. Smirking, I got up and sauntered over to the pencil sharpener, taking my time just to annoy the fuck out of anyone who hated the noise, then made my way back to my desk, making sure to pass by Lauren and Jessica.

I paused, smiling down at them. They stared at me with lust-filled eyes.

"Hey, Edward," Lauren breathed. I smirked.

"Hey, babe. Listen, my partner ran out on me. What the fuck am I supposed to be doing?"

Lauren's face twisted in her own disgusted sneer. "She's such a bitch. Whatever chapter you two have, you're supposed to take notes on. Then tomorrow we all, like, read them in class and shit." She batted her eyes at me. "Do you need help with it, Edward?" she purred.

I smirked, leaning down into her face and letting my breath fan across her face. Her eyes fluttered closed, lips parting.

"No thanks."

Her eyes popped open, glazed, and I smiled before retaking my seat. I scribbled down notes for the rest of class and handed them in with a smirk. Mr. Hatch looked them over critically and obviously suspiciously, but finding nothing wrong with them, he grudgingly nodded.

Ha, like I couldn't take fucking notes. I wasn't that much of a retard.

At the end of the day, Lauren cornered me on the way to my car. She slid her hand down my chest, grabbing the button of my jeans in her fist. "Edward," she purred. "Wanna-"

I hadn't had sex since the night before my dad dragged me out, and two weeks felt like forever. I was a fucked up hormonal boy. Fuck me for wanting some.

I grabbed a fistful of her hair and slammed out mouths together; the bitch moaned and pressed her hips into mine. I pulled away after a bit, and over her harsh pants, said, "Where?"

She led the way to a fucking supply closet. I mean, yeah, I've done it in closets and such before, but still. Is that seriously the first place the bitch thinks of bringing me? Not even her fucking car?

The door clicked shut behind us, and I stared coldly at her. "Strip." Lauren licked her lips, staring at me with lustful glazed eyes. And then she slowly pulled her shirt over her head.

"Where were you, Edward?" my dad snapped as I stepped inside.

I smirked at him, and shrugged. "I donno. School?"

"Edward Masen," he said warningly, when Mom stepped out of the kitchen, smiling.

"Edward, someone called for you about ten minutes ago."

I raised a brow, wondering who the hell had called the house looking for me. Probably one of the idiot bitches of Forks High who hadn't gotten my number from Lauren yet. I swear, she handed that thing out like it was free candy.

Or maybe more accurately in her case, free condoms.

"She said her name was Bella."

I felt guilt take a swipe at my heart when she winced while saying the name. I suspected my mom blamed herself somewhat for Bella's death, though that shit was retarded. It wasn't her Bella died protecting.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "What did she want?" I asked in annoyance.

Mom frowned slightly, obviously not liking my attitude but not going to call me out on it. "She said to let you know that she wasn't going to be available tomorrow. Your teacher already knows, so you don't have to worry about presenting by yourself. It's postponed until next week."

I shrugged, not sure what to say to that. Thanks? Whatever? Not answering was the safest answer, usually was.

My dad looked like he was about to ream into me again, so I muttered a quick "I'm going to my room" before running up there.

Friday rolled around and I was eager for the night to get here so I could enjoy myself for the first time who knew the fuck could remember how long. Definitely for the first time in Forks.

Lauren cornered me after school again, dragging me into her car this time. We drove out to some deserted road - fuck, all the roads here were deserted - and pulled on the side, hidden almost entirely by trees. Probably the only thing this place was fucking useful for, I'd bet.

After that, she dropped me back off at school and I drove my car home, I went up to my room to wash. Mom was busy cooking, and smiled when I came down.

"Have fun tonight, Edward."

I nodded, stealing a bite of potato salad and making her laugh as she scolded the action. She asked me - nearly begged - that I be home before midnight. We both knew I wouldn't be, but she had this problem with not giving up hope.

I picked up Lauren a little after seven, and she directed me between mindless blabbering how to get to the party. I fucking tuned her out, not interested in a thing that she had to say. I walked up to the door, not even bothering to get her car door for her or even letting her grab a hold of my hand or arm. We weren't fucking together so she could stop trying to give that impression to people.

I instantly grabbed some liquor, some of the hard stuff they actually had, and downed it quickly. The guys stared at me appreciatively, obviously not having met someone who could hold their own before. Fucking pansies.

I had to admit - for Forks people, they did have quite a bit of stuff I didn't expect. Weed, yeah. But Tyler hadn't been lying about being able to provide. He was a dealer for crack, meth, heroin. You name it he could probably get it. Which was my type of guy.

I was high before an hour had passed, and beyond drunk by the time midnight passed by. Lauren was a fucking slutty dancer, grinding her ass onto me, but I encouraged it. She was willing to give it up easily, and I was all for that shit.

The night faded into blurs and blackness. When I woke up the next morning in some fucking room on a bed with a naked Lauren with me, beer bottles and some half-smoked weed on the dresser, I wasn't surprised.

I was surprised when I got up and nearly fell over from the dizziness. My head throbbed too painfully, my arms and legs too heavy, my stomach churning sickeningly. I hadn't gotten sick in I didn't know how long, never maybe.

I went to the bathroom, having to empty my fucking gut before leaving, and when I got back into the room, Lauren was snoring on the fucking bed. I didn't want to stay there any longer, but I knew better than to get in my fucking car while like this. So I crawled back into the bed and pulled a pillow over my head, groaning in relief as the faint light that had gotten in the room disappeared from my view.

I woke up what felt like seconds later to the loud blaring of my fucking phone. I fell out of the damn bed, shouting angrily in pain, and searched the floor. All Lauren's shit was gone, so was she, and for a while I wondered if the bitch had stolen my fucking pants. I found my shirt, shoes, even my fucking socks, but not my pants. The ringing stopped, then started up again.

Finally I found the damn jeans under the fucking bed, and I dug out my cell. I flipped it open and held it to my ear, scowling with my eyes closed. "What?" I snapped.

"Edward Anthony Masen, where the fucking hell are you?" my father yelled.

I winced, yanking the phone away from my ear. After a moment, I could hear him yelling again, and I stared with squinted eyes at the phone in distaste. When I was pretty sure the bastard had stopped yelling, I put the phone back to my ear.

"I don't know, I think in fucking Port Angeles."

He stared yelling again and I yanked the phone away with a practiced skill that came from several similar instances. When he finished, I put it back.

"Listen, I'll be home tonight or something."

"Edward, don't you-"

I hung up on him and turned off the phone, throwing it to the floor and dragging my hand slightly through my hair. I felt sick still, and wondered what the fuck had gotten me so screwed over. Maybe some bad fucking alcohol or something. Or the drugs could have been bad…. Ah, who the fuck cared?

I pulled myself back into the bed, yanking the blankets over my head. I had almost drifted to sleep when a thought crossed my mind.

I'd found all my clothes except my boxers.

Lauren had fucking taken my fucking boxers, the slut.

**Assward****:_ glares at IG_**

**IG: What? It's not MY fault you decided to fuck Ewie-Girl.**

**Assward: _snorts_ Ewie-Girl? What are you, in kindergarten?**

**IG: No, but I volunteer at school watching two and three year olds. Vicious and adorable little things. I swear, this one little boy, Xavier, knows exactly how to smile and show of his little dimples to get out of trouble. He's gonna be trouble when he gets older, I can tell.**

**Assward: What-the-fuck-ever. But did you have to let her take my fucking boxers? I mean, fuck Ig.**

**IG:_ shrugs_ You kinda deserve it... Your fault and all.**

**Assward: Shut the fuck up. _storms away grumbling_**

**IG: _sticks out tongue. Shrugs with readers_ I think he's in a bad mood, don't you? ;) Review, maybe he'll feel better.... **

**Or not. I doubt it. But still review. I'LL feel better. ;) And I'm not joking about that little kid Xavier. He's so adorable with the cutest dimples. And he'll get this mischevious glint in his eyes when he knows he did something wrong, but you just can't get on his case because he grins at you with those cute little dimples.... And he will give you a hug like you're his favorite person.... **

**Assward: NO ONE FUCKING CARES! STOP TALKING ALREADY!**

**IG:_ sighs. walks over to Assward SMACKS. _Don't make me have Lauren tie your boxers around her fucking neck, Assward.**

**Assward: Bitch.**

**IG: Just review, people. Before he has an aneurysm.  
**


	6. Chapter 5

**Haha, fast update! You must all be so happy!**

**Assward: Can I get my fucking boxers back from that bitch now?**

**Shut up, no one wants to listen to you whine whine, bitch and moan right now.**

**Assward:_ glares and storms off_**

**_Shrugs_ Ah, well. Enjoy the chapter. I did, especially at the end.  
**

BPOV

"God, I hate this town!" I screamed, throwing whatever my hands first touched across my room. It shattered, and I didn't even wince at the sound.

"I hate this stupid life!" I threw something else, whirling around to grab a new item. "I hate my damn bad luck!" Another crash. "And I hate Edward!"

"No you don't," Alice said calmly.

It was just the two of us in the house, because Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett had gone to visit an old friend who was in the area. Jasper had been here with Alice and I, but Alice had probably sent him out of the house once I started throwing my temper around.

"I do," I snarled, whirling to face the smaller girl.

She shook her head confidently. "Liar. You're angry with him, but you can't hate him."

"Watch me," I snapped childishly. She was right. I couldn't _hate_ him per say, but I could be pissed enough that there was hardly a difference. "He's such a, a, a…" I struggled for words.

"Dickhead?" Alice offered with a helpful tone. I twisted to glare at her, but she just stared at me innocently.

I turned back around and stormed over to the window, staring out at the setting sun without seeing it. My blood boiled, my mind spun in angry cycles, and if Jasper were here, I doubted even his gift could stop my anger.

Alice came up beside me, though neither of us looked at each other, just at the sun setting. After a while, I slid my eyes over to look at her, just a small peripheral glance.

"Are you positive?" I asked, unable to keep a slightly desperate hint to my tone.

She looked at my sympathetically. "Yes, I'm positive. He won't be at school Monday he'll make himself so sick."

I groaned. Alice told us she had a vision of Edward - getting so high and drunk he passed out and was ill, apparently for longer than the weekend. Idiot.

She patted my arm kindly. "Don't worry - he won't be deadly ill, just really sick. He'll be fine."

I tugged at my hair. "That's not the point, Alice. He made himself so sick - he should know better, but he either is stupid, or doesn't care." My voice cracked embarrassingly on the last word, and I looked at her hopelessly. "He just doesn't care."

She sighed sadly. "Maybe one day he will, Bella."

I grabbed her shoulders tightly and leaned close. "Will he, Alice? What do you see?"

Gently but pointedly, she pried my fingers away from her, staring at me calmly all the while. "Nothing you need to be told about, Bella."

I stared at her. "But you've seen something?"

She just smiled slightly and walked out of the room.

I looked around, surveying the damage I'd caused, and sighed heavily, gripping a handful of my hair briefly in frustration. Sometimes, my temper got the better of me. Things happened when I lost my temper.

Bad things.

Thankfully, it hadn't gotten that bad this time. Things were broken, but that was fine. At least the place hadn't fallen apart in my anger.

When I joined Alice downstairs, Jasper had come back, and sent a soothing sense of peace towards me. I gave him a tense smile, sitting down to watch the movie they had chosen, but not really seeing it.

Damn Edward and his issues. My fault? Possibly, but there could only be so much blame on me. Carlisle was right, he knew the consequences of his actions. So some of the blame was definitely his. However, I felt like much of it fell to his parents. It wasn't that I didn't like them, but hell - they had to know what was up with him. And yet they did nothing about it? They just let him ruin his life?

What kind of parent does that? How can they just stand by and watch him fall apart like this? Even if he were resistant, they had control over him. They could send him to rehab, therapy, _something_. He was going to get himself killed at this rate. I'd only been reintegrated into his life for less than a month, and I knew that.

I chewed my lip thoughtfully. Perhaps I could do something? It would be dangerous of me to get closer to him, making it more likely that he would recognize me for who I was. But I could play it off, couldn't I? I was a _vampire_ for crying out loud! I was supposed to be _dead_. I could play off any recognition he suddenly gained, couldn't I? If I couldn't, I was pathetic.

If I could help him, I'd be able to maybe feel less guilty about that night. If I could help him grow past this, this... _stage_ he was stuck in, perhaps I could stop worrying. If he got better, perhaps he wouldn't look so pained.

How would I help him move forward, though? I doubted he'd listen to me, but I had to try, right? It would have to be subtle, I supposed. Slow, sneaky. So he didn't expect it and fight against it, like he would fight against bath time when he was really little and I first started babysitting him. I'd have to make him think it was _his_ idea to get better.

Yeah, piece of cake.

_Not_.

I spent the rest of the weekend researching on addictions. Drug addictions. Alcoholism. Traumatic experiences and how they affected young children. I absorbed all the knowledge I could to use against Edward. I had made it my little personal mission, and I had to admit, it would definitely keep the boredom of monotony away.

Of course he wasn't at school on Monday. Lauren was smug as I'd ever seen her, gushing about things I didn't want to hear or think about. She mentioned having his boxers in her locker though, which made me gag. One, desperate much? Two, I really can't imagine wanting to know that.

Finally her little ranting and raving got on my nerves enough that I tripped her. Immature of me, maybe, but oh so satisfying. I could see why Emmett did it. You could barely make out the blush under her makeup, but it was there none the less. The people around us in the halls laughed like it was funnier than SNL.

Forks people needed to expand their horizons.

Tuesday, Edward showed up looking pale and hardly better. I glared at Alice as he crossed the parking lot.

"I thought you said he'd be fine," I snarled lowly.

She raised a brow. "He's walking around, isn't he?"

I glared at her, because yeah - he was, but he obviously wasn't well. Part of me wanted to go up to him and demand why he was at school when he obviously wasn't well. Another part of me just wanted to smack him upside his head and send him to a corner or something for being an idiot and doing that to himself in the first place.

I watched him confront Lauren at lunch, and I snickered as she stammered about not having his boxers. He just watched her steadily and coldly and finally, looking uncomfortable, she tried to make some silly bargain to get them back. Even Emmett chuckled at that, shaking his head.

"Desperate," Rosalie muttered in disgust.

Alice snickered. "Definitely. You have to be desperate to steal a one-night stand's boxers."

I made a face. "Please. Can we stop talking about his boxers?" If I were human, I would be blushing. Part of me saw him as he was now - obviously no longer that little kid. But it was hard not to think of him as the boy I'd babysat. I mean, it was just so hard to reconcile the two; I kept wanting to think of him as the little toddler.

He obviously _wasn't_, though.

They all snickered, except Emmett who just boomed his loud laugh and made half the cafeteria glance away from the Lauren issue to see why the weird Cullens were making so much noise.

I smacked Emmett upside the head, and he ruffled my hair in response, smirking. We both knew that a few rumors would start sparking again about the two of us, which made me roll my eyes. _Great_.

I was slightly surprised to see Edward already seated when I walked into the classroom. Mr. Hatch had excused him for not being there on Monday while I presented - I'd convinced him not to mark him down for it or anything. Edward's head was on his arms, resting on his desk with the hood pulled tightly over his head, a lot like that first day I'd seen him. I sat down, debating. I had made my decision to help him, now I had to figure out how to go about it.

I chewed my lip in thought, then twisted around in my seat and leaned closer to him. "Edward," I said quietly.

He didn't respond. With a slight frown, I said his name again. With another no response, I pushed down my automatic annoyance and listened to his breathing. Slow, measured. His heartbeat was slow and steady.

He was sleeping.

I hesitated, not sure I wanted to wake him up. People were supposed to sleep when they were sick, right? I was pretty sure about that, though my human memories were hazy.

"Edward," Lauren purred, walking up and glaring at me. When he didn't respond, she huffed in annoyance and shook his shoulder. I doubted she could hear the start in his breath or the jump in his heartbeat.

He lifted his head and glared blearily at her. She didn't seem to notice.

"Edward, after school, why don't we-"

"Go away," he growled. "Bitch," he added, almost as an afterthought, putting his head down again.

Lauren looked like she'd just been slapped in the face by a winged monkey or something. While I knew better than to think proudly of his vulgar use of language, I thought maybe for Lauren I could make an exception.

She opened her mouth to say something, so I quickly butted in. "Lauren, listen, we all know you're desperate, but why would he be with you when he has his pick of any one else here? You're not that hot."

She glared. "Shut up, _Bella_," she sneered. "Just because you can't get the guy you want-"

I laughed, deciding to play with her. "Who says it's a guy?"

She stared open mouthed at me. I smirked, and then Mr. Hatch told her to take her seat, obviously annoyed at the delay in his lecture starting. I faced front, laughing quietly to myself. Pulling out my phone, I texted Rosalie what I'd just said. She offered to play that prank Emmett wanted us to play weeks ago.

Edward fell back asleep about halfway through the class, his breathing deep and measured. Thankfully, Mr. Hatch didn't look away from the board he was scribbling notes on, so Edward didn't get called out on it.

When the bell rang and people started rising, I stood and looked down at him. Still sleeping. My lips twitched, remembering how he used to fall asleep halfway through movies; no matter what kind of person he was now, I couldn't forget that sweet little boy. That affection would never leave.

I nudged his foot with mine, jolting him awake.

I raised a brow at him. "Up and at 'em, Masen," I said. "The day awaits you."

He frowned and then nodded, grabbing his bag and standing, running a hand over his face quickly as if to wake himself up. He seemed surprised when he realized I was still standing there.

"What?" he asked irritably, walking past me.

I kept pace. "Nothing," I shrugged, glancing over at him. It still surprised me he was that little boy. "Just want to make sure you don't fall asleep on the way."

He sent me an annoyed and frustrated look. "Whatever."

I snickered. He seemed to say that every time he wasn't sure how to respond.

Another of those looks was sent my way, and he lengthened his steps. It was easy to keep up. "Where were you Monday?" I asked. I knew, of course, but he didn't know that, now did he?

"Sick," he muttered.

I nodded as if I understood as I said, "You went to one of those parties Lauren frequents."

His eyes shot to me then away. "What's it to you?"

I shrugged. "People always get sick at those things. You'd do best to ignore them."

"I don't see why you give a fuck," he grumbled.

I shrugged. "I don't either."

He groaned. "What do you want?" he asked in annoyance. "Seriously."

I grinned over at him mischievously. "Wouldn't you like to know." Best way to keep his attention - keep him guessing.

He eyed me suspiciously as we stood outside the classroom door. People stared in surprise and amazement. The girl who no one talked to with the new bad boy. Oh my. Gossip central. I just stared back at him, smiling slightly.

He shook his head, muttering under his breath about fucking girls never being able to come out and say things straight. I snickered, making his eyes shoot to mine, and then I entered the classroom.

Keep him guessing.

EPOV

_"Edward, why did you steal the candy bar?"_

_I looked up at Dad and then away, shrugging. He sighed, running his hand over his face._

_"You know stealing it bad."_

_"Yes Dad." I did. Stealing was wrong and you got sent to jail for it. I should be in jail. I was bad, dangerous. They should lock me up before more people got hurt._

_"So why did you do it?"_

_I didn't know how to answer Dad. Did I tell him because I should be in jail? Or because it was fun? Did I tell him about the crazy odd scary rush I got doing it, like going on a carnival ride, that made the sadness and hurt disappear for a little bit?_

_"Because." I finally said, because that was all my answers had in common. Just because._

_He stared at me, disappointment and anger in his gaze. "You're grounded for a week, Edward. No cartoons, no dessert. Now go to your room and think about what you've done."_

_I slid down off of the couch and walked up to my room, closing the door. Momma had sewed Teddy's head back on that year after I'd ripped it off. I hid him under my bed, where he couldn't remind me of why I'd gone downstairs and disobeyed Miss Bella. But now I crawled under my bed and dragged him out, then turned and walked to the closet. I didn't use the closet for anything anymore. Momma had sent me in there once, after that scary night. I didn't remember what happened, but apparently I'd thrown a fit. Momma and Dad had started using it as a storage place after that. _

_I opened the door, sniffing back stupid tears, and closed myself in the darkness, hugging Teddy to my chest._

_I was a bad boy. I was always in trouble now. But no one would punish me enough to make up for what I'd done to Miss Bella. Murderers were supposed to go to jail. She died because of me, so that made me a murderer. _

_But I wasn't in jail._

_When I'd told that to Momma, she'd started crying. She didn't think I was bad, but she was a Momma. Momma's didn't count._

_They'd sent me to a lady, a lady in a boring room with a big uncomfortable couch. The lady had asked me lots of questions and then tried to tell me I wasn't a bad boy, either. But I knew the truth._

_I dug through one of the boxes in the dark, prying off the lid and peering into the contents. I could barely make them out, it was too dark, but my fingers glided over everything, finally grabbing the flat, slightly crumpled square. My other hand felt around behind the boxes until it brushed the flashlight I'd hidden in here, and I clicked it on._

_The picture of Miss Bella and me was lit up, and I stared at it sadly, sniffling. I clutched Teddy to my chest again, curling up in the tight space. _

_My fault, my fault. Mine and Teddy's. Mine for moving, mine for not doing as she said. Mine for running. Maybe if I'd stayed she wouldn't have died. I didn't know what I could have done, but there had to be something. All the shows said it. You don't run when there's danger. You face it and fight it and win. Good was supposed to beat the bad guys._

_But apparently that was all a lie._

I jolted upright breathing heavily, sweat on my brow. I threw off my comforter, looking around the dark room. The alarm clock said it was past two in the morning, and I dragged my hands over my face, scrubbing away the few tears that had slipped out.

I was such a fucking pansy.

I hated it when the nightmares plagued me, especially when they reminded me of my babysitter. I hated the guilt that tortured me constantly, brewing below the surface all the time. I hated knowing that something I could have done differently might have changed the entire future. For Bella. For me. For my parents.

Reaching over, I grabbed the pack of cigs in my dresser drawer and lit one up, not even bothering to move from my bed to the window. At the moment, I couldn't find it in myself to fucking care about any consequences.

When I'd gone through two cigarettes, I finally lifted myself off of the bed and moved over to the closet. I pulled the door open, reaching up to pull down the box on the shelf up top. I brought it over to my bed, and then just sat there like a dumb shit, running my hand through my hair and wondering what the fuck I was doing.

I was such a fucking masochist, inviting the pain I knew this would bring. But I obviously couldn't help myself.

Prying open the lid of the box, I dug inside, drawing out that silly old teddy bear, with faded fur and a missing eye, the little bow tie around his neck crooked and hanging by a few threads. I set him gently down on the bed - call me fucking sentimental - and then continued looking through the box. There was a photo album in there, but I passed over it and instead pulled out the folded, fading photograph.

I didn't look at her, not at first, because that always hurt. Instead, I stared at my little three-year-old picture-self. I looked so carefree, so happy, and I knew that I didn't look like that for much longer after the picture was taken. After Bella died saving me, none of the pictures I was in looked like this.

Finally, reluctantly, I turned my eyes to the one other person in the picture.

Her brown hair waved over her shoulders, lips pulled up into a laughing smile. Her arms were wrapped around me, her chin resting on top of my head, brown eyes sparking.

I frowned, turning on the lamp on my bedside table, and stared at the picture intently. I felt like I was missing something being waved in front of my nose. I thought, trying to grasp that elusive and unexpected aspect of the picture.

It had something to do with school. How the hell had my babysitter and my school suddenly gained a fucking connection?

I growled in frustration, tugging my hair in my free hand. I scanned my eyes over her features again, that tip-of-the-tongue feeling increasing. I leaned back against my headboard, playing with my lighter. I wanted another smoke, but fuck me if smoking while looking at the picture felt like doing it in front of her in real life.

When I was little and still damn innocent, I remember thinking that Bella was a princess or fairy or some shit because she was so goddamn pretty. Older, he still thought that. The girl had been gorgeous, and not in that fucking unnatural way so many girls aimed for. And she always was happy and smiling.

Until that night. That night I helped fucking kill that happy light.

I kicked the box off of my bed in anger, ignoring the spilled contents, and glared at the picture. I felt like it was staring my in the goddamn face and I was fucking missing it. Knowing my luck, it'd be so fuckin obvious….

My eyes started drifting closed, sleep trying to claim me again, but I knew once one nightmare started up, the others would follow. No fucking way I was going to go back to sleep tonight….

Regardless, my eyes started drifting closed, probably because I'd cracked down and taken those sleeping pills before bed. The drugs pulled me under, my fingers still clutching the picture.

_My dad walked into the room, embarrassment and anger on his features. I slumped back in the seat, glaring to the side, arms defiantly crossed. Thirteen and arrested. _

_He signed papers or something shit like that, and then jerked his head. "Come on," he said gruffly. I got up and slouched out of the white room, getting in the car waiting outside and slamming the door. My dad got in as well, but didn't even start the damn thing, just sat there glaring at the steering wheel._

_What, like it would start through force of his mind?_

_"What the fuck were you thinking, Edward Anthony?"_

_I shrugged, glaring out my window._

_"You tagged the school." he growled._

_A smirk flitted across my lips, because I definitely had done that. The rush of danger had been intoxicating, giddying. Few things made me feel above the guilt and deadened feelings these days, but dangerous and stupid actions never seemed to fail._

_And drugs. Those things worked like an effing charm._

_"Do you know what you're doing to your mother? What people are saying about you? You're throwing you life away for no reason by continuing these actions!"_

_"What life?" I snorted, rolling my eyes._

_He snapped. "Edward, I have been patient these several years. All the psychologists said the same thing - you were lashing out because of your guilt over Bella's death-" I winced at the mention of it "- and you just needed proper guidance and acceptance and all that bullshit. But this is getting ridiculous! She died to make sure you-"_

_"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed at him, and his hand shot out and grabbed my ear tightly._

_"Don't talk to me like that-"_

_"I'll talk to you however I want!"_

_"Edward-"_

_"You have no idea what you're trying to talk about, so shut up!" I yelled, throwing open the door and throwing myself out._

_"Get back in the car, Edward," my dad said in that tone of voice that threatened and booked no arguments._

_I flipped him off and ran._

I got to school early, not because I gave a fuck about education, but because my dad had been home this morning and I wanted to avoid him. The nightmares kept me from getting a restful sleep, and the sleeping pills made sure I had the fucking nightmares, which basically defeated the purpose of the sleeping pills. I was fucking exhausted.

I sat in the parking lot in my car, leaning back against my seat, eyes closed. Lauren had yet to give my fucking boxers back, the bitch. I'd have to burn them when I did get them, of course, but I didn't want her having them.

Who knew what the hell she'd do with them in her claws.

Cars were filing in after a while, but I didn't move. Maybe I'd just skip first period and sleep in my car. People were talking and laughing, and a few dared to tap on my window. I flipped them off without moving from my position.

The bell rang, and people started heading for class. A car pulled up right beside mine, and I immediately heard yelling.

"Emmett you idiot, you nearly trashed my car on that tree!"

"Ah, baby, I had everything-"

"If you say under control, I'm fucking kicking you out of my room for a week."

"Sorry, baby," came the truly remorseful response. "Come on, forgive me?"  
Wanting to see who was so whipped, I pried open my eyes and glanced over.

That big-ass guy was the culprit, which surprised me a bit. He had his arms opened and was stepping towards a not-convinced looking blond chick, who looked completely fuckable. Except she also gave off ice queen vibes, like she was Ant-fucking-artica personified.

The completely amused laughter that came next drew my attention over. The Not-Bella was laughing, shaking her head.

"You're screwed, Em. No one messes with Rosalie's cars."

The big guy pouted, giving Not-Bella a reproachful look. "It's Alice's fault."

Short-girl walked by holding that tall blonde's hand. "No, it's not. You swerved. You pay."

Shaking her head in amusement, Not-Bella walked by my car, not even sparing it a glance. That annoyed me, because almost every other bitch here paid me more attention than I wanted yet she didn't.

Then my eyes caught on the bracelet she was wearing.

I stared, then scrambled out of my car, slamming the door and staring after her. Part of me wanted to grab her and rip the bracelet off, examine it, convince myself it wasn't what I thought it was. Another part of me wanted to basically fall to my knees and start bawling. Too much in too little time. The nightmares, my fucking staring at that picture last night, and now that _damn fucking bracelet_.

Short-girl - Alice, I remembered - glanced my way and winked. _Winked_. What the fucking hell!

I knew that bracelet. I _knew_ that fucking bracelet. It wasn't expensive or exceptionally beautiful or any of that shit. It cost a fucking quarter in the little store machines. But I _knew that bracelet_.

Because I'd given it to my damn babysitter.

I was out of my car, so I mindlessly opened the back door and grabbed my bag, then trudged to first period. I couldn't think straight, because too many thoughts were hitting me at once. Too many coincidences I'd been fucking ignorant to until I saw that damn bracelet.

Maybe it was all chance. I mean, it wasn't exactly a unique bracelet; anyone could have gotten one out of a quarter machine, I supposed. Still, it felt too… too fucking unlikely. I plopped down in an available seat, because the class had already started. The teacher glared at me as she spoke, and I knew I'd be getting a lunch detention or some shit, but didn't give a crap.

I ran my hands through my hair in distress. It was im-fucking-possible. She was _dead_. _DEAD_. She had died because of my damn stupid choices. She'd died because I couldn't _fucking_ obey the rules. She'd died to save my sorry unworthy ass.

_She was dead_.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath through my nose. I had to get a hold of myself. I was apparently going damn crazy now, thinking dead people were still alive because of similar looks and the same damn first damn and a bracelet I'd given her. She was dead. And even if she somehow weren't she'd be - fuck, thirty or some shit like that now.

But it didn't matter how old she'd be because _she was dead_.

A hand landed gently on my arm, and I jerked in surprise, turning to glare.

It was short-Alice-girl. She smiled gently at me, large gold eyes almost fucking understanding looking which was so fucking ridiculous I decided I should get a fucking CAT scan.

"Are you okay, Edward?"

I shook my head, letting out a harsh laugh. "No."

She smiled slightly, nodding her head. "I guess if I were in your position, I wouldn't be okay, either."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "And just what the fuck is my position, huh?"

Her lips twitched, as if she were amused by something. "Wondering if you're crazy, of course."

How the fucking _hell_ had she known that. She must have read something off of my fucking face, because she chuckled.

"You're not, you know. No matter what happens, know that you're not crazy. Life might be crazy, but you aren't. Oh, and the answer is Wednesday night at five."

I stared at her in completely confused fucking disbelief.

"Edward?"

My head snapped towards the teacher. "Uh, yeah?"

She raised her brows. "Mind repeating that for me?"

I hesitated, glancing over at Alice. She nodded just slightly. "Um, Wednesday night at five?"

The teacher's eyes tightened, but she nodded, turning back to the class in general and continuing with fucking announcements or whatever.

Alice smiled at me, winking again the little fucker, then ignored me for the rest of class like she had every other day.

What. The fucking. _Hell_.

**Haha. Poor Assward. Wondering if he's loco.**

**Assward: You're enjoying this, aren't you? _glares_**

**Yeah, pretty much. I write because A) I like to play god and B) I have fun torturing my characters. Which anyone who has read my other stories could attest to. ;)**

**Assward: And you call ME an ass.**

**Shut up and go get high or something. I'm going to go revel in my praise from all my lovely reviewers. Oh, and Nadia Cullen says for you to go hug Daddy Masen.**

**Assward: No-fucking-way.**

**Suit yourself. Review my lovelies!  
**


	7. Chapter 6

**Haha. I had SO much trouble with this chapter.... It just didn't want to be written. It was Assward's fault, too. And he's ignoring me, so he is not here to entertain us all today.**

**Assward: _throws IG an angry look and flips her off_**

**No thanks, I'm busy with my reviewers, thanks. _Turns to readers_ Okay, so I hope you enjoy, and if you have any suggestions for getting Assward over there to stop fighting me in the writing process, you let me know. ;)**

**Enjoy.  
**

BPOV

Alice was smirking as I walked into the lunch room, and I gave her a suspicious look. "What?" I asked slowly.

"Nothing," she trilled, smiling sweetly and peeling the skin off of her apple. I didn't believe her for a millisecond, but there wasn't much I could do about that.

Rosalie sat down next to me, ignoring a pouting Emmett. I laughed quietly under my breath, amused; by the time we got home from school, he'd be begging her to forgive him. Rosalie made sure to put no space between us, even going so far as to twirl a strand of hair as Lauren walked by, bug-eyed.

I smacked her hand away, laughing.

Rosalie grinned, but then the grin slipped slowly away to a practiced expressionless look, one the rest of my siblings had also adopted as they stared behind me. I twisted around to see what had them looking like that.

"Bella."

I stared, unsure what Edward wanted. He shifted, slightly uncomfortably, but also seemed to be examining me closely. It made me nervous. I glanced uneasily towards Alice, who simply smiled at me quickly enough that he wouldn't see.

"I want to talk with you. Alone," he added, tone hardening at the end.

I sighed, nodding my head and rising, throwing the tray away as I walked past a garbage can. Whispers and looks followed us as we walked towards the exit, and I glared at the floor as we went, hating the attention.

The brisk, cool air hit us immediately, fresher and cleaner than the stuffy indoor air. I leaned back against the wall, watching Edward from my peripheral vision. He paced back and forth, and I felt my nerves ratchet up a few more notches. I didn't think I wanted to know what was on his mind.

"What's up, Edward?" I asked quietly, wondering if I even wanted to know. But Alice wouldn't have sent me out here if it were going to ruin things.

He ran a hand half-way through his hair, gripping the strands tightly in frustration. "I… fuck, I'm going insane," he finished in a mutter I obviously wasn't meant to hear.

"Edward?" I watched him with worry.

He looked up at me, then just blurted it out. "You look like a fucking replica of my babysitter from thirteen fucking years ago, you know that?" When I just stared, he added, "Why the fuck would you? Crazy, Masen," he finished in a mutter for himself.

I bit my lip, panicking inwardly. Shit, shit, shit! Why didn't Alice see this?!

My eyes narrowed. Or had she? What was that pixie up to _now_?

"What do you mean?" I asked, putting forth my best confused act. Furrowed brow, puzzled and concerned tone.

He shook his head, reaching into a pocket and drawing out a lighter, playing with it as he paced again. It was obviously a nervous habit.

"It's just, you look _just the fuck like her_. And your names are the same, except for that last name. And that bracelet," he added, groaning, gesturing towards my wrist.

I tensed, my breath freezing in my throat. He was like… _three _when he gave me that. There was no way he should remember something like that! He was a baby!

"I got it when I was a kid," I spoke, automatically supplying the lie. "When I visited LA with Carlisle and Esme. My parents."

He nodded, but I didn't think he was listening. "But, shit, I just can't seem to get the fuckin' thought out of my head now! I keep thinking… shit, I have no clue what I'm thinking!"  
The playing with the lighter got more and more frantic as he spoke, betraying his agitation in a physical way. I winced as I saw it burn his flesh and smelled it slightly; I could tell it wasn't a serious burn, but Edward didn't even seem to notice in the slightest. As he passed in front of me again, I took a step forward and reached out, grabbing his wrist.

He glanced at me in shock, tugging - or at least attempting to - his wrist away. I gently removed the lighter and pocketed it, examining his hand. Not serious, thankfully. He tugged his wrist again and I let it go, watching as he stepped a few paces away and crossed his arms, glaring at me.

He shook his head, the bronze locks shifting with the movement. "Fuck, I… I gotta ask." He looked up at me, and none of the discomfort or uncertainty from his voice was in his gaze or next words. There was unwavering intent, complete, serious honesty. "Are you…" He swallowed. "Are you Bella."

His face reddened as soon as the words were past his lips, and it reminded me so much of the little boy. I felt sick, sick to my stomach like I hadn't since I was human, knowing what I was about to do.

"Listen, Edward," I said, adding a slightly worried edge to my words. "I don't know who this Bella _you're_ thinking of is, but I can't be her. She's gotta be way old, right?"

Out of no where, he let out a yell of pent up anger, pain, frustration, and slammed his fist into the brick wall.

"Edward!" I gasped, rushing forward probably too fast and pulling his hand towards me. The knuckles were bloody, already swelling. The scratchy thirst at the back of my throat tingled more intensely at the smell and sight of the red liquid.

"Dammit, Edward, why'd you do that?" I grumbled. I skimmed my fingers over the bones. I couldn't tell if they were broken or not, I wasn't as good at that as Carlisle.

I sighed. "Come on."

He glared. "Where? A fuckin' psych ward?"

I rolled my eyes at the angry tone. "_No_." I rolled my eyes again, pointedly. "The hospital. My father works there - he'll be able to tell if you broke your fingers or something."

He grumbled under his breath and I purposefully ignored him. I wandered out to the parking lot, where Alice was waiting with Jasper. She grinned when she saw me lightly tugging Edward behind me by his wrist. I mouthed a not-nice word to her, making her laugh. When I got close enough, she held out the keys.

"Rose says that if you scratch it, she's going to make yours blow up."

I snorted. "Yeah, yeah. Tell her I said what else is new?"

Jasper chuckled, glancing over at Edward with interest. I stiffened. Jasper had very black and white views; if he thought for even an instant that Edward posed a threat, he would take drastic measures. As long as Edward didn't go around mentioning he thought I was his 'dead' babysitter, he should be safe, however.

I think.

"I'll see you guys later," I said, unlocking the car and opening the passenger door for Edward. He grumbled some more as he got in and I shut the door.

I gave Alice a look, letting her know this wasn't the end of our conversation, and got in the driver's side. I didn't know what was going to happen from here on out. Edward had suspicions now, which was dangerous. And considering his own fragile state (whether or not he believed or understood it was fragile), it was doubly so. I had to now balance a precarious edge of helping him without revealing anything to him _while _keeping him from thinking he was insane.

Well, like life hadn't been hard enough before?

EPOV

I watched her as she drove, her dark golden eyes tight and deep in thought. Obviously she was wondering how the fuck she'd gotten caught up with a crazy motherfucker like me. Because I obviously was crazy. I mean, any other explanation just wouldn't make fucking sense.

She pulled up in front of what I had to assume was the hospital - it sure looked like one. Clinical buildings rarely meant something other than hospital. I opened my door as I got out and she led the way to the doors, walking inside without the slightest hesitation. One of the nurses glanced up as she walked up to the desk.

"Oh, Miss. Cullen. How are you dear?"

Bella smiled at her. "I'm good, Mrs. Finnely. I was wondering if my dad was busy?"

"Um…" The woman frowned in thought. "I think he isn't, just on his lunch break."

She smiled and thanked the older woman, then led the way down the hall, pausing to glance back and make sure I was behind her. I rolled my eyes and scoffed, which made her smile slightly. She paused in front of an office door and knocked lightly before pulling it open.

Sitting behind a desk was a tall blond man, who had the same pale skin and golden-toned eyes as the Cullen children. He smiled at Bella and got up, coming around to give her a hug.

"Bella, this is a pleasant surprise. Why aren't you in class?"

She gestured back towards me. "This is Edward. He hurt his hand."

I snorted under my breath and rolled my eyes towards the ceiling. It wasn't that bad - I'd had worse.

"Ah," the older man smiled, stepping over to me and holding out his hand. "I'm Carlisle Cullen, Edward. Bella's father. "Let's take a look at this hand, shall we?"

With a sigh, I held it out. There was some swelling, and purple bruising past the bloody knuckles. His hands held it lightly enough that I could hardly feel his touch, but he obviously knew what he was doing. He gestured towards the door. "Why don't we head to an examination room? I'll clean it up and tell you if there's anything wrong." Bella and I followed the doctor towards a small room, and he turned on the water in the sink, motioning for me to wash away the blood.

"How did this happen?" he asked, a small frown on his face.

Bella gave a soft, short laugh. "He punched a wall," she answered dryly.

I glared. "I could have told him that myself," I snapped, only remembering I was in front of her father after I said it. Probably, I should be more polite.

Ah, what the hell. Too late now.

Dr. Cullen laughed. "Yes, punching a wall would definitely explain the damage." He faced me and offered a small towel. "Thankfully, you seem to have only bruised your knuckles, Edward. You will want to leave some ice on it for brief periods of time, and by tomorrow, you should be fine, if possibly a little sore."

I put the towel on the counter; I'd already figured that.

Bella was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, eyes fixed on the floor. Dr. Cullen watched her for a few moments. "Edward, would you mind waiting in the hall for a few moments? I have something I need to tell Bella." He smiled slightly. "A family issue."

I shrugged, not really giving a fuck, and went out of the room. They closed the door behind me. I lounged against the wall across the hall, wishing I could smoke and knowing that it would be pretty stupid to do so in a fucking hospital. About five minutes later, Bella and Dr. Cullen stepped out of the room. Dr. Cullen smiled at me, murmured something to Bella, and then walked away. Bella was busy staring at her damn shoes like the held the secrets of the fucking world.

"I'm not going to get a fucking detention or something for missing class, am I?" I bitched at her.

She shook her head, still staring down. "No," she said quietly. "Carlisle will take care of it."

I frowned at that. What kind of person called their father by his first name? Hell, even I didn't call my father by his first name - not that I would if I felt like it. It'd probably feel like I was talking to myself or some shit, and I was close enough to insanity that I didn't want to fuck up my borderline sanity any more than necessary.

What the fuck ever. Like it mattered anything. People had odd quirks - this Bella-maybe-Not-Bella was bound to have one or five just like everyone else.

We silently made our way back to the car, and Bella started driving, still completely fucking silent. It bugged the hell out of me, not that we'd spoken much on the way here, or even at school before. Still. The girl was too fucking quiet.

I scowled out the passenger window when I realized we were heading back to school. The whole hospital thing had taken hardly more than half an hour, and school wasn't over yet.

"Where the fuck are we going?" I grumbled.

She shot me a slightly annoyed look. "What? You want to go back to school?"

I gritted my teeth and flexed my fingers against the urge to flip her off, and instead ground out, "I want to know where the fuck you are taking me." I made sure each word came out distinctly.

She muttered something to herself under her breath softly enough that I didn't catch it. Right as I figured she wasn't going to answer me, she said, "I'm taking you to your house, Edward."

I glared at her. "What about _my_ car, huh?"

She rolled her eyes. "It'll be at school tomorrow. They aren't going to do anything to it."

I glared. "How the hell am I supposed to get to school then." I managed to cut back the _bitch_ I wanted to add at the end. Even if she was acting like some high and mighty bitch, she still reminded me far too much of that damn babysitter, and I found myself tempering my words and actions. Stupid.

"I'll pick you up."

"Fuck no." The reply was instant and heartfelt. No way was this chick I didn't know going to be picking me up and shit. Then something occurred to me, fucking belatedly, too. "How in hell do you know where my house is," I demanded.

Her hands flexed around the wheel. "Who doesn't? This is _Forks_, Edward. Everyone knows everything." She glanced at me disapprovingly with that last statement, and I glared back.

Who was she to try to judge me?

She sighed, shaking her head and muttering again, but focused back on the road. I glanced at the speedometer. Not even that fucking fast. At least she wasn't a granny-driver or some shit like that, or I might have knocked her out and driven myself the rest of the way.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the cigs, plucking one out and flipping open my lighter as I held it between my lips.

Bella glanced over, frowning. Once the flame reached the end of the cigarette, she yanked the steering wheel over to the side of the road and in a faster move than I expected, snatched the lighter and cigarette away.

"There is _no_ smoking in my car, Edward. You can just wait until you get home to give yourself lung cancer."

I snorted, trying to get my lighter back. She easily kept it out of reach, which pissed me off royally.

"Give it the fuck back."

"No."

"Dammit! Give it back!" I snarled.

She smirked. _Fucking smirked! _"Make me," she taunted.

I slammed my fist into the dashboard in frustration. I hadn't had a smoke since last night when I'd woken up with those fucking nightmares, and I needed one, badly. "Give it the fuck back!" I yelled at her, making a snatch for the lighter again.

Her eyes tightened angrily. Another thing I could distinctly remember Babysitter-Bella doing. Fuck me, this girl was going to send me to a psych ward within days.

Without a word, she unbuckled and opened her car door. I got out as well, because I had no idea what the fuck she was thinking or doing.

Making sure to meet my gaze steadily, she raised her hand, then tossed the lighter hard into the foliage. I stared in disbelief, knowing there was no fucking way I'd ever find it in there. Plus, she seemed to have a damn good arm on her.

I turned my gaze to her again, to find her still staring coolly, her eyes like dark steel. After a few silent moments, without another fucking word, she got back into her car and started it again, then just sat there waiting.

No fucking way was I getting back in that car with the bitch. I finally gave in to the urge and flipped her off before starting the walk towards my house.

She paced that damn car of hers next to me for a good five minutes before I became annoyed enough to respond.

"What?" I snapped.

She raised a brow. "You seriously want to walk?"

"Listen, I don't feel like accepting favors from a bitch."

She snorted, her eyes rolling. "_Really_," she sneered. "What do you call Lauren then? Hmm?"

I growled. "None of your damn business, that's what."

She rolled her eyes again. "Fine. Walk. Lord knows you could probably use the fresh air." With that, she rolled her window back up and sped away at a speed I _knew_ she hadn't been going before. Bitch.

When I got home, I dug through my dresser until I found my spare lighter, and finally getting to light up. I leaned against the window frame of my room, staring sullenly at the wall across from me.

She said she wasn't Bella. Logic said she wasn't. Anyone I told would say she wasn't. Logically, I was going crazy to even consider the notion that she was.

But honestly - how much more alike could two people look? Her skin was paler, her eyes different, but other than that… the same.

And then there was that Alice chick. I didn't even have a clue what was up with her. First, she winks in the morning when my insanity first hit, then in class, she tells me I'm not crazy, then informs me of an answer for the question the teacher asked me. Something didn't jive with her, but I had nothing to go on, so I pushed that away.

Although… she knew Bella. Maybe I could weasel information out of her. At the very least, I could find a way to convince myself that it _wasn't_ Bella and thus avoid going crazy.

I didn't know what the fuck to think or do. I just knew I wasn't in any sort of fucking mood for something like this. My life was fucked up enough, thanks.

I woke up the next morning and groaned when I remembered that I didn't have my fucking car. Mom brought that shit up, but I'd brushed it off and ignored her. My father hadn't gotten home until late, so I'd managed to avoid his interrogation. But now I was going to have to fucking walk to school, and I would be late, and fuck I hated this town.

I yanked on the first pair of jeans my hands touched, then a shirt, before pulling a jacket over the top. My hair was hopeless. I remembered to snatch the new lighter up, and figured I could buy a new one at a grocery store or something later. This was wasn't going to last too long.

Mom wasn't downstairs, probably sleeping up in her room or some shit. I grabbed an apple and started out of the house, pulling my jacket tighter around me.

The morning was dead fucking silent, and air cold and moist. Nothing like Arizona. There, it was always noisy and hot and dry, and definitely interesting. Forks was so fucking dull.

I'd been walking maybe five minutes when the car pulled up _right_ the fuck in front of me. If the driver had been any less competent, I'd have probably been clipped.

I glared, and it turned into a deep scowl as Bella got out, stomping over to me, her own glare on her face.

"What are you doing?" she asked in annoyance.

"Walking." I raised a brow at her to accompany my smart-ass comment.

"Why? I told you yesterday I'd pick you up."

I snorted, moving to walk around her. "Yeah, well, I don't want your favors thanks."

She groaned slightly, stomping her foot slightly. I raised a brow at that, and looked at her. She glared.

"Get in the car, Edward."

Smirking, I shoved my hands into my pocket. "Yeah, no thanks."

"Don't make me throw you in."

I looked her over pointedly, unable to keep from appreciating her figure. "Yeah, because you look like you could lift a guy my size that easily."

She snorted and muttered something under her breath that I couldn't make it. That annoyed me.

"Listen, drive your fancy ass car to school and leave me the fuck alone, okay?"

I had gone maybe ten steps when I heard the beep of the car alarm, and then she was right by me, following with her bag slung over a shoulder.

I glared at her irritably. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Walking." She hardly managed to contain her smirk. I grumbled under my breath and she laughed lightly, shaking her head.

"You're the one who insisted, Edward. Apparently, you love walking more than I realized."

"Fine!" I snapped, definitely not liking the idea of walking with her all the way to the school. "We'll fucking drive in your car!"

"Oh, good." She turned around and walked back, unlocking it as we neared. I slammed the passenger door as I settled in, seething. Persistent bitch.

We got to school far more quickly than the speed limit would have allowed, and pulled into a parking spot right next to a bright red BMW. Sitting on the hood was the blond sister, and she hopped down when Bella got out of the car.

She was whispering furiously to her, voice tight and eyes narrowed. Bella rolled her eyes and brushed her off in annoyance.

"It's my life, Rose, get over it."

Blond-Chick huffed and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Your going to end up hurting yourself more."

Bella shrugged, eyes flicking over towards where I stood. "My choice."

Muttering something, Blond-Chick or Rose or whatever the fuck her name was turned and walked swiftly away. Bella stared after her and shook her head a little before turning to smile slightly at me. "I'll see you later."

I walked over to my first class, only to be basically jumped on by the Alice girl.

"Good morning Edward!" she said cheerily. I stared at her warily, slightly disconcerted.

It didn't seem to bother her. "I see Bella managed to convince you to ride with her this morning. I told her you would be resistant, but she was pretty sure of herself. Rose was acting upset, but we all knew she was excited to drive her car here. We usually don't, you know? Cause it's so flashy, and by the end of the day, there's actual drool on it." She made a disgusted face.

"Drool?" I couldn't help but repeat. "That's fucking disgusting."

"I _know!_" Alice agreed, shaking her head in amazement. "I mean, ogle all you want, but please, keep some respectable distance!" She laughed lightly as we walked into the classroom and took our seats, making half the class stare in shock.

"So!" she said cheerily, twisting around to face me. "What did you talk to Bella about yesterday? She wouldn't tell us - actually, she sort of avoided all of us." She frowned slightly at that and shook her head. "Carlisle did say you hurt your hand - how is it by the way?"

I glanced down, having not really thought about it. "Fine."

Her hands reached out and before I could protest, grabbed mine and looked at it. "Wow, you really did punch a wall." She sounded incredibly amused by this.

I yanked my hand away. "I was frustrated," I defended.

She nodded understandingly. "Yes, Bella brings out frustration in all of us sometimes. It's a fine line to walk - getting her to pay you some real attention when you're saying something she doesn't want to hear, without pissing her off."

I stared at her in complete disbelief. "What?"

She glanced up and grinned. "Nothing. I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough."

I glared. "And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Shrugging, she answered, "Exactly what I said."

I groaned. Alice laughed.

"Edward, chill. Just be sure to bring whatever it is up randomly, and eventually, she'll start paying attention."

I grumbled under my breath. "Why would she listen to a crazy-ass like me?"

Alice tsked. "I told you yesterday - you're not crazy. Is that what she told you?" she added disapprovingly.

"No." I answered. "You never explained that, by the way."

"Hm? Explain what?" Her tone was a practiced confusion, I could tell. I did it all the fucking time.

"How you knew I thought I was going crazy."

"I read it on your face."

I stared at her for a long time, waiting for her to crack, and she just stared back. Finally, I shook my head as the teacher started talking.

"What the fuck ever."

Alice's light laugh reached my ears. "Just remember it, Edward. No matter what happens over the next few months, you aren't crazy."

Sure, and grass was actually fucking purple.

_**snorts**_** He's such a charmer, right?**

**Well, that's all for this chapter, I hoped it wasn't too terrible. **

**Oh, and I submitted an entry for the "For the Love of Jasper" one-shot contest, called I Always Knew. I like it, I think it's kinda sweet, so please go read it! Unless you don't want to, in which you can just come talk to me about how annoying Assward is. **

**Or you can share secrets for overcoming Writer's Block. And please - don't suggest Bob the Builder to tear down the stupid wall. He's no help. I already tried. ;)  
**


	8. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the advice - it took me a while to find the right type of music for this chapter, but find it I did. **

**The formatting is a little different. Assward makes TWO appearances-**

**Assward: What?! Why! Why do you keep torturing me!**

**Shut it. Anyhow, he shows up at the beginning and end, and Bella's in the middle-**

**Assward: _eyes suspiciously_ Why? What are you going to do to me?**

**NOTHING, NOTHING. Let me talk now.**

**Assward: _snorts, grumbles, and storms away_**

**Like I was saying, slightly different than usual, but some important steps forward. And just wait for the next chapter.... _grins_**

**Enjoy!  
**

EPOV

It was over a month later, and I still hated this drizzly town. I'd managed to shove my thoughts of babysitter-Bella to the back of my mind, but it still hit me often. Like how Bella's tone would firm whenever she saw me smoking. Or how she'd laugh and her eyes crinkled. Little things, mainly, but fuck, it made it near impossible to convince myself they weren't one and the same.

The weekend was a three-day one, thankfully, with Monday off next week. On top of that, it was my parents' anniversary, and my dad was insisting on taking Mom away for a weekend or some shit like that. He got the neighbors to keep an eye on me, but what they couldn't see, they couldn't watch and report.

I slammed my locker shut to see Jessica leaning against her locker next to mine. Was she still dating Newton or had she dumped his ass?

Fuck, did I even really care?

I smirked down at the short girl, and her grin widened. "Hey Edward," she purred, stepping closer. I raised a brow at her.

"Jess."

"What are you doing this weekend?"

I shrugged, looking her up and down suggestively. She got the hint because she took another step closer and trailed her fingers up my chest.

"There's a party. In Seattle. My cousin's place. Lots of alcohol, lots of… privacy."  
I grinned. "Well, what time would you like me to pick you up, babe?"

She leaned up on her tip toes, still too short to reach my ear, and whispered huskily, "How about seven? Gives us time to get there and time to let the party get under way."

Jessica gave me the directions to her house, and I turned to walk to my car, only to nearly crash into that damn little Alice.

She was giving me a distasteful look, then leaned to peer around me at Jessica before glaring back up at me.

"Seriously, Edward? _Jessica?_ Have you no respect?" Before I could even open my mouth, she held up her hand and shook her head. "Wait - don't answer that. I should have the answer after watching Lauren eye-fuck your boxers in the locker room the other day."

I swore, slamming a fist into the locker. "The bitch still has them? Fuck!"

Alice smirked, annoying little fucker. "Yes, and she says you let her keep them. A memento."

I made a disgusted face that made Alice laugh. I swear that girl enjoyed laughing at me more than I loved ditching class.

Then she shook her head, that disgruntled expression returning. "But seriously? Now Jessica? And what about when she gets sick from trying to impress you by drinking a truckload of alcohol and passes out? What then?"

I rolled my eyes as we entered the parking lot and noted from the corner of my eyes that the blond she was with was staring over with obvious disapproval. My lips quirked.

"Don't think your boyfriend fancies you talking with me much, Alice," I announced, jerking my head towards him.

She peered around the front of me. "Jasper?" She shrugged. "Eh, he'll get over it."

I raised a brow at her and she grinned. But before she said anything, Bella was there, giving her an annoyed eye roll. "Alice, it's time to _go_. Carlisle's waiting at home, and Esme is threatening to leave you behind."

Muttering something and rolling her eyes, but grinning the whole time, Alice waved at me as she followed Bella back. "See you Monday Edward! And be sure to take your cell phone with you tonight! Just in case you end up needing a ride!"

I waved her off, scoffing, and headed to my car, getting in and speeding home. Mom and my dad were already gone, so I dropped my bag in the living room and searched the kitchen for a quick snack. I slouched down onto the couch and flipped through the television, but there was nothing but crap on. I settled on some stupid sitcom. Once it was six thirty I got up and showered, pondering if Jess would be good or not, and if I really did feel like doing her. I mean, she had been with _Newton_.

I pulled up at her house almost a quarter after seven, and she gave me an annoyed look as she got into the car. I ignored her, tapping my fingers impatiently on the wheel as she buckled in.

"You're late," she accused.

I rolled my eyes. "Get over it."

After maybe ten minutes of silence - which I soon realized was blessed - she started jabbering about anything and everything that passed through that small mind of hers. Instead, I let my mind drift as we drove through the dark and wet streets towards Seattle.

When we got there, the party was in full swing, and Jessica pulled me inside so hard that I wondered vaguely if she was trying to dislocate my arm. The booze was easy enough to find, and as I threw one back quickly, Jessica's eyes widened. I smirked. Grabbing another cup, I leaned against the wall, watching her over the rim. Turning red, she looked away and started drinking more deeply from the cup.

I snorted to myself; that little annoying pixie was right - Jess was trying to impress me with her non-existent drinking skills. Then I scowled - hopefully she could hold her fucking drink down.

Turns out the stupid bitch couldn't. She ended up puking in the bathroom and then passing out in an upstairs room. I stormed out of the house and got into my car, slamming the door behind me. I fumbled through my pockets for the keys, cursing nonstop. Where the fuck had I put them?

I finally found them in one of my ass pockets, and I jammed them into the ignition, only to miss. Groaning angrily, cursing even more fluidly, I tried again. And again. On the fourth try, I finally got them in.

"Finally," I muttered, slamming on the gas.

I was halfway through town when my cell rang. I glanced at it where it sat on the passenger seat, the screen flashing brightly at me. I reached over and picked it up, peering at the name on the screen.

"Fuck!" I shouted, dropping it like a hot coal. My fucking father. Cursing as it stopped, then started ringing again, I reached down blindly for it. My fingers fumbled, but never seemed to touch it. Cursing, I looked down, scanning the dark floor.

Finally seeing it as it lit up again, I snatched it up, straightening.

I looked forward, and shouted, slamming on the breaks.

BPOV

I smiled blandly at the second intern to hit on me in the past half hour. Sometimes, it disturbed me because these kids hit on me, and I was old enough to be their much-older sisters. Not quite mother age, yet. Give it five years, though, and I would be.

Esme and Rosalie and Alice all assured me after a while, you'd stop thinking about it. That it would cease to mean anything. I didn't exactly believe them; they all had someone, so why would they care?

Alice came over with Jasper on her arm and saved me from the intern's affections. "Bella, how are you enjoying yourself?"

I raised a slow brow at her. "I'm not."

She grinned, and chuckled, "Yeah, I didn't think you were."

"I _knew_ she wasn't." Jasper teased.

Alice waved him away, grinning over at him, and turned back to me. "Well, where else would you like to be, if not at a party?"

It wasn't a real party, not as I'd consider one. It was a business party for the hospital. Usually, the family ducked out of such events, but we had to make an occasional appearance. This was one of those instances, required because Carlisle had donated some many to a new ward or wing or some department (I hadn't been paying attention) and had to give a be present being such an important and influential member of society and donator.

"I'd rather be at home. Reading. Learning kung fu. _Knitting_."

She laughed, the tinkling sound drawing attention from the people around us, and asked, "Knitting?"

"Anything would be better than this," I griped. Was I being whiny? Yeah, most likely. Did I care? Uh… _no_.

Alice laughed and linked her other arm through mine, gently tugging me along with her and Jasper. "Well, it's going to be time for Carlisle's speech soon. Why don't we go take seats?"

I moved along with her, sighing forlornly. "Fine. I'll sit with you guys. No, no! Don't try to convince me otherwise." I smirked at her. "Someone has to remind you two that these sort of events aren't the place to place footsy."

Jasper shot a stern look at Alice, but his eyes glimmered playfully, revealing to anyone who knew him his lighter side. "Yeah, _Alice_."

Alice gaped at him, then unlinked her arm from mind to smack his chest. "Hey, last time was all-"

She froze, eyes wide, and Jasper instantly twisted, holding her to his chest and pressing his lips to her hair. It was so fast that none of the humans around us noticed. All they saw was a couple embracing.

"Alice?" I whispered worriedly.

She whirled, ripping out of Jasper's grasp, and grabbed my arms painfully tightly. Which, for a vampire, means pretty dang tight.

"Bella, it's Edward!"

I tensed, and felt something stir in me I hadn't felt for a long while. "What's wrong?" I hissed dangerously.

Jasper took a step closer to his Alice, and sent a wave of calm towards me. When that didn't work, he basically slammed a wall of it at me, jolting me from the dark red that had started swirling through my mind. I literally shook myself, taking a deep breath.

"What happened? What did you see?" I asked, much more calmly. At least, compared to my previous emotions.

She shook her head, distressed. "If I'd known, Bella, I would have done something to stop him this afternoon!"

"Known what?" I asked through clenched teeth, trying to hold on to some semblance of humanity.

"He's going to run a red light. A truck-"

She didn't even finish that sentence before I was pushing my way through the people around me to get to the door.

"Bella, wait!" Alice appeared at my side, keeping pace. "It's here, in Seattle. About fifteen blocks away, in less than three minutes. You'll be pushing it to make it in time." She then gave the intersection, and I mentally ran through the streets of the city that I knew. Thank God those two were on it.

I shoved her away, not speaking, and slammed out of the doors. I basically threw myself into Carlisle's Mercedes, then slammed it into gear. She was right, I would be pushing it. But I was a fucking vampire, I should at least be able to do the damn fucking impossible, right?

I raced through intersections, veering around and weaving through the other cars on the road. When I got ahold of that boy, I was going to smack his bottom until it was redder than red and then find some fucking way to ground him for life! He was never going to leave his house again without an escort! He wasn't going to be allowed to drive anywhere, whatsoever! He was-

Alice sent me a text. _One minute._

Growling loudly, I pressed my foot harder to the break, willing the car even faster. I felt the breath freeze in my throat as I saw Edward's car far down the street I was on, and he seemed to be reaching for something.

"You idiot!" I screamed. Like anyone could hear me; it still made me feel better, though. "Pay the fuck attention to the road!"

Then his head ducked down, and I watched in horror as the light turned red. Edward had just ducked down.

I slammed the gas flat, then yanked the steering wheel so that I twisted in the intersection, instead facing the large truck heading our way. The horn blared as he tried to swerve, and then the world spun.

I felt my head clunk against the inside of the car, denting the metal and making me impatiently grit my teeth. It would _not_ be a good idea to lose patience and rip my way out of the car to see if Edward was alright. It _wouldn't_. Really.

Finally, the car stopped moving and I gave myself a slight shake, glass falling from my hair and shoulders. I glanced at it in distaste before carefully unbuckling and glancing at the door. It was dented, twisted, but should still be able to open. And if not… well, what was a _little_ superhuman strength going to hurt?

I got out and the truck driver was there immediately. "Miss are you alright? You were going far too fast, and you ran that red, I tried to stop-"

I held up a hand, smiling dryly at him. "No harm done. See?" I held my arms out and let him look me over critically. "I was in a hurry - my uncle was in a possible accident, you see, and I just wasn't being a smart driver. I'm so sorry."

He nodded. "The police are on their way."

I smiled at him and glanced over towards the direction Edward's car had been.

It was still there, the paint scratched slightly and the car obviously having been skimmed by mine. I winced, but it would have been far, far worse otherwise. I carefully picked my way over to his vehicle, worried because he hadn't gotten out yet.

I walked around to the driver's side, and immediately held my breath as the scent of his blood slammed into me. More than scraped knuckles, hopefully less than anything fatal.

He was sitting there, dazed, holding a hand to his head and muttering lightly and incoherently under his breath.

I opened his door and crouched down slightly so I was more level with him. "Edward?" I asked gently.

He blinked rapidly a few times as he slowly turned his head towards me. A fast, confused frown crossed his features before he glared.

"What are you doing here?"

I grimaced. "Car accident."

He glanced over, his eyes shooting wide as he saw the mangled mess of metal the Mercedes had become. Then he looked back at me, and I was confused by the look in his eyes, a mix of several strong emotions.

"How the fuck are you still breathing?"

I chuckled at that, unable to help myself. I'd basically stopped breathing, except for small intakes of the sweet-scented air.

"Maybe I'm already dead and you're talking to a ghost," I teased.

He stared at me and the look on his face made my grin drop.

"That's not funny," he said.

I nodded. "You're right," I said quietly, "it's not." I took another small breath. "Where are you hurt."

He grimaced, unbuckling. I rose, stepping to the side, as he stepped out, putting out a hand to steady himself against the car. I frowned as I realized he was definitely drunk, though a part of me simply felt pained resignation.

"Just a head wound. Bleed a lot."

I nodded but didn't say anything, just leaned against his car and slid to the pavement. He was safe. He'd be fine, stitches at most.

Unless he got a concussion. Oh, god. What if I'd given him a concussion and he'd go to sleep and never wake up?

I smacked myself mentally. I was being ridiculous, like a silly human. I was smarter than that. The doctors would check for such injuries, he'd be fine. Truth was, though, that I didn't trust other doctors. Not even slightly. I trusted Carlisle with Edward's health, not some sleep-deprived, caffeine addicted newbie out of medical school.

Sighing, I reached into the inside of the front of my dress. Yeah, it might be an awkward place to keep a cell phone, but it kept it from being too mangled and was the only place to put it while wearing a dress.

Edward snorted.

Shooting him a glare, I dialed Alice, knowing she'd answer me. I couldn't see the numbers on the screen, it was broken in that fashion, but it still worked, which is what mattered.

"Bella," she breathed in relief. "Everyone's already leaving, Carlisle's going to head to the hospital they'll be taking you all to, he'll pull some strings."

"Thanks," I sighed heavily. "I'll see all of you soon then."

I hung up, then glared at Edward.

"How stupid are you?" I growled lowly.

His gaze snapped onto mine in shock and defiance. "Hey, I wasn't the one to crash into a truck!"

I gave him a depreciating glare. "I'm not the one whose drunk enough to run a red light."

He stared at me, then his eyes narrowed. "And how can you know any of that?"

"I smell it on you," I answered readily. Best lies were partly true and without hesitation.

He just stared at me for a long time, then shook his head slightly before resting it back on his car, elbows resting on his knees and hands falling between them. I bit my lip, seeing some of the laceration on his forehead, but it was mostly hidden by his hair. Unable to help myself, I raised my hand and gently brushed the strands aside.

His eyes snapped open as I bit my lip at the sight of the wound. "Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry," I breathed, also unable to speak the apology. He wouldn't realize that it wasn't just for his injury, though. It was for everything, for the past thirteen years.

That was when the police and ambulance pulled up. I braced myself for fighting with the paramedics about checking me out - they'd be flabbergasted if they realized I didn't have a pulse and was still sauntering around.

It took a little doing, but I managed to convince them Edward was a higher concern and have them leave me be. Then I had to give my report to the police - I gave them the same story as I gave the truck driver because I wasn't an idiot to have multiple stories flying around out there.

We all were taken to the hospital, where Carlisle - thank god - managed to convince them to let him look at both me and Edward. Of course he didn't even glance at me and just went straight to Edward.

"We meet again, Edward," Carlisle murmured, more focused on the head injury.

Edward looked from Carlisle to me and back. "Your daughter was in the worse of the wreck. Don't you want to check her out first?"

"Bella is fine." He smiled at Edward. "It's you I'm more worried about. How much alcohol did you consume, Edward?"

When Edward just glared, tight lipped, Carlisle sighed.

"I need to know, medically, before I prescribe medicines and so forth."

Reluctantly, Edward admitted he wasn't sure - a lot. I growled softly to myself and Carlisle shot me a warning look. "Bella, Esme is very worried, why don't you go and assure her you're fine."

I glared at him angrily, not liking being kicked out of the room, but there was no arguing with him, I could see it in his eyes. Furiously, I spun around and slammed my way out of the room.

EPOV

After the door closed loudly behind Bella, Dr. Cullen shook his head, muttering under his breath. I eyed him.

"She shouldn't be fine. That car was totaled."

He glanced up at me in slight surprise, I suppose thinking I had nothing to fucking say. After a moment, he nodded. "I was told the details - she's very lucky."

"Yet you won't even check her over," I said suspiciously. "Why is that? As her father, one would think you'd be showing more concern."

A slight smile pulled up Dr. Cullen's lips. "Yes, one would think."

"So why haven't you?" I snapped in annoyance.

Chuckling, Dr. Cullen stepped over to the cabinets and shit and stared grabbing things. "Because if Bella says she's fine, she's fine. I trust her."

I narrowed my eyes and searched his face as he walked back over. There had been more in that last statement than this conversation, but I couldn't decide how so.

"So, Dr. Cullen, when are my parents going to be informed?" I couldn't stop the grimace of distaste the thought brought me.

He glanced at me quickly before returning to prepping his work. "Carlisle, Edward. I prefer if you call me Carlisle."

"Fine, Carlisle then," I grumbled in annoyance.

He chuckled. "If you'd rather your parents not be informed, perhaps I can pull some strings. You are almost legally an adult, which should make it easier to do some convincing. I do warn you, though - I don't have as much influence here as in Forks."

I eyed him suspiciously. "And why would you do that?"

Carlisle shrugged. "Many reasons, none of which you particularly need to know. What if I tell you I don't want to have to deal with the pain of them possibly suing Bella for causing the accident?" he added in amusement.

I snorted. "Why the fuck she was that stupid is beyond me," I muttered.

Carlisle made a noncommittal noise, then warned me he was going to start stitching up the fucking gap in my head.

I was quiet for a while, then decided I never fucking censored what I said so why start now? "Why does she call you Carlisle if you're her dad? Or is she just weird like that?"

Carlisle raised an amused brow, though his gaze never moved from his work. "Why don't you ask Bella that?"

I snorted, resisting the urge to jerk my head slightly with the movement. "Because she never answers my fuckin questions, and she probably thinks I'm insane enough already."

"Why would she think that?"

I swallowed, not liking the topic change. "Cause I am. So. Why does she?"

Carlisle chuckled. "Because I am not her real father, and it makes her more comfortable. I saved Bella, I suppose one could say. She was stuck in a bad situation, and I got her out and adopted her into the family. Any more information than that, and you'll have to pester her, Edward."

He stepped away and then returned with a bandage. "Bella closes herself off," he mused, and at first I thought that shit was fucking random but then he continued. "I can understand why you might find her frustrating while asking her anything personal. She's locked herself up tight for many years." He frowned lightly. "Esme - my wife - and I worry about her. Sometimes, I wonder if she even realizes how tightly she's hidden herself, how much she's blocked herself out from living…."

He seemed to become more aware and smiled gently at me. "She's a good girl. Give her time, Edward."

I frowned. "What the fuck does that mean?" What was it with this family and fucking cryptic statements?

"It means that even when it seems you aren't making progress with her, you are. Give her a while to realize her current path isn't the most effective. Bella's smart, she'll pick up on it soon enough."

I stared at him, not quite trusting him. Something about him was off, just like it was with Alice. Something I couldn't put my finger one. "And what is her current path leading her towards?"

"Ask her."

I snorted, getting down from the table. "Yeah, because that'll fucking work."

He laughed, holding open the door for me. I walked out into the hallway and into the waiting room only to be tackled by Alice.

"Edward, you dumbass -"

"Language," scolded a woman with the kindest face I'd ever seen, looking like she belonged in a fucking Disney movie or some shit like that.

"I told you that party was bad news! I'll admit, I didn't realize it was this bad, but-"

"Alice," her blond boyfriend said, coming over and wrapping his arms around her. "Calm down. He has no idea what you're talking about."

I glanced around for Bella, and noticed her standing with the big guy and Ice Queen, Rose. The two girls looked to be arguing, while Big Guy was just keeping an eye on them. His gaze seemed to be focused on me, however, speculative and calculating. I glared, daring him to say something. After a moment, he grinned, and said something softly to the girls. Blond looked at him in frustrated anger, while Bella seemed annoyed.

"So," he said loudly, stepping around the girls. "You must be the infamous Edward. I gotta say, you're nothing like these crazy chicks have made you sound like. Something between a tortured soul, confused, insane, and bad news." He laughed.

I had no clue what to make of the man.

He clapped a hand on my back and I stumbled forward.

"Emmett," Bella tsked in admonishment.

He grinned at her. "I didn't break him, chill."

She glared, but he just grinned and looked at me with a raised brow. "So, how was the accident? Did Bella really trash the Mercedes as bad as everyone is saying?"

"Emmett," the Disney woman sighed, looking amused. "Why don't you and Rose, Alice, and Jasper head home. Carlisle and I will be right behind you."

He sighed heavily. "You guys take away all my fun, you know that?" he pouted teasingly, before slinging his arm over Rose the Ice Queen and walking out. Alice waved to me as she left, and I nodded in acknowledgment.

Carlisle was hanging up a cell phone and glanced over at Bella, where she leaned against a wall, staring at her feet.

"Bella. I just called for a rental car for you for the next few days." When she nodded, he added, "Why don't you take Edward home? By the time the car gets here, I should have some pain meds for him for if he needs them."

I decided not to mention I probably had some shit that would work for that at home, under the floorboard in my closet. That was information you generally didn't share with most people, especially if they were doctors.

After a long moment of staring at Carlisle, Bella nodded mutely. Carlisle moved off, and then Disney woman - I assumed she was his wife, Esme - stepped over. I was taken aback as she hugged me tightly.

"I'm so glad you're alright Edward."

"Uh… thanks," I muttered, for some reason feeling completely out of my element. How did I respond, react? It was obvious she meant what she said, but the woman didn't even fucking know me.

She smiled as she pulled away and gently patted my cheek. "You need anything, you let us know."

I silently nodded and she stepped away. Bella walked out of the room without a word and without waiting for me, and I followed behind her, feeling the effects of the alcohol still. It caused me to stumble slightly on the stairs, but she was there, practically out of no where, holding my elbow gently in her chilly grip, balancing me.

"Careful," she muttered.

"Whatever," I muttered back.

We waited outside in the cold, moist air that dominated most of Washington. The cold didn't seem to bother her, despite the fact that the dress she was wearing left a lot of skin bared. It was creamy and pearly white and beautiful. I found my eyes unable to stop drinking it in.

My eyes seemed to take control of themselves, ignoring the stop signals I was sending to my brain. They followed the gentle curve of her shoulders and neck to the elegant bun her hair was falling out of, glimmering brown with these tantalizing tints of red. I felt the most absurd urge to run that hair through my fingers, testing it's silkiness. My eyes traced the features of her face, the soft curl of her dark eyelashes, the bright golden tones to her eyes. The slope of her nose, the fullness of her dark pink lips. The arc of her cheek bone, elegant and soft.

She glanced over, and a small frown puckered her brow. Fuck, she looked so much like Bella. My chest ached with that long familiar pain.

"Edward?" she asked quietly, almost sweetly except for the concern.

I shook my head, staring off in front of me sightlessly. She wasn't Bella. It was fucking impossible.

Except… Alice had been right about Jessica tonight, so who was to say she wasn't right about me not being insane?

Fuck, that sounded insane. What, was I going to say the girl could predict things before they happened now? Yeah, good way to convince people you don't need to be locked up with a straightjacket, Masen.

But… fuck, I didn't believe in coincidences. Especially not when there were so many in the same place, for the same fucking thing. The chances of all of it just being a big damn coincidence…? Not that high.

Of course, the alternative had even less of a chance of being true. Fuck. Fuck me.

Two cars pulled up and a man exited the one nearest us, moving off to talk to Bella. As I watched her talk with him and thank him, I couldn't help but turn to that thought that refused to stop plaguing me since it occurred to me.

What if… just what if I wasn't insane?

**Assward:**** Dammit, am I insane or not IG?!**

**I don't know, are you or aren't you?**

**Assward: You're no help at all! Fuck, why did I end up with you as my writer?**

**_shrugs_ I don't know, but don't act like this is easy for me. I get to listen to you whine and be a general ass in my head day in and day out. And then I get to argue with you while writing. You are the toughest character to get along with, you know that? Well... besides maybe James from Ignorance. He always made my head hurt....**

**Assward: Good. **

**Oh, be quiet. Review please!!! Loves you all!  
**


	9. Chapter 8

**I am so sorry to anyone who tried to read this before and it was a repeat of the previous chapter. I lost it entirely. So you can thank susanpr for saving all of us by having this chapter saved and we all owe her big time! Mainly me, though.**

**Enjoy, if you haven't read it yet! ;)  
**

BPOV

It started raining as we drove back to Forks; the road was deserted, a stretch of black broken only by the yellow glow of the car's headlights just before us. The only sounds were of the raindrops pattering on the roof, a quiet murmuring melody, and the wipers steady pumping back and forth. Edward's quiet breathing, the faint sound of the beating of his heart. A small quiet symphony played around me, soothing my frazzled nerves from earlier in the evening. Quieting the red mist in my mind, clearing it away as easily as the sun did a normal mist.

"Are your parents home?" I asked, because if they were, it would be hard to explain everything.

"No."

I glanced momentarily over at him, taking in his black glare out the window and his tense posture.

"When will they be home?"

His head snapped to me. "I don't fucking know, nor do I care!"

I raised a brow. "Okay. I was just asking."

He groaned slightly and rubbed his hand over his face. "Listen, they don't need to hear about it. Not that they'd give a fuck," he added in a low mutter I wasn't supposed to hear.

My heart ached where it rested, silent, in my chest. But being silent didn't mean it couldn't feel the pain that coursed to me. I couldn't take the silence any longer because it just amplified all the pain from us both. I didn't have Jasper's gift of knowing another's emotions, but sometimes, those emotions were strong enough that anyone could feel them.

I reached over and turned on the radio, scanning through channels until I got to one that played a song I thought wouldn't offend Edward's tastes (not that I knew them) or my own.

Edward shifted slightly, murmuring under his breath along with the lyrics. My fingers tapped along the steering wheel along with the song. Edward's voice was soft, so sweet to listen to. It blended in perfectly with not only the music from the stereo, but with the natural music around us. For those short few minutes, nothing about the situation he was in, I was in, we were both in, seemed to matter.

The song ended, and my cell rang again. I sighed, picking it up and wishing I could at least know who was calling me.

"Hello?"

"Bella, he's gonna puke in about two minutes," Alice snickered. "Be sure to pull over."

I frowned. "Why? He seems fine."

Alice snickered again. "He's took those pain meds Carlisle gave him when you weren't looking."

I groaned in frustration, making her laugh, and I hung up on her. Then I turned to glare at Edward. "Did you take those pain meds?"

A fast flash of shock crossed his features before he scowled. "What do you care?"  
I glared. "Because they're going to make you sick, imbecile! You don't take those when you have as much alcohol in your system as you do!"

He grunted and twisted to stare out the window. But I'd learned fast not to bet against Alice, and sure enough, I yanked the car to the side of the road and Edward lurched out. I winced as I heard him heaving up the contents of his stomach, but stayed in the car. He wouldn't appreciate me getting out to help or anything.

He got in, the lingering scent following him. I couldn't help but wrinkle my nose and freeze all breath in my lungs. He glared as he slammed the door and rolled door his window; I did the same to mine and the back ones, so the wet, cold air rushed past us and help keep the smell down.

We were almost to Forks when I glanced over at him again. He was leaning back against his seat, sullenly keeping his arms crossed over his chest. His hair was in disarray, his jacket who knew where. The black t-shirt stretched over him, reminding me once again that he was no longer that adorable little boy I'd known. I wasn't even sure that little boy existed anymore, anywhere. He'd been killed as surely as I had.

I was making myself breathe in small amounts of the air from the window because I wasn't going to chance him noticing I wasn't breathing. I hated the stench of alcohol and puke, though. Especially the alcohol, and especially from him. He could do better. I knew he could do better. And he knew it too.

He just didn't care.

He was watching me through heavy lidded eyes, that damn dark expressionless look on his face again. Analyzing. Surveying. Brooding.

"I swear, you look just like this girl I knew."

My eyes flicked over to him, taking in his serious, dark expression. I wished he'd drop it already.

I shrugged. "People look alike all the time. Besides - I'm not her, obviously. I'm only seventeen."

He stared, as if by doing so long enough he'd be able to pick the truth up out of me. He couldn't and wouldn't, though, so I just calmly drove to Forks.

"You act like her, too."

My fingers briefly tightened over the steering wheel. "Edward-"

"If I didn't know for a fact she died, I'd say you were her. I'd swear you were."

There was something in his tone that caught my attention, something hidden and lurking under the surface. Something that felt familiar. Pain.  
I looked over at him, meeting his gaze. "I'm sorry, Edward."

He glared. "I don't need your fucking pity."

"I'm not-"

"Just... don't."

I sighed, shaking my head, but didn't say anything. What could I say, anyway? I couldn't very well tell him he was right. That would have serious repercussions, and there was no guarantee that he would take it well. Likely, he would think I was messing with him and react in a violent anger. Not hurting me of course, because even angry Edward wasn't able to hurt other people, but he would definitely be destructive to himself.

I pulled up in front of his house and turned off the car. Edward opened the door and slammed it shut behind himself. I hesitated one moment, but I didn't want to leave him just yet. I had to at least make sure he was okay, right? Make sure he got inside and to bed just fine? Yes, that sounded right. So I quickly opened my own door and dashed up after him. He glanced back at me with a raised brow as I stepped up behind him on the steps, then shook his head, grumbling nonsense under his breath.

His house was dark, and a cold draft rushed out to meet us as he opened the door. I stepped in after him, closing the door softly while Edward stomped down the hall. I followed after him silently.

I inhaled a sharp breath, freezing in the doorway of what was obviously the kitchen. Edward had stripped off his shirt and was tossing it into what I assumed was a laundry room. Little boy, he is not, I thought as he walked back across the room to the sink. My eyes were glued to the muscles of his back as he reached up and retrieved a glass from the cupboard. Through the dark of the house, I could pick out what his shirts had hidden from me before.

He had tattoos along his back and down his left side. Beautiful, dark tattoos. Stretching across and down his back were wings, but they weren't like the kind that made one think of angels. They made me think of dark and dead and dangerous demons. The tattoo showed them breaking from the skin at his shoulder bones, barbed wire wrapping around the bone and claw at the top of the wings. Dark, ragged, limp feathers of a pale gray hung down in disorder. Between the sprouting of the two wings, between his shoulders, was a word darker on top, lighter on bottom. Pain. I twisted my head slightly, realizing it read upside down as well.

With his glass full of water from the tap, he turned around, leaning back against the counter as he drank deeply. There were three Chinese characters stretching down his left side, but I didn't know what they meant. Probably something as depressing as his back. Then there was the last tattoo, not as dark as the others, though I still couldn't tell what it said. It was another character, over his heart, surrounded by a sun-shape, though there was no color to it, so it might have been something else.

My eyes moved up to his stretched neck, and I became captivated - momentarily - by the movements in it; his muscles working as he swallowed the last of the water, his pulse pumping his life through his body.

He put the glass down behind him and stared at me with hooded green eyes. "See something you like?" The words were scathing, defensive. I blinked, wondering how he expected me to react. The thought of his parents' disapproval of the tattoos whispered through my mind.

Instead of answering his question (I didn't want to consider my own answer or think of the implications of that) I made a different comment. "You have a tattoo." Obviously, and obviously he knew I'd been looking at them.

For a long moment, he just stared, brooding, expressionless; slowly, he nodded.

"Why?"

"Why not?" he smirked darkly.

I huffed lightly in annoyance. "I hate when you avoid answering me," I muttered, low enough that he couldn't hear me, but apparently he could read it in my face.

He chuckled darkly. "Don't like avoidance, do you?"

I knew what he meant by that comment. He was mocking my own avoidance of his occasional comments on my similarities to his babysitter. But it also made me think of the avoidance I practiced towards the fact that he wasn't that little boy anymore, and the emotions swirling through me about him. Protective, as always. But... pain, for his own pain and suffering. Pain when he flirted and made out with and screwed those other girls. I'd stolen his boxers from Lauren's locker the other day, and thrown them away angrily. Alice had laughed at me, for hours.

She could be such a brat.

Again, I avoided his remark and changed the subject. "Are you sure you'll be fine here for the night?"

He gave me a contempt-filled look that spoke exactly what he thought of that question, and how insulting he took it. "Perfectly fine. I've been home alone before and lived."

I winced, but turned quickly. "Okay. If you need anything, just... never mind. Sorry for bothering you. And the accident. And...." I sighed. "I'll go. Sorry."

His hand burned as it closed around my wrist. His eyes edged away from mine as I turned to face him again, and they seemed to fix on a point at the foot of the stairs. "Listen... I'm sorry. I keep bothering you. About the whole dead babysitter thing," he added, letting go of my wrist and running that hand through his hair. His other was already fiddling with a lighter in agitation. "I'm sure that shit is annoying as fuck, yet you never bitch about it. So I'll shut the fuck up about it. Promise."

My mouth opened and closed several times. Alice wanted me to tell him. Emmett, Esme, Carlisle... Em didn't care, and my "parents" trusted me, whatever my decision. Rosalie and Jasper were against it, though for differing reasons. Rose thought it would just bring both of us more pain in the long run, while Jasper was worried about the repercussions telling him would bring upon all of us.

I took a deep breath. "Edward...."

He moved his eyes to mine - dark and green and as always beautiful, captivating - and then it seemed like time jumped forward because his lips were on mine.

The first thing that reached me past the shock was the blistering heat of his lips. Then he shifted just minimally, and I couldn't stop the soft sigh at how soft his lips were. He pressed more firmly to my mouth as he took another step closer, an arm sliding around my waist, and I automatically responded. It had been so long since someone had kissed me. This felt so nice, he kissed so well. It felt so... perfect. So... natural.

"Bella," he murmured against my lips as he briefly broke away to breathe.

I froze, realizing just who it was I was kissing. Edward kissed me for a few moments before pulling away.

"Bella?"

For a moment - just a quick moment - he sounded like that vulnerable little boy who found himself afraid before I closed the closet door on him. Pain sliced through me, but it was enough to clear away the dizzying effects of kissing him.

I turned and rushed as quickly as I could from the house, practically leaping into the car and ripping down the street, my mind whirling erratically. Oh, god, oh, god. I just kissed Edward. The little boy I used to babysit.

But he wasn't a little boy anymore. He wasn't quite a man, either, but he had grown up, seen things no kid his age should have to see. Done things that had changed him, hardened him. I couldn't keep thinking of him like that toddler, even though it was hard not too.

Of course, he definitely didn't look like that little boy anymore. Definitely didn't kiss like a little boy, either.

Frustration and rage at myself and the whole confusing situation bubbled up inside of me, sparking that red mist to life. I fought against it, but I was too worked up. Too far gone to stop myself, not that I'd ever really learned how. I hardly ever got emotional enough to become this way.

I sped up so that way, when I finally lost all threads of control, I wouldn't be around anyone. I'd be alone.

EPOV

Before, I'd been glad it was a three-day weekend. As I woke up Saturday afternoon, I found I wasn't. I kicked off the blankets on my bed and stomped into the bathroom, turning the water on freezing cold to wake myself up and wash away the remains of the hangover.

I refused to let my mind linger on what had happened last night. I wasn't fucking used to being rejected.

When I was dressed again, I grabbed my pack of cigs and tromped downstairs, bringing one to my mouth and trying to remember where the fuck I'd left my lighter.

I froze, completely fucking stunned at what was waiting for me there.

Alice was sitting on a stool in the kitchen, her eyes tight in worry, and her boyfriend was leaning against the farthest wall, expression veiled. Next to him stood the huge brother, Emmett or whatever, and pacing the length of my kitchen was Rose.

"What the fuck are you all doing in my kitchen?" I snapped. A better question probably would have been how they got there, but I figured there were plenty of ways to break into a house, I just hadn't expected these fancy types to know them.

Alice jumped up, handing me my lighter. "We were hoping you could help us out."

I raised a brow as I lit up, inhaling deeply. As I exhaled, I asked, "Oh? With what?"

"Bella," she said grimly.

Slowly, I lowered my cig and stared at her suspiciously. "What about her?"

Rose stomped over, eyes black and angry. Literally black. "She was with you last. We can't find her."

"How the hell am I supposed to know where she went?" I snapped defensively. What made them think I would know?

Emmett spoke up from across the room, eyes also worried. "We're not saying you do, we're just hoping you can give us some idea where she might have went. What might have happened to make her cut herself off."

"Fuck if I know," I grumbled, but I couldn't help it. I thought of what had happened. Had that made her run off? I shifted, and brought my cigarette up for a deep inhale. But why would it? She had seemed to like the kiss well enough for the most part, until the end.

Alice's boyfriend, Jasper if I remembered correctly, shrugged off of the wall and stepped forward, eyes cautious. "Bella's been going through a lot lately. Maybe she seemed strange to you last night. We know you watch her. That you care at least a little for her. Bella going missing, not telling anyone where she is? It's never... good."

I narrowed my eyes at that. "You make it sound like it's happened before."

He nodded. "Once, a long time ago. Back when we first met her. Took us two days to find her, and when we did, it took a long time to get her back to a good place."

I stared at him, wondering what the fuck was going on here. These people were as odd as Alice and Carlisle, all of them. Their comments were strange, fucking off the wall sometimes, and damnably downright cryptic. They avoided everyone, and now they were in my kitchen interrogating me about Bella's locations.

"Listen, I don't know fucking anything about her. She ran out of here the other night. Didn't say a word on her way out to me." That last comment might have been a little more bitter than I liked anyone hearing.

Alice grabbed one of my hands desperately. "Please, Edward. Please. I don't like not knowing where she is. Please!" The last one was literally begging, and I shifted uncomfortably, then stabbed the half-smoked cig out on the wall.

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. "Listen, she just seemed... upset the other night. She kept fucking apologizing for a bunch of shit, then got... worked up. She stormed out. I can't give you more than that, but I'll fucking help look for her."

"No."

I glared over at Rose's immediate denial.

"Why-"

"Stay here. We'll let you know if we find her." This one from Jasper.

My rage boiled up. They were treating me like a fucking toddler. "I can-"

Emmett clapped my back again. "Trust us, you can't. You'll just be a liability."

They all filed out, Alice last of all. Smiling sadly, she squeezed my hand lightly. "Just don't worry about it Edward. We'll find her, eventually. And we'll keep you posted, okay? Try to find something fun to do to keep your mind off of it."

I had no clue how the fuck they planned on me keeping occupied now that they'd told me Bella was missing. What if it was fucking my fault? My gut churned sickeningly. Fuck, I'd already killed one Bella, what if this one died next? It would be my fault again, more proof that I was evil, dangerous, a fucking curse on humanity.

I had no clue how to get the fuck out of here, but I needed to. There were no cabs in Forks - why would they need any? So I swallowed my pride and called one of those dickheads from school, Tyler. At least he was somewhat bearable.

When he pulled up outside and I slammed the door to his van (yes, a fucking van), he raised a brow. "Where do you need to go?"

"Somewhere I can do something fucking stupid and dangerous and not get chewed out for it," I grumbled, because that was where I needed to go. Unfortunately, no place like that existed.

He nodded, pulling out onto the street. "I think I know the place."

He drove me for about twenty fucking minutes onto some damn Native American reservation I'd had no clue was here. He stopped next to a cliff, and turned off the vehicle, so I followed him out. The wind was sharp up here, biting cold, and I tugged my jacket tighter around me, stopping next to him near the edge.

"The Natives, they sometimes go cliff diving here. I heard from some people I know that it's the most dangerous fucking thrill there is, and completely acceptable entertainment. No one will fuck with you over doing it."

I glanced down at the water below, dark and obviously fucking freezing. Then I eyed him. "You first."

Tyler laughed. "Nah, I'm afraid of heights. You want a buddy, go find one of the people that live here and do it often."

I snorted, grumbling under my breath. "Yeah, I ain't stupid, thanks. Just... fuck, take me back home or some shit, I guess."

Tyler stared at me for a moment, then shrugged and headed back to his car. I glanced down at the water, and turned back for the car, only to freeze, staring deep into the woods. I could have fucking sworn I'd seen a familiar red dress in there. Pale skin. Shiny hair.

"Where the fuck are you going, Edward?"

I glanced over my shoulder at Tyler, not having realized I had wandered towards the woods. I opened my mouth to respond, when a long, chilling howl went up. Tyler looked spooked as well, looking into the woods before back at me.

"Come on, man. Let's get goin'."

Slowly, I shook my head, turning back for the woods. "I'll see you later." If I had seen what I thought I'd seen in there....

I listened as Tyler swore then drove away. It had only been brief, I could have very well imagined it, but I couldn't risk it. That had sounded like a violent wolf out there, a hungry wolf, and if she was out there....

I traipsed through the woods, keeping my eyes open for Bella, while listening and looking for any hungry wolves. It made me edgy, and I wished for a cig, but I had left them at home. Idiotic of me. I'd been walking, searching, for maybe twenty minutes, when I heard that howl again, then another, then far off snarling that sent chills racing through my entire body.

Danger. Everything in me recognized it, screamed warnings to me.

"Bella," I called out, wishing she'd just fucking pop up out of no where. I was growing less and less certain I'd seen her.

A loud sound of boulders smashing reached my ears, and I fucking jumped. What a wuss I was.

Furious howling, howling that I'd almost say sounded like they'd been robbed of something. Lost a meal, maybe?

Rustling leaves somewhere to my right caused me to freeze, staring intently around me. From the foliage appeared a tall, dark skinned boy wearing nothing but shorts. He was a good couple inches taller than I was, and he was glaring, arms crossed over his chest. He obviously was focusing on being intimidating, but I'd met guys like him before, ones that had the skill to back up the silent threat. I also knew exactly how to deal with them. And cowardly shying away wasn't it.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice having an odd sound to it, I guess what most people called husky. It made me think of long-term smokers.

"Fuck if I know," I snorted, walking over to him. "I'm on a pleasurable stroll," I added in a sarcastic sneer.

He looked me over. "I don't recognize you."

"Well, yeah," I scoffed. "I just moved to Forks a couple months ago."

He nodded once, like that made sense, which it very well might for all I knew. "What are you doing here?" he repeated.

I shrugged. "Got lost."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's not safe to be wandering around here now."

"Yeah, I heard the howling."

He stared at me, hard. "The wolves aren't the worst you need to worry about." The foreboding in his voice sent more chills through me. He sighed again, and turned. "Come on, I'll show you out of here. Where's your car?"

I shrugged. "Seattle, in some repair shop, I think."

He paused, glancing back at me with a raised brow. I grinned. "My friend ditched me."

He nodded and started walking again, his long strides making it difficult to keep up, not that I'd tell him that. We finally stepped out of the woods, in front of a broken down looking house with an old car out front. The guy walked over to it and I followed, because I had no fucking choice, unless I wanted to walk all the way back to my house, which I didn't. I could call someone, but the only people I'd call happened to be looking for Bella, and no way in hell was I going to keep them from that.

He scrunched his nose as I got in the car with him, shaking his head and grumbling. I stared at him, wondering what his deal was, but kept silent. I just wanted to get out of this place with freaky howling wolves, crashing boulders, and hallucinations.

"Why were you on the rez?" the kid asked suspiciously.

I shrugged, wondering why the fuck he cared. "My friend thought it'd be funny to joke about going cliff diving when I said I wanted to do something stupid."

He nodded, his lips quirking. "It's more fun than you'd think."

I shrugged again, staring out the window. "Yeah, well, I like all my limbs attached, thanks."

He chuckled, then silence fell again. I directed him towards my house once he got into Forks, and thankfully got out once he pulled up. He froze, his nose scrunched again, and I swore the bastard growled. I raised a brow and slammed the door.

"Thanks." I said loudly, turning and hurrying up the walk to my house. Fucking weirdo. Should have known considering he was wandering those woods, shirtless and spouting cryptic shit.

He hadn't left. I rolled my eyes, opening the door and stepping inside. It was dead silent, almost eerily so, but weren't all empty houses? Still, it made me hesitate uneasily.

I ran up the stairs two at a time and opened the door to my room, only to stop short in shock.

Sitting in the middle of my bed, watching me unblinkingly, was Bella. But there was something different about her, something that made me think of an easily startled wild animal. Scare it, and it'd kill you. Slowly, I closed the door behind myself.

"Bella?" I asked quietly. She didn't show any response, her black eyes just staring, a fury swimming just under the surface of them.

I stepped closer, taking deep breaths to keep myself from shaking. I hated admitting it, but she was scaring the shit out of me. The fact that her normally golden eyes were black also made me uneasy, put I pushed the curiosity of it back. She didn't respond in any way to me moving closer, so I did again.

"Where have you been?" I asked, making sure not to sound accusing. I knew more than anyone what accusatory statements did to someone. "Your family's worried."

Suddenly, her head snapped to the window, and she growled. I'm not joking, she fucking growled and it sent shivers coursing through me; not the good kind, the kind that said, Run, fucker, run.

She was at the window before I could process the movement, snarling down into the yard. Quickly, I approached, and she tensed as I neared, the growls softening. Down below the window... was the biggest fucking wolf I had ever seen.

Then she flipped it off, and I couldn't stop the harsh half-laugh of surprise. Benign looking Bella looked utterly deadly and serious as she shot this giant wolf the bird.

I was going to go into fucking hysterics soon, realizing I truly was insane.

Suddenly, the downstairs phone rang, and - sparing a glance for Bella - I ran down to answer it, just in case it was my parents. If I kept not answering, they'd start getting fucking suspicious.

"Hello?" I snapped impatiently.

"Edward!" I frowned as I heard Alice Cullen's voice, wondering how the hell she got this number. "Edward, um, is everything okay?"

I frowned, about to answer yes, when I heard shattering glass upstairs. "Fuck!" I swore lowly, then snapped, "Bella's here, there's some huge animal outside, and she's acting fucking strange, get your ass over here." Then I hung up and catapulted up the stairs.

My room was... trashed, torn to shreds, a disaster zone. How the fuck had all this damage happened?

And where the fuck was Bella?

I stepped back out into the hall and glanced around quickly, then hurried back down the stairs, wondering if she had jumped out the fucking window or something, only to see her sitting in the kitchen, picking a fucking leaf out of her hair. Her black eyes flickered to me, then away.

I cautiously sat down across from her. There was more going on here than I knew, or else I was fucking nuts. For real.

"Bella," I said slowly. She glanced at me, then away. I thought maybe her eyes seemed less black, but couldn't be sure.

"Bella," I repeated, more firmly. Sighing slightly, she looked at me, face expressionless. "What are you doing here? What happened to my room?" I added as an afterthought.

She winced, looking away sheepishly. But she didn't say anything. Sighing, I leaned back and waited for her to say something or Alice to get here. Whichever came first.

About fifteen minutes passed before Bella looked at me again, her eyes a dark gold color. She looked down, playing with her fingers nervously. "Sorry about your room. I'll fix it before your parents get home."

I snorted. "That's a lot of fucking damage, so I doubt you'll be able to do that, but thanks for the offer."

She winced, and I felt a stirring of guilt. Sighing, I leaned forward. "Where have you been, Bella?"

She frowned, shaking her head. "I don't know. Can't remember."

I frowned, wondering what was up with her. I'd almost say drugs, but I didn't think she was the type. Then again, I hadn't taken her for the violent type, either, but my room proved otherwise.

"Why?" I asked.

She sighed, shaking her head. I picked up the faint words, "Don't want to talk about it" amid her soft mumbles.

I shrugged. "Okay."

She glanced up in surprise, then sagged slightly in relief. "Thank you."

"Alice is on her way," I added, which made her groan.

She peeked at me. "Are you sure?" When I nodded, she hung her head. "The others?"

"Don't know," I responded, shrugging. I watched her for a few long moments, before slowly speaking what was going through my fucking head.

"Listen, either you're not exactly human, or I'm insane enough that I am going to personally book myself a room at the loony bin."

Her eyes widened as she looked up at me, and her head shook. "You're not crazy, Edward."

I raised a brow. "So you're not exactly human?"

She folded her arms on the table and dropped her head onto them. I waited for her to speak, because I could tell she would.

"You're not going to believe me," she finally mumbled, lifting her head. "And it's dangerous for you to know. You can't tell anyone. You have to trust me. Can you do that?"

I stared at her for a long moment, gauging her sincerity, her resolve, and the hope I saw just below all of that.

"Yeah. I can."

**_ducks thrown objects_ Yeah, I'm gonna go into hiding until the next chapter is out so you all can't find me. Toodles! _runs_**

**Assward: _laughs and follows_  
**


	10. Chapter 9

**Assward:**** She's still in hiding. She seems to think you'll all be more receptive to me than her as of now. _smirks_ So here's the next fucking chapter, and she forwent doing her damn chores and studying for a fucking Econ test to get this to you quickly. So all you should be fucking grateful, ya hear? If I have to listen to her bitch about you being ungrateful and her failing her damn test....**

**Get on with the fucking chapter already.  
**

EPOV

She bit her lip, eyes distantly staring, and I clenched my fists, telling myself to be fucking patient. A few more minutes passed in quiet, and finally I sighed impatiently, shoving my seat back and rising.

"If you don't want to fucking tell me-"

"Sit down, I'm just trying to decide the best… order of explaining everything."

I grabbed the back of my chair, pulling it up and sitting in it, leaning back and crossing my arms. I Kept my gaze locked on her.

She sighed. "This is… harder, than I expected it to be," she admitted, shifting in hear seat. "Alright. Just… let me talk all the way through before interrupting." I nodded, and she did as well, staring at the table.

"You're right, I'm not human. I'm thirty years old, and I don't look it. Alice is over a century old. Carlisle is older than that.

"Alice can see the future; she saw you running that red light the other night and getting hit by the truck. So I made sure that didn't happen. I'm basically indestructible, I did damage to the _Mercedes_ when my head bounced around on impact. That's why Carlisle didn't need to check me over at the hospital. He knew I was fine."

She took in a deep breath. "I can smell the smoke on you from earlier. And those damn dogs," she growled, fists clenching.

"What fucking dogs?" I asked, raising a disbelieving brow.

She glared impatiently. "It's complicated. Yes, you weren't near any dogs, but then again, you were." She eyed me. "You ran into the Quileutes." When I nodded my agreement, she said, "Some of them are werewolves of a sort. The boy you caught a ride with was, and he was outside your house wanting to tear me to shreds."

Her story was insane, but just the thought of the threat to her made anger simmer under my skin.

She shrugged lightly. "They stink like a dirty, wet dog. They think we smell sickly sweet. They're our enemies, and we their's." Then she met my eyes squarely. "I'm a vampire, Edward."

I snorted and scoffed. "_Really?_ Show me your fucking fangs."

She shook her head slowly. "Not like that. I can go to church, touch crosses and silver and a stake can't even penetrate my skin. I don't burst into flames in the sun. I don't have fangs. Just really sharp teeth," she added, bearing them in a feral grin. I shuddered lightly.

"My family and I made a choice, however," she continued after a moment. "Most of our kind feed from humans and they kill when they feed. If they don't, the venom from our teeth burns through a victim's body and changes them into one of us. But we chose not to kill people. We feed from the wildlife around here." Her lips quirked. "Em loves grizzlies, for instance. It is what makes our eyes this golden color. Black means hungry. Red means they feed on people," she finished darkly.

"This is fucking insane," I muttered, shoving back my chair and holding my hands up. "Or a fuckin joke. Just get out-"

"You were a little older than four," she said quietly, a note of sadness in her voice. I froze, eyes locking on her. She was staring at the tabletop, completely still. "We had pizza for dinner and watched your new movie. I was reading you Peter Pan."

My heart was pounding in my chest, my mind blank in disbelief. I was having trouble processing what she was saying.

"I had you promise to stay hidden in the closet when I heard the noises downstairs. Then I went to your parents' room to call the police. I was… scared senseless, but when I slipped back into your room to find you gone… that's when I grew truly terrified. When I saw that man hit you…" Her eyes bled to black. "I wanted to bash his brains in, but instead hit his friend, cause he was closer. I thought my heart would stop when he pointed that gun at you." She dropped her eyes, cradling her hear in her hands. "It burned when he shot me, but all I cared about was you living, you being safe. I felt so relieved when you ran out the back door. I hit the man's leg with the frying pan on the floor when he tried to follow. HE shot me again. Twice, I think. Things start getting fuzzy then. He ran off after that, the cops were on their way and you were no where to be seen.

"Carlisle was one of the doctors that worked on me. He knew I wasn't going to make it, so he changed me, stealing me away to his house. Three days of hell followed."

She shook her head. "I… went into a rage when I learned the man, Markus, wasn't going to be killed for all he'd done. I don't remember all that happened, hardly anything except the look on his face when I killed him. Later, when I came back to myself, I learned it was violently." Vicious satisfaction showed in her eyes in a brief flare. "Apparently, I also leveled some nearby forest." Slowly, she lifted her eyes to mine, the pain in them easily visible. "I'm so sorry Edward. If I could somehow fix the past so you didn't suffer, I would. I'm so sorry."

I stared at her. "You're telling me… you're fucking telling me you're _that_ Bella."

She nodded, her eyes worried looking.

"Because you're a vampire."

Again, she nodded, eyes tightening in anxiety.

_"Is this a fucking joke?"_ I hissed angrily.

Despair lit her eyes, and she slumped down in defeat. "I know it's hard to believe, but-"

"I don't know how the fuck you found all that shit out-"

"Please," she said quickly. "I'll prove it. Ask me anything, and I'll answer it. I swear."

I eyed her, thinking back to that night, which was so fucking different from the way I usually shied away from the memories. I stared at her, hard, wanting to believe but at the same time, not.

"There's nothing you can say to prove it. _Because it's fucking impossible._"

Before I registered what was happening, she was in front of me. "I'll prove it," her voice purred silkily. And then I felt cold hands grip me and we were up in my room. I stumbled slightly, cursing. She stared at me, then dashed out the window. I headed towards it, but within just a few steps, her voice spoke from behind me.

"Over here, Edward Anthony."

I whipped around, and she raised a brow. "Believe me now?"

"What the fuck-"

She sighed impatiently. "I _told _you. I'm not human." We stared at each other for a long time. "So?" she asked softly. "What are you going to do about it?"

I shook my head. "I have no fucking clue."

I didn't. It all made sense, yet seemed to impossible. Bella left - Alice had been waiting in her car out in front of my house for who knew how long. The rest of my weekend was spent at home. At one point, I went to the only fucking diner in Forks because I was tired of the shitty food that I could cook, and when I came back, my room looked like nothing had ever fucking happened. Of course, I also couldn't find any of my weed or other less benign drugs. I spent a good half hour cursing, searching for my cigs, before I found them in my other coat's pockets, where I had left them. At least them left me fucking _something_.

My parents came back on Monday, but I avoided them, which probably hurt Mom's fucking feelings, but I couldn't face them while wondering if I was insane or if vampires were fucking nonfiction. And if they were, I couldn't face them just yet knowing that Bella wasn't dead. She was walking around my school and freakin' indestructible. No more worries about bullets for her.

I drove to school on Tuesday, and stomped my way to class, glaring at Alice as she tried to say something to me. She paused, tilting her head, then shrugged, smirking deviously. My gut twisted uneasily at the look, but I shrugged it off and sat my ass down in my seat.

I went through the motions of the day, oddly anxious to see Bella. I hadn't decided if I was insane or she was telling the truth, and that whole kissing her issue didn't help matters much. Part of me was almost scared of what she'd say or do, but another part was eager to see her again, to be near her for any reason.

I was such a fucking douche.

I entered the cafeteria, glancing around and noting that Bella wasn't in there yet. After grabbing a bunch of random ass shit for my lunch, I glanced around, pondering where to sit. I had just decided to go sit at a table that had barely anyone at it near the Cullen table when Jessica latched herself on my arm. I sent a disgruntled glare down at her, which the bitch ignored.

"Hi, Edward." She basically rubbed herself along my side, and I grimaced in disgust. "We should get together again. Maybe do a little more than the other night…."

"Back off, Jess."

I couldn't stop the smug grin that pulled up my lips at her obviously jealous tone. Bella was standing to my other side, arms crossed and glaring daggers at the much shorter Jessica.

She glared back at Bella. "What do you want?" she snapped.

Bella raised a brow and stepped closer, getting in Jessica's face. Jess leaned back, but didn't let go of my arm. "I want you to let go of him. He's not yours."

"He's not yours either, bitch," Jessica said, voice wavering just slightly.

Bella smirked, pulling back slightly, and then her lips were brushing against my cheek, cold but leaving a trail of blistering fire. I quickly tilted my head and caught her mouth with mine. I wasn't sure if I actually took her by surprise - I'd seen how fucking fast she could move - but she definitely acted like it, drawing in a sharp breath and tensing.

Jessica yanked my arm, and I broke away from Bella's sweet mouth to glare at Jessica. "What?" I snapped irritably.

She was staring at me wide eyed and slack jawed, and I huffed in impatience.

"Get lost, Jessica." I yanked my arm from her slackened grip and turned towards Bella. I wanted nothing more than to just wrap my arms around her waist and haul her against me for more of what we had been doing, but she had put distance between us.

Her head tilted towards her table. "Come on."

I followed after her, ignoring all the fucking whispers from the gossipmongers, and sat down, examining each person at the table.

Emmett grinned, and clapped my shoulder, making me jerk forward slightly. "Hey! Welcome to the club, Masen!" He laughed like he'd told a great joke.

Alice smiled slightly. "I told them you'd believe her."

I nodded slightly, though I hadn't really acknowledged even to myself that I had decided Bella had been telling me the truth.

Rose glared at the tabletop, muttering quickly under her breath, making Bella huff and shake her head impatiently.

Jasper appeared to not care either way, just kept his arms wrapped around Alice. I had the feeling he'd do whatever she wanted, and she seemed to like me well enough.

Emmett spoke up again, a laugh in his voice. He seemed to find amusement in everything. "That was fucking hilarious what you two did to Jessica, she's gonna have serious self esteem issues now." He chuckled, shaking his head, but not like the idea bothered him.

Rose sighed and smacked him lightly upside the head, but she was also smiling slightly. To me, it seemed out of place on her face; I hadn't seen her smile, ever.

I realized as the lunch hour progressed that not one of them passed a morsel of their food into their mouths. They picked at it, tore it to shreds, or just left it sitting there, but they didn't eat it. I figured it was a….

Fuck, it sounded so insane, even in my head.

Bella didn't join in any of the conversations at the table, just slowly twirled the bottle of juice she'd grabbed between her palms. I watched her from the corner of my eyes as I ate, wondering what was going through her head.

Once I finished eating, she stood up, grabbing her tray and following me to the trash bin. I raised a brow at her, but she was staring at the floor, a furrow between her brows. Sighing, I shook my head and followed her out of the cafeteria and to Mr. Hatch's class.

Just before we walked in, I reached out and grabbed her wrist.

"What the hell's up with you?"

She frowned, tilting her head. "What do you mean?"

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "Well," I said slowly. "First you scare Jess off in the lunch room and bring me to your family's table, then you don't say a fucking word." I raised a brow pointedly. "We'll have to talk about it all at some point."

"School isn't the right place, Edward," she admonished.

I snorted. "It's two fucking periods Bella. I say we get the fuck out of here and talk it out, because there's no way any of that shit is going to make it into either of our heads."

She shook her head, pulling from my grasp easily - which was rather fucking annoying - and heading towards the door. "You're not using me as an excuse to ditch."

I snarled slightly. "Fuck, I'm not doing that. If I want to ditch, I'll do it without any reason."

She glared over her shoulder. "You shouldn't be so callous about your education, Edward." I stared at her, angry and fucking open mouthed that she was scolding me like I was still that little helpless boy.

I snapped my mouth shut and stepped right up into her space. I had to give it to her, she didn't back down, but then, what the fuck would scare a vampire?

"Your not my fucking babysitter anymore, Bella, and I'm not a child. I know what the hell my actions mean, that they have consequences. I've known that for thirteen fucking years. Ditching a few classes in school that I can ace with my eyes closed is not going to do much of anything either way. Don't treat me like a child. I'm not."

I made it halfway across campus before I had to stop to slam my fist into a wall in frustration. There were so many conflicting emotions involving her, and she didn't make this shit any easier. I had no clue what to do, and there wasn't a single soul on this planet to turn to about it.

BPOV

He'd been right - I didn't pay any attention those final two classes. I was a little too busy thinking about things I had no right thinking about. I was busy thinking about the boy's lips.

I wanted to be able to claim he'd taken me by surprise in the lunch room earlier, but I'd felt him tilt his head, known what would happen if I didn't pull away, and I'd not moved. I'd not moved until his lips burned my and sparks of fire shot to all my nerve endings and god had it all felt so wonderful.

And there in lied a problem. How could I feel something like that for him? It was so confusing.

I forced my thoughts somewhere new. It wasn't that much better of a subject, and far less enjoyable.

The Cullens couldn't find out where I'd went. Apparently, I'd decided to go for a swim at some point, and they'd lost the trial. For all any of us knew, I'd decided to speed swim to Hawaii. I couldn't remember anything at all before I was in Edward's bedroom. And most of that time was fuzzy, a blur of sounds and emotions. I remembered that stupid dog outside of the window, and I remembered how angry I was to see him near Edward. He shouldn't be anywhere near Edward. He was dangerous.

From what I understood of the treaty, Carlisle had broken it when he created me. However, he told me that it was to be kept secret. We'd tell the wolves someone else had made me, and I had joined the family. For all they could prove, it was the truth.

I also knew the idiot wolf had broken the treaty by coming into Forks. He wasn't allowed. Especially as a wolf. Which sent chills of fear through me. What had provoked them into breaking the treaty? Had they somehow discovered we'd lied to them?

Emmett always liked to share horror stories about when they first met the wolves, and incidents since then. Near misses and close calls and halfway serious fights. I understood they were dangerous, violent. Jasper often commented that he'd never felt such a pure hatred from anyone before as he had from the Quileute wolves.

Personally, I was terrified of them. Unless I was like I had been, in which case I was pretty sure I'd kick their ass and not even bat an eye over the violence. Mostly, though, I was frightened of what a fight between them and my family might mean.

And now they knew I was close to Edward. Oh, they might not have a lot of proof, and it could possibly be brushed off, but the fact of the matter was that I had been in his house, the wolf had shown up to try to be some stupid showoff, and I had acted very… territorially. They'd use that as some excuse for sure. They'd say we planned to eat Edward or something equally ridiculous.

Sure, Edward smelled great, under all the smoke and occasional drugs, but I wasn't a slathering beast like they thought of us. I could control myself, thank you very much. I hadn't even felt tempted to eat Edward when I was out of control, which said loads.

The stupid mongrels wouldn't see it like that, of course. Pigheaded bigots.

I walked out of class and to the car, only for Alice to jump up and slap the back of my head as I neared.

"Ow!" I snapped irritably. It hadn't really hurt, just stung a little. "What was that for?" I griped, rubbing the back of my head. Vicious little pixie.

She planted her hands on her hips. "Why are you pushing him away again?"

I repelled a breath out my nose as I rolled my eyes and got into the car. Alice followed right behind me, Jasper behind her. Rosalie immediately pulled out of the lot.

I rubbed my forehead with my fingers. Could vampires get headaches? I hadn't thought so, but these days, I wasn't so sure. "Alice, not now."

"Yes now." She glared. "You're screwing everything up."

I rolled my eyes again. "No, I'm not." I stated firmly.

Alice crossed her arms over her chest and intensified her glare. "Oh yes, you are. Keep up with this, and he'll start ignoring you. Everything that I've been looking forward to will fall to pieces, and tragedy will ensue like some Shakespearean play or Greek tale."

"Very dramatic," I noted dryly.

She huffed and twisted to face forward. "Family meeting when we get home."

We had to wait about an hour for the family meeting until Carlisle returned from the hospital, but then Alice demanded order and such, and we found ourselves gathered around the dining room table.

I was glaring across at Alice, Rosalie sitting next to me supportively, while Alice was glaring across at us. Two against one, and she was still rather impressive.

"Alright, Alice, what was so urgent?" Carlisle asked.

"Bella's changing the future."

I snorted, rolling my eyes, and leaned back in my chair. "It's not like I am doing it on purpose, Alice. I'm exercising my free will."

Her eyes tightened. "You're screwing up more lives than your own."

Esme spoke up then. "What do you mean, dear?"

Alice sighed, shaking her head. "I wasn't going to say anything. It's so much more fun watching it all play out without any outside influence."

Rosalie and I both snorted, and Alice's grin flashed our way.

"Okay, without undue outside influence," she chuckled. The rest of us joined in, shaking our heads in amusement.

After a few moments, Alice's grin dropped and her tone turned serious. "Bella's pushing Edward away, because she's scared and confused. I guess I can't say that for sure, but I like to think I know her well enough to be pretty accurate. If she pushes him away, she's going to live her life alone and never knowing love."

I glared. I didn't like where this was heading, and I didn't like the insinuations and implications of what she was saying. No one spoke just yet, waiting to see where Alice went with this.

"If Bella pushes Edward away, he's going to die young. From a self-induced drug overdoes."

I wasn't aware of rising, only the red mist shooting up in my mind. "He's going to kill himself?" I hissed. I wouldn't have said it was me, except I felt my lips form the words. The voice sure didn't sound like me, however.

Alice nodded, not taking her eyes off of me. "He'll kill himself and you'll live in guilt and the agony of not knowing the love that all of us have, and that will lead you to leaving us. We'll never see you again. We'll suffer from the pain of that, of wondering if we could have done something to change the course of your life. Carlisle will wonder if it wasn't better just to let you die. Esme will grieve because he is. I'll be upset I didn't stop it all from happening, and Jasper will suffer everyone's emotions plus his own. Rosalie will close off even more. Emmett will start fights with nomads because he feels ineffective in helping any of us.

"If you push Edward away, we all suffer. I've seen it. I saw it all the moment you decided not to let him any closer this afternoon. Stop _fighting it _Bella."

Carlisle's hand landed on my arm gently, soothingly. "Bella, sit. Nothing has happened yet, there's still time to make sure none of this occurs. Edward isn't going to do this tonight."

I sat down, forcing the red mist aside. "When?" I asked Alice.

She sighed, shaking her head. "That I don't know. Less than two years? That's all I can tell you, and I only know that because he doesn't look all that older than he does now. On the flip side, it could very well be within months."

I hissed, hands clenching around the edge of the table. The wood creaked in protest, and Esme gently chided me. I let it go, clenching my hands into fists in my lap. Rosalie reached over and clasped one in her hand, squeezing. A silent show of support.

I looked over at her. "I… I don't know what to do." I admitted.

Rosalie nodded, smiling sadly. "No one ever does, unless they're Alice. I had the choice of letting Emmett die or saving him. I chose to save him. Carlisle could have let you, or me, or Esme, or even Emmett pass on to whatever lies after this. He chose to make himself a family and give us this life. Any of us could have chosen a different lifestyle, to not be vegetarians. We didn't, because we don't want to be monsters. Alice could have chosen not to follow those visions when she first woke up, and then she'd not be here, but she did, because she knew she wanted this future. Jasper could have stayed with that bitch Maria, but he didn't, because he knew he wouldn't live much longer down there, and wouldn't want to. Everyone makes choices Bella, but it doesn't mean we ever know what to do. That's why it's a choice. We have to decide what we think is the best course of action."

I dropped my head into my hands, and Rosalie released my hand to rub between my shoulders. I leaned over and rested my head on her shoulder.

The rest of the family quietly got up, leaving just the two of us sitting there. Jasper sent a wave of peace at me, but it didn't do much to quell the discordant emotions swirling inside of me.

"If I…. If I don't push him away, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself," I admitted in a soft whisper that wouldn't carry beyond Rosalie.

She sighed, pressing a comforting kiss to my forehead, and I lifted my head up. "I could see that at lunch today. Neither of you could stop looking at the other."

I shook my head slowly. "But… isn't it wrong? Shouldn't it be wrong?"

She chewed her lips, eyes contemplating, thoughtful. "When I found Emmett, I would have been twenty were I still human. He was twenty. So I can't say I relate to the issue you're facing. But Alice and Jasper have several decades separating them. And Carlisle and Esme have over two centuries. You're still… young to this life, still so new to it. Age still has an important role to you. And I suppose the fact that you knew him when he was a child makes it even more difficult to bypass."

I nodded. "I feel like a pervert," I admitted.

Rosalie snickered, and I couldn't help but grin slightly.

"You just have to realize…. He's not a kid anymore, Bells. He's basically the same age as you. You can't move past what's holding you back and making you push him away until you let go of the fact that you knew him as a little boy. He's not a little boy anymore Bella, and you're not human. Are you always going to be alone because you'll forever look younger than those who are your age, but forever be older than those you'd physically fit in with? You can't have it both ways. Years and years from now, are you going to be able to live with the fact that you might have very well pushed away the one person who could make you feel like Emmett makes me feel, all because you were concerned about something that doesn't apply to you any longer?"

She was quiet for a moment, just meeting my stare, not judging, or harsh, or even pitying. Just staring. "Think about it. When you can safely answer that question, you'll have your answer in what to do."

She got up and walked away, leaving me alone in the kitchen.

It was well after midnight when I found myself standing outside of his house. His bedroom light was on, and the window was open. I could see the retched smoke drifting out, and his shadowy form just to the side of the window frame. Sighing, I bent down and grabbed a pebble, then threw it with precision into his room.

I listened as he grumbled a curse, stepping over to pick up the little rock, then glaring out the window into the dark. When his gaze landed on me, it tightened even more, and he frowned.

"Bella?" he muttered, obviously to himself, but I could hear him clearly.

I nodded, waving because he wouldn't hear me unless I spoke loudly, and I wasn't about to chance waking his parents up. It was enough that he knew the truth; they didn't need to know it also.

He closed his window, and I listened as he walked down the stairs to the front of the house. When he opened his front door, I was standing there, waiting. He shook his head, his hair brushing with a soft slithering sound against his skin.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be getting some fucking sleep or something."

I shrugged, uncomfortable that I was actually uncomfortable and nervous talking with him. It didn't help that he was shirtless, and my eyes kept flashing back to his sculpted chest and the ink imprinted into his skin. "I can't sleep. I mean, vampires. We don't sleep. Ever."

"Don't eat, either," he noted, and I nodded.

"Sounds fucked up." The bland statement made my lips quirk into a smile, and I shrugged, not speaking either way.

"What did you want?"

I took a deep breath, resisting the urge to scrunch my nose against the chemical stench of the cigarette smoke that club to him like an oily, gas-skin. "I…"

He raised a brow, obviously rather bemused by my inability to find the words for all that was rushing through me, creating this cacophony of emotions I couldn't control.

So I showed him instead.

His hands slid around my waist immediately, hauling me up against his bare chest, and I shivered at the warmth that seeped from him and into me. His mouth was hungry, wanting this as much as I did, and I think I might have whimpered when his tongue brushed my lips, tracing the outline of my bottom one.

I ran my fingers along the sides of his jaw, the angles of it so… intriguing. He broke away for a few seconds that felt like ages to me to draw in some needed air, and then his lips were back, even more desperate, and he was turning around. I was lost to the drugging haze of kissing him, having his scent surround me and his warmth encase me, and I let him control where we went.

He backed me up against the door, his hands sliding down to my hips and pulling me closer, up against his own and a part of my mind felt shock and a slight panic as I realized how much he was enjoying this. It was the small part of my mind that still worried over the fact that I'd known him when he was a boy, but I'd consciously decided tonight that that part was unimportant, and I silenced it.

His lips broke away from mine and trailed across my cheek, warm, moist, soft. I drew in a sharp breath and tensed in pleasure as his teeth grazed the skin below my ear, and then his tongue flicked down where my pulse would be if I still lived.

I melted back against the door. Edward chuckled, and I was very aware of the shake of his chest against mine. I trailed my fingers down his throat, stroking the pulse of his neck, the frantic rhythm of his blood, and then trailing my fingertips down his bare chest, pausing to trace the ink in his skin. It had just the slightest different texture from the rest, allowing me to follow the lines of the design without having to see it. After tracing the one over his heart, which I was pretty sure I knew the meaning of, I skimmed my fingers purposefully down each of his ribs. He shuddered.

"Fuck, do you realize what you're doing to me?" he groaned.

I couldn't help it; I grinned, shifting my hips pointedly. "Uh, yeah, Edward. I do."

He pulled away from where he'd been sucking on my collarbone to stare at me, and then he grinned. It was downright breathtaking, crooked and glorious, and for once there didn't seem to be a hint of pain in it.

"Guess you do, then."

I brought my fingers back up to the tattoo over his heart, tracing my fingers over it, watching them do so.

"Why?" I asked.

He took a deep breath; I could feel the expansion of his lungs, the slightly quickened beat of his heart under my fingertips. "Because I always wanted to remember when my heart broke."

I looked up at him, wishing I could take away the years of pain.

He smiled slightly sardonically down at me. "Bella beautiful; I had always thought you were back then, but I didn't know anything. You're nothing like you are now."

"Vampire trait," I whispered.

He shook his head, keeping those green eyes locked on mine. "No. A Bella trait."

Then he kissed me again.

**Assward****: Yeah, ladies, I'm THAT fucking irresistible. Even our dear IG was having troubles keeping her hands and eyes to herself while locked away with me the past two days.**

**IG: HEY! Stop spreading lies, Assward. I kept my hands ALL to myself.**

**Assward: Not in your mind.**

**IG: That's COMPLETELY irrelevant. And different. And, and... fuck, stop SMIRKING at me like that! **

**Assward: _grins_ Like what?**

**IG: _grumbles_ Go jump in a lake.**

**Assward:_ grins, pulls off shirt, flexing his muscles while he does so_ Hey, you're the boss.**

**IG: ... Uh.... Reviewers get to go swimming with Edward. _follows, eyes glued to his back, licking her lips_  
**


	11. Chapter 10

**Tada! Super speedy author, IG, to the rescue for those desperate readers aching for more!**

**Assward: And you all think me an addict.**

**IG: Shut up, this is at least better for you.**

**Assward: I've read about studies that prove staring at a computer screen as much as you all probably do is-**

**IG: NOBODY CARES. Shut up! Go.... _flounders_**

**Assward: _smirks_ What? No come back from the word-wicked author?**

**IG: _ignores Assward_ Okay, here you are. Another chapter! Two nights after the previous one! Yeah, I rock that much.**

**Assward: You all call me egotistical, too. What the fuck's up with that? Can you not see who is clearly more big-headed here?**

**IG: _still ignoring, but also plotting_ Enjoy!  
**

BPOV

His rough fingertips slowly traced around my eyes; he watched each movement over my skin with a rapture and focus that made shivers race inside my chest. The heat seeping from his skin to mine made me feel the closest to drowsy I could probably ever feel as a vampire, and while he traced over the other features of my face, all with that single-minded intent, I scanned my eyes over his.

His finger skimmed across the bottom of my lower lip, and I barely resisted the urge to lick it.

"You should be getting to sleep," I said quietly. I wasn't sure why, perhaps because the intensity of the moment scared me.

His lips quirked. "Nah. I'll be fine."

I frowned. "Edward-"

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine to quiet me. If I had wanted to, I could have pulled away to keep speaking. I liked it when he kissed me a little too much though, and I definitely wasn't about to spurn the feelings that it brought forth in me.

"You do need to sleep," I murmured when he pulled away.

He sighed, shaking his head. "So stubborn," he muttered under his breath, and I shrugged, making myself rise off of his bed, where we had been laying for the better part of the past hour and a half. It was well into the morning; he'd barely get a few hours of sleep.

I turned around, eyeing the expanse of his bare back, the tattoos imprinted there. So much despair and pain, so blatantly there on his skin.

"Do your parents know?" I asked in curiosity, frowning a bit.

He turned around with a confused frown. "Know what?"

I gestured to him. "About the smoking, the drinking, the drugs. The tattoos."

He sat down on the edge of his bed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "Fuck," he muttered, then more loudly, continued, "About the first three? Yeah, they know how fucked up I am. They just can't stop me. And before I wasn't about to let them."

I wanted to ask him if he would let people help him now, but I held my tongue.

"As for the tats…. No. They don't know about those. I got them done by a friend's older brother, who didn't ask me shit about if I had parental permission. My father would flip out if he knew," he chuckled darkly, the intense and hateful emotions he felt for the man obvious, "And Mom…. Fuck, she'd probably be fucking disappointed as shit, but act like it didn't bother her."

I shook my head and sat down again, close enough to feel the heat radiating off of him, but far enough away that I wouldn't be tempted to lean into him again and take more of it. He was probably cold from being so close to me for so long by now.

"It's okay, you know," I said slowly, feeling my way.

He looked at me, raising a brow. I wondered if anyone, even Edward himself, realized how much in pain he still was, how much everything ate at him. He might no longer have the guilt of my permanent death on his hands, but he still had a guilt towards the pain it had brought everyone, and then the pain he himself had brought. So tortured…. So unnecessary.

"That you acted out about my death. I wasn't the best person after my father died, and… well, I wasn't close to him, and I was a lot older than four and a half."

He shook his head, eyes closing. "Bella, it's-"

"Edward, I know it's not the same, that's what I'm saying. I acted out at eleven and twelve due to my father's death. It had nothing to do with me, I didn't see any of it happen, and I wasn't a young child who couldn't grasp everything that was happening and process it in a way that would allow me to understand I wasn't to blame. You were four, and you only knew you had done something bad and I had been hurt because of it. It's not your fault that you got so messed up."

I shook my head, slightly angrily. "Your parents should have gotten you professional help, or-"

"They sent me to the fucking shrinks, Bella. I hated those nosy bitches, wouldn't listen to a single bullshit word they had to say."

I sighed, still not quite convinced his parents had tried all that hard to help him. "And what did they do? Did _they _ever sit you down and let you talk about it, without them interrupting and saying anything? Did they ever talk with you about how it made them feel?" I knew the answers were no because Edward's arms were tense, the tendons bunching up and standing out prominently.

"Did anyone ever tell you that it wasn't your fault, and offer you some damn _proof_ that it wasn't?"

His lips quirked, his eyes sparked down at me, and he chuckled. I glared over at him. "What?" I asked huffily.

He shook his head slightly, still chuckling. "I've never heard you swear before."

I frowned. "You're laughing… because I said a bad word?" I shook my head in confusion, because it seemed so ridiculous to me.

He threw back his head and laughed loudly; my eyes trailed up the column of his throat, and I realized I was licking my lower lip. Mentally, I chastised myself. _Get a grip, Bella_. While I was distracted in my thoughts, he reached out and wrapped his arms around me. The heat was blistering, wonderful. Gently, he tugged me with him as he lied back on his pillows, and with a sigh of defeat, I followed after.

"You really should sleep," I told him.

His head shook, the silken strands of his hair brushing against my forehead as he ran his lips across my forehead. "Nah. I hardly ever sleep more than a couple hours a night, unless I'm plastered."

I frowned in disapproval, pulling back to stare at him. "Edward-"

He shook his head. "Listen, I was already not going to fall asleep before you showed up. Just leave it for now."

I tightened my eyes, not wanting to drop it, but knowing he wouldn't divulge more information, at least at this point. "Later," I insisted firmly.

He shrugged. "Sure." It was the easy agreement of someone not planning on following through. I wasn't going to let him get away with it, but for now, it was enough.

"So… what have you been doing all this time?" When I glanced at him, he was frowning up at the ceiling. "You can't have been here the whole time, right? You don't seem to have aged."

I nodded, slowly, uncertainly resting my head on his chest. "We don't age. I'm literally forever seventeen. It sucks."

He laughed. "There are sure to be some benefits."

I snorted. "No. Trust me."

He shrugged. "So where have you been? What have you been doing?"

I sighed, biting my lip. After a few moments filled only with his quiet breathing and steady heartbeat, I started telling him about everything I could remember. That first hunt, the tempting smells of human blood and how difficult it was day in and day out to resist. I probably shouldn't have, but I knew if I glossed over it, he would only insist to know more. So I gave him just enough to keep him from questioning me about it, then moved on. I told him about Canada, about the Denali sisters (though I left out their past… um, endeavors), and about the fun I'd had in Alaska. I told him about the time I had been spending with the Cullens, never divulging their secrets to him because it wasn't my job, but still letting him know all about them.

He never once seemed tired, though the circles under his eyes grew darker and larger. I tried to move away more than once, sure I was freezing him, but he'd just shake his head and tighten his arms. I didn't want to hurt him, and if we were going to do… this… I had to not take advantage of my strengths and use them against him.

I stopped talking in the middle of another story of the wrestling competitions Em and Jasper had when I heard Edward Sr. stirring and getting up in the bedroom. When the shower started, Elizabeth also started waking up. I sighed and pulled away, not stopping this time when Edward tried to pull me back. He followed me up and frowned as I grabbed my shoes and started pulling them back on.

"What-"

"Your parents are awake," I said before he could ask, and he sighed slightly in annoyance. I stood, stretching out my muscles. When I glanced down and realized Edward was watching me with dark hooded eyes, I shifted uncomfortable, knowing I would have been blushing if I could.

"I'll, uh, see you at school."

He looked up, frowning. "Yeah."

Smiling slightly, I ducked out his window, landing in a crouch on the wet, dewy grass outside before running home.

Alice jumped on me as I walked in the front door, her arms latched around my neck and her legs around my waist. I giggled with her, though for a different reason than she was. Alice's eccentricities always made me laugh.

Rosalie smiled at me from where she sat on the couch playing a video game with Emmett, and I walked upstairs to spend the next two hours passing time until school.

Rosalie made sure to go a little faster than usual on the way there, which was sweet of her and her way of saying she approved. We pulled up next to his silver Volvo, where he was leaning against the hood and smoking.

I sighed and shook my head, annoyed. Why did he have to smoke? At least, I consoled myself, we had gotten rid of everything else.

As I stepped out of the car, he looked up, and his tightened eyes relaxed, his face lighting up in that same smile as the one I'd seen the previous night. I smiled slightly in return as he walked forward, pulling me to his chest and kissing me thoroughly. I broke away as Emmett let out a loud whistle.

"Shut up," I grumbled at him.

Emmett grinned and winked. Then he looked at Edward. "Be prepared, kid. These Forkians are going to go into gossip mode before five minutes pass, and they get pretty crazy."

Rosalie smirked, linking her arm with her husband's, and added in a snicker, "And whatever they say about Bella and I… isn't necessarily true."

I laughed, my head falling backwards as I thought about what Lauren had started saying in response to my remark the other day. These people truly had no lives.

Edward's arm was a hot burn over my shoulders as he pulled me against his side. I resisted the urge to turn languid due to the warmth seeping into me. He smirked as we started walking onto campus and the students stared, open mouthed, back and forth between us. Purposefully, Edward leaned down and kissed my mouth, taking his time and parting my lips with his tongue.

Damn, could the boy kiss, and that sent small sparks of jealousy through me. Because that meant he'd kissed others, probably more than I had fingers and toes for. And they included Jessica and Lauren, the sluts.

My class before lunch was gym; Edward had picked me up at the end of my previous class and dropped me off in front of the locker room and departed after another steamy kiss. It was too bad he had to stop to breathe, otherwise I doubted either of us would ever come up….

I walked inside and pulled out the uniform, grimacing as I heard most of the other girls walk in, all of them whispering furiously about me and Edward. Angela, the sweet girl in most of my classes, smiled at me and paused to say that she was happy to see me with someone. I smiled and thanked her, because she was probably the only human here I wouldn't think about playing a prank on or hurting.

Lauren and Jessica walked up behind me; I could tell because of not only their scent, but the way they walked and the sounds of their breathing and heartbeats. Sighing, without turning, I asked, "What do you two want?"

"It's obvious you haven't fucked him yet."

I growled lowly under my breath, wanting more than ever before to rip someone's head off.

"He's a good fuck; and he wouldn't be treating you like this is he'd had you. Everyone knows he's just waiting for the perfect opportunity to get in your pants. I caught him just a few minutes ago," she continued conversationally.

Jessica sniggered. "We warned him about you."

I finally closed my locker and turned around to face them, raising a brow. "Oh?"

Angela was watching in concern, and the other girls in the locker room were quieter than usual, hesitating in their tasks so they could listen in on the confrontation. I mentally rolled my eyes at it all.

"We warned him you didn't date, didn't fuck…. Only your brother and his girlfriend, but then again, we aren't even sure about that much, are we?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "You want to know why he is really treating me like this girls?" I asked drolly. Before they could say anything, I continued. "Because to him, I'm more than a fuck." I leaned into their faces, and they took a few steps back. I smirked. "I spent half the night up in his bedroom, and he didn't want me to leave. He wants me for more than simple pleasures and a vague, drunk distraction. See who holds his attention longer, me or you."

Turning around, my hair swishing dramatically in my ponytail, I walked out and to the gym.

Hell if that didn't feel good.

EPOV

I was going damn crazy. It had to be something in the air around here, because if it wasn't one thing, it was another driving me to the point of insanity.

I didn't see Bella except for the passing period for the class before lunch, and the morning seemed to drag on for forever, my moment with her the only bright point. Once we were finally released from that final class, I hurried to the lunch room.

She was standing in line, her eyes vague and distant, not paying an iota of attention to the disgusting food she was setting on her tray. I quickly grabbed my own food and sat down at her table. As I took the seat next to her, she smiled up at me, eyes lighting up. I fucking loved that.

Her head fell to rest on my shoulder, like it was fucking natural, and I grinned, enjoying every second of it. She smelled great, and I figured she probably didn't sweat, which was an odd thought, but at least she didn't stink or smell of some sick perfume after her PE class.

As Lauren and Jessica walked by, she smirked, her arm twining around my waist. I grinned down at her, eyes flicking over to the two bitches, and watching as they glowered angrily. Bella chuckled lightly, and I looked down at her again.

"Something funny?"

She looked up at me, blinking once innocently. "What?"

Rosalie smirked as she sat down, glancing at me. "I've already heard about it, it's hilarious."

Alice sat down in Jasper's lap, somehow making the move seem inordinately graceful, even compared to the rest of the Cullen vampires. "I _saw_ it happen. Almost got me in trouble in class because I couldn't stop shaking in laughter."

Bella smirked down at the table, her fingers pulverizing the sorry excuse for a damn muffin on her plate.

"Will someone fucking tell me what happened?" I groused, but not really seriously.

Bella's lips quirked up. Alice glanced at her, then looked at me, her gold eyes practically glowing with her amusement.

"Oh, Jessica and Lauren got in Bella's face in the locker room. They told her they could tell you haven't fucked her yet-"

Rosalie snickered, pausing only to kiss Emmett on the cheek as he sat down.

"You haven't-"

Rosalie clapped a hand over his mouth. "Say it, and you're not allowed in the room again."

Emmett wisely didn't say a fucking word.

"Anyway," Alice continued breezily, shifting in Jasper's lap. "They told her you were only waiting to get in her pants."

My fists clenched angrily at the accusation. For one thing, it was an insult to me, that I was that kind of bastard, and it was an insult to Bella. Then, out of fucking no where, I felt myself calm down. I was confused until I remembered what Bella had told me last night about Jasper, and then I shot him an annoyed glare. Bella squeezed my hand, leaning up to kiss me just under the jaw.

"They also said you were a good lay," she offered, smirking, her tone innocently helpful. I rolled my eyes, fucking _embarrassed_ as shit. And I couldn't even decide why the hell that was.

"Well, Bella told them that she spent half the night in your room, you didn't like it when she left, and she was more than a fuck to you. Then she commented that she'd hold you attention longer because she wasn't a distraction." Alice laughed. "They honestly warned you about her?"

I shook my head, rubbing the back of my neck. "Yeah, but I didn't listen to a fucking word they said. I figured they were just jealous."

"Oh, they are," Rosalie snorted.

I glanced down at Bella, feeling my lips quirk in appreciation of the shit she'd said to the two bitches. "Did you really say fuck?" I whispered into her hair, breathing in deeply. The girl smelled like fucking strawberries.

She shifted slightly, looking just to the side. I grinned as I figured she was embarrassed. "Yeah," she muttered.

I chuckled at the thought of the looks on the faces of all the girls in her PE class who overheard the conversation.

After lunch ended, we found ourselves in fucking Mr. Hatch's classroom. I was keeping my arms wrapped around Bella from behind, trailing my lips up her neck. She was breathing unsteadily; I knew she didn't have to breathe, and found it interesting she chose to. And glad - I loved having physical proof that I affected her like she did me.

The damn bastard glared as he saw us, looking at me like I'd fucking slaughtered her in front of him or some shit. I smirked at him, tightening my hold on Bella's waist.

She snorted quietly and muttered something so quickly and softly that I couldn't hear her. I frowned, decided I didn't like that. So, because I was probably a fucking asshole, I leaned down and bit down on her neck.

Her skin was cold against my mouth and tongue, sending chills down my spine and not only from the temperature. I knew I couldn't mark her skin like I could any other girl around here. I'd noticed it last night. But I did it anyway.

Bella let out a surprised squeak and half-giggle. Her hands dropped to lace with my fingers and she brought one up to her mouth. "Playing games, Edward?" she murmured.

"Games?" I questioned innocently. We were in front of our seats, but neither of us moved to sit down. Mr. Hatch was still glaring over at us, and the students walking in all didn't bother not staring.

She smirked, brought my hand to her lips, brushing the satin smoothness across it, and nodded.

"Not a fucking clue what you're talking about," I murmured under my breath. She could hear me.

Her smirk grew, and then her tongue flicked against my palm. I drew in a sharp breath as she ever so softly, just barely, nipped me with her teeth. The skin tingled.

Then she let me go and dropped into her seat, acting like nothing had fucking just happened. I dropped down behind her.

She wanted to play games, I was going to fucking win. I leaned forward, brushing her hair aside from her neck, and openly licked the back of her ear.

She jumped. I leaned back in my seat, fucking proud of myself, as she twisted around to stare at me, eyes a dark gold that swirled with traces of fucking black. She'd said that meant hungry. I wondered if it meant just a hunger for blood or… other things. I was hoping for the later, as were other parts of my anatomy.

"Okay, if we're through with the PDA," Mr. Hatch snapped, his voice growling with annoyance. I sighed, and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest, and Bella twisted towards the front, folding her hands in front of her like a good little student.

"Sorry, Mr. Hatch," she apologized sweetly.

Mr. Hatch cleared his throat. "Yes, well, I don't want to see it again." Then he went on with his fucking lecture like nothing had happened. Damn bastard. He had a crush on _my_ Bella, didn't he? The fucker was old, he could get arrested for shit like that.

I entertained myself the entire class with thoughts of getting the bastard's ass thrown in jail.

School ended all too soon now that I had Bella near me, and I thought quickly before grabbing her hand and stopping her. "Hey. Come hang out with me. We can talk more."

She paused, biting her lip. "Edward…" I could read into that tone. She was going to tell me no, and that hurt more than it should.

"Forget it," I muttered, dropping her hand and walking away.

"Edward," she said in the closest thing to a whine she probably ever got. It was pleading and sad. "Stop please."

I sighed, stopping as her icy fingers wrapped around my wrist. But I didn't turn to look at her; my hand reached into my coat pocket to finger my lighter. I had not a fucking clue what I was doing here, just going with what felt right, and having her with me more felt right. What if she didn't want that, what if I was fucking this up somehow? I fucked everything _else_ up, what made me think I wouldn't fuck up this?  
"It's your parents, Edward. It is dangerous enough for all of us that I let you in on the secret, if your parents knew, they'd be in danger too. Besides, why would they believe us?" She slipped around me so she was standing in front of me, and ducked her head to look up at me. "I'd love to spend more time with you, _trust me_. But I can't chance your parents recognizing me."

"Mom's fucking seen you before," I muttered, running a hand through my hair.

Bella nodded thoughtfully. "True, but I don't think she was really paying any attention. She was worried about you, not looking around to see that the girl next to her looked remarkably familiar to a dead girl." She placed her hand over my cheek, the sweet smell of her drifting up to my nostrils. I inhaled deeply.

"We can't chance it, Edward. I can never come over or be seen by your parents. It's too dangerous."

Sighing, I reached up and grabbed her hand in mine, nodding. "Yeah, fine. Okay," I agreed. I couldn't argue with her fucking logic, even if I did hate it.

She was biting her lip as we stopped next to our cars, looking between hers and mine. Then she twisted and looked up at me, clutching my hand. "I can ride home with you though."

I frowned. "Then how the fuck will you get to your home."

She laughed. "I'll run."

When I continued frowning - just how fucking close did she live to me - she smiled mischievously, making me think I was missing the fuck out on something. "Don't worry about that, Edward. Do you want me to ride home with you?"

What the fuck was I supposed to say? No? I leaned down and kissed her deeply, because I didn't think I'd done so in the past ten minutes, and that was far too long without the excuse of class to stop us. "Do you have to fucking ask?" I murmured against her lips.

I felt hers curve against mine, before she stepped away, going to the passenger door and waving as her family drove away.

I actually went the fucking slow speed limit as I drove home, prolonging the time I had with her. She probably fucking realized it, but she didn't comment. Instead, she held my hand the entire damn ride, fingers smooth and cold against my own.

Reluctantly, I pulled up in front of the house, noting with a raised brow and happy smirk that my father's car wasn't in the drive yet. That meant he wouldn't try to chew me out for taking… I glanced at the dash. For taking ten fucking minutes longer than usual, because he'd assume I was up to no good.

I glanced over at Bella, about to reluctantly say good bye, when I noticed she was grinning broadly.

"What?" I asked with a frown. Why did she look so damn eager to be leaving?

"No one's inside!" she said happily, opening the door and stepping out.

"Huh?" I muttered in confusion to myself as I stepped out. She was already next to my door and grabbed my hand in hers. Again, fucking natural. I loved this shit.

"I said, there's no one inside, I'd be able to hear them."

I had no fucking clue why that would be, but I figured she had better senses than I did so she would fucking know. I unlocked the door when we reached the porch, which was another clue no one was home and Bella was right. I walked into the kitchen, looking around for the note my mom would have left. It was pinned to the fridge, and I yanked it down to read.

"She and my father went out to eat." I balled the note up and threw it in the trash. Of course they wouldn't fucking invite me along, I never got invited to their nights out to eat because of one stupid incident when I was fourteen. Forgive and forget my ass.

"What's wrong?" Bella murmured, a small pucker between her brows. Her fingers reached up and brushed over the skin, like she was trying to smooth it. I sighed, wrapping her small frigid body into mine and relaxing against it.

"Nothing important. Just… stupid shit." I didn't want to get into it, didn't want to admit to every damn fucking stupid thing I'd done over the years. Before, they hadn't seemed so bad, but now…. With Bella around to actually know about them, it seemed so much worse.

She sighed. "You'll have to tell me everything. Soon, Edward. I won't stay in the dark like this forever."

I kissed her forehead because I knew she was right and if I didn't tell her, she'd find some other way to find out. Then I went to look in the freezer for something to eat.

I straightened with a frozen dinner in my hands and popped it in the microwave. Bella waited patiently as I ate, and then she followed me up the stairs to my room, and crawled into my lap as I sat against my headboard.

Fucking heaven, I tell you.

I loved this shit.

**I know, I know. Massive fluff. Not really any drama or excitement, and no shirtless Assward. He even only smokes once, and I know that's disappointing you, Nadia Cullen.**

**Assward: You all are fucking obsessed, you know that? If it makes you feel better, I could strip and lit up. **

**IG: Okay, do it.**

**Assward: Fuck, I was joking! _glares because IG knew that_**

**IG: Hhmmm... how about reviewers get to watch Edward strip to his boxers, yeah? Wait, do you wear boxers, Assward? Or briefs?**

**Assward_: Is fucking pissed at IG and wants to get back at her_ Who says I fucking wear underwear, huh?**

**IG: _Squeaks and tries to hold back fans of Assward who are now all rushing forward for a chance to find out._  
**


	12. Chapter 11

**Bella****: Uh, hi. Edward's not here at the moment. I think IG said he was in El Sal or something, baking a cake. _frowns in puzzlement_ And, she's busy finally getting to her dishes - it's after midnight for her and they were supposed to be done before ten. She spent the time writing. So, I offered to introduce the chapter for her. You'll be seeing a lot of me for this chapter. Hope I don't disappoint.**

"Bella, why don't you bring him over?"

I looked over at Esme as she leaned back on her haunches, tugging off her garden gloves by the fingers.

"Who?" I asked in confusion. We'd been working on the gardening in silence since I got home from school, and her question was completely left field.

She smiled and rolled her eyes good naturedly. "Edward. I'd love to meet him. You're always hanging out with him when you can for the past few weeks."

I smiled down at the dirt as I patted it in place around the repotted plant. Whenever I could, I was with Edward. Each day, it got easier for me to think of him as who he was now, not that little boy only. I was able to reconcile the two, and work past the fact that I'd known him back then. In a way, it had even made our relationship strengthened. I reminded him of things he'd done as a kid, of who he used to be. He was smoking less, and I knew he hadn't done anything worse than that, not even drinking, because I'd have been able to smell the change in his scent.

"I suppose I could ask him over," I said in response to Esme's comment.

She smiled happily. "I'd love to meet him."

I smiled at her and pulled off the gloves on my hands, standing and glancing at the sky. "I'll ask him tonight," I said.

"Okay, just let me know. I'll buy him something to eat while he's here."

As I walked inside, I smiled, shaking my head. That was Esme, always thinking ahead and of others. Alice was sitting in the middle of the living room floor painting her toe nails a bright blue and smiled at me as she saw me.

"Hey Bella. Heading over to Edward's?"

I rolled my eyes. "Like you don't know?"

Her grin turned sly. "Maybe I just like hearing it out loud."

I laughed. "Whatever you say, Alice." I sat down next to her. "I'll leave in a little while," I said after glancing at the clock. "His parents will probably still be up."

Alice nodded, making one last swipe with the polish on her pinky toe. Then she grinned at me and wiggled her perfect brows. "Want me to do yours?"

I eyed her, leaning back slightly. "Uh, not really."

She pouted. "Come on, Bella, girl time is important! You never hang out with me anymore, you're always with Edward. Rosalie is great, but not nearly as fun as you are."

I smirked, and asked, "Is that so?"

Alice nodded.

"Thanks, Alice!" Rosalie called down from upstairs sarcastically.

Grinning, Alice sent back an "I love you!" and laughed. Rosalie's laugh drifted down, and then she appeared at the top of the stairs.

"She has a point, Bella. You never hang out with us anymore."

"Let's all go hunting tomorrow."

I frowned, biting my bottom lip. "It'll be sunny?"

"No," Alice said, shrugging. "But you haven't been hunting since you and Edward got together, and you know that's dangerous." She gave me a scolding look, and I rolled my eyes at her pointedly.

"It can be just us girls." Rosalie added. "We haven't had a girl's day in a while."

They both looked at me with intensity, obviously willing to drag me kicking and screaming along with them. I decided I didn't want to cause that much trouble, so I sighed. "Fine. If you insist," I grumbled.

"We do," they both said grinning at me, then each other, slapping high fives.

"Now," Alice said, turning back with a deadly look. "Let's paint your toes."

When I snuck into Edward's room via the open window, he wasn't in there. I frowned, listening, and debated heading downstairs to where I heard him. To chance running into his parents, or not to?

I chanced it - it wasn't like they would get more than a glimpse of me before I vampire-sped off. They'd pass it off as a trick of the eyes, and it would all be good.

I found Edward in the kitchen, cleaning up some shattered glass on the floor. I frowned, stepping over the glass pieces with care. He was grumbling under his breath, obviously completely pissed off and I hesitated.

He straightened, a hand towel in one hand to keep it from getting sliced by the glass shards. When he saw me, he didn't jump, but raised a brow.

"What?" he snapped, brushing past me and throwing the glass away in the trash can, shaking out the towel to make sure none stuck to it. I crossed my arms.

"What happened?"

"Nothing fucking unusual," he snorted, grabbing the broom and dust pan to sweep up the smaller leftover pieces. I waited quietly while he did that, threw those ones away, and then walked out of the room, up the stairs. I followed silently behind him and into his room. He yanked his shirt over his head and tossed it haphazardly into the corner of the room. He ran both his hands through his hair, then gave a harsh, frustrated shout and kicked the end of his bed.

I just stared, waiting for him to chill out. He didn't even seem to realize I was there. After another moment, he grabbed the pack of cigarettes off of his dresser top and pulled his lighter out of his pocket.

"I'm going to leave if you do that, Edward," I warned him. I figured, if I wasn't there to stop him, I wouldn't get on his case about it (yet). But there was no way I was going to let him smoke around me. It was his choice - me or the cigarettes.

He stared at me for several long moments, before sighing and throwing the pack back onto his dresser, setting the lighter next to them. He ran his hand through his hair again, then muttered the word, "sorry".

I finally moved, stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his waist. "What happened?"

He shook his head, eyes closed, and ducked his face into my neck. "Nothing. It's not important."

"Edward-"

"I don't want to talk about it." There was a hard note to his voice, but also a hint of desperation. With a sigh, I relented.

"Okay," I whispered. Instead, I asked, "Have you finished your English essay yet?"

He laughed, pulling back from my neck to stare at me, shaking his head slightly. "You're so silly. Yes, I finished it earlier tonight because I knew you'd ask."

I grinned. "Someone has to keep you in line," I teased.

His eyes tightened and he forced a tight smile, making me frown. "Edward-"

"So what did you do earlier?" he asked quickly, letting go of me and moving to lie back on his bed. I sighed and moved to join him, pulling off my shoes and curling up in his side. I looked purposefully down at my toes and wiggled them.

Edward looked down and laughed at the purple polish. "_That's_ what you were doing?"

I frowned at my toes. "I _was_ helping Esme replant some potted plants. Then I went inside and Alice and Rosalie guilt-tripped me into going hunting with them tomorrow. And painting my toes."

Edward's arms slid around me. "Hunting?"

I sighed, turning my face towards his chest and relaxing into his warm grip. "Yeah. I won't get to see you for the day. They're not going to let me get away with just a quick deer and running back. They'll want to go to Mount Rainer or something and make a game of the day."

Edward didn't say anything for a while. I sighed, and said, "It's just one day."

"Okay."

I chewed lightly on my bottom lip for a moment, before turning my face up to see him. "Esme wants to meet you. She said for me to invite you over."

He grinned down at me. "Oh, _Esme_ wants me over? Not you?"

I made a face at him. "So do you want to come over?" I asked, actually curious.

He sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Yeah. That sounds cool."

There was something bothering him he wasn't telling me about, and it was affecting the whole night's conversation. I shifted away, sitting up and looking down at him.

"You know you can tell me anything? Talk to me about anything?"

He tilted his head and smiled gently at me. "Yeah, I know babe. I just don't want to think about it. 'kay?"

I hesitated a moment, then nodded and snuggled back into his side. I'd mentioned once about making him cold and he'd laughed and told me I thought too much. It didn't appear to bother him, and I enjoyed sidling up to his warmth, so I didn't bring it up again. I figured he was pretty blunt - if Edward were ever bothered by it, he would tell me to move, and probably not in such nice terms.

We didn't talk for the rest of the night. Edward's mind was elsewhere, and I didn't want to upset him. I just wanted to enjoy our time together until I had to leave, since I wouldn't see him for the next day. I stayed until he was deeply asleep, then slipped out of his arms, pulling the comforter up over him.

"Night Edward. Love you," I whispered and brushed a kiss over his lips.

He sighed, lips parting slightly, and I pulled back with a grin. I loved that. With reluctance, I slipped out the window and down to the lawn, taking my time as I ran back to my house.

Alice and Rosalie had packed up the BMW and were waiting for me in the parlor when I walked inside. Jasper glanced up at me and frowned in concern.

"What's wrong?"

I sighed, shaking my head. "Nothing," I mumbled. "Edward just had a bad night. He wouldn't tell me about it, but it was really bothering him."

Jasper reached out and hugged me with one arm. "If it were really bad, he'd tell you," he consoled me.

I nodded in response, but I honestly wasn't so sure about that. I didn't think Edward always realized when something really bad was bothering him, because he was so used to feeling like that. I wished there was more I could do, but I couldn't until he opened up to me. Anything else would just make it harder in the long run, for both of us.

"Oh, and Esme, he said he'd come over. Probably the day we get back from hunting."

Esme poked her head out of the living room and smiled at me. "Okay dear. Have fun with your sisters."

I smiled and assured her I would, then followed Rosalie and Alice out to the car. Alice her CD of her favorite fifties music in the CD player - at the moment, Little Bitty Pretty One was playing, with Alice humming along to the song, a bright, serene smile on her face.

Rosalie and Alice had actually lived through the fifties, and I listened as the chattered and giggled about their experiences, basically screeching with laughter over some things. They knew all the words with an ease that came from being around when they were sung.

I felt myself relaxing minutely as we drove along, and by the time we reached where we were going, I felt relatively normal. We all got out of the car, stretching and grinning in rather feral excitement at the prospect of a good hunt. I pushed any and all thoughts of Edward out of my mind - he would be perfectly fine for a day without me there. We began by just walking around at a leisurely pace (for us) and joking back and forth. As we got deeper into the woods, the fun began to get more active - tag among the treetops. I tackled Rosalie and we created a decent sized crater in the trunk of an old, thankfully sturdy pine. Alice laughed as she pulled pine needles out of both of our hair.

After a while, the playfulness faded into the serious atmosphere of a hunt. The air around us stilled, the creatures that lived in the area sensing the danger we presented and going into their hiding places, and an indefinable tension hung and tightened in the air. Our movements were no longer carefree. Each shift and step and leap was full of deadly purpose and intent, calculated and precise. We were no longer the girls who had played fifties music in the BMW on the way here, no longer even the vampires playing tree-top tag. We were only deadly predators looking for their next meals,

Rosalie hesitated, black eyes locking to the west, and then took off like a shot. I sniffed the air, catching the scent of a herd of deer. I turned my nose away in distaste; besides, it was dangerous encroaching on another's hunt like that.

Alice and I split ways farther up, her continuing forward while I went east, following the river upstream to the mountains. I was hoping for a predator to hunt; they tasted more delicious, more full of blood. I stalked around the wild for an unrecognizable space of time, silent and searching. Finally, I found a lone gray wolf. It obviously sensed me, but couldn't find where I was and that was making it edgy.

I scaled a large tree, leaping without sound from one branch to another until I was hovering just above the edgy animal. I licked my lips eagerly - it wouldn't be a full meal, but it would be delicious none the less.

Every muscle in my body tensed in excited preparation, and after waiting until every sense in me screamed the time was right, I dropped quickly from my vantage point and fell heavily on the beast, dragging it to the ground snarling and growling, wildly fearful of the predator it hadn't seen coming. I broke it's neck in a simple movement and struck my teeth deep into the neck, drawing the sweet warm blood into my body.

It was difficult to describe the sensations that feeding brought on a feeding vampire. It was like tasting water for the first time after wanting it for so long you forgot the taste of freshness. It was like craving your favorite meal for weeks and weeks, and finally managing to have it, it was that first bite, the first explosion of flavor on the tongue's taste buds. It was like that first kiss from your first big crush, or the first time you exchanged "I love you"s.

And yet it was infinitely beyond any and all of that. It was everything and nothing and just beyond comprehension.

I disposed of the empty carcass, then straightened and grinned, licking the few remaining drops that clung to my lips. I took a deep inhale of the air around me, searching for another meal. Instead, I found Alice and Rosalie a little to my south, and turned to find them.

I tackled Rosalie from behind, leaping on her back from a small outcroppings of rocks. We tumbled to the ground, wrestling, snarling and snapping playfully. Alice just stood there and laughed at our bantering.

When we finally ceased, she grinned. "I say we head farther into the mountains. I want a bobcat, and they don't like it this far down."

I tilted my head, thinking it over, and nodded my agreement. Rosalie grinned with feral delight.

"Oh, I'm in," she purred. "First one to get a bobcat wins bragging rights."

Alice, Rosalie, and I grinned at each other mischievously, then took off at dead runs. Honestly, we were as bad as Jasper and Emmett, we were just better at containing ourselves. Plus, whenever we played games like this with them, they lost, so it was rather unmentionable among them.

We raced up the mountain, laughing and shoving each other. Alice picked up a boulder larger than she was and tossed it down to where Rosalie and I were lagging behind. Rosalie managed to dodge it, but it smacked into me and shattered into pieces, while I stumbled backwards several yards.

After a while, we separated, each searching for a bobcat. I leapt up to where I knew them to usually hang out, inhaling the air deep into my lungs every few jumps. There were old scents of bobcats and lynxes and cougars, but no new ones. I found a fresh trail for a lynx soon enough, but I needed a bobcat to win, so I passed it on.

Finally, deep into the terrain, I found a recent scent of bobcat and tore after it with a gleeful grin. I stalked closer to it, finally catching sight of the beast after about ten minutes. I swallowed the venom gathering in anticipation at the back of my throat, and licked my lips, unintentionally coating them with traces of the venom. My lips tingled.

I crouched, preparing to launch myself on the cat and send a fast text to win, when my cell buzzed.

The large mammal lifted it's head, sniffed, and then took off. I swore, hesitating, and then snatched it out.

_Fuckin' Alice_, I thought, glaring. I sent acknowledgement of her victory - bet she cheated, sneaking pixie - and then tracked down my earlier prey. Just because I wouldn't win, didn't mean I was forgetting my meal. I caught up quickly enough and raced after it, playing cat and mouse for fun until my hunger became too impatient and I leapt onto it, killing and draining it.

Rosalie and Alice were waiting at the foot of the mountain and we strolled around the valley, not particularly in a hurry, pausing to chase after prey as we came across it for the hell of it. They were right, I had needed not only to hunt, but some girl time. I often forgot how stressful our life was, with the inhibitions we forced on ourselves and the limits that were hard to tolerate. It was wonderful to simply be free, to be what we were naturally without a care for what might happen and ir anyone might see.

We splashed around in the river, laughing as we became soaked but not caring. Mainly, we were trying to pass time until dusk arrived, because that would signal the start of our traditional night-time hide-and-seek. You think that game is hard as a kid in a huge mansion? Try it as a vampire in the dark with near infinite hiding places. We'd played the game so many times, we had no need to reiterate the rules, and we knew whose turn it was next to start as seeker - Rosalie. She bitched about it playfully like always, and we teased her mercilessly. As it finally grew dark enough, Alice and I took off, Rosalie staying lying on one of the sandy beachy areas around the river's shore and counting to two thousand under her breath.

Our shrieks of joy and laughter filled the night air and disturbed any predators nearby, keeping most of the wildlife away. Rosalie and I, without ever saying it or really deciding it, both targeted Alice, because she had won the bobcat hunt. She planted her hands on her hips at one point and accused us of it, but her eyes were laughing, glowing and golden.

Rosalie and I had just grinned and taken off running as fast as we could.

At one point, Esme called me to ask how things were. I didn't answer, and ran off from my position immediately, but Rosalie caught me none the less, and I called Esme back while I was waiting the appropriate amount of time until searching.

She laughed when I said she made me lose the round of hide and seek.

It would sound childish to anyone who wasn't a vampire, and probably even to most vampires. But hide and seek was the perfect game for us. Our skills made it more challenging, and it was a game of hunt, which is something vampires innately loved. All predators couldn't help but love a good hunt.

When the first stifled rays of morning light peeked through the foliage of the trees and hit our skin, we were stepping out of the woods and to the car. Leaves and twigs were clustered in our hair, dirt and dried mud smeared across our skin and clothes, and we all laughed at our appearances. Rosalie commented that she was glad she remembered to cover the car seats with plastic this time. Last time, she hadn't, and the leather had been… well, ruined.

The ride home was spent singing at the top of our lungs those songs that girls loved no matter what time they were from. We got home at about ten in the morning, pulling up in front of the house still crooning and swaying to the lyrics of Earth Angel, probably one of the sweetest songs I could think of. Esme stepped out of the house, smiling and drying her hands on a rag.

"I see you girls had fun," she chuckled. "I'd offer you all hugs, but I think it best they wait."

I laughed, grinning, and nodded. "We'll be down soon."

"Take your time," Esme laughed, shaking her head, and turned to walk inside with us following behind. I stripped and showered, sighing at the pleasant warmth hitting my frigid skin, scrubbing away the mud and dirt and foliage that had gathered on me. I finally stepped out once I felt clean enough and dressed comfortably, pausing at the top of the stairs and considering them mischievously. Unable to resist the childlike temptation, I balanced on the banister and slid down, giggling like a four year old the entire way.

We all gathered in the living room, sitting around and laughing. We told Esme of our trip, and she laughed at our stories of what happened. Alice mock-pouted that we had pitted against her in hide and seek, and Rosalie and I pretended we didn't love her as much. It was all very free and happy and relaxed, and for the first time in months, I felt like things were perfect in my life.

But we all know that feeling is never allowed to last very long.

**Bella: Well... hell. **


	13. Chapter 12

**Assward:****_ glaring and coated in flour and eggs and chocolate_ Don't. Fucking. Ask. Just read the damn chapter. I make more of an ass of myself, what else is new.**

**IG: He's in a bad mood. Heh. ANYhow, here's the next chapter! Yes, already! I'm that amazing.... Enjoy!  
**

It was a royally fucking unpleasant day.

I was still in a fucking pissy mood over the comments my father couldn't keep from pouring from his fucking mouth. I'd come home from school and eaten dinner with my mom when the bastard got home and mentioned he wanted to talk with me all causal and fucking nonchalant. Then he'd waited in the kitchen until Mom exited and sat down across from me, staring at me with that stupid expressionless tough-guy look. His lawyer look.

Then he said he'd heard from people that I was fucking around. Literally. I knew that bitch Lauren couldn't keep it quiet, but I hadn't thought my father would get on my case about that shit. He knew about it in Phoenix and it never bothered him, but we move up north and it's fucking terrible.

He chewed me out and insulted the hell out of me until I couldn't take it anymore. I slammed up from me seat, slamming my hands on the table, and leaned into his face, snarling that it was none of his damn business who I screwed and didn't screw. Which led to him standing up and getting in my face and yelling back that I was in a small town now and people talked and if I didn't keep it in my pants, I was going to ruin our life here, blah fucking blah.

Pissed as I was, I let him know I was keeping it in my fucking pants. I was with a girl. I didn't really want him to know about Bella, and I knew she wouldn't be able to fucking me the parents, but I was pissed at him. I wanted to prove the bastard wrong.

And he said he doubted it, and if I was, then she basically had to be a whore. I lost it, wanting to hit him so badly, but knowing that was just too fucking wrong even for me. So instead, I grabbed my glass off the table and threw it across the room. It shattered. We both stood there, heavily breathing and glaring, and then he left the room.

I didn't tell Bella about the whole damn thing because it wasn't that big a deal. He hated me, I hated him, we fought, end of story. I definitely didn't want her knowing what he implied about her. He was a fucking bastard, and she didn't need it bothering her.

When I woke up in the morning, she was gone, but she had told me she wouldn't be around for the day. I dressed and left the house without speaking; Mom smiled at me thinly from the kitchen, and my father was already gone. I drove to school quickly, wanting nothing more than the day to be over already.

It got worse from there.

First, Emmett and Jasper were already waiting at the campus, obviously missing their girls as well, but far more fine with it than I was. It was weird, hanging out with the two as if we were pals or some shit, but I was more comfortable with them than anyone else. But it wasn't the same without Bella or even Alice, and then Emmett opened his big mouth. I think he was trying to comfort me, telling me shit about previous hunts and whatever. But it just made me more anxious for Bella to get back. From the sounds of it, hunts were fucking dangerous, though as vampires they couldn't get even a fucking scratch. Besides that, I just fucking missed her. It sounded like the hunt might help her chill out some, and I wanted to see what that was like.

Then, while I was in one of my damn classes before lunch, I overheard Mike Fucking Newton talking. At first, I just thought it was about that slut Jessica or something. Then I realized he was talking about Bella. I didn't want to know how he got on the damn subject; I just knew I didn't like what he was saying. He had no right to talk about any of those parts of her, let alone _think_ of them.

So I turned around in the middle of class and punched the bastard in the nose. I was suspended for three days.

Whoop-de-fucking-do. My father was just going to _love_ that.

Mom was having me stay in my room; she'd even held out her hand for my cigs, so I was fucking antsy as hell. No Bella, no cigs. What the fuck was I supposed to do?

She brought dinner up to my room, like a prison guard, though I could never think of her like that. She kissed my cheek and warned me that my dad would be home soon and she would tell him after they ate. At least she was buying me some fucking time.

I listened until I knew they were finished eating, and then I hurried into the shower so I could get some more damn time before he murdered me. I was a master of the art of avoidance.

The only fucking downside would be he might have gotten more ticked off instead of cooled down. Guess which one he was today?

Fuck me.

I leaned back against my door as he yelled and yelled and fucking yelled some more. The words still sliced deep, but I knew how to make them slice maybe a little less deeply. I feigned such good fucking nonchalance that he started in on me about not listening. But I had been; I heard every single word that passed his lips.

I wanted my cigs so badly. Fuck that – I wanted something worse, something deeper. And Bella and her fucking family had gotten rid of it all. I was so damn screwed. I paced around my room for a good hour or two, before I couldn't take it any longer. I popped open my window and jumped out, stumbling and fucking up my palms as I landed wrong. Then I started walking, because I didn't even have the fucking keys to the Volvo anymore.

I was a smart motherfucker, let me tell you. I'd expected for my room to be searched, though I had thought it would be my dad, and I'd stashed some of the worse stuff, like the coke I still had from Phoenix, in the woods around every damn house in this town.

I shot myself up, but it wasn't enough. Everything my fucking 'father' had said was just rushing through my mind, too fast too loud too much too painful too true.

I pulled out my cell phone, nerves already starting to get twitchy, and called Tyler. He picked up, curious, and I told him what I needed.

The fucker actually had the nerve to be hesitant, and then he finally agreed. I obviously couldn't tell him where I was cause I didn't fucking know, so I told him I'd meet him at the one and only diner (which would be closed) in Forks. I walked there, fingers fucking freezing and numb, and was glad when I saw that damn van already waiting.

He hopped out and leaned back against his door, looking at me in surprise. "You walked all the way here?"

I glared, not caring about fucking pleasantries. "What did you bring me?" I hadn't been picky about what he brought, as long as I got more of _something_.

"I brought some hell dust," he said, pulling a small baggie out of his pocket. My fingers twitched eagerly.

"I'll pay you tomorrow. Just stop by my house."

Tyler frowned. "You don't have the money now?"

I glared at him, feeling my aggression rise slowly. "No, I don't fucking have any cash on me right now, I snuck out of the house, so either you're gonna give me some credit or you're gonna get your fucking nose broken," I growled.

Tyler paled. The bastard knew I'd do it, too. Slowly, he nodded. "Tomorrow, Masen. I'll collect."

I flipped him the finger, and snatched the hell dust from him, walking over to one of the park tables. Tyler didn't join me - he left in his fucking damn van. I sat down and, with trembling fingers, prepared a line of heroin. I hesitated, glancing around to make sure no one was around, and then used the crumpled dollar bill in my back pocket to snort it. I sat back, pinching one nostril closed to make sure I got all of it, shuddering lightly. Then I closed my eyes as I waited.

The rush hit.

I reveled in it.

The world brightened.

My arguments with my father ceased to hold meaning. His words of how useless I was, how stupid I was, how I would never amount to much, how he wished he didn't have to claim me as his son... none of that meant shit.

There was just the rush.

I walked back home, running in spurts of energy. I still had a line of the the drug left, and happily planned to use it later once my current high started dropping. There was no fucking way I was going to be able to tolerate my day any longer.

When I finally got home, I swore as I realized that I didn't have a key and was stuck outside. I couldn't very well jump back inside my window. So I sat down outside the back door and waited for morning to come. I didn't have any other fucking choice, now did I?

I had waited only a little while - I think; it felt like a short amount of time - when my cell rang. I fumbled for it with numb fingers out of my pocket and answered.

"Yeah?"

"Edward Anthony Masen where the hell are you?" my father hissed over the line.

I rolled my eyes. "Outside."

"Well get the fuck back inside!"

"Can't," I snickered. "Left my keys in my room."

He hung up, and not a minute later was opening the door I was leaning back against, causing me to almost fall backwards. I saluted him with a smirk in thanks and started to march upstairs to my room.

He grabbed the back of my shirt, yanking me to an unbalanced stop. He grabbed my chin tightly in one hand, and though I tried to jerk away, he just held me still with the other, and peered at my eyes.

"You're fucking high, aren't you?" he hissed angrily.

I opened my mouth to answer when there was a creak at the top of the stairs. "Edward?" my mom said quietly, in confusion.

My dear ol' dad leaned close to my ear. "Get the fuck into your room now. She doesn't need to see this. _Again_."

I glared at him and jerked away. I didn't need to take this from him. I marched up the stairs, staring firmly at the floor, and brushed past Mom. I could hear her speaking to my dad in low tones. I slammed the door to my room.

I snorted the rest of the heroin. When the rush hit, I stumbled dizzily, pacing my room, furious at my father. He just couldn't let me be for one fucking night. No, instead, he had to tear down any high I had, whether it be natural or drug-induced. There was no fucking winning with him, I didn't know why I tried anymore.

Why did I even bother?

_Bella_.

Oh, yeah. That's why I had been trying to do better. For Bella. Well I just fucked that up, now didn't I? I fucked up everything, though. No idea why I'd thought this time would be different. I stumbled again, aware that I'd just slammed my foot onto the dresser pretty damn hard but not feeling it. I continued pacing, ignoring the sick dizzy feeling slowly whelming higher.

Why did I ever think I could do better? I was fucked up and always would be and there was no changing that. I may not be necessarily addicted to drugs (if you didn't count the cigs), but they were my damn safety net, my security blanket. Something went fucking south in my life, I went to the drugs. Or the cigs.

It was just how things were, and I decided I should just accept it and move on. If anyone else couldn't do so, well fuck them. I didn't need anybody.

Black spots started encroaching on my vision. I shook my head sharply, blinking furiously. I continued pacing.

My father's words were still ringing in my head. Good-for-nothing. Embarrassment. Bastard. Never amount to much. Disgrace. As good as dead. Fucked up. Son only by last name, and he hated even that. Wished he didn't have to claim me as family.

I heard my father's car drive away. I hadn't realized it was so early. The first rays of sunlight were already creeping over the treetops.

My mom opened the door to my room as the black spots swelled forward again, stronger this time, and they brought backup. An intense sense of vertigo hit me, along with complete nausea.

"Edward?" she asked in motherly concern.

I blacked out.

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

I frowned, head pounding. And that fuckin' beeping noise wasn't helping at-fucking-all. I couldn't be my alarm, it was too slow and steady. Not at all the fast blares I was used to. So what the fuck was making that noise.

I groaned, trying to lift my arm to swat at it, and found my limb felt far too heavy to move. A hand quickly settled over my own, and another swept my hair back from my forehead. "Shh, shh sweetie."

I frowned in confusion, and worked hard to pull back my fucking eyelids. What, had someone taken superglue to them or some shit? After a few moments of struggle, I won against the superglue and pried them open, only to snap them shut on a hard wince. The lights were too bright. Shit, were we on the sun or shit? Slowly, I peeled them back just the slightest bit, trying to see past the fucking bright glare. My frowned increased.

"Mom?"

What the fuck? That hoarse croak couldn't be me, I sounded like I'd swallowed nails and chased them with alcohol.

"Shh," she repeated. "You just rest baby."

Her eyes were tight, but relieved. Her face was pale, and drawn-looking. Her hand trembled slightly as she brushed my hair from my forehead again.

I'd just opened my mouth to attempt to ask where the fuck I was when a door opened and we both looked in that direction. Carlisle walked in, looking over charts or something. He glanced up and smiled slightly, professionally.

"Oh, good. You're awake, Edward."

I nodded, trying to remember how the fuck I ended up in the hospital.

"How're you feeling?"

I tried to clear my throat to make my voice sound less like rusty nails, and only managed minimally. "I have the headache from hell."

Dr. Cullen chuckled darkly, and nodded. "Anything else? Aches, pains, nausea?"

I thought about it. "A little achy. Thirsty as hell. The light hurts."

Carlisle laughed a little again. "Elizabeth, why don't you pour him a glass of water and I'll check his breathing and heart."

Mom got up and moved to the other side of the bed, grabbing a pitcher and glass. I turned my gaze from her and to Carlisle.

"Lean forward, Edward," he requested, holding my elbow in his icy grip like I was a fucking invalid. I glared, until I realized it was _helping_. I scowled more deeply as I tried to remember how I ended up here. He had me do that deep breathing thing as he listened, and then he told me I could lie back. I basically collapsed backwards.

My mom handed me the glass of water, and I forced myself upright to gulp it down. It didn't feel like enough. She silently poured me another glass and handed it over. I drank that one more slowly, handing it back and closing my eyes.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You don't remember?" Mom asked worriedly.

"That's not terribly unusual," Carlisle said consolingly to her. "You overdosed, Edward." There was a slightly hard edge to his voice. "There was an incredibly high amount of pure heroin in your bloodstream. Plus cocaine. It's not safe to mix two highly toxic drugs like that together, so closely together at the time of consumption."

If I hadn't already been lying back and my eyes hadn't already been closed, I think both would have happened with those words. I was usually so fucking careful to not fuck up like that. Apparently, I just was fucking up all around last night. I remembered my father chewing me out, the antsy feeling of need, and jumping out the window to get the coke. I fuzzily thought maybe I'd called Tyler for the hell dust. After that... fucking black.

I brought my hands up and rubbed them over my face, ran them through my hair.

"How close?" I asked, because I had to know. Morbid? Totally, but also necessary.

I opened my eyes to see Dr. Cullen staring seriously down at me. "At first? We weren't sure... but your mom got you here quickly. Any later and your chances would have been far slimmer."

I nodded, closing my eyes. So fucking close. So close to death. That would have hurt Mom terribly. And Bella... oh god. Bella.

I opened my eyes, looking at Carlisle and wondering if he'd told her. He met my gaze and I silently begged him to somehow get my mom out of the room, so I could ask alone.

After a moment, he nodded infinitesimally, and turned to Mom. "Elizabeth, since Edward is finally awake, I suggest you get something to eat. You've been under a lot of stress this morning, and that's not good on an empty stomach."

She hesitated, so I spoke up. "Go eat Mom. I'm fine." I felt the guilt start eating my insides. I fucked up. Again.

A blurry memory of those words being spoken to my last night rose in my memory. Dear old dad. And he wondered why I fucking hated him....

Mom left, the door closing quietly behind her, and after a few moments, I sighed.

"Did you tell Bella?"

Carlisle stared at me for a long moment, then sat in a chair. "No. Esme called me to let me know she got back from the hunting trip about ten. It's one right now. I didn't want to ruin what appears to be a good mood."

I sighed heavily and ran my hands through my hair. "I fucked up," I muttered to myself, again.

"You did," Carlisle said gently. "But what matters is how you recover, how you make up for it. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, Edward. It's how we try to fix things that define us."

I snorted, shaking my head.

"You don't believe that?" Carlisle asked, a slight note of humor in his tone.

I met his gaze and shrugged. "Not really."

Carlisle nodded slowly. "Now that you're awake, it's your job to tell Bella. If she calls for some reason, I won't hide it from her. But I'll leave calling her up to you."

I stared at the wall behind him for several long moments, maybe a few minutes. Carlisle patted my hand and then stood. "I have other patients I need to check up on. You should rest and drink lots of water. I'll be back to see you-"

I sighed, looking at him, and interrupted. "I don't have my cell phone."

"Your mom has it. It was in your jacket."

I nodded uncomfortably. Carlisle smiled kindly, and went to the door. He paused before exiting. "Bella will understand, Edward. Just be open and honest with her."

The only fucking problem with that, I thought, was that I wasn't sure I knew how anymore.

**Assward****: Fuck, you hate me, don't you?**

**IG: Hey, you make the choices. I just write them down. I asked you if you were sure about taking all those drugs and YOU said-**

**Assward: Shut the hell up already! Just... gah! _storms away, muttering_ Never thought I'd fucking miss El Sal....**

**IG: _sniggers_ Well, there ya go. lol. I know, I just keep fucking them up more and more. But there's a reason to my madness, obscure though it may be. Right now... it's necessary. Just trust me. ;) Review with your well-wishes for Assward!  
**


	14. Chapter 13

**Hey, lookie here! Another chapter! I've eased my life up a little - I have two speeches about the same thing happening simultaneously, so I just made them the same speech, lol! ;) Two birds, one stone.**

**Assward: Lazy ass.**

**IG: Oh, shut up. That's not being lazy, that's being conductive. ANYhow, lol.... Here's the next chapter. It starts with Assward, ends with Bella, and I love the ending, actually... haha. Can't say exactly why, I just loved writing it!**

**Assward: I can figure out why. _smirks_ Because you're an angst whore.**

**IG: _glares_ ...**

**... **

**Shut up, Assward. Or I'll steal all the towels out of the shower room again. **

**Assward****: Fuck you. _glares at readers_ Get to reading, so that way she'll be fucking distracted with reviews and leave me alone while I shower.  
**

EPOV

Mom came back in a few minutes later, a bagel and cup of coffee in her hands. She smiled tiredly at me as she sat down, placing the coffee on the bedside table and peeling back the cover of the cream cheese. I watched as she spread it over the bagel.

"I'm sorry," I said, basically out of fucking no where.

She glanced up at me, the plastic knife in her hands pausing momentarily. After a moment, she nodded, smiling gently. "Just… don't do that to me again, Edward. Promise me?"

I nodded, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. "I promise."

It was quiet for a while, and I was building up my fucking courage. I'd have to call Bella. It would be better if she heard it from me and not her fucking father first, though I figured I was fucked either way.

"Mom, can I have my cell?"

She glanced up in surprise, brows raising. "Sure," she said after a moment, and pulled it out of her purse, handing it over. She didn't ask who I was calling, though I could see the burning curiosity in her eyes. I was really fucking grateful she never asked too many questions.

I dialed Bella and waited, a part of me hoping she wouldn't pick up and I'd have an excuse for not telling her myself.

"Edward, shouldn't you be in class?" she scolded teasingly. She laughed. "Or did you ditch out early?"

I cleared my throat. "Uh, no. I'm…" Fuck it was hard to admit my fuck-up to her. I closed my eyes, but the image of her pained expression when I told her just wound up there. I ran a hand through my hair as I let out a huge breath.

"Edward, what's wrong? What happened?" she asked quickly, the laughter leaking out of her voice in favor of worry.

"I'm in the hospital," I spat out quickly. Like a fucking band aid, right?

It was dead silent on her end. I figured she probably wasn't even breathing.

"I'm fine now, babe, just… dehydrated and fucking exhausted. My mom's here keeping an eye on me. Carlisle said I was fine," I added. Mention of my mom would keep her from coming here, mention of her 'father' would reassure her I was really okay. She trusted the man, she'd know he would tell her if I was _really_ fucking screwed.

She sighed. "What happened, Edward?"

I tugged on a clump of hair. "I… fucked up."

She snorted, a little angrily. "I gathered, Edward, now; how did you fuck up?"

I couldn't help it; I grinned. "I love it when you say that."

"Say wha…" she started in confusion, then huffed a little. I could just see her rolling her pretty gold eyes. "You're priorities need rearranging, you know that? I say a swear word, and that's all you can think about."

I laughed. "We've already gathered I'm fucking in need of some change in my life, but hell, I like hearing you say it."

She laughed a little, but it died too soon for my tastes. She sighed. "Just tell me, Edward."

I sighed. "I overdosed," I admitted, wincing. Fuck, it sounded worse out loud, coming from my mouth, for Bella to hear.

I heard a slight commotion on the other end, angry speedy whispers, and then an angry shout of "Alice!"

"Edward Anthony Masen, if I had seen this, I would have been there right away to beat the shit out of you. You're lucky I didn't see it. But I'll be keeping an extra sharp psychic eye on you, young man, so don't fuck up again, capiche?"

I chuckled. "I get it, Alice, no more fuck ups on your watch. Now give the phone back to Bella."

"Alright," she said reluctantly. "We'll be by later tonight, when your mom is gone. She'll leave for dinner if you ask her to."

"Okay," I said. "Now give the phone back."

Bella's voice came back on the line. "Carlisle said you were okay?" she asked worriedly.

I sighed, trying not to feel impatient. I had no fucking right to. "Yeah. Rest and lots of fluids. Doctor's orders."

"Then get some sleep."

"I've been sleeping the whole fucking day away, I've hardly been up for more than forty minutes."

She sighed. "Okay."

We were both quiet for a while, before I quietly spoke up.

"I'm sorry, babe. I promise you, it won't ever fucking happen again."

She was quiet for a while, and then quietly said, "Okay, I believe you. But I'm going to gorge Tyler's eyes out."

I laughed loudly, I couldn't help it. "Leave him be, babe. I already scared the shit out of him last night."

Which reminded me… fucker was gonna be asking for money later today.

"Uh, but maybe you could-"

"Alice already saw him showing up at your house when your dad was home. She's going to go stop him and pay him for you."

"Shit, don't-"

Bella snorted. "Edward, we have too much money to ever really use. One little drug payment won't kill us. As long as you promise me you won't do that poison again."

I sighed. "I did. I will."

"Good," she murmured. "I want to see you so badly right now," she admitted sadly.

"Me too."

We stayed on the line for about another fifteen minutes, making the occasional comments, but mainly just listening to the soft sounds of the other. Bella was humming under her breath, the sounds so sweet and soft. Like a fucking siren from Greek mythology; I was entranced with the musical sounds.

Finally, realizing we were being somewhat ridiculous, we hung up. I set my phone on the bedside table, sighing and leaning my head back. Mom was staring at me, trying not to, but her eyes kept flickering back and forth between the book she was reading and me.

Eventually, I sighed, and levered myself upright. It took more energy than it fucking should have. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at a point just over her shoulder.

"Okay. Ask."

"Ask what?" she questioned curiously, but we both knew what I meant, so I just raised a brow at her, still not really meeting her gaze.

She sighed. "You didn't tell me you were seeing someone."

I didn't want her or my dad to know. But I couldn't say that to her, it would hurt her feelings. "I was just… it's kinda new still. Only been a week."

She nodded. "Oh. Who is she?"

"A girl in my last two classes at school. She's cool." I didn't know what else to fucking say.

Mom nodded again. "Is she going to come here?"

That was probably Mom's subtle way of asking if she would get to meet her. Yeah, that would be a _no_. I shook my head. "She's busy. She wishes she could be here, though."

Mom smiled slightly. "You seem to really like her."

I shrugged, glancing to the other side of the room uncomfortably.

"I told your father something was different," she mused.

I tensed and glared. "Yeah, well, he didn't fucking believe you."

"What do you mean?" she asked in confusion.

My father and I kept our arguments between us. Neither of us ever really told Mom what we said in them. So she wouldn't know he'd basically called any girl I'd end up with a whore. I didn't think it would be smart to mention it, so I shrugged and closed my eyes, lying back again.

Mom dropped it.

Once it neared dinner time, I told her to go home and relax. It took some convincing, that I would be fine here for the night by myself, and finally, she got up and left. I promised to call her if I needed her for any reason, at any time.

I dozed off some more, hating how fucking tired I was. It wasn't just physical exhaustion, either, it was mental. I was just all around sleepy, and it kind of pissed me the fuck off.

Something cool pressed against my side, the bed shifted, and sweetly fragrant, icy breath fanned across my cheek before equally cold lips brushed gently against it.

I smiled, prying my eyes open to find it dark in the room, and Bella lying on the hospital bed next to me.

"Hey," I said quietly, pushing some hair out of her face and stroking her cheek. She leaned into my touch; I knew she loved how warm I felt in comparison to her, so I always made it a point to press our skin together.

Her fingers skimmed under my eyes. "You look tired. Have you been sleeping?"

I rolled my eyes. "Those will go away soon, Bella. Don't worry so much."

She sighed, the cool mint of her breath striking me momentarily senseless. "I'll try. It's hard."

I nodded, pulling her closer to my side. "Okay." My eyes still burned tiredly, and I closed them. "Glad you're here," I mumbled.

Her lips pressed into my neck. "Sleep, Edward. Get better for me."  
I smiled slightly, turning so my lips were pressed lightly against her forehead, and let the exhaustion pull me under again.

BPOV

Early in the morning, Carlisle stepped into the room. I'd been listening to Edward sleep for hours, and hadn't realized so much time had passed. It meant I would likely have to leave soon, and I didn't want to.

I gently disentangled myself from my warm, comfortable position with Edward, and moved over to sit in a chair near Carlisle. I made sure to take the seat where I could still stare at Edward, watch him breathe easily and steadily.

"He should be fine. Probably they'll release him tonight, or tomorrow."

I nodded, sighing. "I worry about him," I admitted. "I thought taking away the temptation might help him get better, but now I think it made it worse in the end."

"You can't know that for sure. Perhaps it was inevitable, Bella." He reached out and squeezed my hand. "He's fine now. You just have to help him stay away from the drugs."

I nodded. "Alice paid off Tyler, so he won't bug Edward. We took Emmett with us, too," I added, smirking. It had been hilarious to see. Alice had stopped Tyler before he drove down Edward's street by parking Emmett's jeep in the way. Tiny Alice driving Emmett's jeep was rather amusing in the first place, but the way she sat on the hood while we waited for Tyler was hilarious. Her feet dangled farther up than either of ours.

When Tyler's van had stopped, all of us walked towards the driver's side, where he sat anxiously. The Crazy Cullens were out; always dangerous.

Alice had stepped forward and handed him the exact amount he wanted from Edward. I glared at him, arms crossed, and leaned against the doorframe. His eyes nervously flicked to me while Alice sweetly - and threateningly - told him this was to pay off Edward's charge.

I'd told him to leave Edward alone - no more talking to him, no more selling to him. Which was when Emmett had stepped up closer, right behind Alice and me, and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring.

Emmett was intimidating while he was just standing there. His smile could even be frightening. Emmett glaring was like the grim reaper come to life, and telling you he was here for your soul. Tyler paled and squeakily agreed.

Carlisle shook his head, but he was smiling. I grinned over at him, before returning my gaze to Edward. We were both quiet for a few moments, before Carlisle spoke up.

"Bella, have you told Edward-"

"No," I said immediately, knowing what he was going to ask.

He sighed. "I understand why you haven't, but you will have to tell him one day. Sooner rather than later."

I nodded. "I know," I sighed. "But… I just want to enjoy what we have, before reality complicates it." Slowly I frowned. "Though, it seems to be doing that already. Why did he do this?" I asked no one softly.

Carlisle was quiet for a long moment. "Well, I'm sure if you ask him, he will tell you. It's obvious his home life is stressful."

My scowl deepened as I remembered the night before I left. "He was upset. He wouldn't tell me why." I sighed, closing my eyes. "I shouldn't have left."

"You can't help your nature, Bella, and you had to hunt. It's no fault of your own what Edward did. However…" He looked at me seriously. "I think you are one of the few who could help him with whatever is troubling him."

I nodded, standing. "Tell him I'll be back soon, if he wakes up while I'm gone." I moved to the bed side and pressed my lips to Edward's forehead, breathing in his sweet scent.

Carlisle smiled. "If I'm here, I'll let him know." I smiled at him, then quickly left the hospital, getting into Alice's car - of course she was waiting for me - and quickly getting out once we got home. I showered and changed, handing all my homework to Alice to turn in for me, and quickly back out the door.

I climbed into the spare Mercedes and sped to the diner, smiling brilliantly at the man behind the counter.

"Hi," I said, glancing around, trying not to grimace at the smell of dying plants and raw meat. As a human, I knew I'd eaten food and loved the smells. As a vampire, I kept wondering what the hell I was thinking.

"G'morning, Miss," the man greeted me with a nod of his head. "What can I get for you?"

I bit my lip, thinking and considering. "Can I get some chocolate chip pancakes, to go?"  
He raised his brows and nodded. "Sure. In a hurry?"

I smiled. "My boyfriend is in the hospital."

The man laughed appreciatively. "I can understand why you're bringing him breakfast then."

I smiled and waited as they prepared the meal, then paid for it and thanked the man. He waved goodbye to me, and I quickly sped off again, this time to the hospital.

I paused outside Edward's room and listened, but I could only hear him. I pushed open the door, stepping inside, and grinned at him when I saw he was up.

He glared.

I rolled my eyes as I plopped into the seat next to his bed. "What are you looking at me like that for?"

After a moment, his expression cleared and he shook his head, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "Sorry. Just… I hate being here."

I nodded sympathetically, smirking down at my lap. "Well… maybe I have something to cheer you up."

He opened his eyes and raised a brow, practically screaming with his expression at me that said he doubted it. I smirked at him openly now, almost laughing as he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

I set the to-go carrier in his lap, popping open the lid to reveal the choc chip pancakes. I made sure to specifically have them leave the maple syrup off of them, because Edward hated maple syrup. Instead, I'd weaseled them into drizzling some chocolate syrup on the top, and whipped cream on top of that.

Edward's laugh was loud, his grin huge, as he stared down at the meal in his lap. He grinned up at me, that familiar crooked happy one that I loved seeing and reminded me of the happy boy he'd been.

"Fuck, I haven't had these in forever. Thanks."

I laughed a little. "I remember making them for you, so I bought them."

"Better than fucking hospital crap," he muttered, grabbing the fork and digging in.

I waited while he ate, smiling slightly.

"Can you eat?" he asked, brows raised curiously.

I shrugged. "Yeah. It tastes like… I don't know, cardboard. Nutritionless and nasty. We have to throw whatever we eat up later."

"Ew," he said, scrunching his nose. "Thanks for telling me that shit while I was fucking eating."

I laughed as he closed the empty carton and pushed it into the garbage bin next to his bed. I got up, crawling into the bed beside him, sighing happily as his arm wrapped around me.

We were quiet for a while, Edward stroking my hair, me tracing patterns up and down his arm. I bit my lip, not wanting to break the peace of the moment, but wanting to ask. To know.

"Will you… will you tell me why you did it?"

"Did what?" he mumbled absently, trailing his fingers through my hair, watching the movement.

I pulled back slightly to stare more completely up at him. "Take all those drugs," I quietly specified.

His movements hesitated and his eyes tightened before he continued on, glancing down at me. "You really want to know?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't."

We were both quiet, and then he sighed.

"I don't really know. It just got to be too much. I wanted it all to go away. To ease the nerves. To make everything feel easier. I suppose it's like a soda bottle," he mused quietly. "Shake it more and more, and eventually it bursts in a spray.

"My father… we don't get along. We haven't for the longest time. He says things, and it… pisses me off. But everything he says, it just continues running through my head. All the insults, the harsh comments, the complete lack of… faith in me."

I pressed closer. The tortured pain in his voice tore at my chest. Slowly, I slid my hand down his arm and gripped his fingers tightly. He squeezed back.

He took a deep breath, his chest lifting under my cheek, before continuing in the same soft tone. "I just wanted them to go away. I had… hide some coke out in the woods, and I jumped out my window to get it. I didn't even have my cigs, Bella, I was desperate. But it wasn't enough. So I… I got some more."

He was quiet for so long that I thought that was it. But then he sighed, turning his head to press his nose into my hair.

"He realized I was high, didn't want Mom to see. Said she didn't need to see it, again. Didn't need to get hurt by it again. It stung, knowing I kept hurting her. I didn't want to hurt her… I never do. But it seems all I'm capable of accomplishing. Sometimes I think she'd be fucking better of without me."

I sat up quickly, startling Edward, who looked up with shocked eyes. I grabbed his face between my cool palms and made him meet my stare, feeling the anger and fear coursing through me. He couldn't leave. Not physically, and definitely not in the sense of being dead or alive. I had a feeling he'd been talking about the last one, and that terrified me. The thought of Edward being gone from the world terrified me. I couldn't handle it. Not when I'd just found him.

"Don't ever think that, Edward. She loves you; if you were gone, she'd be destroyed. While you're still here, she has hope. Don't kill that for her. Don't… just don't."

He lifted himself up, and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer. I could feel his chest shake as he chuckled, and glared, but his words made me smile.

"I won't. I promise."

We slowly lay back down against the scratchy pillows, and Edward's hands began stroking my back again.

"So I took more. I was fucked up already, and I guess the heroin Tyler gave me was unusually closer to purity. I passed out."

I waited a while, thinking over what he said. "What did your father say to you?" I wasn't liking the man right now, but maybe it was just a misunderstanding situation.

Edward shook his head. "You don't need to know, it's nothing, he's a dick-"

"Edward, don't talk about your father like that," I admonished automatically.

He tensed. "The fucker doesn't deserve any of my damn respect. He's a bastard."

I pulled away, glaring down at him. "It can't be-"

"He called me a lazy, good for nothing, deadbeat that he wished he didn't have to claim as a son. He said I was a damned disappointment, a disgrace, and embarrassment, a stupid fucker and I'll never be anything else. I'd only ever date whores, I might as well leave, because it would hurt Mom less and he no longer gives a flying fuck what the hell happens to me because he doesn't have a damn son any longer."

I stared in horror down at Edward as he closed his eyes. I had heard the _raw pain_ in his voice, the tears clogging his throat. I leaned over him, running my fingers over his tightened features.

"Oh, Edward." I wanted to cry. I really wanted to cry, for the first time in a long while. I couldn't imagine how anyone could say that to their child. I couldn't imagine how Edward could bear to hear that once, and definitely couldn't understand how he wasn't a shell of a person after hearing it Lord knew how many times before this one.

I leaned my forehead against the base of his throat, my own tightening in a fashion similar to that when one cried really hard.

"I'm sorry," I said thickly. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I… I… I…."

He grabbed my hand tightly in his own and brought it to his lips. "Fuck, Bella, for what? You didn't do shit, don't fucking apologize."

I looked up at him, shaking my head, and ran a hand across his cheek. "He shouldn't say those things. None of them are true, Edward, you know that, right?" I asked worriedly.

He smiled thinly. "Babe, I'm fucked up, and I know it."

I glared, the anger simmering higher, the red haze beginning to tickle the edges of my mind. "Yeah, and it's his fault! Not just yours or mine or the bastard who tried to kill me and hurt you. It's your father's as well! How long has he been saying shit like that to you?" I hissed, muscles tightening, preparing for a fight that wasn't going to happen.

At least… not likely happening.

Edward looked uneasy, and ran his hands up and down my arms. "Bella-"

_"How. Long."_

He sighed. "Fuck, I don't keep track, babe. A while. Since I was thirteen, at least. Maybe a little earlier."

For over five years. His father had been spouting that bull at him for over _five years_.

"How dare he," I snarled. "How dare he say that to you? I should rip his tongue from his mouth, teach him to spread lies to his own damn son."

"Bella," Edward said, trying to be soothing, but I could hear the unease underneath. "You don't have to do shit. I can put up with it, and I won't fuck up again, I promise."

"And what about your father?" I snapped at him, glaring. The red haze kept steadily climbing. "What about him? Is he going to keep himself from fucking up again? I doubt it, I bet he says that kind of stuff to you all the time. Doesn't he?"

"Bella-"

I got up from where I'd been hovering over him. "I think he needs a fucking visit-"

"Bella!"

That wasn't Edward's voice, and it was sharp enough to penetrate the haze. Alice was standing in the doorway, the rest of my siblings behind her, watching with predatory intentness. Alice had her hands on her hips, eyes tightened into a glare.

"Calm down."

"Do you know what-"

"No," she interrupted quickly and coldly. "I don't. But you need to calm down."

"His father-" I hissed.

Emmett and Jasper both stepped into the room. The red haze was so high. It made it hard to remember that these were my family, not foes I had to fight. I lowered into a fighting crouch and growled threateningly before managing to shake off the haze enough to straighten. I still felt tense, stiff, ready for a fight at any moment.

Jasper and Emmett stepped closer, making me feel caged in, trapped, cornered. Never a good thing for an edgy vampire to feel.

I stepped backwards, warning them with my eyes not to continue any closer. They froze, waiting to see if I could control this rage or not. A hospital was no place for me to lose control.

I swallowed, swaying between the complete loss of myself and a tentative control. It didn't help that I couldn't get the pain in Edward's voice out of my head, nor the words his father had said to him. Just thinking about that made the red haze blaze higher.

"Bella." His warm hand closed around my wrist, tugging me around to face him. He rose out of his bed and lifted his hands, framing my face. The unease was gone; now he was only worried, concerned for me. His thumbs stroked over my cheekbones. "Hey," he said soothingly. "Calm down. If you freak out on me, they'll probably make you go hunting again, right? Don't fucking leave me right now," he added in a desperate whisper. "I need you, okay?"

I blinked, swaying slightly towards him and away again, and closed my eyes, breathing in deeply, burying my nose into the crook of his neck and shoulder. His scent grounded me, a faint lingering hazy smoke scent, citrus-y, making me think of summer days in Phoenix. His arms wrapped around me, a burning band of heat that locked me in place.

I ignored the murmurings around me, the gentle hands brushing against my shoulder, the sounds of people leaving until it was just me and Edward.

Finally, I wrapped my arms around him, back in control of my instincts, my mind, my rage. I breathed in his scent deeply, letting it out on a sigh, admitting to him words that I knew would change almost everything in his life, even if he didn't know it now.

"I'll never leave you."

**VampBella: _grumbling about Ed Sr._ I hope you all hate him as much as I do, because when I kill him, I don't want anyone complaining about it.**

**Assward: Fuck, just leave him alone, babe. He's not worth it.**

**VampBella: He is SO worth it. _grins eagerly_**

**Assward: Just leave it, babe. _sidles closer and wraps his arms around her waist. snuggles his nose into her neck._**

**VampBella: Uh... what were we arguing about?**

**Ig: GET A ROOM!**

**Reviewers get to be locked in a shower with Assward!**

**Assward: Fuck, IG! **

**VampBella: They gotta get through me first. _glares, then runs off with Assward._**

**Ig: Uh... okay. Fine. Reviewers DON'T get to be locked in a shower with Assward. but they do get some butterscotch oatmeal cookies that were freshly baked today. ;) Yum, yum. Assward loves them. Maybe you could bribe him to flash you or something.  
**


	15. Chapter 14

**Hey everyone! Betcha glad to see me again!**

**Get on to reading. More from me at the bottom. (And Assward, if I can get him to cooperate).  
**

The cold wind whipped around the group of boys, but didn't bother any of them. Sam had his arms folded across his chest, his glare permanently in place as usual. The vampires had broken the treaty, and the pack had to decide what to do about it.

While the she-vampire hadn't done anything besides invade their territory, she had also been waiting in the house of a human boy. Why would a vampire hang out with a human, except to eat him?

"So what do we do?" asked Embry, leaning back against the rough bark of a tree. He glanced at his nails and picked some dirt from under them.

"Fuck if I know," grumbled Quil, kicking a clump of dirt, sending it sailing into sightless distance. He watched it fly, brows furrowed in deep thought and worry.

Sam was staring into the distance, contemplating. "We must protect the boy."

"No frickin' duh," snorted Quil, turning to face the group again.

Jacob paced back and forth. "He didn't seem upset to see the leech in his room. He must know her well. It's been weeks, who knows what's happened since. At least there haven't been any disappearances."

"They'll have to leave to feed at some point, won't they?" asked Jared, looking around. "Why don't we grab the boy then?"

"It isn't the rez," Sam reminded the pack, shaking his head. "He wouldn't understand. We have to find some other way than bringing him here to safety."

"Why don't we just tell him?" snapped Paul, glaring.

Jacob snorted and rolled his eyes derisively. "We can't, moron. That'd be breaking the treaty."

"So?" He stepped closer, into Jacob's personal space. "The leeches already did that, by coming onto our lands. "There's no holding back punches now. We could kill them all if we so chose."

Sam tugged his brow. "No, we aren't strong enough for that yet."

Paul looked at him in disbelief. "Says who? There's six of them, and six of us. That sounds pretty damn even to me. If we wait a few days, we'll have Seth as well. Kid's about ready to phase any day now."

"Possibly Leah as well," Jared reminded them all quietly, which made the group shift uncomfortably. If Leah joined the pack, problems would arise within their ranks, and that wouldn't be good. They had to be a strong single unit; Leah would just add bitterness.

After a few moments of quiet, Paul spoke again. "So we might have eight. That's outnumbering them three to four. We can take them," he finished haughtily.

"I won't chance it," Sam said, shaking his head. "Not yet."

Paul opened his mouth to argue, and Sam sent him a look full of command. Paul shut his mouth with a snap and glared tightly.

"Moron," Jacob muttered again, and Paul whirled on him, shaking in anger.

"What does that make you? You got your ass kicked by _one _female bloodsucker, after bragging about how badass you are."

Jacob glared, dignity insulted, and stepped closer, threatening with his posture. Paul stepped forward as well, so they were chest to chest, nose to nose, vibrating with tension. Ready to snap.

"Calm down," Sam said, and the power of the alpha in his voice forced both of them to step aside.

"I say we get it over with and kill them," Paul muttered under his breath.

Jacob agreed. But he wasn't alpha, so he couldn't do anything about it.

But he could be alpha, if he wanted to. He could take up his rightful position, and then he could get rid of the leeches. Without them, he could get back to a normal life: go to school, goof off, not worry about good vs. evil, get a girl. Sounded like a damn fine plan to him.

He just had to wait until the right time to take command. Wait for his best chance to supersede Sam's control, and make sure _he_ was the one who stayed in power.

Which meant making sure Sam was no longer part of the picture.

BPOV

I sighed, leaning against the door of Edward's bedroom and waiting as he walked in from his bathroom, towel around his waist. I'd seen him naked before, but he'd been a baby then. It would be entirely different now, and exposing as much skin as he already was made my mind wander. Venom pooled in my mouth, and it wasn't from a blood hunger.

He smirked over at me like he knew where my thoughts were heading, even though I was trying not to think any of it. "Like what you see babe?"

I bit my tongue, thinking, _You have no idea_.

I closed my eyes as his hands moved to release the towel, because I wasn't ready to see more skin than I already had. I listened to the rustle and plop of it hitting the ground, and as he walked to his dresser, pulling open drawers and closing them. There was more rustling as he pulled on whatever he'd grabbed, and then he stepped forward. His hands burned where they skimmed around my waist and down to hold my hips.

I opened my lids to see him standing before me without a shirt. I trailed my fingers across the character for beauty he had inked over his heart, then lightly trailed down to his ribs. He shuddered under my touch, his eyes fluttering closed. I looked at the three characters down his side, tracing the top one, the one that was the least complicated.

"What does it mean?" I asked him.

He opened his eyes, the green so very very dark, meeting my gaze for a long moment before glancing down to where my fingers still traced over the skin. "To die. Lost. Gone. To flee."

Inwardly, I winced, but I knew why he'd chosen it.

"I fled, and I will always hate myself for that." I opened my mouth to retort, and he pressed a finger against my lips. "It's not like it was before, Bella. But I will always hate that I left you to die. Then you were gone... and I felt so lost...."

I swallowed. I didn't want to know what the others meant yet. So I just nodded at his explanation and lifted my fingers to his hair. It was wet still from his shower. He smelled strongly of soap and shampoo, and the water made his natural scent stronger. I leaned into him and inhaled deeply at his pulse.

It sped up, and venom pooled again. I couldn't decide if it was with blood hunger or not this time. Maybe a little of both.

His hands skimmed up to the back of my head, and he dug his fingers into my hair, gently pulling my head away and tilting it up to meet his lips with mine. I purred in pleasure, soaking and basking in his heat and his passion. His kisses grew rougher and more hungry, and he stepped forward; I backed up from his advance and found my back firmly hitting the door with a soft thump.

I was panting - unnecessarily, yet it felt like it was necessary - when he pulled away from my mouth, breathing heavily, and then trailed lips and teeth and tongue down my next. It felt so good; it drove me nearly mindless with the emotions that plagued me daily, caused only by him. Only by Edward.

He groaned and pulled away, walking across the room and tugging lightly on his hair as he stared out the window. I took a moment to gather some composure and give him a chance to do the same before I slipped over to leaned next to him. His arm tucked my closer, and even that gesture, such a simple one, made me want to purr in satisfaction and content.

"Whatever happened to that wolf?" he asked suddenly.

I frowned up at him, wondering what he meant until I remembered the day I'd admitted to him that I was a vampire. There had been a wolf outside the window.

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "I just... sorta beat him up. A little."

Edward pulled away to look down at me, and grinned in pure amusement. "Seriously? That's fucking hilarious."

I rolled my eyes again. "It was just one werewolf, Edward."

He froze, staring down at me, and I realized what I said and mentally smacked my head. Outwardly, I sighed. "Yes, there are werewolves. I guess these wouldn't be just like the usual werewolf, so I don't know if maybe they're a different... species or something. But in essence, they are the same. They can change shape into a wolf. The natives on the reservation have some genetic anomaly that allows them to become giant wolves. And they absolutely _hate_ vampires. Even benign, vegetarian types like my family. Carlisle made a treaty with them decades ago. They can't tell the humans what we are, and we won't bite a human. We're also not allowed on each others lands, not really. Forks is, for the most part, neutral, in that we can both be on it, but they can't come on it while in wolf form. Which is why I kicked that one's furry tail."

Edward just stared a little longer, then chuckled shaking his head. "Fuck, is the boogeyman real too?"

I shrugged. "As far as I know, no, though I've heard rumors that chupacabra is."

He stared at me some more and I grinned. He laughed.

"You're fucking with me."

I shrugged, grinning slyly. "Perhaps. Perhaps not." I wasn't - I had heard they were real. Never seen one or any proof, but hey. Vampires were real, werewolves were. Why not a different type of blood sucker?

He laughed again, kissing my lips lightly, rather sweetly, and then tugging me towards his bed. He tried to stop a yawn and failed as he pulled the comforter over himself. I snuggled up close to his side, smiling happily as he wrapped an arm around me.

"Night," I whispered.

He half grinned sleepily, eyes already closed, heart rate slowing. "Night babe."

I stayed until his father and mother got up, then quickly slipped out the window to the yard below. I ran home to change and then back to Edward's house, just in time for him to walk down his stairs. He grinned when he saw me, reaching up to mess with my hair, probably fix it from it's windblown appearance.

"There," he murmured, kissing my forehead. "Normal society will accept you."

The gossips of Forks had quickly found out he'd been to the hospital, and it was widely known it was because of an overdose. I know Edward had been worried at first about his father's reaction, but I hadn't noticed anything changed. If he'd done something, Alice would have seen it, and I would have stopped it. I think Elizabeth had run interference.

At school, the whispers were still going around, though it had been little over a week. During the time he'd been unable to return to school, I'd come over and hang out with him in his room, and he'd finally told me - albeit reluctantly - about his past. It wasn't pretty. It was painful. Dark. There were thins I almost wished he hadn't shared. I didn't want to know how he'd been loose with his affections for girls, how he'd started smoking at thirteen. How he'd been arrested several times, shoplifted, drank, tried drugs of all sorts. I didn't want to hear about him starting fights or purposefully done stupid things in hopes of causing himself an injury (like skateboarding off the second floor of an abandoned building). But there was a part of me that had to know every detail.

I'm pretty sure he left things out, just like I had, but I wasn't going to be a bitch and ask for every sordid detail he didn't want to share. I trusted him to tell me everything important.

Jessica and Lauren immediately started whispering as we got out of his car, and I glared at them darkly, daring them to continue. They caught the look and edged away, probably to gossip more, but whatever.

Edward always seemed so blase to all the rumors and whispers, but I was pretty sure he wasn't as immune to them as he acted. Just like his father's comments hurt him more than he'd ever admit. Edward denied himself any admittance of weakness, liked to pretend he was colder than he was. I figured - hoped - one day he'd grow out of it, at least a little.

He kissed me outside of my first class, and I smiled as he walked away, watching for a little longer than necessary. He turned around, still walking, and grinned at catching me. I ducked my head in embarrassment as he simply smirked. We both kept eye contact until he had to turn the corner, and then I went inside.

EPOV

I went out to smoke after dinner, leaning against the back of the house and staring into the woods contemplatively. Bella had gone home while I had dinner with my mom, and I was waiting for her to get back. I knew she wanted me to stop smoking; I figured I'd stop once I could get the fuck away from my father. That would lessen my stress, leaving me no reason to keep inhaling tar.

Instead of Bella's lithe form appearing from between the trees, a tall, bulky frame extracted itself, and I glared, recognizing the kid who gave me a ride out of the rez.

The fucking wolf who wanted Bella and her family dead.

I dropped my cig and stomped it out then stomped over to meet him halfway through the yard. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him, which was really fucking hard considering he was at least half a foot taller than I was, the fucker.

"What the hell do you want?" I snarled.

He seemed slightly taken aback. "I wanted to talk to you. To warn you."

My glare intensified. "Fuck if I'll listen to you about anything."

He glared. "What's that supposed to mean?" he growled.

I stepped closer, getting in his face. "It means I don't think you can offer any good fucking advice to anyone."

"If you were smart, you'd listen to me," he snarled. "If you wanted to live, you'd do as I suggested."

"Sure, I'm gonna listen to a fucker who got beat up by a chick," I snorted, rolling my eyes.

He started shaking. "You know."

I grinned snarkily at him. "Sure do, motherfucker. I know you're a mangy dog with bigoted views."

The shaking intensified. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You have no idea what you're getting into. They'll suck your blood and kill you."

I grinned. "She'll kill me alright, but it'll be from being so fucking naturally sexy, not blood loss."

He shook his head sharply. "They use sex to get to you. They'll drain you, boy."

I glared, unconsciously reacting by lifting my hands and shoving the mutt in the chest. "Don't talk about shit you don't know jack about, asshole."

He stiffened, and then growled like the dog he was. The shaking intensified even more, until his frame blurred.

Bella spoke coldly from behind me. "Control yourself, and get lost."

"We're watching," he spat, then turned quickly. Right before he reached the treeline, something happened that my eyes simply couldn't fucking process and shred of clothes littered the ground. Bella moved in front of me, nose slightly wrinkled in the cutest fucking adorable way. She looked me over in concern, then sighed and wrapped her arms around me.

"They're so irrational, volatile. They could hurt you, Edward, they really could."

I snorted, holding her tightly against my chest. "Yeah, so you said before. The fucker was trying to tell me you'd use sex to drain me dry," I added in a growl. "What the fuck does he know about you to make those kinds of assumptions?"

She reluctantly pulled away, too easily for my liking, and sighed. "Yes, well, if I weren't a vegetarian, that'd be a good way to get a meal. The Denali sisters used to do it like that occasionally, before they turned vegetarian."

I eyed her. "Who?"

She snickered. "The Denali sisters, Tanya, Irina, and Kate." She smirked up at me. "I'm making sure you never meet them."

I laughed, pulling her close again and kissing the top of her head. "You're the only one for me, babe, you know that." It was the most I'd ever said to a girl. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to say the L word to one, but with Bella, I could say stuff like that easily. For now, it was the most I could do, and she never pushed me for more, thank fuck.

I went back inside while Bella got in through my window. I passed by my father without looking at him, and he ignored me as well. Mom smiled tiredly, and I knew the tension between my father and me was getting to her. I regretted that shit, but no fucking way was I speaking with him. We'd only end up yelling shit at each other again, and that would piss Bella the fuck off. I didn't doubt she'd do something irrational.

I wanted to know what that shit at the hospital had been about, but was wary of bringing it up. Her eyes had been black, almost wild. She hadn't really been Bella, she'd become something else that scared the shit out of me, but I didn't know how to stop it. Somehow, I'd managed to calm her down, but I wanted to be able to prevent that shit, not end it.

I'd tried to get some details out of Alice, but the girl kept tight lipped. All she'd fucking share was that it was Bella's power, and Bella had little to no control over the shit. Big fucking help, Alice. Seriously.

I'd made it halfway up the stairs when I heard Mom calling me from the bottom. I stopped and looked back at her, raising a brow.

"Edward, this weekend, we have to go into Seattle. All of us."

"Why?" I asked, not exactly politely.

She sighed. "Your father has a company party, and it's polite to bring your family."

I instantly lied through my teeth. "I promised my girlfriend I'd meet her family on Saturday." I hadn't met Bella's family yet. Too much shit had happened, and then it had just never come up again.

Mom sighed, eyes torn, then nodded. "Okay," she sighed in defeat, making guilty claw at me insides. "You can stay here. As long as you promise to be safe."

I nodded, quietly told her good night, and continued up to my room.

Bella was sitting in the middle of my bed, legs crossed and a book in her lap. I sat down behind her, wrapping my arms around her middle, and peered over her shoulder.

She was reading Anne Fucking Rice. I snorted, turning my head so my nose tickled behind her ear. "Vampire books? Seriously babe?"

She shrugged, reading a little more and closing the book. "Yeah." She twisted around so that our knees were touching, my legs outside of hers, encompassing her. "Why didn't you just tell your mom you weren't comfortable going?"

I sighed, shaking my head. "Because that sounds so fucking heartless. If I had prior engagements, it's less rude."

She tilted her head, eyes sad. They were getting darker. I wondered if she'd have to go hunting again soon. "She thinks your shutting her out. You don't talk to her enough."

"And how the fuck would you know that?" I snapped defensively.

"I can hear her talk to your father about it at night. He of course isn't very helpful, but she worries. She loves you, Edward. You're her baby boy, and she feels like she's losing you."

I sighed again and ran my hands through my hair, tugging a bit. "Well, what the fuck do you suggest I do about that shit?"

She shrugged, looking down at the comforter. She was picking absently at a loose thread. "I don't really know. Maybe you should take her out to brunch one morning, and... talk to her. It doesn't have to be about anything too personal. Just school and stuff. It'd make her feel better, and then you wouldn't feel so terrible either."

She was too damn observant, yet I couldn't help but love her more for it.

I sighed, then laced our fingers together. Her hand was so small. "Alright, babe. I'll try that next weekend, okay? But this weekend, I'll go meet the rest of your fucking family. Officially."

She smiled up at me, leaning forward and kissing my cheek. "Esme will like that. Thank you."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "It's fucking nothing, babe," I scoffed. "I'll do all that boyfriend shit for you. Whole nine fucking yards and all."

She laughed, and slowly leaned back against my pillows. "All of it?" she asked teasingly.

I ran my eyes over her body.

_Damn._

"Hell fucking yes," I growled lowly, moving to hover over her. "All of it," I reiterated, in case she didn't fucking get it, and then I kissed her senseless.

**Okay! Tada! lol....**

**They're so damn cute, aren't they?**

**Wanna see Assward's tatt that they talked about this chap? Ask in the review, and I'll send you the link!**

**Have a specific, burning Q you want to ask him? Send it in too, and I'll see if he'll answer. Anyone else you have Q's for? They might make appearances in later chapter's AN's.**

**Hell, maybe I should start a blog or something for this stuff. lol. Teasers anyone? haha.... Anyone who talks with me often knows I love teasing you readers.**

**And yeah, I kinda got the Q&A thing from another fic. I can admit it. Wanna read some smutty inked and pierced Inkward? Try Clipped Wings and Inked Armor by hunterhunting. AMAZING. I'm behind still, but I'll catch up....**

**Okay, so send in those reviews!  
**


	16. Chapter 15

**Sorry this took a while. It gave me some trouble and I was having the week from hell. Seriously. _grumbles_ Anyway, more at the bottom.**

**Enjoy!  
**

BPOV

The meeting my family thing over the weekend went well. Esme smothered him like I expected she would, but Edward took it all in stride. He played Rock Band with Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle for a while, and Alice, Rosalie, and I shot rubber bands at them all randomly, while Esme scolded us while grinning. It was all very relaxed and comfortable and I found myself smiling unconsciously while I watched Edward with my family.

He fit in. He completed us in a way I never realized we were missing.

And that made everything even more complicated for me.

It was up to me to change him over. I was in his life now, and if I had my way, one day he would be one of us. There was no way I could watch him grow closer to death for too long, watch him grow old and stand by while he died. But it was his choice; if he didn't want it, I would make myself leave.

I think I would, at least. I wouldn't change him against his will, would I?

I shook my head. I wouldn't. I loved him too much to force him to stay with me if it wasn't what he wanted.

I was at his house, waiting as he ate dinner with his mom, when I heard the car pull up in the drive. I tensed, listening more intently as Edward Sr. stepped out and slammed the door to his car shut, grumbling to himself. He walked inside, down the hall, into the kitchen.

"Ed!" Elizabeth said happily, and I listened as she scooted her chair back and gave him a kiss. "How was your day?"

Edward Sr. grunted. "Terrible. Glad to be back with you, darling." There was a pause as he grabbed his plate out of the oven or microwave and sat down. Silence grew until even I shifted uncomfortably.

"What have you done today, Edward?" Edward Sr. asked business-like.

"I went to school," Edward muttered. "What else?"

"Well you _couldn't _have been smoking behind the gym again, right?" I glared as I picked up the accusatory tone.

"Not today, thanks," Edward sneered. He hadn't today.

That had been yesterday.

Elizabeth spoke up. "Ed, have you read Edward's paper? It's really amazing."

Edward Sr. snorted, and spoke under his breath, probably too softly for either of those sitting closest to him to hear, but loud enough for me. "Sure it is. Can't keep babying him forever Elizabeth."

I growled softly. He hadn't even looked at the paper. How did he know what Edward's work was like if he never looked at it?

"What's it about?" he asked out loud.

Edward took a moment before slowly answering. "Gun control. Community and police safety versus the second amendment. Does it give unrestricted rights to bare arms or-"

"Why'd you chose that type of topic, Edward," Edward Sr. said dismissively. "What about the bailouts and current economic crisis? That would be a serious paper that didn't focus on something that isn't of such interest to you?"

There was a tense silence.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edward ground out. Probably between clenched teeth.

"I bet your side is no control."

"You're so fuckin smug all the time, you know that?" Edward snapped.

"Edward, don't talk to your father like that. Ed, why don't you read Edward's paper. It's very well-"

"You are predictable, Edward," Edward Sr. said curtly. "You smoke, you drink, you landed yourself in the hospital. I'm just following that logically, you're for unrestricted gun rights."

A chair squealed against linoleum. "Fuck you," Edward snarled, and stomped upstairs.

I was tense and angry, but when I saw Edward's own hurt and anger, I pushed mine aside and went to him as he closed his door, wrapping my arms around him.

"He's an asshole, Edward. I can still hurt him for you."

Edward chuckled, holding me tightly. "Nah, Mom loves him, so we can just ignore him for now."

I reluctantly agreed, but only because Edward meant what he was saying. I slid my hands under his shirt, but when I felt him shiver sharply, I quickly moved to pull them out.

"Sorry," I muttered.

He snorted, reaching out and wrapping his long rough fingers around my wrists. Even though I knew I could break free of his grasp easily, the fact that his fingers closed around them so well made me _feel _small and fragile. He tugged them back to his skin, holding them there. Still holding onto my wrists, he leaned forward so his breath fanned my face like a warm mist, making me sway slightly towards him. "Hey. I _like_ your hands there, Bella."

I grinned. "Do you?" I crept them higher, out of his hold and over the defined ridges of his abs, making him shiver again, eyes fluttering closed.

"Damn," he breathed, eyes snapping open, dark and heated. "You are such a fucking tease."

I laughed lowly, quietly, and pushed them higher, over his chest, pausing to feel the steady firm beat of his heart against my palm. I loved feeling that. I didn't want to lose it.

I wanted to lose Edward even less though.

He sighed, dropping his face until his nose rested in my hair and inhaled deeply. "Why do you always smell so fucking good?" he mumbled softly.

I pulled away, laughing a bit, and raised a brow at him. "Uh… I shower? I'm a vampire? You're just weird? Take your pick, Edward."

He chuckled, reaching out and grabbing my upper arms, tugging me back in close to him. "All of the above."

After a few moments, he sighed; we could both hear his dad coming the stairs and knew he'd probably stop to yell at Edward or say some comment that was entirely unnecessary. I waited tensely to see if I'd have to hide behind the door, but was glad when Edward Sr. just passed by. Edward relaxed a bit and pulled me over to his bed. He fell onto it with a whooshing sigh and bounced a little, eyes closed as he finally settled into place. His hair was vibrantly colored against the black sheets and his pale skin, and I bit my lip as I slipped onto the bed next to him, moving so my knees were on either side of his waist.

His eyes slid open to slits. Heated, molten green slits that raked over me in a slow perusal that sent heated shivers racing over my skin and made my undead heart lurch in excitement. I loved when he looked at me like that, loved knowing he _only_ looked at me like that. He didn't look at Lauren or Jessica or Ana or any of the other girls like that. Just me.

I was standing on my knees, basically hovering over him, and he slowly slid his hands up my thighs to my hips, where he rested them lightly. They burned fire everywhere they'd touched, the heat spreading deep into my bones. My eyes slid closed at the melting warmth that chased away the cold I always seemed to feel since I'd been changed, the cold that only Edward's touched vanquished.

He ran his thumbs in small circles where they rested on my bare skin, just above the waistband of my jeans and under the hem of my shirt. A satisfied hum left him, and I felt it vibrate up from where my skin touched his, tickling. I could feel his pulse where he touched me. Everything reminded me of his life.

The life I wanted to take.

The life I one day I would take, if he wanted to be with me.

I looked down at him, and he smiled sexily, a slow curving of his lips that was smug and arrogant and made me want to lean down and kiss him until he _had _to breathe.

"You skin glows in the moonlight."

I smiled. "You do too."

He laughed huskily, and leaned up on his elbows, putting his face closer to me. One of his hands left my hip and stretched up to my neck, tangling with the hair there and tugging gently. "Come here."

I bent down until our lips touched, lightly and lovingly. Then he shifted under me, moving until he was also on his knees in front of me and his arms were heated bands around me that I had no intention of breaking free from, and his mouth slanted over mine to kiss me more deeply, his tongue sliding past my lips to brush against mine.

The heat. Oh, the heat. I literally melted under his burning body temperature, sighing into his mouth, pressing closer. His hands tightened where they held me, holding me persistently against him, and I felt a purr climb up my throat at the satisfaction of having Edward as mine.

My mate.

_Mine_.

I was absorbed in the sound of his rushing blood, the heat he gave off and surrounded me with, the hungry way he kissed me, as if he couldn't ever get enough. I wasn't paying attention to anything beyond the two of us, when maybe I should have.

The door to his room burst open, and I heard an angry shout that seemed fogged and incomprehensible as I pulled away from Edward, both of us gasping for composure.

Edward Sr. stood in the doorway, red faced with anger, glaring at Edward. I automatically glared right back, feeling muscles tense and a growl climb lowly in my throat. Edward shot up off his bed, glaring at his father, shoved him backwards - taking him by surprise - and slammed the door shut. Then he came back over to me as his father yelled at him from the other side of the door.

He grabbed my hand in his own, brushing his lips over the inside of it, somehow still making shivers race along my skin, causing it to gooseflesh. "Go. I'll call you later."

I glared. "No."

He sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Please babe? If you're here for this, it'll just make it worse. Besides; I thought they couldn't see you or bad shit would happen?"

I glared harder, hating that he had a point. I didn't want to leave him alone with his father, didn't want to not be here to protect him in any way I could. I definitely didn't want to leave him alone in a mess we'd both created.

I shook my head. "I'll deal with those consequences later. I can't just leave you to face this alone."

He snorted, grabbing my jacket from where I'd set it down on his bedpost, and slipping me into. I let him. "Don't worry about it, babe, we'll fight just like usual, and the shit will pass over faster if he doesn't have someone else to chew out. Let's just get you out of here fast, okay? Please?"

I sighed, hating that he wanted me to leave him alone for this, but deciding maybe I could listen to him and… not. "Fine, I'll get out," I grumbled ungraciously. Edward quickly pecked my forehead, then my lips, before grabbing my hand and leading me to his door, unlocking it and brushing bodily past his father, pulling me right behind him. I glared blackly at Edward Sr. as we passed, meeting him glare for glare.

I ignored everything he yelled after us, watching Edward's back tense more and more as we stepped closer to the front door. His mom glanced up from the kitchen, and I kept my head down, not wanting her to recognize me. Edward Sr. hadn't seen me very often; I doubted he'd remember. Elizabeth, on the other hand….

Edward yanked open the front door and slammed it behind us. Quickly, he pressed a hard kiss to me, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, stretching up on tiptoe for a few brief moments before pulling away. Edward stroked the hair back from my face, kissing me lightly once more. "I'll call you."

I nodded, turning and walking down the walkway. I glanced back and smiled sadly as he stood there watching, his eyes tense. Then I quickened my pace until I reached the end of the block and turned the corner.

Then I turned right back around and snuck back to Edward's house.

I listened outside in the garden as Edward and his dad went at it. I winced and bristled simultaneously as Edward Sr. called me a whore, and fought back the red haze as he basically called Edward the same. And my fury grew towards Elizabeth. She didn't do much to stop her husband. A few admonishing and shocked "Edward!"s thrown in didn't count for much. Maybe she'd chew him out later, maybe not. I didn't care. She needed to be defending her son _now_.

Doors slammed, and I listened as Edward slammed drawers around. I called Alice.

"What do you see?" I asked immediately.

"He'll stay with us for a few days. His mom will convince him to come back eventually, but…."

I nodded. "You bringing the car?"

"Two blocks away," she said, and hung up.

I moved to wait for Edward in the driveway, leaning against the hood Alice's car as it pulled up into the drive. She got out and leaned next to me, both of us watching Edward's window. He paused, seeing us as he glanced out, and shook his head. His mom tried to talk him out of it and he ignored her. His father sent another scathing comment after him. Edward slammed the door.

Alice and I both moved around the car, getting in, and Edward joined us. I grabbed his hand in mine quickly, bringing it to my lips and kissing it.

Alice drove away, her music blaring. Edward leaned back against his seat and closed his eyes. I climbed back to sit with him, curling close. We were all quiet for a while.

"You do know Esme won't let you smoke, right Edward?" Alice said suddenly. "So you might want to give Bella your pack and get rid of that temptation."

Edward swore under his breath and grumbled, still obviously riled after the fight with his father. He handed them to me and I threw them straight out the window. He glared.

Alice snickered up front, watching in the rearview mirror. "Hey, look on the bright side. They'll let you share a room with Bella."

EPOV

Esme wrapped her arms around me as we walked in the door, cooing slightly which was rather fucking odd, and Carlisle took my bag right out of my hand. Esme kissed my cheek and told me I was welcome to stay for as long as I wanted, and then she tugged on Bella's arm and told her to help her shop for food. Bella smiled slightly at me, and then they were out the door.

Alice pulled Jasper forward, talking ten miles a minute, so that I finally had to tell her to slow the fuck down because I wasn't as good at listening as the rest of them. They all laughed.

Finally Carlisle saved my ass from all of them, guiding me up the giant ass staircase to the second floor.

"Alice say what happened," he explained to me. "So it wasn't a surprise to see you on our doorstep. Until things between you and your father even out, you're welcome to stay here for as long as you need."

I nodded. "Thanks." My dear ol' pops had _almost_ kicked me out… he had told me to get lost for a few days. Mom had been in tears, and this time, it wasn't my fucking fault it was his.

"You are welcome to stay in a guest room here on the second floor, or in Bella's room. She doesn't have a bed, however, just a futon."

I raised a brow, then nodded. "Yeah, okay."

He chuckled and led me to a door at the far end of the hall, pushing it open and letting me walk in ahead of him. I smirked as I looked around; the room was entirely Bella. Shelves and shelves of books, light blue walls and warm colored furniture. I took my bags from Carlisle with a last thank you and he left me alone up there. I dropped my bags in a corner, where I could see her backpack, and started looking around.

I was glancing at the assorted knickknacks on her dresser top when the door clicked softly shut behind me. I turned around, raising a brow when I saw Rosalie, who was watching me with a blank expression. Leaning against the dresser and crossing my arms over my chest, I waited to see what the Ice Queen wanted.

Her gaze turned speculative, and she started walking around the room, absently running her fingers across the spines of Bella's books.

"I'm surprised she hasn't snapped yet."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "What?" I snapped irritably.

She looked over, a small smile curving the corners of her lips. It wasn't necessarily a nice smile. "Bella. I'm surprised she hasn't snapped and lost control again. Especially considering what happened tonight. I would have expected her to lose her temper again."

I frowned, not sure what the fuck she was talking about. "She seemed perfectly fine to me." I raised a brow and stared at Rosalie dryly.

Her small smile turned almost into a smirk for a brief moment. "So cocky," she muttered, purposefully so I could hear her. "Do you understand what you mean to her?" she asked out of fucking no where. I had no clue where she was going with her random ass comments and questions.

"I'm her boyfriend," I shrugged. "She used to know me before she died cause of me."

She stared for a long moment. "So you don't."

I glared. "Fuck, you make no sense, you know that?"

She laughed lightly, coming over to my side of the room, making me tense. Her blond hair glinted in the light, and her matching eyes were cold. "You hold the future of my family in your hands. I'm not sure I like that, trusting our future to a human. Especially one as irresponsible as you. You don't take care of yourself. You've grabbed the attention of the mongrels. And you don't understand what you mean to her." She was less than a foot away from me. "You understand why I don't like the position we're in?"

I glared. "I understand you're pretty fucking crazy."

She laughed. "Boy, you have no idea." The grin she sent my way chilled me, not that I'd fucking admit it.

"Yet, Bella has already accepted her path as what it is. For how torn she was in the beginning, she's just as firm in where she's currently going. Of course, you can change all of that. No matter what Alice's visions say now, you can change it all, putting us right back to the other possibility of a future. It's not one I care for, you understand?"

"Not fucking really, with you being all cryptic and shit. Is that a trait of all vampires, or just you Cullens?"

She laughed. "All. Trust me. It's fun."

I snorted, rolling my eyes, but relaxed a bit. Until she spoke again, the slight warmth abruptly leaving her voice.

"You hurt her, Edward Masen, and I will personally take care of you as I did my fiancé. And trust me… you won't die pleasantly that way. Bella is in deeper than I believe you realize, and that means you are even more likely to hurt her unintentionally. I won't care. You hurt her in any way, and I will kill you."

Without another word, she turned and headed back for the door, pausing only to glance back at me. I glared at her.

"I'm not going to fucking hurt Bella," I snapped angrily.

She stared for a long moment, then nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah. I don't think you will." Her smile grew into a smirk and she shrugged lightly. "However, at least now we're on the same page, yes?"

She left.

"Crazy bitch," I muttered, shaking my head and turning back around. I swore I heard her laughing.

After a while, I found her collection of music - far too small for my tastes, but pretty varied. I grabbed her iPod searching through the songs until I landed on one I felt like listening to and plugged it into the dock, falling onto her futon couch thing as it started playing. I closed my eyes singing lowly along to it, itching for a smoke. But I wasn't going to do that shit here, not in the Cullens' house. That'd be damn rude.

I heard Bella sit down at the floor by the head of the couch and smiled as I reached down a hand to hold hers. She leaned her head against the side of the couch next to mine. I opened my eyes to peer down at her, smiling.

She glanced up, and tilted her chin for a kiss. I gladly obliged with that shit, tangling a free hand in her hair. She pulled away with a breathless laugh. "You should get some sleep, Edward. It's late."

It was, but I didn't give a fuck. I snorted and reached down, wrapping my hands around her waist and tugging her up so she was resting on top of me. I knew she could keep me from doing shit like that, but she never really did. Instead, she just rolled her eyes and traced her fingertips lightly over my chest in random circles or whatever, which was damn pleasant.

We didn't say anything the entire time, and eventually I fell asleep. I woke up when the sun hit me in the eyes, and Bella was right where she'd been when I fell asleep . She smiled at me and pecked my lips - best damn way to wake up if you ask me.

I slid my hands down her back, where they'd wrapped themselves, to just above her ass. I debated for a moment, before slipping them down to grab it, squeezing gently.

She squealed in surprise, which made me laugh as she pulled away to prop herself up slightly on my chest. Her eyes narrowed in a glare, but I could tell she wasn't really pissed. Her hand smacked lightly and she scolded me.

"Dammit, Edward, don't do that. It's not polite."

I grinned slowly and slyly at her. "Whoever said I'm polite was a fucking liar."

She snorted, reaching back with a hand to pry one hand away. As she tried to remove the other, I just put the first back, making her huff in exasperation. I chuckled some more, pretty damn smug and enjoying the hell out of my game. Finally, after a few minutes of this, she just plopped back down on my chest, her chin resting on her folded hands, and raised a brow up at me.

"Is this going to be a regular occurrence now?"

I grinned. "Fuck yeah," I laughed, giving her ass another squeeze.

She rolled her eyes, then leaned forward to kiss my neck. Only she didn't do that, she fucking _licked_ up my pulse, making my heart jump erratically. I drew in a sharp breath, squeezing her more tightly, and she laughed - a low, throaty sound.

"Okay, then. Just don't expect me to play fair."

I groaned, hauling her higher so her face was right in front of mine and I wouldn't have to crane my neck down to kiss her full lips. "Hell, I like this. Let's just ditch school today and keep this up, yeah?"

I kissed her before she could respond, and she ripped away, laughing loudly. "Yeah… _no."_ She rolled off of me and walked across the room.

"Damn," I said lightly. "Worth a fucking shot."

_**laughs at Assward**_** DENIED.**

**Assward: Shut the fuck up, IG. **

**IG: _looks at Assward with a raised brow_ What's up with you. That's not nearly as sincere as it usually is.**

**Assward: Nothing. _grumbles_ Damn nosy author_._**

**IG: _shrugs_ Anyhow, there's the chapter. Now, in PD related NEWS!**

**I got the blog up and running. The link is on my profile, but if you're feeling lazy right now (_looks at Lazy Bum_) here it is: **

**http :// pixiedustlovers(dot)blogspot(dot)com/**

**There is an interview up there with Alice that was taken earlier in the week. Bad planning on my part, I'll admit. I should have put it up sooner, and let everyone know about it somehow before now, but live and learn right? Next time, the interview will be up before the chapter. I think. Hopefully. lol. ;) **

**I hope you all enjoy the blog - I'll put teasers from the chapter I'm writing up on there, so you might want to check in on it. It also has Assward's tatts and other fun stuff over time. Feel free to leave comments and everything.**

**OH! Almost forgot... heh. The QUESTIONS fans are asking Assward.**

**Assward: Fuck, IG, not now. I'm not in the damn mood.**

**IG: I can tell, but we promised them-**

**Assward: YOU promised them, I didn't.**

**Ig: come on, Assward. There's only like... three.**

**What do you look for in a human?**

**Assward: What kind of fucking question is that? Did FallenAngel ask that shit? _glares_ I don't look for anything because I got my hot ass vampire thank you very fucking much.**

**IG: _laughs_ Okay, next question...**** What would you do if Jacob started having the hots for Bella?**

**Assward: Kick the bastards fucking ass. What, he can accuse her of being some kind of blood-sucking whore and then think it okay to want to fuck her? Hell fucking no. She's mine.**

**Ig: Do you think she'd like hearing you say that?**

**Assward: Who fucking cares, it's true. **

**Ig: _laughs some more_ Okay, see you all next chapter and hopefully over at the blog! ;)  
**


	17. Chapter 16

**Tada!**

**lol... next interview isn't up yet, it's still in the works, but it should be up this weekend or early next week. I just wanted to give everyone an early treat. ;)  
**

BPOV

I was sitting on the couch in the living room on Thursday morning, watching Looney Toons with Alice. Esme was puttering around in the kitchen, cooking bacon and eggs and toast. Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper were outside preparing for the hunting trip. According to Alice - and the weatherman - the next couple days were going to be sunny.

I glanced to the top of the staircase as Edward trumped down, yawning, his hair more tousled than usual after his night's sleep, flannel pants hanging low on his hips. His shirt rode up as he stretched his arms above his head.

Esme popped out of the kitchen, grinning at him. "Good morning, Edward. I should be finished with your breakfast in a couple minutes."

He smiled at her. "Thank you."

She waved him off, turning back inside. Edward came over and sat down next to me on the couch, muffling a yawn in my hair as he pulled me onto his lap. I leaned against him happily.

Rosalie came downstairs after a few minutes of quiet, glancing at where Edward and I sat on the couch and smirking slightly. She grabbed her bag off of the floor and slung it over her shoulder.

"Do you want me to take your stuff out?"

I shook my head. "Em already grabbed it."

She nodded and walked out, glancing over her shoulder again with a smirk. Edward tilted his head down to look at me, a frown puckering his brows.

"What's going on?"

I sighed. "It's going to be sunny for a few days, so we're going on a family hunting trip. We should be back Saturday or Sunday."

He was quiet for a long moment, and then Esme was telling him that breakfast was ready. He got up and left me sitting on the couch, sighing. I waited a little, then got up and joined him at the table. Esme was washing dishes, but after a glance at us, stopped and left the room. I watched as Edward ate, not looking at me, not saying anything.

"Why are you mad, Edward?" I asked tiredly.

He shook his head. "I'm not mad." His tone was far too calm for me to believe him. I sighed, shaking my head again.

"Don't lie to me," I said irritably. "Why are you mad?"

He set down his fork purposefully and stared at me. "What am I supposed to do for the next several days, Bella? Fuck if I'm going home."

"Stay here then," I shrugged. It was up to him what he did, not me or anyone else.

He snorted. "Yeah, and do what? Sit around and count blades of fucking grass?" He shook his head. "Fuck, I just don't like it when you leave, alright? It's not like…" He huffed angrily, running a hand through his hair and glaring at the wall. "It's not like I fucking have anyone else, alright?"

I sighed unhappily. "Edward, I'm sorry, really, but it's a part of my life. I have to go hunting, and for the most part that means day long trips. I wish it didn't leave you here by yourself, but…." I shrugged helplessly. "What do you want me to do about it?"

He shook his head, staring at the table. "I get that, alright? I'm not fucking dense. I just don't like it."

"I don't either," I told him. "I wish I could spend all my time with you. But… that's just not possible for us. Not now, at least."

He frowned, sighing and shaking his head. "Yeah, whatever. Okay."

I leaned across the table and pecked his lips, pulling away and grinning as he glared at me.

"Get your perfect ass back over here," he growled.

Emmett walked into the room, laughing, and Edward raised a brow at him. Emmett clapped him on the back. "She can't, bro. She has to get that perfect ass into the jeep."

I stood up, walking over to give Edward another kiss. He wrapped a hand around the back of my neck tightly, holding me in place as his tongue rubbed against mine, nearly making me call off hunting forever if he'd just keep doing what he was doing. Damn human boy with a burning, clever tongue.

I finally pulled away, brushing my lips quickly over his once more before moving to the doorway. Emmett laughed and went down the hall, to the front door. I paused and looked back at Edward.

"You can borrow the Mercedes if you want," I told him. "We won't mind. The keys will be in the garage."

He raised a brow. "Thanks." Quickly, he stood up and took large steps over. I waited until he was right in front of me, leaning down into my face, his moist hot breath fanning across my face. "I'll miss you."

I sighed as his lips brushed against mine. "I'll miss you too. It'll pass quickly. I'll be back before you know it."

He kissed me again, and I reluctantly pulled away. "I have to go."

He sighed, then nodded just as reluctantly as I'd pulled away. "Come back to me soon."

I grinned, loving hearing him say that. Loving knowing he felt the same pull I did. "I will. I promise."

I walked away, out to the jeep, and got in next to Rosalie. Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Alice were apparently in the other car, and took off in front of us. Emmett laughed, turning up his music.

"Road trip!" he laughed, making Rosalie snort exchange looks with me. I settled back in my seat, glancing out the window at the house as we drove away.

Then I began counting down until I'd get to see Edward again.

EPOV

Mr. Hatch assigned me detention for the end of the day, though I had no fucking clue what I did to deserve that shit. I went with it; it was easier than arguing with the bastard and getting another. I sat at the damn desk for about an hour glaring fucking daggers into his balding head, before he finally released me all smug and arrogant and sneering.

He wasn't smug and sneering when I got into a Mercedes and he got into a beat up old civic that could definitely use a new fucking paint job.

I drove halfway back to the Cullens place before I thought of how big and fucking lonely that damn house was going to be, so I turned the car around and drove home. Only Mom was there, which I expected.

I didn't knock or shit, because it was still my damn house too; I just walked right in, heading for the kitchen where she was looking through the freezer.

She jumped as I walked in, a hand flying over her heart, eyes wide and surprised. And relieved.

"Edward!"

I opened the cupboard and pulled out a cup, going to the fridge next to her, pausing to kiss her cheek hello, and poured myself a glass of orange juice. I drank half of it, and smiled at her.

"Hey, Mom. How's it been?"

"Are you… home?"

I paused, thinking, considering. Then I slowly shook my head. It had only been three days. "Nah. Maybe this weekend. I don't know. I don't want to deal with him."

She grabbed my hand in hers. "He's really sorry Edward. He knows what he said was wrong, but he's too proud to apologize. Please, give him another chance."

I sighed, shaking my head, leaning back against the counter and looking down into the bright yellow of my orange juice. "I can't yet, okay? Give me a couple more days."

She was quiet for a minute. "Where are you staying?"

"With Bella. My girlfriend," I added.

"I got on his case about what he said about her." I was childishly glad to hear some anger in her voice. "He had no right to say that, no matter how suspicious and odd it was that she snuck into your room."

I glared at the floor. "We didn't do anything. Just kissing."

She nodded. "I know. He overreacted." She put a hand on my shoulder. "But you can't be too angry with him, Edward. He's just worried about you."

I rolled my eyes, but kept my head down so Mom couldn't see. I rolled my glass between my palms, scowling slightly as I thought, then I put the glass in the sink and put an arm over her shoulders. "Come on. I'll take you out to eat."

"Oh, Edward, you don't-"

"I want to." I grinned at her. "Come on, can't I spoil my sweet young mother?"

She rolled her eyes. "Flattery will get you nowhere, son."

I laughed. "Don't lie Mom, it's against the commandments or something."

We ended up in a small restaurant in Port Angeles, because neither of us felt like Forks Diner. I was doing what Bella suggested - taking some time to just hang out with my mother. As we talked and laughed, I realized how often we _didn't_ do stuff like this, and how much she was enjoying it. My dad was fucking right, and I hated that. I was hurting my mom. I hated that even more. She was so sweet, and I - however unintentionally in this case - had hurt her greatly.

I told her about Bella's family. At least, as much as I could without giving away anything that might upset them. I told her about Emmett's penchant for games and winning, Jasper's obsession with his girlfriend and the civil war, Esme's sweet personality, Carlisle's job and logic, Alice's crazed friendliness with everyone, and Rosalie's weird protectiveness of her family, namely Bella.

She smiled at me. "Well, she's probably closest with Bella. She doesn't want to see her hurt… you said Bella is the 'youngest'?" When I nodded, she did so as well and smiled again. "Older sisters always look out for the youngest ones. She probably feels like she has to look out for Bella."

I shrugged. "Yeah, but she makes me seem worse than I am. She thinks I'm going to ruin her future or something." Bitterness leaked into my tone, but whatever. I wasn't _that_ fucking bad.

Mom smiled sadly. "She just doesn't know you well, Edward. Give her a chance to get to know you, and she'll realize how great you really are."

We talked some more, and finally, I drove Mom back home. My father was there when we pulled up, so I declined her invite to come inside for desert, and kissed her cheek goodbye. She hugged me tightly, and I promised to come over again after school tomorrow. I drove back to the Cullens' home, making my way up into Bella's room, turning up the volume on her stereo. I fell onto the couch thing, pulling my books into my lap and settling in to do my homework.

The next day passed in the same horrible drag, and thankfully I didn't get detention again. I hung out with Mom after school, talking about whatever shit came to mind. She really did seem to enjoy it, even if we talked about the fucking weather, so I decided to do it more often. Bella had been right; but that was to be expected. My girl was frickin' genius.

I returned home on Saturday, leaving a note in Bella's room that I had so she wouldn't freak out or anything, and brought my stuff home. My father didn't say anything, hardly acknowledged I was back except to nod his head when our eyes connected. Probably that would be the closest to an apology I would get.

I grabbed a cig from a new pack that was in my room - I had a couple stashed away - and lit up, inhaling deeply. I finished it quickly, nearly couching as I inhaled far too much smoke at once. After a moment, I decided to step outside for another, and grabbed my jacket, slinging it on and hurrying down the stairs.

"I'm going outside," I announced as I walked out the backdoor.

I stepped closer to the edge of the woods, lighting up again. Almost a week without a smoke had driven me almost insane. I inhaled deeply, holding it deep in my lungs for a moment before releasing the cloud into the misty cool night air.

I had hated the freakin' freezing cold of Washington for the longest time after we moved up here, but now I felt like a freakin' pansy because it reminded me somewhat of Bella's skin. Always colder than a damn ice cube. And thoughts of Bella led me deeper into thoughts of her skin, her smell, her fucking hot kisses….

A shadow showed up in front of me, and I glared, muscles tensing. I hadn't heard them come closer, and as I squinted through the dark at them, I scowled as I realized who it was. Another of those natives that seemed in competition with the mountains for size was standing in front of me, leaning back against a tree trunk.

I raised a brow at him. "What the fuck do _you_ want?" I asked irritably.

He laughed, stepping closer, and I noted that he looked younger than the others. "I don't want anything. Sam and Jacob sent me here to see if you'd changed your mind. They heard the leeches were gone and wanted to see if maybe your mind had changed."

I snorted. "Not fucking likely. I told that one dumbass - Bella doesn't want to eat me, thanks, and I'm quite happy with her."

He tilted his head, shaking it slightly. "I didn't believe it when they told me - that one of the leeches was with a human."

"Yeah, well apparently they don't believe it either, since they seem to think she's just with me for my blood."

The kid grinned hugely and laughed. "Oh, yeah. They think that about everything. The leeches are out to eat you, the monsters are hiding under your bed, the world is about to end in five point two seconds," he mocked, rolling his eyes.

I grinned, cracking a laugh, and looked at the kid in a new light. He was pretty fucking funny mocking the others like that.

He eyed me cig as I took another drag on it. I raised a brow and held it out in offering. "What a drag?"

He hesitated a moment, then took it, sucking on the end, and immediately burst into a fit of coughs. I laughed, taking it back as he offered it, breathing deeply and holding the smoke with a smirk as he straightened, giving a few more feeble coughs. I let the air out in a stream as he eyed the cig in distaste.

"How do you do that?"

I shrugged. "Practice. Skill. I'm just that fuckin' awesome."

He laughed, then got a decisive look on his face and held out his hand. "I'm Seth. Newest member of The Pack."

I held out my free hand. "Edward Masen. Boyfriend to the bloodsucking single vampire."

He laughed appreciatively, and leaned back against a tree trunk again. "So where'd the leeches go?"

I glared in annoyance. "Bella and her family went hunting."

He nodded, like it was perfectly sensible of an answer; I suppose, for a werewolf, it might be. "How long are they gone?"

"Why?" I snapped, suspicious. The kid might be cool, but the other one hadn't been.

He held up his hands in surrender and his face was still open and friendly. I relaxed a bit. He spoke slowly, calmly. "Just curious. Thought we could hang out. Don't think they'd appreciate you hanging out with me, even if I do think my other pack members are rather fanatical about everything." He rolled his eyes at the end, and I considered him.

Then I shrugged. "Yeah, sure. They'll be gone until tomorrow sometime."

Seth shrugged. "Eh…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess they can't do anything to me. Not if they don't want to break the treaty any more than they have."

I frowned angrily. "How did they break the treaty? I haven't been bitten, they haven't killed any people, and it was one of _you_ that was all furry faced in Forks-"

"She came on our land, Edward," Seth said, brows raised. "She broke the treaty first. We can start a war over that."

I felt a cold chill sweep through me. "War?" I snarled. "You wouldn't."

Seth shook his head. "I wouldn't. But the brunette one, the one with you, she broke the treaty. Sam figured maybe she didn't know about it or remember, since she wasn't around when it was made, but…." He shrugged. "Most of them hate vampires. I don't see what the huge deal is. These one's aren't like the others. They've been around for a while. It seems to me that we can pretty much trust them."

"You can," I said instantly. "Fuck, she didn't even know what she did," I muttered lowly to myself.

Seth shrugged. "I'm just a lowly newly changed werewolf. They aren't going to listen to me." He abruptly grinned, and it made him seem young and mischievous. "I don't really listen much to them, either, though. Sam ignores me, so as Alpha, he hardly ever spouts orders to me."

We talked a little longer, Seth explaining this whole pack thing to me, and why the mutts hated the vampires. I supposed an age old dispute and grudge can really work wonders on the views of people's minds. I was glad to know at least Seth wasn't so… crazy. He didn't strike me like the Hitler type, while the others… they really did.

Seth left after about an hour and I went inside, jogging up to my room and the shower. I quickly washed off and then fell into bed, eager for the next day. Three days without Bella was horrible. I fucking couldn't wait to feel her lips under mine again.

The next morning, the door bell rang while I was eating breakfast. My father opened it, and announced in a tightly controlled voice, "Edward, it's for you."

I got up, frowning, wondering who the fuck it was, and was surprised to see Seth standing on my doorstep, grinning like he had been last night. "Hey, Edward."

I greeted him, and then Mom was behind me, asking if I wanted to invite my friend in. I looked at Seth and shrugged. "Sure."

Seth stepped inside, and Mom offered him breakfast, he hesitated, then nodded. "Just to warn you," he said jokingly. "I eat like a pig."

Mom laughed. "Don't all boys?" She shook her head, heating up a plate and setting it in front of Seth. He smiled at her in thanks, and as she left the room, basically wolfed down all his food.

I raised my brows as he surfaced for air.

"You weren't joking, were you?"

Seth grinned, shaking his head as he took the plate to the sink. "Phasing makes us exceptionally hungry. We pack away more food than the whole village put together!" He laughed, obviously finding this fucking hilarious, and sat down again at the table.

"So tell me more about your vampire."

I rolled my eyes - that's what he called Bella, my vampire. It would have been fucking hilarious if it weren't for the fact that I figured if Bella heard it, she might smack my head.

I took him up to my room, lighting up a cig. I offered it to him, and he declined, looking at it in distaste. I laughed. So fucking funny.

I told him the basics. That I'd known her as a little kid, and that she was still the same person. Still the same sweet, caring person I'd loved back then. Then I told him about her fucking with Lauren and Jessica's heads, which he found as damn hilarious as I did. We were hanging out up there for a couple hours before my cell rang and I picked it up without looking at it.

"Hello?"

"Who's up there with you?" Bella's voice was tense.

I grinned at hearing her voice. "Just Seth. He's cool."

"He's a dog." I could almost hear her nose scrunching up with that last word, and it made me laugh loudly. Seth grinned as well, and I figured the kid had better hearing than I did. Seeing as he wasn't human and all. Damn supernatural beings with better senses than me. It was getting a little fucking annoying.

"I know. He's cool though. Don't you trust me?"

She was quiet for a minute, then sighed. "Yes, I trust you. I just don't trust the dogs. They'll use you to get to us, I just know it. I don't like them, don't trust them. Besides, he smells."

I sniffed a little, frowning in confusion. "Smells fine to me babe."

She snorted. "He smells like a soaking wet dirty dog. Ask him, and he'll tell you we smell like sickly sweet syrup."

I looked at him and he shrugged, nodding in acknowledgment.

I rolled my eyes. "You are all so fucking weird."

Seth stood up and stretched. "I'll go. It was nice talking with you, Edward man. I'll call you."

I nodded, and before he'd even left the house entirely, Bella was climbing in through my window, her nose adorably scrunched. I laughed, getting up and coming towards her, but she backed away.

"You stink like the dog, Edward."

"His name is Seth," I chuckled.

She rolled her eyes. "_Seth_ made you stink. Go shower. I'll wait." She sat down on my bed delicately, looking around with her nose still slightly screwed up, and I laughed, going to the bathroom. When I came out, she had a couple candles burning, and was lying back on my pillows, staring at the ceiling. I grinned evilly as I thought of something, and quickly dropped the towel. She wasn't looking. I pulled on boxers, then snuck closer to the bed.

"Bella…"

"Hmm?"

I crawled on top of her, leaning my weight lightly down onto her so we were touching everywhere, my bare skin to her thin clothes, and kissed her deeply. She drew in a sharp breath of surprise, but then melted with a moan. I fucking loved that sound.

I moved my lips from hers only when I couldn't last without oxygen any longer, and she just moved her mouth down my jaw, my neck, making me groan loudly. Her hands slid across the bare skin of my chest and stomach, burning me. I drew in a sharp hiss of breath through my teeth as she arched up into me, her nails scratching with the lightest of touches down my back.

"Fuck," I groaned, kissing her deeply again. I needed her taste, her mouth, her lips, _her_. I needed Bella like she needed blood and most of the world needed air to fucking breathe. Screw the damn air, the ozone layer was losing it all anyway. I had a vampire, and it's not like she ever needed to breathe.

Which sent a thought that I hadn't really had before through my mind. What if I was the one who didn't need to breathe?

I slid my hands under Bella's shirt, still kissing her, pulling away for short times to grab some unfortunately needed air, and then bunched the hem in my hands, debating. I stared at her, and she opened her eyes, her own debating.

After a moment, she sat herself up, and I pulled the shirt over her head.

Damn, the girl was beyond gorgeous. Her bra was a white, with fucking black lace vines or some shit like that along the tops, making the ivory creamy swells of the tops of her breasts stand out as well. I groaned, leaning down to shower kisses and licks and little bites along that glorious skin. She was panting, her head tilted back, and I brought my lips up her neck, biting and sucking.

If only I could mark her. Fuck, how I wanted to leave a giant ass hickey on her neck, show everyone she was _mine._

I leaned forward into her, my hands on either side of her, trapping her in, forcing her back. I kissed her hard again, then ripped my mouth away from hers, making her whine slightly in protest. I trailed my lips and tongue down between her breasts, wanting to rip the bra away, but not wanting to go too fast.

Fuck, I wanted to. I wanted to have Bella in every possible way. I wanted her heart, her body, her soul, all for my own. But I didn't want to fuck this up. I wanted to do this shit right. I told her I'd do all the boyfriend shit for her, all of it, and I meant it. And if that meant waiting until I went insane with unused lust for her, then so fucking be it.

I'd probably fucking deserve that shit.

I kissed down her stomach, to her small little bellybutton, which I could just imagine with a piercing in it. _Fuck_. Vampires couldn't get any though, which was such a fucking shame. Too bad she hadn't gotten one before she was changed. That would have been so damn hot.

I trailed my lips lightly above the waistband of her jeans, which were low on her hips and driving my lust to crazy heights. Her hands tangled in my hair, tugging upward insistently but not enough to hurt me, and I slowly made my way back up, making Bella growl in frustration.

That was hot too.

My girl was hot no matter what she did. Fuck, I was a lucky bastard.

Our tongues stroked and tangled and pushed against each others and our lips bruised and hands clutched, and mine feathered over her beautiful breasts and tickled along the tops of the fabric of that damnable bra, making her arch up into me. That was fucking torture. They could get anyone to spill secrets if they had someone as hot as my Bella driving them this wild. No secret would be safe - childhood crush or top secret war plans.

After a while, her kisses slowed, and I sighed inwardly, knowing she was going to call it off soon. I slowed mine as well, making them deeper and more sensual, my hands lightly tracing up her sides, feeling the chilly smooth skin under my own rough fingers. She sighed this happy, content, pleased sounding sigh and pulled back, resting her head on my pillows. Her hair spread out and I ran my fingers through it because I fucking could. I was her damn boyfriend.

I gave her lips a few more light kisses, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. "Edward… we have to stop." At least she sounded damn regretful about that fucking fact.

I let out a huge motherfucking sigh, muttered, "I know," and fell onto my back beside her. She curled up into my side, resting her small little hand over my chest.

I grabbed her fingers and began playing with them, making her giggle a little. I grinned, loving that _I_ could make her laugh, and kissed the top of her head.

"I missed you," she whispered.

I kissed her head again and left my nose in her hair, loving the fucking scent of her. "Yeah babe. I fucking missed you too."

And now I was wondering… was there a way I wouldn't have to miss her?

**Ig: _DAMN_.**

**Assward: _smirks_**

**Ig: _holds up hand_ Don't even start, Assward. Go get in bed.**

**Assward: _rolls eyes. _Fine, Ig. But you have to as well.**

**Ig: Yeah yeah. I know. No late night tonight for Ig. _grumbles_**

**Assward: _laughs slightly, grabs Ig's hand, and drags her to her bedroom._**

**Ig: _smirks back at readers_ Yeah, I know. You're all totally jealous. _sticks out tongue_ neener neener neener!**

**Review! And be sure to check out the blog people! I put up a teaser last night for this chapter, but only one person commented! If no one pays attention to it, I just might never post teasers. You'll have to check it every day or two....**

**Oh, and a HUMONGOUS thank you to susanpr who saved my bootie earlier this week. She rocks. She should like... have some sort of position of importance and honor. Seriously. She saved the story (in my eyes). So thanks a lot Susan!**

**Okay, go review now. Assward is making me go to bed with him.  
**


	18. Chapter 17

**I don't know if I like this chapter all that much, but I love my little twist. Heh heh.**

BPOV

I laughed at Edward, rolling my eyes and grinning. Alice and Rosalie snorted in pretend disgust, though I could tell how happy they were. Alice held up a movie, and I shrugged, nodding in agreement. She stuck her tongue out at Rosalie, who threw me a death glare. I grinned as they quickly and quietly bickered as they went to put the DVD in the player.

"You know, with all the time you spend with Pup, one might start thinking you love him more than me," I teased.

Edward snorted. "Fuck, that's just wrong."

I laughed louder. "Hey, I never meant it like _that_. You're the one who thought of it that way," I teased some more. "What does that say about you?"

He was smirking, I could tell from his tone of voice. "That I always have fucking on the mind."

I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. He was so crude sometimes, but the hilarious part was, that he knew it and embraced it in a way that even Emmett couldn't quite do.

"Whatever," Edward muttered. "The kid just wants to hang out." I could hear complete bafflement in his voice as he added, "I have no fucking clue why he's so damned attached to me."

I smiled slightly. Seth, the young werewolf that I'd taken to calling Pup, had been hanging out with Edward relatively consistently over the past six weeks, which had included Thanksgiving and Christmas. I knew Edward liked the kid a lot, liked having a friend besides my brothers, and I agreed it was good for him. I wished that it didn't have to be with a volatile new werewolf, but Seth seemed very levelheaded, if excitable. I doubted he'd lose his temper and hurt Edward, so I didn't get too upset.

I'd even had conversations of a sort with him. We could hear each other over the phone when one of us called Edward, and had taken to mockingly teasing the other for being what they were. Hence the nickname Pup for Seth, since he was the youngest werewolf. I might even like the boy if I ever met him, but I doubted the meeting thing would ever happen. Too dangerous for both of us and the people we loved and cared for. The wolves would freak, my family would be jumpy as hell, and fragile human Edward would be in the middle of it.

"It's because you're such a good role model for him," I teased some more. I loved teasing Edward - his responses were so variable and usually funny.

At that, he gave a single, loud, snorting laugh. "Oh yeah. I can show him all the coolest hangouts and teach him the benefits of stealing from drugstores and how to hotwire a car."

"You can hotwire a car?" I asked, amusement in my tone.

He chuckled. "Fuck yeah. I sto-. Uh… _borrowed_ the car of a… _friend_ of mine back in Phoenix." He chuckled darkly. "That was damned hilarious."

I snickered, shaking my head and rolling my eyes again. "Okay, have fun corrupting the werewolf pup. Don't get arrested - I don't want any phone calls," I mockingly scolded.

He was smirking again. "No phone calls - got it."

"I mean it Edward," I tried to say seriously, but ended up chuckling, shaking my head.

"Yeah, yeah, babe. Have fun with your sisters."

I looked over to where they were sitting, pausing in their bickering to smile angelically at me. "Yeah, I'll play referee as they try to win the DVD player rights."

He laughed, and I smiled, always glad to hear the sound of him being truly carefree. "Talk to you later, Edward."

"Night."

"Night," I returned, and hung up, slipping my phone into my pocket before jumping over and plopping on the couch between my two sisters. "Okay, let's play the damn movie already."

Rosalie laughed as Alice hit play. "Your boy toy is rubbing off on you."

I grinned at her and winked, then turned my attention to the TV screen. She had no idea….

It was around eleven when my cell phone started buzzing. I picked it up, glancing at the screen and frowning as I saw an unfamiliar number. I showed it to Alice and Rosalie.

"Recognize it?"

Both shook their heads, and Alice frowned lightly, her eyes turning inward. She was looking ahead, seeing if she could figure out anything. I waited a moment, then let it go to voicemail. If it was important, they could leave a message, and I'd call whoever it was right back.

After a moment, the phone stopped ringing and seconds later was buzzing again to signal a message. I put the phone to my ear to listen, not that I necessarily needed to.

"Hey, Bella," a deep, smooth voice greeted, sounding like… hell, I don't know. Melted wax - hot and flowing. "I wanted to let you know that Helen and I were up near the Denali's last week and heard you had moved down to Washington. I decided we could come for a visit. We should be there early in the morning. Forks, right? I can't wait to see you, Doll Face." He hung up.

I stared down at the phone, in shock.

Rosalie stared at the phone, then me, then back at the phone before laughing. "Oh my god, was that who I thought it was?"

Alice grinned. "I think it was. I _told you,_ Bella, that he liked you."

I was still staring at the phone in shock and now horror.

Rosalie continued. "Did you _hear_ his _voice_? He was totally giving her the 'I want to sex you up' voice!"

Alice laughed as well. "This is great, hilarious! How do you think he's going to react to finding Bella with a human boy-"

They both stopped at that, finally catching up with my horrified, shocked state.

"Oh, god," Rosalie muttered. "He's going to be insanely jealous."

Alice shook her head. "Dammit. What are we going to do?"

I shook my head slowly. "I… I have no clue."

Paris was coming to town… and he was going to flip out when he realized my affections weren't for him, but a messed up human boy.

Shit.

EPOV

Seth was staying over. I think some shit was going down at his house or with that pack of his, and he wanted to get away from it all. I understood that, the need to get away from the stressful environment. I also knew that he wouldn't want to talk about it, of if he did, he'd bring it up. So I didn't say jack and just chilled out watching movies with the kid. After a while, we put in Van Helsing, laughing at everything they didn't get right. I shook my head, shoving popcorn into my mouth, when Seth's cell rang. It was late, well after midnight.

"Hello?" he grumbled, his eyes narrowed in annoyance. After a moment, he stiffened. "What?" he growled. And like when Bella growled, it was a very animalistic sound. Seth's still sounded more human than animal, but it was there, just under the surface.

"Okay. Uh-huh. Got it." He hung up, and stood, pacing to the window, and glancing outside. I just watched him with a raised brow.

"You going to tell me what the fuck that was about, or leave me ignorant?"

He glanced over at me. "A couple of vampires just passed through. The Pack didn't recognize them, and warned me."

I frowned, grabbing my cell and calling Bella. She picked up after a moment. "Hello?"

I frowned even more deeply, hearing the stress in her voice, barely controlled, right there just under the surface.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately.

"Nothing," she said, breathing out heavily. "Just something of a family issue."

"Okay," I said slowly, not believing a fucking word that just came out of her mouth. At least, not believing it was the whole truth. "I just called to say the wolves told Seth that some strange vampires are coming near town."

Then my brows shot up on my head because Bella began swearing eloquently and fluently, turning me on and also worrying me. She only swore when pissed. She was obviously livid.

"Alice," I heard her snarl. "He's such a fucking liar. He's already close enough for the dogs to know he's here, which means he's going to be here well before 'early morning'." Her last words were sneered.

"What the fuck is going on?" I snapped impatiently.

"Edward. You have to promise to stay inside, stay with Seth. Hell, if he leaves, go with him. Don't stay at your house. Please?"

"Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"Because," she snapped angrily. "I don't know how this guy is going to react when he gets here, and I don't want you somewhere obvious that he can find you. If you go home with Seth, he can't get to you without the wolves eating him. If Seth is there with you, he can't attack without starting a war, and he won't do that."

"What the fuck is going on?" I almost yelled angrily, throwing my free hand into the air.

"I'll tell you, later!" she raised her voice right back, obviously highly stressed out, and I could hear that same odd tone enter her sweet voice as when she'd found out about the shit my father tended to say, when we'd been in the hospital. So I yanked my anger back and focused on soothing her. From what I could tell, bad shit happened when Bella became irate.

"Okay, babe, sorry. I just hate being left out of the fucking loop, especially when it sounds like it's damned dangerous."

She was breathing heavily on the other end of the line for a few moments, and then I heard her sigh unhappily. "I don't know, Edward. I don't know. Alice isn't sure, because… well, things have to happen first. Just… stick with Seth, please? I'll call you when I can, or come to your house. Text me if you leave," she added quickly.

I nodded. "Okay babe." I hated this. She was keeping shit from me. We hadn't been going out six months and she was keeping secrets from me. I hated it. I hated not knowing what was happening. If something would happen to her.

I hated knowing all this was happening because I was a damned human and not some supernatural creature that was almost indestructible. Fuck it all!

"I love you," she said quietly, almost sounding like she thought I might not be happy to hear it. As if I might say some cruel shit back to her.

I'll admit, the thought crossed my mind, for about half a nanosecond. Then I dismissed that shit. I wasn't going to hurt her because I was frustrated. It wasn't her damned fault I was human. Sure, I'd like it if she shared more shit with me, but I figured it was something we could work on. And right now, she was stressed enough. Next time, maybe, I'd fight her on it.

"Yeah. Me too," I said back, gently, letting her know I wasn't _that_ pissed off. "I'll talk to you soon."

"Definitely," she said reverently. "I promise. As soon as I can, I'll talk with you."

We hung up, and I looked up to find Seth staring at me, arms crossed. "Do you want to head onto tribal land? Then you'd have the whole pack protecting you."

I made a face. "I don't want those bastards thinking I'm on their side or some stupid shit like that. I'll stay here."

Seth grinned, relaxing. "Good, because I would hate to give them any ideas," he laughed.

I smirked as well. "Do you have any clue what the fuck might be going on?"

He sat down next to me, shrugging, his arms over the back of the couch and the arm. "Obviously, the Cullens know these vampires, and knew they were coming, though it sounds like it was last minute and they lied about when. From Bella's reaction, they're probably not animal-eaters. She also thinks they might want to come after you, for whatever reason. I'd say she's worried about them even learning of you, otherwise she'd send one of her family over to watch you, not leave you with a pup." He grinned.

I grinned back, rolling my eyes. Damned supernatural creatures. They were so strange and fucked up. No wonder I hung out with them, I fit right the fuck in being as screwed as I'd become over the years. Still, they took the damned cake.

Seth turned back to the TV. "Let's watch the movie."

BPOV

"Alice, you have to tell me what's going on…." I paced in front of her, while she sat in Jasper's lap looking into the future. I was anxious. Paris was _not_ a good vampire like us. He was arrogant. He was completely obsessed with females. He was the same damn Paris that stared the Trojan War, dammit, and I didn't doubt he'd start a Forks war when he found out about Edward. The guy was conceited as hell, and possessive. I mean… Helen couldn't even look at another guy without him going into a jealous rage.

Not that they were together anymore. A long complicated story. See, they were basically fuck buddies. But Paris hated anyone else having Helen - since apparently she was promised to _him_ alone - and Helen loved messing with his mind. Helen was such a bitch.

"Alice, come on!" I begged again. "I'm deciding right now to tell him about Edward. What _happens?_"

She grimaced after a moment. "He'd go to kill Edward. And Helen would tackle you to stop you from stopping him."

"Bitch," Rosalie and I both snorted at the same time, me with a little more vehemence than her.

"Okay," I muttered. "No outright telling. I'm going to hide Edward then for as long as I can."

A few more silent moments passed and Alice sighed, shaking her head. "No dice. He'll just stalk him until he can get to him. And first time he sees you two kissing or touching or hell probably even giving each other a look… he'll kill you both."

I stomped my foot. "Dammit!" I swore angrily, storming back into my previous pacing path. I growled in frustration before stopping in front of my gathered family again. "Then what the hell am I supposed to do! I can't just stand by and let him hurt Edward!"

"Of course not," Esme soothed.

"You'll just have to make sure he doesn't learn of Edward. Find some way to detain him, keep him away, for any amount of time. That will at least give us time to plan how to handle the situation," Carlisle suggested. Always the wise voice of reason. He was a god-send.

I nodded, then took off immediately to head him off. He had been near the pack's lands, and they'd probably keep him from cutting straight through by smell alone. He'd have to go around, and that bought me some time.

Alice and Rosalie were following behind me, backup in case I needed it for any reason.

Like Bitchy Helen.

We cut them off a few miles from Forks, and Paris grinned that movie-star grin when he saw me, slowing down and holding his arms open.

"Bella, my baby doll!" he greeted extravagantly.

I smiled back tolerantly. "Paris."

Helen glared at me from behind him. She was beautiful like Rosalie, with her Greek looks and everything. If Rosalie had been alive back then as well, I have a feeling they would have started wars over who was more beautiful. It was hard to tell, physically, who was. But knowing them on the inside…. Rosalie left Helen eating dust for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for decades.

He enveloped me in a hug, then pulled back and kissed my lips in a friendly fashion. He lingered for just a second too long before pulling away. It left him still being polite, but showing an interest in… not.

He repeated the same with Rosalie and Alice, though he never lingered with them. Helen leaned back lazily against a tree trunk, blowing a stray strand of curl out of her face, obviously bored. She examined her nails in disinterest.

"Bella, it is so nice to see you. I have not seen you since you were just past a year old," he chuckled. "Ah, you were so volatile still then. So wild."

I smiled. "It's nice to see you too Paris. I'm so sorry you wasted a trip, though."

He frowned. "Whatever do you mean?"

I sighed, glancing over at my sisters before facing the danger in front of me again. "I mean, Paris, that the Volturi have requested an audience with Carlisle. We of course are going to accompany him. I have never met any of the Volturi before, and am curious to see our governing body."

He shook his head. "Most would not be eager to see any of those that rule us, sweet Bella."

I rolled my eyes and grinned at him, letting a bit of the red haze rise in my mind. It added a feral hint to it, which would make Paris believe me more. The monster I could become would protect Edward by doing whatever she had to do.

He sighed dramatically and sadly. "Well, I suppose we could reschedule our reuniting."

I smiled, stepping closer, not quite touching him, but close enough to make his eyes darken in interest and Helen to hiss angrily.

"I don't know how long we'll be gone. Maybe a week. Maybe a few months. Why don't you come back this summer. We'll definitely be here again by then."

"April," he murmured, leaning down so his lips brushed my own very purposefully. Helen growled and I resisted the urge to make a disgusted face. He needed to buy this façade.

"April," I repeated, mentally calculating. That would give us about four months. Beggers couldn't be choosers, I suppose. He trailed his fingers down my face, stepping slowly away and back towards Helen. Then he turned and began running. Helen bared her teeth and snarled at me, making my sisters and I hiss and growl back, and then she turned to follow Paris.

I waited until they were out of earshot and sighed, slumping in exhaustion.

"That was too fucking close," I said tiredly.

Rosalie and Alice nodded.

Slowly - for us - we made our way back home. We were quiet most of the way, but finally, Alice spoke up.

"Four months doesn't give us a lot of time," she pointed out quietly.

I nodded. "I know. But at least it's more than the couple minutes we would have had."

Rosalie shook her head, snorting, and tossed her hair over one shoulder. "That bitch was going to rip your head off. She wanted to, at least. She's so full of herself."

I smirked. "She wouldn't have lasted against me."

Rosalie smirked, eyeing me up and down. "Nope. She definitely would have lost to you."

We reached the house, and I slowed outside the porch steps. I smiled tiredly at my family waiting there, and then turned towards the woods again. "I should go tell Edward everything is okay," I explained before running off.

In less than twenty minutes I reached his house, and paused, listening. The TV was on in the living room. His parents were asleep. Someone was asleep downstairs, and another person was awake. Pup was still here.

I hesitated, then decided I didn't care and snuck in through the back door easily. I silently entered the living room, where the TV was quietly playing an action scene of a movie, the glow casting eerie shadows across the room. Edward was slumped on the couch, sleeping. Seth was standing near the window, watching alertly.

He glanced over at me.

"Pup," I greeted softly.

He smirked quickly. "Bella." He raised his brows expectantly, and I sighed.

"They're gone… but they'll be back in a few months."

"Why were they after Edward?"

I sighed, sitting down on the couch next to Edward, looking at him. "They weren't. They were…" I sighed again. "If they had learned of Edward - and Alice was sure they would somehow - they would have hurt him or killed him. Most likely killed him. We had to trick them. I told them we were just leaving, and wouldn't be back for a while. But they'll be back soon, in April."

Seth was quiet for a moment. "That's about four months."

I nodded, hugging my knees to my chest. "It was the best we could do. Now… now we just have to figure out what to do when they get here again."

Seth sat on the floor next to the couch. "Why would they have killed him?"

I shook my head. "Because. They wouldn't understand why I was with a human."

Seth stared over at Edward for a moment as well, then turned his eyes back on to me. I could feel it. "Changing him will break the treaty. The Pack won't stand for it."

I sighed softly, nodding. "I know. But it's his choice. I'll risk a war, if it ends up being what he wants."

His eyes narrowed. "Have you even told him that yet? Explained that you'd have to break the treaty to make it possible for you both to stay together forever?"

I hesitated, then shook my head, admitting it to him. "No," I quietly answered. "But it will have to be soon now. Before April… and he'll have to choose." I sighed, dropping my head to rest on my knees, feeling so terribly sad and pressured. So conflicted. "I do love him, you know," I said.

"Yeah. I know," Seth soothed kindly.

"I don't want to leave him. I don't think it would be good for either of us. I don't think I can. But I hate the thought of changing him against his will…. And it's looking like that might be a very viable option now."

Seth was quiet for a few minutes, just staring at the floor. Then, finally, he spoke.

"Yeah. And then we'll all be effing screwed."

**If you haven't, the second interview is up on the blog for reading. It's with Bella, and was written in the middle of writing this chapter, about the time of EPOV. **

**I'm busy this week and next, so if I'm slow to reply to your reviews or anything, sorry. And I can't think of any good bribes for reviewers. I should ask staceygirl aka jackbauer for some good ideas. She has crazy bribes and begging and threatening for reviews tips. lol...**

**Anyway, have a good week!**

Return t


	19. Chapter 18

BPOV

I didn't know how to explain what had happened to Edward. Seth had left shortly before dawn, leaving me sitting on the couch at his feet. I was glad his parents were still sleeping. I was so edgy still, paranoid that Paris hadn't left, was waiting in the wings and would find Edward and kill him. I didn't want to leave him and risk that happening, but if his parents woke up, I'd have to. For now, though, they were sleeping - deeply from the patterns of their breathing - and I could keep Edward safe.

I wouldn't be able to keep him safe forever, though. One day, I'd not be there to save him when he needed it, and admittedly, that scare me more than anything. Even the Volturi couldn't inspire that kind of fear in me. Edward had quickly become the center of my world, and it sounded so corny and dramatic when I thought it or said it, but it was true none-the-less. He meant everything to me, he was my everything.

One day, one day soon, he'd be faced with a horrible dilemma, a question of what he wanted for the rest of his life. I couldn't leave him. I knew that. But I couldn't stand by and watch him grow old and die. I couldn't stay with him until one day people thought I was his daughter, and then his granddaughter, maybe even great-granddaughter and know that we were really in love. That would kill me. I knew what would happen - I'd grow bitter and basically die inside. Edward would be effected by that. If it came to that, I'd have to leave him, or at least... keep my distance. Watch from the sidelines. Neither of us would be able to handle something like that.

If he chose my life, if he chose me over everything a person was supposed to experience in life.... If that was his choice, he'd have to leave his mother. He'd have to forever live with his choice. No more alcohol. No more drugs (no complaints there from me). No more family. No more heartbeat. No future family. Just me and my family and eternity.

It was his choice. No one could make it for him, I wouldn't let them. I'd keep him safe, he'd make his choice, and we'd go from there.

I swallowed uneasily, reflexively. Everything that happened after his choice... it would be rushed, last minute. Preparations for whatever he chose. Protection against the wolves. Protection against Paris and Helen. Protection against... me.

He stirred lightly, brows furrowing and eyes flickering behind his lids uneasily. I reached out and smoothed his rampant hair out of his face, soothing him. "Shh, baby, shh." The heat from his body warmed my fingers, and his scent wafted up to me as he stirred again. It smelled so good; I'd never want to eat him, I loved him far too much, but it was delicious. I loved it; I loved everything about Edward, except maybe the occasional intoxications part. But I could live with that.

Because I loved him. Plain and simple.

His eyes lightly blinked open a few times before focusing on me, a half-grin quickly pulling up his lips. "Hey babe," he said, his voice husky and clogged with sleep. It made me think of kisses in the dark and hands stroking skin. I shook that train from my thoughts.

"Hey," I whispered. "It's still early. You could go back to sleep."

He rolled his eyes. "You're always fucking telling me to sleep, you know that?"

I laughed quietly, leaning forward and down to kiss his waiting lips. It was a slow, purposeful kiss; not deep and heated, not light and airy. It made my toes curl either way.

"What was up last night?" Edward murmured, before placing his lips back on mine for a few long moments.

I answered when he pulled away briefly again. "Blood-drinking acquaintances of my family's." Kiss. "Not that we like them much." Another kiss. "I was worried." Two kisses. I was melting. "They might have gotten angry," kiss, "and hurt you."

He pulled entirely back. "Why the fuck would they care about me?" he snorted, rolling those bright green eyes.

I sighed, sitting up again, and Edward straightened, following me. He ran a hand through his hair, then scrubbed the other over his jaw, where some scratchy stubble had appeared overnight. It had gently brushed my skin earlier; I wasn't used to the sensation. It was... different. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. Edward gave me a stern stare that told me he wasn't going to take any evasive bullshit, probably sensing my reluctance. I sighed once more.

"They wouldn't have liked me being with a human; one would have been jealous, the other would have killed you just to hurt me. Rosalie, Alice, and I went to cut them off before they got to Forks, and tricked them into thinking we were leaving the area for a while. But..." I paused, shifting uneasily as a new thought occurred to me. What if they became suspicious, and went to Volterra to check to see if we were telling the truth? Or simply called? Helen would do that, the vindictive bitch. If she did, she'd know something was up. She'd tell the Volturi so. Aro would send someone to see what was wrong, or tell Helen and Paris to find out. Edward had this whole other threat now I hadn't even considered.

I needed to stop thinking. I was going to drive myself bonkers with paranoia if i kept this up.

He stroked his fingers over my cheek, eyes concerned. "Fuck, babe, what's wrong?"

I sighed, shaking my head slightly. "They'll be back in April. And they will kill you, Edward. We won't be able to stop them in time if they try to. Alice has seen it." I hesitated, then added reluctantly, "If they learn about you... you die."

EPOV

I stared at her as she stared down at her lap unhappily, sadly, completely distressed.

"So, basically," I finally said calmly, "You saved my fucking life last night."

She looked up, still so damn fucking sad. "More like postponed your death."

I ran a hand through my hair. Apparently, I had until April to live. Fuck that shit, no way was I dying at the hands of some bigoted vampires. "Isn't there something we could do to stop them?" I asked, curious.

Bella shifted uneasily, looking everywhere but at me, and finally opened her mouth to talk only to freeze. "Your parents are waking up," she whispered before literally disappearing. I sighed, throwing my legs over the side of the couch as Mom walked downstairs, smiling at me where I sat.

"Seth go home?" she asked kindly.

I hadn't even realized he was fucking missing. Some friend _I _was; so shitty. I nodded, and she walked into the kitchen. A few minutes later, my father went in after her, not even glancing at me. I rolled my eyes. He was such a bastard.

I got up and trudged upstairs. Bella wasn't waiting in my room and I rolled my eyes. She didn't want to answer me, which meant the answer was something she didn't want to think about. Not fucking encouraging.

I took a shower and by the time I came out she was standing in the corner of my room, bickering with Alice. I rolled my eyes. Maybe another guy would have been disturbed to find two chicks in his room, or been excited as hell, but I simply warned, "If you don't want to get a free peep show, you might want to turn the fuck around."

_"Ew!_" Alice laughed and whipped around, clapping her hands over her eyes. Bella smiled slightly, rolling her eyes, and twisted around. I pulled on some clothes and then wrapped my arms around Bella's waist, pulling her back into my chest.

"What the hell are you two doing in my room?" I asked, looking between them in interest.

Alice gave Bella a glare. "Arguing. Bella's being stubborn and a chicken."

Bella glared at Alice. "Alice is being pushy and bossy. It's my choice. You can't tell me what to do and when to do it, Alice," Bella warned.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Fine, don't listen to my advice. See what happens." She shifted her gaze to smile at me. "See you later, Edward!" She moved to the window and slid out of it, as easily as if it were simply another doorway. Damn vampire skills.

Bella sighed, tilting her head back to peer at me upside down. "What do you want to do today?" she asked. "I have nothing planned, and I want to spend the day with you."

I ducked my head so my lips brushed hers. It was strange, kissing a girl upside down, but I rather liked it. I brought our lips together again, deepening the kiss, holding her hips tightly in my hands. Bella's hands snaked up and her fingers locked in my hair, keeping my mouth in place over hers. I wasn't arguing.

Unfortunately, I still had to breathe and so I had to pull away, gulping deep breaths of air. "Fuck, Bella," I gasped slightly.

She grinned slowly, coyly. I couldn't help it. With that fucking naughty looking grin on her face, I grinned back and ducked down for another kiss.

We did normal couple-y shit for the day, driving to Port Angeles and seeing a stupid-ass movie that I completely fucking ignored, instead making out with Bella in the dark in the back row. I knew all the douchebags also in the theater were eyeing her, entirely fucking jealous, and I was a fucking bastard because I reveled in it and shoved it in their faces like the asshole I was.

I realized later that she'd evaded ever answering my fucking question about stopping the fucking vampires that would be glad to kill my ass, but I decided it wasn't that fucking important. April was four fucking months away. We had plenty of time, I was sure, to save my unworthy ass.

The week passed quickly enough, and that meant the weekend had come where Bella had to go fucking hunting again. I hated that shit, but what was there for me to do? I couldn't keep her from it, and she was fucking adamant that I not attend. What-fucking-ever. Mom and my father were off somewhere for the night, for whatever reason he had for taking her out and not me this time, so I was left all fucking alone. Seth hadn't answered his phone. I wasn't close to anyone else in this tiny damn town.

I broke into my father's liquor cabinet. I hadn't had a drink in too fucking long. And it wasn't like I was going to go driving my ass anywhere, or fuck any random girl, so I couldn't think of any damn good argument against drinking my boredom away.

I hated being all the fuck alone. It had never sat well with me; I'd start thinking and that shit was never good when it came to my mind and thoughts. Normally, in other words: before Bella, I would have gone out and found people to surround myself with. I was damn tempted to still do so, but I figured she'd kick my ass.

I glared at the wall in front of me, downing more of the bottle I'd been steadily working on. Fuck, I sounded so pussy whipped. And there wasn't even any fucking pussy really involved. I was just Bella whipped. I was a whipped man. A kept man. _Fuck_. Was I so afraid of what my damn girlfriend thought that I couldn't go out and enjoy myself while she was gone? It wasn't like I was going to fuck other girls or go to a damn orgy or some shit like that. I was just going to go to a _party_. And I'd been more wasted than I was now that night that the accident had almost happened, so my driving skills would be perfectly fucking fine.

I finished the last of the bottle and ran up the stairs, grabbing my keys and ciggies.

I figured Tyler would know where the fuck some action was, and I wasn't disappointed. I had to assure the fucker I wasn't looking for anything hardcore, just a damn party, before he relaxed enough to tell me to check out Jessica's house. I made it there in less than ten minutes, and the damn thing was already in full swing. I slammed my door and jumped up the stairs two at a time, clearing them in two fucking bounds and then I opened the door and stepped inside.

The music pounded my eardrums and beat down into my chest cavity, vibrating my whole body with a steady thrum. The dense smell of cigs and stronger shit hit my olfactory systems, rejuvenating me. People smiled and laughed and drank and danced and fuck I felt like I was home.

Don't get me fucking wrong, I had a great time hanging out with Bella. She was fun and sexy and sure as shit the best damn kisser I'd ever encountered, with the hottest body in this damn world. I couldn't blame the fuckers in Forks for wanting to have her like I did, but that didn't mean I tolerated hearing it.

But I was getting off fucking course in my monologue.

Bella was fun to fuck around with, and I could almost say I loved her and mean it seriously. I said 'love you' to her all the fucking time now, but it was the same thing I said to my mom and to babes back in Phoenix, ya know? It was a friendly fucking love you and didn't mean jack, and I figured she would be able to tell the fucking difference if I ever grew the balls to say those damn three words in a manner that wasn't just casual.

But she wasn't into the party scene like I was. She couldn't relate to this part of my life, and I hated blowing it off just for her when I didn't want to. It was who I was and fuck if I was going to change for her. Weren't people supposed to love you for who the hell you were and not want to change you? I'd not drag her to this shit because she'd not be comfortable, but why the fuck couldn't I do this when I was on my fucking own?

Jessica popped up out of no fucking where, grinning hugely and rather stupidly and squealing when she saw me. "Edward!" She threw her arms sloppily around me. I smirked, hugging the bitch back because that was just my first fucking reaction to ho's throwing themselves at me. Flirt like the asshole I was.

"I didn't know you'd be here!" she added, pulling back and grinning suggestively.

I smirked down at her. "I didn't know I'd be here either, Jess."

She grabbed my hand tightly in hers and dragged me through the crowds babbling nonstop. We entered the kitchen and she yanked me to the group she hung out with at school - that douche Newton, Lauren, Tyler, and like three others I had never felt the need to learn the names of. A drink was pushed into my hands and I was in my element.

Lauren and Jessica plastered themselves to either side of me. I'd never do the bitches, I had Bella and wasn't such an asshole I'd cheat on her, but fuck if flirting with them wouldn't cause any damn harm.

It was dark when a buzzing had me blinking my eyes open. Fuck it all, I'd fucking zonked out, hadn't I? Grumbling under my breath, I dug my cell out of my pants pockets, lifting my ass off of the couch I was lying on to reach it. Without looking, I blearily tried to pick up, and ended up hanging up on whoever the fuck called me. What-the-fuck-ever. I'd call them back later.

I peered at the time and started cussing with everything I had in my arsenal. It was almost six in the fucking morning, and my parents would have gotten back plenty of hours ago. I was so fucking grounded.

_Dammit._

I pulled myself up with a groan, rubbing a hand through my hair and glancing around the room. Mike and Jessica were lying on the floor, a blanket half fallen off of them, both probably stark naked. I could see Jess's bare chest above the blanket. I was glad Mike's midsection was covered, because I didn't want to see his junk. Or lack thereof.

I grabbed my shirt off of the floor - no fucking clue of how it had ended up there; whatever - and my jacket from the coat room off the hall at the front door, and walked out to my car. It was a quick drive back to my house, and I crept silently, uneasily and tensely, inside and up the stairs. I paused then headed farther down the second floor hall to my parents' room, listening at the door. They were sleeping, thank fuck.

I went back to my room, opening the door and freezing.

Bella sat cross legged in the middle of my bed, eyes flat. Expression blank. Body too fucking still and relaxed. Eyes too dark for an after-hunting trip. Her feet were bare, shoes on the floor by the window, and her jacket was on the bedpost. Her hair was sloppily braided.

Those were about the only ordered things in the room.

My comforter was halfway ripped off the bed. My pillow had dissolved into feathers. My closet door had claw-like scars down the wood. The desk was flipped on its side, everything on top of it strewn before it. My laptop was broken in fucking half. Some of the drawers of my dresser were across the room for the actual fucking furniture. Each and every one of my ciggies that had been left here were shredded.

I stared at her in shock. "What the fuck, Bella?"

She didn't say anything. She simply rose with a too-fluid grace and threw something at me. I caught it to my chest in reflex, staring in disbelief as she grabbed her jacket and shoes and slid out of the window without a single whisper of air.

I managed to regain control of my limbs and fucking mind after a few long moments and looked down to see what I was cupping to my chest. Her cell phone. I frowned, pulling it away and flipping it open.

On the screen was a picture of me. I knew that she had one of the two of us as her wallpaper; she said Alice had insisted it be there. But that wasn't the picture I was looking at. It was of Lauren, Jessica, and I. Last night. My arms around them both. Smiling. Fuck that, grinning like a damned imbecile. Their shirts off. Mine as well. Lounging back on the couch. My eyes were closed, head tilted back. Lauren and Jessica were kissing their ways up my neck. Hands on my chest, fingers obviously stroking.

I didn't fucking remember that happening, and I sure as shit would. Who the fuck had sent this to Bella anyways.

After a moment, the cell beeped. I hesitated, seeing it was from Alice. After a moment, I opened it, morbid curiosity prompting my actions.  
_  
You fucked up. Thanks a lot, bastard._


	20. Chapter 19

**Speedy fast author here! Yes, yes. Love me. :D lol**

**Enjoy.  
**

BPOV

I may have been pissed at him, on the very brink of being completely lost to the red haze once again, but apparently I didn't hate him enough to be able to kill him. Even in absolute uncontrolled actions, I couldn't even _hurt _him. And that just ticked me off even more.

I screamed out loud, letting my rage and pain pour out in the sound. Alice, who had been keeping me company since leaving Edward's house, sighed sadly, patting my arm. "You'll be okay, sweetie."

I hated myself for saying it, but Alice's constant reassurances were pissing me off. No I wouldn't be okay. Edward had been with Lauren and Jessica. I didn't know who had sent the picture to me, the number had been blocked, but what did that matter? The picture had been rather self explanatory. Alice telling me things were okay wasn't helping me.

After a moment, she sighed, pulling out her cell phone again and texting quickly. She walked along with me for a few more minutes until we neared the house. Rosalie was in front of us, arms crossed. Alice stepped in front of me, hugging me tightly, before walking away as Rosalie walked forward.

"Fucking long night, huh?" she asked, arms crossed over her chest.

I groaned and clenched my fists. "How could he?" I growled. "How could he do that to me?"

We started walking, heading not towards the house, but not back the way I'd come, either. Rosalie shrugged. "I don't know. You know him better than me. If you can't understand why he did it… maybe he didn't."

I gave her a look and snorted. "The picture was pretty obvious, Rosalie. All three of them were shirtless and their hands were all over his chest and he was grinning and, and, and…."

She looked over at me and rolled her eyes. "Relax before you go Red on me."

I glared at her. "I lost it in his room, and didn't hurt him. I don't even have the satisfaction of slapping him. I might knock his head off," I mocked bitterly.

Rosalie laughed, truly amused, and I glared at her again.

We walked for a while longer, before she spoke. "Who sent it to you?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Does it really matter?" I asked. "A picture is worth a thousand words."

Rosalie shrugged elegantly. "Maybe he was set up."

I stopped, glaring at her. "Whose side are you on?"

She snapped around, glaring. "Yours, Bella. I'm always on your side, and don't ever fucking doubt it. But I warned him if he hurt you he'd regret it." She tilted her head, eyes narrowed. "He told me he'd never hurt you, though I have to say his language was a little more colorful than that." She straightened her head, shaking it. "Bella, I'm sorry, I just can't see Edward doing that. He might be an arrogant ass, but he wouldn't do that. Not to you."

"You don't know that," I scoffed, rolling my eyes and tossing my head back. "You don't know him. I thought I knew him and obviously didn't. I-"

Rosalie's hand smacked across my face and I turned my head back to stare at her in shock. "What was that for?" I asked angrily.

"For being an all around idiot, Bella! If you really can't imagine him doing this, then why aren't you talking with him about it?"

"Why should I give him a chance to lie to me!" I screamed at her.

"Why don't you trust him!" Rosalie shouted back. "You'll take an anonymous source's word before your boyfriend's? What kind of person are you that you can do that and still claim to love him? Huh? You told me you loved him more than you feared anyone and anything. He was your world, remember? Your everything," she quoted me, mocked me, glaring angrily. "Yet here you are, walking out on him without giving him a chance to defend himself. Maybe he did do it! Maybe he lost all sense and did what the picture suggests! Maybe he will apologize and you won't forgive him and that would be okay and I'd go kick his ass! Or _maybe_ those bitches set him up! Maybe they want him for their own, you know? They were pissed you landed him and they couldn't, Bella! You _know that_. So wouldn't it stand to reason that they set him up?"

"But how can I know, Rose!" I yelled in despair. "How can I trust him?"

She stared at me coldly, arms crossed over her chest. "If you can't trust the people you love, you can't trust anybody. And if you can't trust people, you can't love them, Bella. If you can't trust Edward, than you don't really love him. Love is trust. I trusted Emmett way back when we first met not to be like Royce. It scared the crap out of me, and for a while, it was hard. But Emmett never did anything to make me think he might be like that asshole of a fiancé. He proved himself. I loved him; I trusted him. It becomes one in the same, Bella. If Edward hasn't done anything to earn your trust, then by all means, don't trust him. But on the flip side…." She raised her brows pointedly.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do. That's your choice. I can't decide if he's lying or telling the truth or if you shouldn't even give him a chance. I've spoken to him _once_ Bella. You're the one that is with him all the time. You know him better than any of us. What do you want any of us to tell you? You're not a child, not a little girl that needs her hand held and to be guided and directed in everything she does. You're an adult. Start fucking acting like one," she snapped, then stormed past me. I waited a few seconds before screaming again in frustration and rage and embarrassment, slamming my fist into a tree trunk and watching as it spilt up to a branch, which broke off and fell to the ground loudly.

"If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" I murmured to myself, slowly folding onto the ground.

I hated riddles. They could be interpreted so many ways, argued so many different possibilities. I could never find a right or wrong, black or white, answer. It was all shades of gray.

Rosalie was right, I was probably being a huge bitch of a girlfriend. I didn't know who had sent that picture. I didn't know if maybe he was drunk or high or drugged and not realizing what was happening. He hadn't looked guilty or anything when he saw me. More like confused and shocked at what I'd done to his room. I flexed my fingers guiltily. His parents were going to be upset about that.

But what was I supposed to do? Right now, I knew I was still too angry to see him and talk this out. He'd gone to that party, obviously willingly, so whatever happened there was the fault of his actions. Why'd he have to go? Why couldn't he just… stay home? And why did he hang up on me when I called this morning when I realized it wasn't a fake picture because he wasn't in his room? If he wasn't guilty, why hadn't he answered? Why had he hung up instead?

Maybe it had been an accident. Maybe someone else had answered his phone for him. Maybe he just hadn't wanted to tell me he wasn't home, that he'd gone to one of those damn parties again. You'd think after the last few, he wouldn't. But for some reason he seemed to always end up back at those things.

Why couldn't he just be happy with me? Why did he have to do all of this?

Did he not realize just how much it hurt to know you weren't enough for the person you loved?

EPOV

I cleaned up the room as best I could, grabbed my jacket, and walked right out of there. No one was up yet. I scribbled a note for Mom, stuck it to the fridge, and left the house, emotions rampaging through me. There was only one fucking person I could think of going to.

I drove all the way to the rez, stopping and getting out to ask some random chick how to get to Seth's house, and she gave me directions, looking at me strangely but what the fuck ever. I pulled up in front of the nice, quaint house after a few minutes, then just sat there, staring. What if the fucker wasn't home?

I rolled my eyes at myself. _Then you get back in the damn car, dumbass._

I got out, stuffing my hands in my pockets as I walked up the porch steps and knocked lightly on the door. After a few moments, it opened and a kind looking woman with her long dark hair in a braid, thrown over one shoulder, smiled at me. Her eyes crinkled at the edges. She looked like an older, female Seth.

"Hello. Can I help you?"

I knocked the toe of my shoe onto the wood of the porch a few times, staring at it. "Is Seth home?"

I glanced back up to see her smiling apologetically. "Not right now. He's out. However," she added quickly, "he should be back in fifteen or so minutes. Would you like to come in?" she offered, stepping back along with the suggestion.

I hesitated, then nodded, stepping inside. "Thank you," I said politely.

She smiled. "No problem, dear. Would you like something to eat? I was just making breakfast."

I paused, and she looked over her shoulder, grinning. "There's plenty, you wouldn't be intruding."

I waited a few moments before giving in and nodding. "Thank you," I repeated, following her into a kitchen with faded blue cupboards and a scuffed wood dining table.

"It's no problem. Sit," she told me, gesturing, and I did so as she turned to the stove, flipping a pancake. "So," she asked conversationally. "Who are you?"

"Edward Masen," I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck. "I live in Forks."

She chuckled. "Ah, you're Seth's friend in Forks. He talks about you all the time," she continued, still a light chuckle in her voice. "Sam and the others warned me you're a bad influence," she said, turning around and leaning against the counter, raising her brows and crossing her arms. "They told me I should forbid Seth from seeing you."

I glared, but glanced down at the floor. They weren't wrong, I probably _was _a bad fucking influence. I mean, the first time I'd met the kid I'd offered him a drag on my cig.

"Should I?" she asked me.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Wasn't this fucking awkward? "Listen, ma'am, I'm probably _not _the best friend for your son to have. I probably am a pretty bad influence. But I like Seth. He's a cool kid, and he's pretty dang smart. I don't think he'd mess up like I do. I think he's smart enough to chose who he hangs out with."

She smiled at me when I glanced up at her. "That's exactly what I told them. He can chose who he hangs out with, and he knows better than to do anything dangerous." She brought over a plate of pancakes, bacon, and eggs to me. "And feel free to call me Sue, dear."

I smiled slightly at her. "Thank you, Sue."

"Don't mention it," she dismissed, stepping away. I started eating in silence, enjoying the calming atmosphere of this. Eating breakfast with a kind mother cooking nearby, waiting for my friend to show up, not having to worry about my father coming downstairs, any of that tension.

"Hey, Edward! What are you doing here?" Seth laughed as he stepped inside. Dark circles were under his eyes, but they were still bright and alert. He plopped down in a chair across from me and grinned at his mom as she sat a plate in front of him. "Hey, Mom, thanks," he said, kissing her cheek.

Sue smiled. "Don't mention it, baby. I'm going to go to the store, leave you and Edward to talk. Bye boys. It was nice meeting you Edward," she added, grabbing a purse off of a counter and smiling as she walked away.

"Bye Mom!" Seth called before turning back to his plate, inhaling the food there. He glanced up at me after a moment. "So. What are you doing here?"

I sighed, shoving my plate away and leaning back, feeling fucking nauseas thinking about it again. "I think I fucked up."

Seth raised a brow. "_Think?_"

I shook my head, tugging on my hair in agitation, before spilling about it all to him. Last night - drinking and being so fucking lonely and going to that damn party. Waking up and going home to find my room trashed by Bella. The picture on her phone, sent by who-the-fuck knew.

When I finished, Seth had finished off his third plate and was shaking his head. "Hell, man. Did you cheat on her?"

I glared at him, slamming my hands onto the table. "No," I hissed angrily. "I would never cheat on her. I told you, I don't even fucking remember taking my shirt off, let alone those skanks being all over me."

Seth shrugged. "Do you think they drugged you?"

I thought about it, then shook my head. "No, I passed out wasted and tired, but not drugged. I'd have been able to tell."

He nodded thoughtfully, thinking about it. "Maybe they did it after you fell asleep?"

I nodded back, sighing unhappily. "That's what I was thinking," I sighed. "I bet fucking Newton sent it to her, the douche."

Seth laughed once, then became serious again. "Do you think she'll believe that? With your track record… she might not, you know."

I groaned, dropping my head into my palms and telling myself only fucking pansies cried. I wasn't a pansy.

"I don't know," I finally said, slightly pissed at myself to hear my voice hoarse from holding back the tears. "I told you, I fucked it up just by going to the damn party. I didn't do anything, but who the fuck would believe me? I've fucking lost her, Seth." I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. "I fucking deserve it, too."

"How so?" he scoffed. "You're not the smartest person when it comes to substances, Edward, but you aren't a bastard. You didn't cheat on her, cause you love her," he said confidently. "I know that. Hell, Edward, everyone knows that. You love Bella, and you're a good guy. You wouldn't cheat on her. You wouldn't even think of fooling around with other girls, because you love her."

I shook my head, dejectedly. "I'm not so sure she fucking gets that, though, Seth. I have this… this _problem_, where I can't get the words out. I can't tell her that, I can't even say that about her to _you_ or _anyone_. They get stuck. You've no fucking idea how often I've tried to tell her that, but it just won't come out. What if she doesn't understand that I-" I stopped swallowing thickly as said words got stuck once again.

"What if," I tried again quietly after a moment, "She doesn't understand I feel that way? Then she'd believe that I could do that shit. She'd think I didn't feel what I feel for her."

Seth stared at me for a long moment. "You're going to have to say those words to her someday, you know. She says them easily enough. You can't expect her to be able to last forever without you saying them back. Stuff like that will begin to mess with a girl's mind. Add to it this whole thing? You're in deep water."

"I know," I groaned, leaning back again, staring at his ceiling. "I want to tell her," I said quietly. "I so fucking want to. I can't yet. I don't know why, but I can't." I shook my head. "I don't even know if I could tell those words to my mother. My own fucking mother, Seth. I'm so fucked up."

He sighed. "Yeah, Edward, you aren't in the best conditions, mentally. You've been through stuff that's messed you up. But you've been getting better. Even you admitted that to me. You're better than you were. You just… you have to try harder, Edward. You can't drink or do those drugs or go to those parties."

I glared at him. "I'm staying away from the fucking drugs, and I can go to a fucking party. There's nothing wrong with shit like that!"

Seth looked at me. "Look at what happened here. And before, didn't you get so drunk you almost got in an accident? And before that, you said you got sick."

I glared at him. "That doesn't mean-"

"Edward, fine, go to parties, but stop going alone and getting yourself drunk off your ass."

I stared at him, then grudgingly admitted he was right by nodding my head. "Yeah, okay. Whatever."

Seth stared at me for a long moment. "I was out patrolling last night. That's why I didn't answer. I'm sorry that it didn't help your loneliness issue. But Edward… you can't always be with people. You got to learn how to stand on your own two feet."

I glared at the wall behind his head. "Yeah, okay, sure thing Seth. Enough with the motivational bullshit please. I don't want to hear it."

He was quiet for a few moments, then nodded. "Yeah, okay. I think you've gotten the picture." He tapped the cell phone. "As for this… you have to talk to Bella, that's the only way of fixing things."

I glared at the offending device. "She's not gonna listen to me, kid. She's gonna ignore me, that much was pretty fucking obvious. She wouldn't even speak to me."

Seth shrugged. "She was pissed. I think if you got a picture like that, you'd be pretty ticked off as well. Would you want to talk to her while you were that pissed?"

Kid made a valid point, the logical fucker. I sighed. "Her family is gonna kick my ass."

Seth grinned. "Yeah, well, you've obviously upset her. Family kicks peoples asses for that all the time. It's the circle of life."

I snorted. "Hakuna fucking matata."

He laughed loudly, shaking his head. "No way. That does not fit your situation right now." He stood up, taking his plate to the sink. "Listen, if you want to hang out here for the day, feel free to. Work out what you're gonna do about this, and you'll be safe from any wandering Cullens looking for you." He waggled his brows jokingly and I rolled my eyes.

I followed him out to the living room, where he set up a video game. I scoffed, but he just laughed. "Trust me. Shooting people always makes you feel better."

Again, the kid had a damn point. The violence in the video game took and focused all my anger, all my concentration, all my rage and grief and pain at the though of losing her, and gave it a focal point. I imagined each person I shot on the game to be Jessica, Lauren, or Newton cause I just knew that fucked had sent the picture. I bet if I checked his cell phone, it would be on there. Fucking bastard.

Maybe I could prove it to her that way. If I got Newton's phone and showed her he took the picture, she'd have to believe the fuckers had set me up. Wouldn't she?

I shot another person on the game, glaring angrily as I was left uncertain of if she would believe me.

My mom called eventually, around dinner time. I grudgingly told her I'd be home soon and said good bye to Seth and his mom. His sister, Leah, came out and reluctantly introduced herself around lunch, calling me the Vampire Boy. I told her if she called me that again, I wouldn't hesitate to fucking punch her in the face, girl or not. She was a werewolf, she could fucking take it.

I think she liked that, cause she laughed, waved over her shoulder, and disappeared for the rest of the day back into her room with a platter load of food.

I drove home, hardly paying attention while eating dinner. I was still thinking about how the fuck to get Bella to pay me enough attention for me to prove I didn't fucking _do_ anything. I came up with jack shit.

I went up to my room, not having spoken a word since I got home, and froze momentarily before sighing when I opened the door. I closed it quietly behind myself, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back against the wood, staring at the gorgeous girl across from me.

"I want to say I didn't fucking do anything. I never meant for her to hurt like this."

Rosalie nodded, sitting down on my bed. "Yeah. I figured. That's why your head is still attached to your shoulders."

"Gee, thanks," I sneered.

She laughed. "Listen, Edward. I don't think you did it, okay? But Bella's basically lost it like I warned you she might."

"No you didn't," I snorted. "You said you were surprised she hadn't. Not that she fucking would."

After a moment of staring at me, Rosalie shrugged. "Semantics. Either way, that's why. It pushed her just a little too far. I think she'll listen to you eventually."

"How soon's eventually?" I asked, eyes narrowed.

She shrugged casually. "A few weeks?"

"Fuck no," I snapped. "I'm not waiting that long. _No. Fucking. Way_."

Rosalie raised a brow. "I don't think you have much of a choice, asshole."

"Watch me," I snarled, turning around sharply and stomping down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Mom asked, frowning in confusion and concern.

"Forgot something," I spat, slamming the door behind myself. Rosalie was already waiting there.

"What are you going to do? I don't suggest going to the house, if that's what you're planning."

I glared at her. "I'm not a fucking retard, thanks. I'm getting some fucking proof."

"Ooh," Rosalie said, grinning. "There's proof you didn't do it? Why didn't you get it earlier?" she added snappily.

"Because I'm not fucking sure!" I growled, getting into my car. I rolled my eyes as she got in as well.

"Hmm. Sounds dubious, then. You might not want to do it. What if there's no proof? That would make you look bad," she pointed out.

"You can't fucking live your life in fear. I have to hope that Newton did take that fucking picture, and that might get Bella to at least fucking _listen_ to me."

Rosalie looked thoughtful, then nodded. "It very well might. Okay, human boy, go intimidate Newton. As a matter of fact, I'll come with you. He'll be twice as terrified, more likely to spill his guts, don't you agree?" She grinned, rather ferally.

I stared for a moment before peeling out of the drive. "Why the fuck not?" I muttered.

She laughed.

**See? Assward wasn't that much of an idiot.**

**Assward: Yeah, thanks for the fucking confidence, all you readers. _grumbles and curses and rolls eyes_**

**He's not happy with you all, understandably. I mean, if no one believed you, thought you'd done something like that and all, you wouldn't like them much either for a while, now would you? I told some of you, don't be too judgmental yet. Assward may be an ass, but he's not a douche.**

**Assward: _smirks_ Yeah, that's fucking Newton's job.**

**Review!**


	21. Chapter 20

**Sorry this took a while. School. Last major stuff being taken care of before finals. Eeek! **

**Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate it. I'll be gone all weekend - _sniff_ - without - _sniff_ - a c-c-comp! _bursts into tears at thought_ So you won't hear from me at all until Sunday, at the earliest. Unless I manage to find a comp.... _thinks about this _Anyhow! Enjoy pigging out - I will - and being with family - I SORTA will - and enjoy this chapter!**

**I am thankful for all you readers and reviewers, and for my reporters for being generally awesome, V for making me a banner and just being a cool chearleader-like-person, and listening to me bitch and moan all the time. Thanks to whoever invented internet, and whoever invented FF, and SM for creating the Twilight world which I love to skew and twist and play around in, and I might as well thank whoever invented a computer too, since without it none of those first two would be here really....**

**Oh, and thanks to Assward for being like... the best character to hang out with. For, you know, amusement reasons.**

**Assward: _rolls eyes_ You're so weird, IG.**

**Love you too, Assward.  
**

BPOV

I glared at the door. "Go away."

"No."

"Rose," I groaned, rolling my eyes.

"Open the door."

"No," I mocked, smirking angrily.

"I'll knock it in."

I narrowed my gaze. "You wouldn't. Esme would kill you."

"I'll blame Emmett."

She would.

"I'm not opening the door, Rose," I snapped. "Go. Away."

"Bella, open the damn door already, okay? You'd regret not doing so."

"No I wouldn't," I muttered.

Rosalie groaned, then broke the door open. She set it against the wall as I glared at her the whole time, keeping my arms firmly crossed and glaring. Rosalie turned around, smirking, and mimicked my stance, raising an elegant brow.

"You have to talk to him," she said firmly.

"I don't have to do anything," I stubbornly reminded her. "He's an asshole and I can do better." This had become my mantra over the course of the day.

"Bella, you're right. He's an asshole. You can do better. But you love him and the asshole loves you and you should listen to him for those reasons alone."

"No," I repeated stubbornly, staring to the side so I wouldn't have to meet Rosalie's eyes. They were too steady, too knowing.

"Too bad." I snapped my head to look at her as she stepped out of the room. Edward walked in. I glared blackly, mentally daring him to take another step closer. He hesitated, eyes drifting away from mine, but continued stepping into the room, sideways to keep a decent amount of space between us. Not that it would help him.

"Hey Bella."

"Get out," I snapped flatly.

He tensed, lifting his gaze to mine, the green bright with anger. "Fuck, I'm _trying _here. I'm seriously trying, Bella, and you ain't making this shit any easier on me."

I glared. "It shouldn't have to be _easy_, Edward. You cheated on me."

"Fuck, do you really think that?" He glared. "Do you honestly believe I could do that to you?"

I shrugged coldly. "You've done it to other girls before."

He glared. "I'd never fucking cheat in a serious relationship. I've never fucking _cheated_ Bella. All those other girls were fucks, not girlfriends. Got it? I _didn't fuckin cheat on you!_"

I shrugged. "So you say."

"I can prove it!" he snapped.

I snorted, rolling my eyes pointedly. "Oh yeah? How?" I challenged.

He pulled out a cell that wasn't his own and tossed it over. I caught it and peered at it, raising a brow before looking up at him.

"That's Mike fucking Newton's phone," he said, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket and nodding his head at the phone in my hands. "He took the fucking picture. I passed out on the couch. Jess and Lauren stripped off my shirt and their own and posed like that. Mike was supposed to send it to them, and then Jess got the frickin' bright idea to send it to you. They set us up, babe. Those bitches were hoping to get with me, and Newton just fucking hates my guts. It had shit to do with you, it was all about screwing up the one good thing I had." He shook his head, glaring at the floor. "They knew what would happen. Newton wanted to fuck me over, and Jess and Lauren just wanted to be fucked."

I stared at him for a long moment. "I can't tell if you're lying or not Edward. Just because Mike's phone has that picture-"

"Fuck Bella!" Edward snapped, turning and slamming his fist into the wall. "Why can't you just fucking _trust me_. I've trusted you. For all I know, you can lose control in a fucking instant and I won't be able to do shit. But I trust you. I trust you not to hurt me. Why can't you _fucking _do the _same?!_" he yelled, and I flinched slightly.

"Edward… that's… it's…."

"If you," he whispered furiously, "fucking say it's different, I give the hell up. I won't fucking try again with you. I won't fucking give a shit any more. And I won't fucking take you back if you want me to. Fuck, Bella, there's only so much I can take," he said, shaking his head. "I'm only fucking human."

I shook my head slowly, trying to sort through the conflicting thoughts and emotions. "Edward… I can't just… you have to give me a little time. You can't just demand I make a decision _now_."

He stared at me for a long moment, before turning and walking out without a word. I winced as the front door slammed.

Rosalie stepped into the room, staring silently. I looked at her helplessly. "I… I just needed…."

She nodded. "I know. You've been pissed and hurt all day, and now you're not sure how you should be feeling. Edward may only be human, but you're still human in that way as well, Bella."

I slowly sank down onto the floor. "I don't know what to do," I moaned, resting my head in my hands. "I don't."

Rosalie settled down next to me, wrapping an arm over my shoulders. "I can't tell you what to do. I can tell you that I believe Edward. And that Newton pissed his pants when Edward grabbed him by the collar and slammed him into the wall asking what the fuck he'd done," she chuckled.

I looked over at her, surprised, and she nodded.

"Yeah, it didn't take much persuading for Newton to tell Edward that little story." She laughed. "Edward didn't even ask for his phone, he snatched it off the table and left."

I smiled slightly, and nodded. "I…. He was right. I should trust him." I shook my head at myself, bitterly. "I fucked this one up, not him."

Rosalie nodded, not sugarcoating it and telling me I was wrong with that statement.

I took a deep breath and asked, "Do you… he just left. Does that mean he's going to give me time or…?"  
Rosalie turned her head to face me and raised a brow slowly. "I don't know. Go find out."

I bit my lip hesitantly before sneaking inside the backdoor and into the house. I tread slowly, not because I was worried about being loud or crashing into anything - vampire, remember? - but because I was… scared.

No, scared didn't cover it. I was positively terrified that Edward would turn me away. That he'd tell me he was serious and didn't want a thing to do with me any longer. That I'd ruined everything.

I sighed as I paused outside his door, gathering my courage and assurance that things would work out well before opening the door and stepping inside.

Edward didn't even glance up from his bed, where he'd just thrown a towel. His pajama pants hung low on his hips, showing off a good inch of his boxers - black. I loved the contrast to his skin, loved the stature of his back. I trailed my eyes over the tatts there, itching abruptly to run my fingers over the lines and curves of ink. Had it hurt? Had he cared?

He finally twisted around to stare at me, arms crossed over his chest. I didn't want to meet his eyes yet, afraid I'd see annoyance or disgust or worse - nothing. So instead, I let my eyes drift slowly over his bare chest, down his left side. The top one - to die, to flee. I bit my lip, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"What do the other two mean?"

For a long time, he didn't speak. His heartbeat didn't change, his breathing stayed the same, his stance and gaze never wavered. He was as close to completely still as a human could get without being dead.

I swallowed thickly and lifted my gaze to his.

"The second one," he finally said lowly, "Means dangerous. Unsafe. Perilous. I got it to warn people away." A smirk flitted across his lips, bitter and unamused. "My own personal fucking warning label."

I let out a shaky breath and shook my head, opening my mouth to say something, but he cut me off.

"Shut up," he muttered, shaking his head. "And the last one." His hand moved down to tap at the last and most intricate of the characters, right above his hipbone. "This is pain, suffering, sorrow. To hurt, to ache. This one is my constant fucking fate, it seems."

I took an uncertain step forward, but when Edward didn't remark about it, grew more confident. If he'd truly wanted me out, he would just outright say it. He wouldn't spare my feelings, because that wasn't the type of person he was. A blunt, honest… asshole.

I shook my head and trailed my fingers over that last tattoo, making him shiver and eyes close. I bit my lip, hoping it was _not_ just because I was cold compared to him.

"I don't think you're meant to suffer, Edward."

His eyes slitted open, the green peering down at me. Neither of us said anything for what felt like forever in a moment.

"I made a decision," I whispered.

"And what was it?" he asked, leaning down so the warmth from his breath fanned across my face. I could feel it pulsing from his lips as well, almost feel the blistering, heated pressure of them on mine.

"My trust and heart belong to you." I took a deep breath, staring straight into his eyes as I said it. "I love you."

This I love you wasn't like the sweet-fast-meaningless 'love you's' we'd shared before. I put every emotion I felt for him into those three words, wishing he'd say it back…

…And knowing he wouldn't.

He blinked several times, his breathing shaky and uneasy.

"Bella… I…."

I put my finger over his lips, quieting him. "I don't want you to say it because you have to, Edward. I want you to say it, because you can't help but say it." I smiled at him. "I know how you feel. I feel it every time you touch me," I admitted quietly.

He stared for a long moment, eyes burning. Gripping my shoulders tightly, he pressed his lips to mine, desperately, his tongue slipping past my lips and lapping at my own. It was the easiest - only - way for him to say it back to me, for now.

Like I was going to complain about him kissing me, reminding me just how good he as at it? Yeah; right.

EPOV

She was lying on top of my bare chest, and I was tracing patters down her back, then up it, only to repeat the circuit. Bella's chin was in her hands, elbows braced gently on top of my chest. Her gold eyes were staring down at the rise and fall of my chest with this fucking tender and soft look that made my chest ache and throat tighten.

I would have forced those damn words past my throat if she hadn't stopped me. She wanted me to be so desperate to say them that they flew out of my fucking mouth. She wanted that kind of raw emotion. If that's what she wanted, I'd give her nothing less.

It was about one in the fucking morning, and I was dead exhausted, but my mind wouldn't let me sleep. This wasn't unusual or any shit like that, but it didn't make it any less frustrating. I wanted a smoke.

I wouldn't. Bella'd leave, and that wasn't damn acceptable any longer. I didn't want her apart from me unless we had no other fucking choice.

I yawned, and Bella looked up at me, smiling. "If you're tired…"

"I know, I know," I mumbled. "I should fucking sleep." I sighed. "Can't, babe. Too wired."

She bit her lip, releasing it and lightly licking it. I groaned, leaning forward and grabbing the moist plump bottom lip between my teeth lightly, tugging. Her hands, which had fallen to rest lightly on my chest, clenched slightly, the nails dragging over my skin.

_Fuck_.

She pulled away, getting up, and I threw my legs over the side of the bed, rubbing a hand through my hair. "Where are you going?"

"I'll be back in fifteen minutes," she smiled. "Less, even. Trust me." She bent over and kissed me slowly and sweetly before disappearing from sight. I fell back onto my pillows with a groan, counting down because I had nothing better to fucking do.

Twelve minutes passed before she returned, smiling. A water bottle was in one hand, the other lightly fisted, and I raised a brow at her.

She handed me a small white pill and the bottle of water. "Take it, Carlisle said it would help."

I hesitated, then shrugged and swallowed the pill, making a face. "That shit's nasty."

Bella crawled into my lap, grabbing my face between her frigid palms. "Is it?"

"Mmm." I stared at her lips. She grinned, and I leaned forward to kiss her again, deepening it quickly. She pressed gently on my chest, easing us back, her hands running over my chest. She made my heart race, and I clutched her hips tightly, groaning lowly into her mouth, wanting more and knowing I wasn't likely to fucking get it. At least, not tonight. Not soon.

Fuck it all. Patience sure as shit wasn't my thing.

I trailed wet, open-mouthed kisses down her neck, over the base of her throat, then down between the space between her breasts, nudging the shirt aside with my nose as best I could. What type of bra would she be wearing, I wondered.

I quickly sat up, keeping her in my lap. She wrapped her legs around my waist, making me tense and groan. God, she was going to kill me. Death by fucking pleasure. Death by non-release. Death by Bella.

_Fuck_….

Her shirt came off easily enough, and I stared hungrily at her bra. Blue, a silky yet cottony material. Still fucking sexy. I was willing to bet my last pack of cigs she could make anything sexy. Even a damned wooden barrel.

I dipped my head down, licking along the edge of her bra. She purred; best fucking sound in the world. Breathing uneasily, not wanting to push her but wanting so much more than this, I trailed my lips down the cloth of the bra, right to the center of it. I sucked her through the material.

Bella groaned, low and throaty and surprised.

Forget that slander I said earlier. Bella _groaning_ was the best fucking sound in the universe.

Her fingers tugged insistently, yet carefully, on my hair, and I lifted my head. Before I was entirely righted, her mouth was over mine, desperate, hungry, uninhibited. I imitated her, kissing her back just as wantonly, pulling her tighter to my chest. Her hands slid down my chest, so frickin' light and fuck it turned me on even more. She paused just a bit over each of my ribs, traced the damn tattoos on the front of my body, before sliding her hands to my back. And then she traced those tattoos. Made me so fucking glad I'd gotten them done; it was all worth it to have Bella tracing her fingers along the designs.

I leaned back, still kissing Bella frantically, while she ran her hands over all the bare skin she could reach, making me feel like she couldn't get enough, making me feel so damn… _needed_.

After a while, the kisses slowed, and I mentally sighed, knowing this shit was coming to an end. Bella pulled back, pecking my lips a few times before smiling at me. "You're going to fall asleep soon. That pill I gave you really does work."

I grumbled, rolling my eyes, even though I could feel it taking effect, proving her right. "I'd rather keeping fucking making out."

She laughed, and I smiled drowsily at the sound. Bella curled up against my chest, nuzzling her head into the crook of my neck. She was so fuckin' adorable.

"Night Edward," she whispered, sighing happily.

She may have been so fucking pissed at me earlier tonight, but I'd made her happy by the end of it, and that shit was all that really mattered. She'd forgiven my sorry ass and was happy. Case fucking closed.

"Night babe," I yawned, closing my eyes.

I was out in the next damn second.

The next morning, I watched as Bella walked up to Mike, a deceptively sweet smile on her face. The shithead turned red and then started talking to her, so fucking interested it made my fists clench with the urge to slam his face into one of the brick walls of the old buildings.

Bella leaned close, whispering into his ear, making his eyes momentarily glaze over with lust. I turned and slammed my fist into the car door, shaking it afterwards to dispel the pain. Looking back over, I smirked happily to see Mike so fucking pale he looked like fresh pure white paint. Ha ha!

Bella smiled, and it was still sweet looking, but deadly. Sexy as hell, too. She clearly spoke as Jessica and Lauren passed by.

"Mess with Edward like that again, Michael Newton, and you're going to fucking regret it."

Turning, she walked back over to me, sending that same sweet fatal smile at Lauren and Jessica, both of whom quickly scrambled away. I grinned at her and wrapped her in my arms, kissing the top of her head and smirking over it at Newton, Jessica, and Lauren. Behind her back, I flipped them all off.

Bella chuckled into my chest, bringing my attention back to her . She smiled up at me, so fucking happy looking.

"Enjoying your victory Edward?"

I smirked down at her. "Hell fucking yes. Those shits tried to take you from me. And it didn't fucking work. I'm gonna rub that shit in their faces all I want. They deserve it, at the very least."

She shrugged, nodding carelessly, and turned, grabbing my hand with hers, and led me to her class. "You're so crazy sometimes, Edward. But it just makes me love you all the more."

I grinned, loving hearing those words from her now that they fucking _meant_ something, even if I couldn't quite say them back yet. Out loud.

_Yeah, I fucking love you too, my Bella._

**There you all go! Please leave me some reviews so that way when I come home, exhausted from hanging out with my crazy family - anyone who has read Ignorance will realize what I mean if I tell you I based Bella's family on my own; the one's I'm going to visit tomorrow until Sunday - I will have all these lovely reviews to read and cheer me up.**

**OH! Important - if you have any questions for Assward, please let me know about them. Anything you're dying to-**

**Assward: Fuck, no! FallenAngels will ask something that's totally fucking uncool again. I swear that girl is a stalker, IG!**

**Assward, that's not nice! _frowns_ Sorry, FallenAngels. ANYHOW, anything you're dying to know, please submit as a question. Plot related, Assward related, random - ALL OF IT. His interview is coming up, and the reporter and I thought it would be cool to see what all of you want to know and get it answered. **

**REVIEW!!!  
**


	22. Chapter 21

**Uh... so so SO sorry for the delay. Life got so busy, and I just didn't feel like writing with everything that was going on. **

**But this coming week is my last week, and my finals are pretty simple, so I should have more time on my hands the coming month. ;)  
**

EPOV

I walked inside the house and stared.

"What the fuck is this shit?" I asked stupidly, making my mom glance up at me and raise a brow.

"Edward," she sighed, "Can you stop swearing so much?"

I looked around, ignoring her remark, and dropped my bag onto the floor. "What, are we having a party?"

"Yes," Mom said tiredly, somewhat impatiently as I wandered into the kitchen, her following. "It's your father's birthday. I wanted to surprise him."

I snorted, swiping my finger in the frosting tub and putting it in my mouth. Mom swatted my arm and grabbed the tub, closing it and putting it in the fridge.

"Can you please behave, Edward? It's his birthday. Don't make him upset."

I rolled my eyes. "The only way for that to happen is to fucking disappear, and even then, he'll still bitch-"

"Edward!" she said sternly.

"-so either way, he's gonna be upset," I continued. "You should just accept that we hate each other, already."

She stopped what she was doing, staring at me. "Your father doesn't hate you, Edward."

"Could have fooled me," I muttered, pushing off of the counter and heading back for the hall. I grabbed my bag and started up the steps.

"Edward?" Mom said, and I reluctantly froze, turning to face her. "He really does love you."

I didn't say anything because I seriously didn't fucking agree about that, and went upstairs to my room.

An essay was due in English tomorrow, so I sat down at my new laptop and started working on it. I reached over and grabbed a cig, putting it between my lips and lighting it. I kept working on the essay until Mom came up and knocked on the door.

"Edward, your father should be home soon. Please, come down and wish him a happy birthday. His friends from work are here, and our neighbors. Half the town… please, Edward."

I stayed still for a while, then groaned and pushed back the chair noisily. I crushed my cig and threw it away, then opened the door.

"Fine," I grumbled, not looking at her.

"Wash up quickly," she said, nose slightly scrunched. "You'll upset him if you come down smelling like this." She sighed slightly. "I really wish you'd stop smoking, Edward."

I shrugged, turning and opening the bathroom door in my room. Five minutes was enough to get the smell off of me and then I threw on some clothes, ran a towel over my head, and jogged downstairs.

She hadn't lied - half the town was there, along with a bunch of people who had to be from my father's work. Mom came over and grabbed my elbow, pulling me over to a group of them and introducing me. I shook their hands, smiling politely, but I could see in their eyes…. They'd heard the usual shit about me, and were all thinking the same thing.

Fuckers.

I gritted my teeth and forced myself to smile for a quarter of an hour before my father finally showed up, grinning around and shaking hands with the whole fuckin group of people. Mom rushed forward and threw her arms around him and he kissed her, grinning.

If I had to give the bastard anything, it was that he really did love Mom. More than anything.

He saw me there, and neither of us said anything. After a moment, I nodded at him, and he returned it.

And that was fucking that.

I went back upstairs and sat down to write my paper again. The rain outside picked up, pattering against the window loudly. The sounds downstairs from the party were drifting up, just loud enough to be heard over the rain. I sighed, reading over the last few paragraphs I'd written, getting back into that mindset, before putting my fingers to they keyboard and typing again.

Almost an hour later, I finished the last sentence and saved the paper. Leaning back, I stretched my arms above my head, groaning as my back cracked.

Slim hands slid over my shoulders and down over my chest, then her lips brushed my cheek.

"Finally," she murmured, sighing softly. "I was about to take over the typing for you."

I laughed, turning the chair around and pulling her between my legs. "That would be cheating," I teased her.

Bella grinned, lifting one shoulder in a shrug and I leaned up to kiss her lips. I stood up, holding her ass and lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I walked towards the bed, slowly lowering us down onto it.

I ran my hands under her shirt and up her the curve of her waist, enjoying the smooth soft touch of her skin. My thumbs brushed the undersides of her breasts, the material of her bra lacey this time. I grinned against her neck.

Bella's hands slid down my shoulders and arms, locking around where my wrists disappeared under her bunched up shirt. She shook her head, though her eyes were locked on my lips so she wasn't very convincing.

"Edward, we shouldn't. What if one of your parents comes up here to check on you? This would be the second time they caught us; they're sure to be upset."

I chuckled lowly, licking up her neck to the shell of her ear. "Who the fuck cares?" I muttered, tugging on her earlobe before dragging my lips across her cheek. "I sure don't," I added.

She sighed, then let out a pleased sound as I tugged her bottom lip lightly. "Okay," she relented easily, her hands moving to my chest. "If you're sure."

I snorted at that absurdity, kissing her deeply. Her hands nimbly unbuttoned my shirt, pushing it apart to run her hands over my chest.

I loved that.

I pulled her shirt over her head, taking a moment to appreciate her bra before reaching back and unhooking it, pulling that shit off as well. I dropped my head to kiss all the skin I could reach, running my parted lips over her pebbled nipples.

Her breathing was fast, panting, and when I let my tongue slip out just the slightest, she arched her back and _purred_.

Damn, but I loved the sounds she made.

I laughed between her breasts when she tugged the shirt off of me, literally ripping it in two pieces, and her fingers tightly gripped my shoulders, the nails digging in. I drew in a sharp breath, because those fuckers were sharp, but I wasn't about to tell her to stop or even chance slowing down this shit.

I slid my hands down to her hips, bringing my lips back up to hers as I slowly popped the button of her jeans.

She lifted her ass into the air as I slid them down, letting her lips go so I could enjoy each fucking inch of smooth creamy skin revealed. I purposefully ran my hands up her legs as I moved back up, stopping at her hips and rubbing small circles. I nipped her stomach, made my way back up to her breasts. Her nails tightened into my shoulders, breaking the skin.

"Ouch!" I muttered, breaking away from her with a small wince. I reached up for her hands, pulling them back and grinning at her. "Careful babe. I'm still breakable, you know."

Her eyes widened. "Sorry!" she whispered, getting up so fast it made my head spin. She looked down at the red staining the ends of her nails and bit her lip. "I… We should stop." She nodded, standing up and heading into my bathroom. I watched her walk, mostly naked, across my room. I got up and followed once the light switched on and water started running. On the way, I spotted her shirt on the floor and grinned to myself, grabbing it and tossing it behind my desk.

She was washing her hands in the sink. I leaned against the doorjamb and watched her, eyebrows raised. "What are you doing?" I asked in amusement.

She glanced over at me, then down at her hands. Her hair was dishelved, stray strands hanging around her face from the skewed bun. I was sure her hair had been more… organized before I dropped us on the bed.

I loved messing up her hair like that.

"Your blood. It's… tempting."

I raised my brows. "Seriously? You've never mentioned that."

She shrugged. "I haven't?"

I frowned, thinking. "Fuck, maybe you did. I don't know."

She chuckled, wetting a cloth under the water. "I've never been tempted to kill you for it, Edward, but it doesn't make it any less appealing. Though…" She came over and frowned up at me. "You were smoking again."

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "It was one fucking cigarette babe."

She didn't say anything, just gently tugged on my arm to turn me around. The wet cloth ran over the small slices her nails had made in my shoulders, clearing away the blood that had brought it all screeching to a halt.

Damn blood.

I turned around when she dropped the cloth into the sink, grabbing her hips and lifting her onto the counter. I kissed her again, but as I started trailing my lips down her neck, she made a sound of protest and gently pushed me away.

"No. Edward, we can't."

I stared at her. "Why not?" I forced myself not to get angry that a little blood and scratches had stopped what had been going so very damn well.

She sighed, lifting her hands and running her fingers over my face. "Because. I won't be able to control myself if we go farther than we have. And…" She looked away, biting her lip. I tilted my head, eyes narrowed.

"Fuck, why are you embarrassed?" I asked, confused as shit.

"I, uh… I don't… want to. Not yet."

I sighed, almost groaned. "Why not?" I asked. Okay, I fucking _whined_.

She gave me an annoyed look, and I groaned.

"Yeah, okay, fine. Not ready, I get it. I'm not gonna fucking _make _you," I finished grumpily.

"I know you wouldn't," she said softly. "But… you have to have some control, too, Edward. I told you. I won't have any control over myself if we go that far, and I might hurt you."

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "That's a bullshit excuse."

Her lips twitched. "Maybe just a little."

I laughed, cause only my girl would admit shit like that, and kissed her lightly. She slid down from the counter. I watcher her ass as I followed her back into the bedroom. She pulled on her jeans, hopping as she tugged them up, so I moved my gaze up to her chest. She reached down, grabbing her bra, and slid it up her arms, covering my view. Turning around, she glanced at me over one shoulder.

"Hook it for me?"

I stepped forward, trailing my fingers over the skin of her back as I grabbed the two ends. She shivered lightly, and my lips twitched into a half-smirk. I hooked the fucking thing in place, then ran my fingers over the ridges of her spine, down to the arc of her back.

She stepped away quickly, her breathing a little deeper. She looked around, then turned and planted her hands on her hips. "Where's my shirt, Edward?"

I grinned, shrugging innocently. "What shirt?"

She rolled her eyes, glaring at me pointedly, and looked around some more before sighing. "Edward, I am _not_ going home half naked. Emmett wouldn't let me live it down. There'd be innuendos for weeks."

I laughed. "Fuck, I wouldn't let you go home shirtless, babe." I grabbed a shirt from my closet and tossed it to her. "Here. You can wear this, and I'll keep an eye out for your shirt."

She muttered to herself as she pulled it on, giving me a sour look. "This is hardly any better."

I rubbed my chin and shrugged. "Sorry babe, it's the best I can do."

"Liar," she laughed, coming over and wrapping her arms around my waist. I held her to me, breathing in her scent, and kissed the top of her head.

She sighed. "Edward, there's… there's something I should mention."

"What is it?" I asked, pulling back slightly to glance down at her. She looked a little worried, and I immediately wondered what the fuck was wrong now.

"It's February, Edward. We have less than two months until the vampires will be back. It's time we decide what to do."

BPOV

He frowned just a little. Not in an upset way, more in his "Yeah, okay, and this is a big deal because…?" way.

God, what did it say when I could tell what he was thinking in just one look? Our relationship wasn't even a year long yet. It was more about or seven months, but I could read him better than anyone I'd ever known. We just… clicked.

"Fuck, I didn't realize it was February already."

I snorted. Edward had no sense of time. He hardly ever knew what the date was. If it weren't for people reminding him all the time, it'd probably snow one day and he'd think it was July still.

"Well, okay," he said as he ran a hand through his hair. He looked back down at me, raising a brow. "What the fuck do we do about it? Can we just kill the fuckers?"

Emmett's exact question.

I sighed, sitting down on the bed. Edward sat down next to me. "Probably." I admitted. "But… it's dangerous to do that. Carlisle wants to avoid it if possible."

"So what other options do we have?" Edward asked in confused disbelief.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "We have a few. I could leave, for a while. If I'm not here, Paris and Helen won't stay here long enough to realize you mean anything to me, hopefully. Paris will call me when he realizes we aren't home - haven't been for a while - and we can meet him elsewhere. That would mean three or four months away from here, but then we could come back."

Edward glared. "Fuck no," he growled.

I licked my lips. "Another option is we take you and run. Paris and Helen won't find us here. They won't be able to find us unless we tell them where we are. Well, I suppose they might, but it's unlikely. They might look for a while, but they wouldn't for too long. Once they gave up, it would be safe again. Then we could come back."

Edward's eyes tightened. "If I fucking disappeared like that, it would kill Mom."

I nodded. "Yeah." I shifted, not feeling uneasy about bringing up the third option. "But… it's better than the last option."

"Which is?" Edward asked, frowning.

I took a deep breath and let it out in a gust. "We… change you. It would mean that even if Paris found out about you, he would have a far harder time killing you. He'd even be less upset about it. Dating a vampire is one thing, but dating a human? He'd see it as an insult."

"Wait," Edward said abruptly, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Why the fuck does it matter to this Paris if you're dating me?"

I gave a slightly uncomfortable, fast smile. "He might be… a little interested. Not seriously," I added quickly. "Just… a fling."

Edward's muscles tensed angrily, and I sighed, crawling into his lap. "Edward, chill. He's a flirt - he wants everyone. The only reason he doesn't hit on Alice or Rosalie or Esme is because their mates have made it _very_ clear what would happen to parts of Paris that he is particularly fond of if he even blinked in their direction suggestively." I placed my hands on his cheeks and kissed his lips.

He sighed as I pulled away. "Fuck, babe. These options suck ass."

I rolled my eyes. "Like I didn't know that?" I asked irritably. "It means I leave you, or you come with us and cause your family a lot of hurt, or we change you thereby breaking the treaty, hurting your family, but protecting you from vampire dangers."

He stared across the room for a while, before looking over at me, eyes so sad. "That's going to be an issue soon anyway, isn't it?" he whispered.

"What is?" I asked quietly, though I knew.

"Changing me. You're not going to age, and I do so every fucking day. I'm a damn liability to your family. As long as I'm human, your family will be working to keep me safe. And then one day I'm gonna have to decide if I want to keep getting older and leave you behind, or if I want to fucking die and leave my Mom."

I looked away guiltily. "Yes," I said hoarsely. My throat tightened painfully, like it would if I could cry. "You will have to choose one day, between me and your family."

"And whatever choice I make, we're fucked. If I chose to stay human, we can't be together. If I chose to give it all up, those damn wolves will try to kill us, and Mom will be in pain."

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I said, finally looking up at him, searching his gaze. "I wish it didn't have to be like this, that you didn't have to choose. I wish-"

He kissed me, fast and hard. "I can't leave my Mom yet, Bella. I have to make sure she knows I love her, and I haven't been doing a fucking great job of that for the past several years. I can't be changed yet."

I nodded, leaning against his chest, closing my eyes against the pain. "So…"

"You come back as fucking soon as you can, you hear me?" he snarled lowly. "Call me every fucking spare moment you have, or I swear I'll kill you when you get back."

I laughed. At least, I attempted to, but it was a choked, strangled sound.

His arms tightened around me painfully. "So… when will you leave?"

I took a deep breath and whispered, "Probably before the end of the weekend. We won't have to prepare much."

"Where will you go?"

"I… don't know. Somewhere far, most likely." I moved so I was facing him again, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. I had to. If this was the choice we both made, if this was the way things had to be, then so be it. As long as he lived. As long as he was happy.

His lips moved just as desperately, and before I realized what was happening, we had stripped down to as much as we were wearing earlier. His hands were burning as they massaged my breasts, and his tongue….

He didn't push me to go any farther, though, which was good. I wouldn't have been able to stop myself this time. And I'd meant it when I'd said I wasn't ready, and didn't want to hurt him. That would be bad. If I was sure I could be careful with myself, I wouldn't think about holding back.

Until then, I wouldn't dare break him.

I laid in his arms all night, listening to his heart beating, his steady breathing, absorbing his heat because I knew that soon I would be without it for months.

I was going to go into withdrawals, I knew it.

Alice slipped in through the window, smiling gently at me. Rosalie slid in behind her, staring at me with pity. I hated that, and narrowed my eyes at her. "Don't," I threatened.

"We've decided that Carlisle is going to take vacation time, and while on vacation, one of us will get into a horrible accident. That would explain why we're gone so long; treatment in some famous hospital or something."

I nodded, turning my face so that it was buried in Edward's neck.

"If you don't want to leave him so badly, just change him. He loves you, he would have changed eventually," Rosalie snapped impatiently. "You're so torn up about this, and you don't have to be."

I glared at her, growling lightly. "Edward wants to connect with his mom first, and I'm not going to betray his trust by forcing him to leave her now."

Rosalie snorted. "Doing it now would be less painful. If he grows closer with her, makes her think he's getting better, and then he disappears, she'll be heartbroken. It won't work!" she snapped. "His logic is flawed."

Alice looked between Rosalie and me. "Perhaps. But maybe it would be best if she had those good memories at the end," she consoled softly, placing her hand on Rosalie's arm.

Rosalie snarled at both of us. "I suggest you change him now. I've said my piece. Don't expect sympathy for me while we're gone for choosing to leave him behind here. And don't expect sympathy when we get back and he's fucked even worse than he was when he first got here!" she snapped angrily, turning and leaving.

I winced, then looked uneasily at Alice. "Will he be worse?"

Alice stared at me sadly. "I don't know, Bella. I can't tell what's going to happen. I do know, however, that we leave Saturday afternoon. You have all of tomorrow and the next morning to say goodbye."

She slipped out the window too, leaving me alone with Edward again. I snuggled as close to him as I could get, our bare skin pressing firmly together. He sighed in his sleep, tightening his arms around me and briefly frowning.

I wouldn't think of it as goodbye. Goodbye felt too permanent. It felt like forever.

I'd come back to him if it was the last thing I had to do.

Oddly enough, my thoughts turned to Peter Pan. I can't say why, but they did. I sat there, staring at Edward, the boy who didn't want to grow up because of me, but had to. I was the girl who couldn't grow up and wanted nothing more than to be able to do so, starting now.

Peter Pan had acted like he'd loved Wendy. Edward had asked me why they didn't get married and Wendy didn't live with Peter. He'd been so little. It was so hard to explain to a child his age that Wendy made the mature choice, and that Peter didn't really love Wendy. Edward had also asked, when I had simply answered that Wendy didn't want to leave her family, why Peter hadn't stayed with her, then. And I'd simply had to say, because he never wanted to grow up.

I was Peter, unable to grow older, and leaving behind the one I cared about.

But unlike Peter Pan, I'd come back.

I buried my face in Edward's neck, inhaling his scent deeply. "I'll come back," I repeated against his skin, feeling like saying the words out loud would make it more affirmed in reality.

Edward sighed, kissing the top of my head. "I know," he muttered sleepily, before drifting back to sleep.

**I know half of you are thinking I'm pulling a New Moon - chill. If you know me at all, it's that I'm basically one of the most unpredictable people around. Whether that means it will be a New Moon or not, is up for you to decide. ;)**

**Assward isn't around for comments tonight, he's busy with Bella - they're so mushy sometimes. I swear Assward is turning into a girl. _smirks in his direction_**

**Assward _flips IG off with a glare before turning back to Bella_**

**IG: See? He never even swears at me anymore. _sighs_ It's so sad.**

**Assward_ groans._ Fine! _stomps over_ You want me to be an ass?**

**IG: Uh... yeah, actually. I do.**

**Assward WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU CRAZY INCOMPETENT SORRY EXCUSE FOR A WRITER?! YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS WHOLE SITUATION, YOU KNOW THAT?! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CREATE THOSE TWO BASTARDS?**

**IG: Because they were relevant and good plot developments?**

**Assward FUCK. YOU.**

**IG: There's the Assward we all know and lust.**

**Assward _grumbles angrily and stomps away_**

**IG: So, again, sorry for the month long delay here, but I hope you all enjoyed and still review! Thanks!  
**


	23. Chapter 22

BPOV

I sighed as Edward stirred, drifting back to wakefulness. I ran my gaze over his face, taking in the small minute details. The long curve of each eyelash, so dark against his pale skin, the wild mess his hair was after a night's sleep, the plump and moist softness of his bottom lip.

I sighed again, but for an entirely different reason now.

His lips twitched towards a smile, though his eyes were still closed, and his hand snaked around my waist, tugging me on top of him as he rolled onto his back. His lids peeled back to reveal those gorgeous green orbs, so many shifting shades of the color, and his lips curled slowly and sexily.

"Morning babe," he murmured with a sleep clogged voice. "Fuck, I love waking up like this."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Such a way with words," I teased.

He smirked, but bit by bit it fell away and he sighed, one hand moving from my back to brush across my cheek. "Do you know when you have to go yet?"

"Saturday," I whispered.

We were both quiet for a while, wallowing in the thought of this being our last full day together. After a few minutes, I mentally shook myself of the dreary thoughts and rolled off of Edward, bending down onto the floor and grabbing my bra. I started to put it on, when Edward's hands brushed mine away and hooked it gently, his fingers warm and welcome.

I turned around, leaning down to kiss his lips with languid purpose. "Let's not think about it right now," I suggested softly. "Let's just live for the moment."

He sighed heavily, but gave me a grin that was only slightly forced and stood up, leaning down to kiss my cheek. "Sure. Why not?"

I pulled on the shirt Edward had given me and ducked out the window, running home to shower and dress again before running back to Edward's to ride to school with him. He held my hand the entire way; it was a small sign that the impending leave wasn't far from either of our minds, even though we were avoiding it for now.

We were quiet as we walked to my first class, and Edward leaned down and kissed me shortly before turning and heading for his own class, his head down, hands in his pockets, shoulders slightly slumped. I sighed and went inside to take my seat, basically just dropping my bag onto the ground at my feet and falling into my chair, frowning out the window.

"Bella?"

I turned in surprise to see Angela, the sweet, quiet human girl who sat behind me, watching me in concern.

"Yes?" I asked after a brief hesitation. She didn't really talk to me much; we exchanged pleasantries every once in a while, but never really… _talked_.

"Are…" she paused, frowning slightly to herself before looking down at her desk in embarrassment or some type of uncertainty. "I don't mean to pry or anything," she said quietly. "I just… saw you and Edward outside of class. I was… wondering if everything… was… okay," she finally finished.

I frowned and nodded. "Yes, everything's fine."

"Oh," she softly replied. "I was just…. You two seemed a little… distanced, is all. I was wondering if something had happened."

I smiled at her, inwardly feeling sad that we had already prepared for our separation by putting up walls. "No, nothing bad happened. We didn't fight or anything, if that's what you mean. It's just, I'll be gone all next week, and…" Here I stopped, actually feeling rather embarrassed - not in a bad way but more in a shy way. I smiled slightly at her and admitted, "We don't like being apart that much. I guess we're both just slightly upset about the time apart."

She smiled sympathetically and nodded in understanding, reaching over at patting my hand, though I could see it took her an effort. She was such a kindhearted human.

"I'm sure it'll all be alright. You'll see each other soon, and there are phones," she giggled slightly.

I smiled and nodded before turning to face front as the teacher cleared her throat pointedly to get the class's attention.

At lunch, the family was all quiet. Emmett wasn't happy because he didn't like running; Rose was upset as well, which didn't help. She was mad at me for causing all this pain, thinking it would be easier for _everyone_ if we just changed Edward now. Alice was sad about us being sad, and Jasper was suffering everyone's emotions. It was a depressing lunch, with no talking but the subtle glances we all sent each other making things worse.

When the bell rang, Alice made sure to hug Edward tightly. "Take care of yourself, okay?" she said sadly and sincerely.

Edward nodded, expression for the most part blank. I looked to Jasper quickly in question and he slid his eyes over to Edward before back to me.

"He's angry, frustrated. Very sad…. Feeling somewhat abandoned, lost." Jasper frowned slightly as he worked to decipher the more specific nuances of Edward's emotional state. "He's… confused, worried. Already, he's feeling lonely." Jasper looked and me and shook his head slightly. "He's never done well with being left alone, I think."

I sighed, nodding to show I understood as Emmett finished saying his own goodbye to Edward before walking away without a word to me.

Yeah, the man was not happy with my decision.

Rosalie stared at Edward for a long moment, then flatly said, "If you fuck yourself up, Masen, I'm going to kick your ass."

This produced a small quirk of his lips into a genuinely amused smirk. "Whatever," he dismissed, but I could see he appreciated the sentiment behind the words.

Jasper said a fast good bye before following Alice. They wouldn't see Edward anymore. I wasn't leaving him until I had to tomorrow afternoon. The most painful goodbye was left until last.

The cloudy atmosphere that hung above us, metaphorically, remained all the rest of the school day and on the ride home. I snuck upstairs to Edward's room and waited as he spoke to his mom briefly before joining me.

"I'm tired, Mom. I'm just going to go to my room, okay? I'll be down later."

I listened as he walked up the stairs and then entered the room, closing and locking the door behind himself. Without a word to each other, we both pulled off our jackets and kicked off our shoes. I pulled off my jeans, Edward his shirt, and then we crawled onto his bed and just… held each other.

I curled up into his chest, clutching my arms around him as tightly as I dared. Edward's hands roamed everywhere, touching every inch of skin he could reach, under my shirt, over my neck, down my thighs, up my stomach. His lips pressed anywhere he could reach without really moving.

Both of us were trembling, though neither of us mentioned it.

I'd never really heard of any stories of mates separating for any length of time. They just… didn't. While Edward might not be a vampire - yet - it didn't make a difference to either of us. It was instinctual, it was natural….

It was painful to consider our long time ahead, apart and alone.

The sky outside dimmed slowly but we simply stayed in the same positions.

Elizabeth came upstairs after a while and knocked softly on the door. "Edward? Dinner is ready, if you'd like something to eat." For a few moments, she stood there, waiting for a response, then sighed quietly and went back downstairs.

I shifted, lifting my head and gazing up at Edward. "Go eat," I said, surprised as how hoarse my voice sounded.

He shook his head, hands finally stilling, if only to tighten their grip on me. "I'd rather spend time with you," he stubbornly asserted.

I rolled my eyes, standing, and avoiding his grasp. I didn't even pause to put on my pants; it wasn't like I'd need them. I made it to the window and pulled it open. Edward was giving me a warning glare. "Eat. I'll be back soon."

He muttered some curses under his breath as I slipped out the window and ran into the woods. I didn't go far, and spent about half an hour pacing between the trees anxiously until I'd judged that I'd waited long enough and ran back. I got back into Edward's room, and he was there, waiting.

I leapt into his arms, and he kissed me viciously.

"Don't leave," he murmured, and he sounded so sad, so… childlike. It broke my heart. "Please, stay. Let's pick a different option. Anything but leaving. I can't have you leave me. You can't. Stay."

"Edward…" I whispered, but then he was kissing me again, and I was helpless to stop him. I needed the contact as much as he did. His lips pulled from mine and he dragged them across my cheek before biting down my neck. "Edward," I whimpered, feeling my resolve breaking easily.

"Stay with me," he breathed into my ear.

"I…" _Can't_. _Want to. Wish I could. Will. _

He backed me up towards the bed, lifting me up just a little and then laying me under him on the mattress. His weight pressed into me and he pushed my shirt up and over my head. His hands then skimmed back down my sides, rubbing his thumbs over my hipbones. He left open mouthed kisses across my cheek, down the column of my neck, across my chest. His tongue snaked out to trace the top of the bra I was wearing.

"Stay," he whispered between my breasts. I mumbled unintelligibly. It was the best I could manage at this point.

His lips closed over my nipple through the bra, and I gasped, my back arching upwards. My fingers shot into his hair, locking in place.

"Say you will."

_Will what?_

His fingers unhooked the bra and pulled it from me. His lips went right back to where they'd been before and then his teeth scraped the sensitive skin as well.

I was panting, noises climbing up from my throat all on their own. Edward's fingers tightened their hold, and he dragged his mouth down over my ribs and stomach.

"Please say yes."

"Huh?" I panted.

"Say yes," he murmured, his tongue tracing my circles around my hipbone.

"I… I…" Couldn't think. What did he want me to say yes to? What had we been talking about? I tried to remember as his teeth nipped my hipbone before moving to lick around the other one. He wanted me to… uh… stay. Yes, that was right. And he wanted me to stay because I was leaving? Oh, yeah. I was. Why was I leaving again?

"Bella," he groaned hoarsely. "_Please_. Say you will."

Paris' and Helen's faces flashed across my mind's eye.

"I… _can't_," I moaned, feeling like everything in me was breaking to pieces. I sat up, sliding my hands from Edward's hair and grabbing his face between my palms, moving so we were face to face. "I want to. If I could, I would. But _I can't_."

He shook his head, almost angrily, and glared. "You can. Just stay with me. _Please_."

I shook my head. "Edward…"

He yanked away, and I flinched at the fury rolling off of him, sparking from his eyes. "Just get the fuck out," he snarled, raking a hand through his hair.

I stared at him, shocked, hurt, and a little angry myself. "Edward, I'm sorry. But you know I can't stay." I crawled off of the bed, reaching a hand out for him. "Let's just-"

"Fuck, just _go _already," he snarled.

I stared at him, eyes wide, and clenched my teeth, inwardly trembling. "Fine!" I snarled, twisting around and snatching up my clothes. I yanked on the bra angrily, reaching backwards and fumbling briefly to hook it in place. Glaring at him, I spat, "You can be such an asshole, Edward. You think this is easy for me?" I laughed, and it wasn't a pleasant sound. "Fuck you," I said, saying each word distinctly. "Don't talk to me until you can think beyond your own selfish feelings."

I ran into the woods, my anger and hurt mixing together potently. I scrambled inside, Esme's shocked question following me, and slammed the door to my room so hard it splintered into pieces.

The scream ripped from my throat, causing the windows and mirrors in my room to shatter, just like I felt like my insides were.

EPOV

I didn't sleep. I stared out that fucking window all night long , watching as it grew darker and then lighter. I fumed. I fucking _cried_. I felt the hopelessness of it all consume me.

This was my worst fucking nightmare, and I had no clue how to get out of it.

"Edward?"

I dragged my eyes from the window reluctantly, staring across the room at my mom, who was frowning in concern. She hurried into the room, sitting on the bed next to me, her hand landing on my shoulder.

"What's wrong? Are you alright, Edward?"

I didn't know what to say to her. I had no fucking clue how to tell her what was happening without telling her the actual reasons, and I wasn't even sure I wanted to tell her in the first place.

I shrugged, looking back out the window.

Mom got up and left, the door closing almost silently behind her. Numbly, I sat there for a while longer before stretching over and grabbing my pack from my desk drawer, pulling out a cig and lighting it up. I continued sitting there, smoking, staring out the window, fiddling with my lighter.

I was aware of when it finally was mid afternoon; Bella would have left by now.

I closed my eyes and fell back onto the bed. Part of me had expected her to show up before leaving. Part of me was still waiting for her to come back and say she couldn't possibly leave me for months on end.

She could just kill those motherfuckers. She'd admitted as much. I didn't see what would be so damn dangerous about killing them that she would rather leave me for months. And there was still the goddamn chance that her plan wouldn't fuckin work, that they'd realize what I was to her anyway and kill me. Wouldn't that be fucking great?

The door opened and Mom stepped into the room again. "Edward, I made you some lunch." She waited for a moment, before stepping forward and setting it on the bedside table. As she reached the door again, she paused. "I have to go shopping. I'll be back later."

Fuck, maybe this was all my fault. I should have just said yes to being changed. It was going to fucking happen sooner or later, and it wasn't like I'd be able to repair my relationship with my mother before then. I'd been fucking delusional on that part. The only way to repair it would be to fucking go back in time.

I should have let her change me. Fuck, then I could be with her now. I didn't know what the whole damn change thing conotated, except that I wouldn't be able to see my family and friends again. Beyond that? Basically nothing.

Groaning, I sat up and rubbed my hands furiously over my face. The room was dark. The whole day had passed…. I shook my head, unable to believe it had. So damn fast.

Maybe that was a good thing. If time passed quickly, Bella would be back sooner.

Not that she'd be likely to talk to me.

_Fuck!_

I groaned again, getting up and heading into the bathroom. I turned the water on, flinching as the blistering heat scalded my skin. But I didn't turn it down. I don't know why I didn't, but I just… left it.

When I stepped out, I dried myself quickly and went back to my room, changed into some clothes, and went downstairs.

Mom and my father were talking in hushed voices in the living room. They both stopped to stare at me. I ignored them, turning into the kitchen. Dishes were drying in the rack. I opened the fridge. Leftovers were stacked on a shelf. I'd obviously missed dinner. I mechanically pulled some out and heated them up.

I sat at the table and forced myself to eat, though it tasted like dust.

I washed my plate and headed back upstairs. Fuck me, but life felt so damn purposefulness now. I was such a fucking thickheaded ass. I should have known better. About everything.

I shouldn't have let her leave.

I shouldn't have yelled at her.

I shouldn't have chosen this plan in the first place.

I shouldn't have let myself fall so goddamn deeply in love with her that I couldn't be away from her for any length of time without dying inside.

I fell onto the bed and rolled onto my side to stare out the window.

Fuck, I hoped she came back. I didn't fucking deserve it after how I'd treated her the other night, but I couldn't help but hope she forgave me and did.

**Yes, Edward, you did fuck up.**

**Now, reviewers, review! ;)**

**I'll try to update once more before Christmas, just because. ;)  
**


	24. Chapter 23

**Merry Christmas, everyone, and if you don't celebrate it, then Happy Holidays. Here's the gift for you guys - a nice, long EPOV and chapter.**

**Enjoy!  
**

EPOV

I pulled up in front of the house and got out, slinging my backpack over my shoulder and walking inside. Mom had been cooking; I could smell cookies or something.

It had been one month, two weeks, and three days. Call me a sissy, a girl, a whipped and pathetic boy but I had been fucking counting.

Sadly enough, I could get it down to hours, if not minutes.

I went upstairs and closed the door, digging out some weed and rolling a joint. Leaning back against my headboard, I inhaled deeply. It was stronger than a fucking cigarette, but still couldn't seem to soothe the ache in my chest.

Fuck, I really did sound like a fucking sissy girl.

Sighing after a few moments of just breathing in the smoke, I sat down at my computer desk and started working on another English essay. I swear, the fucker kept assigning them because he knew we hated them. What happened to questions out of the fucking book, huh?

I ran a hand through my hair in agitation. The words never seemed to come easily. None of this crap did. I couldn't concentrate.

In a sudden fit of frustration, I shoved away from my desk and got up. I grabbed my car keys, stabbed out my blunt, and ran down the stairs. I needed to get out of here, if only for a little bit. I needed to _do_ something, something a little crazy and reckless.

I needed to fucking get out of my own fucking head.

"Edward?" my mom called as I reached the door, pulling it open. "Where are you going?"

"Out," I said and slid out the door before she could say anything else, slamming it shut and racing to my car. I got in, slamming the keys into the ignition, and racing out of the drive, wincing as the tires squealed loudly.

I drove down the slick roads, gritting my teeth as I hydroplaned for a while. I dug my cell out of my pocket and dialed, holding it to my ear with my shoulder.

"Hello?"

"Seth, wanna fucking go somewhere?"

"Uh… where?" he asked, sounding a little confused.

I scoffed. "I've no fucking clue. Do you want to go somewhere or not?" I questioned again irritably.

He sighed, then said, "Hold up a second."

I glared ahead of me, and was just about to hang up and forget about him when he got back on, saying, "Sure. Someone's gonna have to look after your ass, I can tell _that _already."

I laughed once, harshly. "Fuck you," I sneered before hanging up and tossing the phone onto the seat.

I screeched to a stop in front of his house, and leaned on the horn obnoxiously. He stepped out onto the porch, giving me an annoyed glare. His mom stepped out as well, handing him some cash and kissing his cheek. She waved at me, and I lifted my hand in response.

I fucking adored Sue Clearwater. That woman didn't give a shit what I had done - still did - and fed me food none-the-less. Plus, the lady had an attitude - she'd caught me smoking outside of her house once and had no problem laying into me, smacking me upside the fucking head and basically giving me a minor beating.

I didn't smoke around her house anymore, that's for fucking sure.

At least… I didn't when she was home.

Seth got in the car and I made sure to keep my speed reasonable until we were out of the sight and hearing of Sue. She'd have probably chased my ass down to lecture me on the consequences of speeding and reckless driving. I grinned at the thought.

We made it to Port Angeles, and I slid into a parking space in front of some restaurant near the water. I got out, Seth following and shaking his head at me.

"Seriously, how is it you never end up getting caught by the cops?"

I smirked over my shoulder at him. "Fuck, I've learned, that's how. You do _not_ want to know how many times the cops have caught me doing shit."

He shook his head, giving me a dry look. "Like you can even keep count."

I paused, thinking about it, then smirked again at him. "Whatever."

Seth laughed.

We went inside and were seated. The waitress stared at both of us hungrily, and I smirked at her. It didn't fucking mean shit to me, I was going to somehow get Bella back when she fucking _returned_. I was wrong to yell at her, I knew that shit, but fuck… I wasn't going to call her and beg her forgiveness like a sissy and needy baby. Still, I wanted to have fun tonight, not fucking worry or stress over the usual shit, and that meant acting like there was nothing to hold me back.

I leaned forward, glancing down her shirt. She was basically asking for it, leaning forward and smiling suggestively. I put on that panty-dropping smile that I hadn't used in basically fucking forever, and watched as her eyes gleamed over.

And now she was fucking mine.

"Listen, doll, would you mind spiking the drinks for us?"

She hesitated, and Seth spoke up. "Uh, no thanks."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, upping the ante on the smile. "Okay, not Kid's there, but just a little…?"

She looked around, blushed, and nodded. I smirked and leaned back. "Thanks, doll," I said as smoothly as I could.

She walked away and Seth shook his head at me.

"What?" I asked defensively, rolling my eyes. Seth didn't look disapproving, per se, just disbelieving.

"And just how do you think Bella would feel about that?" he asked, raising his brows.

I shrugged, staring off to the side. "She ain't fucking here, and it was just harmless flirting."

Seth shrugged, giving me that look that was almost surrendering. "Whatever you say, dude."

The lady brought our drinks to us and we placed our orders; I leaned back in my seat and asked Seth how the vampire-slaying was coming.

He told me to - basically - fuck off.

I loved this kid.

We ate and left, me winking at the waitress as we left. Seth headed for the car, but I shook my head and kept walking.

"Where are you going?" he asked in amusement.

I had a slight buzz from the drinks. I wasn't ready to go home, to go back to reality. I wanted a little longer in my own little bubble of fucking denial. I grinned at Seth and grinned, shrugging and walking backwards.

"Who cares?" I laughed. "Not back home."

He shook his head with a small and amused smile, turning and following me, his hands stuck deep in his pockets. He was wearing a jacket, but I knew he didn't need it. I turned around and almost bumped into a group of girls. I laughed.

"Sorry ladies," I grinned.

They giggled and moved on, glancing back several times. Seth shook his head at me, raising a brow.

I wandered down the streets until they started getting darker, less populated.

"We're gonna get fucking lost, Edward," Seth chided.

"Stop being such a mom, kid," I ribbed, rolling my eyes.

He looked around, then back at me with slight annoyance. "Seriously. Where are we?"

I looked around, and spotted some girls standing at the corner. "Let's find out," I said, jogging across the street towards them.

They were wearing bright colors, short revealing outfits. As I neared, they smiled suggestively, practically posing. I grinned at them.

"Ladies," I said stopping and smiling. "Maybe you can help us."

"I'm sure we can, honey," one of them simpered.

I chuckled. "We're rather turned around. Mind telling us where we are?"

They looked at each other. "Now, why would we do that? You'd leave us then," the other one sighed playfully.

I opened my mouth, ready to banter with them, when Seth's hand landed heavily on my shoulder and pulled me back. Fuck, the boy was strong. Bastard. I glared at his back.

Seth gave the ladies a stern look, not quite a glare but pretty damn close. "Listen, we're not interested. We just need directions back to Missy's Café."

They shifted uneasily, and one gave him directions. The other grinned over at me teasingly.

"Sure you don't want to stick around?"

Seth grabbed my arm. "Yeah, he is."

I glared as the fucker dragged me across the street and back the way we'd come. I think.

"Fuck, stop that Seth," I snapped, yanking my arm free.

He glared at me. "Edward, stop acting like a child then. You're being an airhead, and an asshole, and I want to get the hell home already. It's late."

I pulled out my phone and peered at the screen. "No it's not," I denied.

He gave me a look. "It's past eleven."

"So?"

He groaned and shook his head. "Whatever, Edward," he muttered.

We walked along, and I frowned at the ground as we kept walking. I wasn't so sure what the fuck I'd done to piss the kid off, but obviously I seriously had. He put up with a lot of my shit, just laughing about it, maybe chiding me a little, but never getting pissed.

We finally got back to the brightly lit streets and eventually to my car. I stopped a few feet away from it, frowning still.

Seth stopped and looked back at me.

I glanced down. "Listen, kid, I don't know what the fuck I did, but I'm sorry, okay?"

He was quiet, and I looked up at him, exasperated. "Fuck, Seth, I do stupid shit all the time. I can't keep track of it all and know what pisses everyone off. I am sorry, what more do you want?"

He was quiet for a little longer, then nodded. "I'm driving," he said.

"Uh, no," I laughed, but glared slightly.

"Uh, yes," he mocked. "I'm not chancing your judgment skills tonight, dude. Just let me drive."

I was about to argue with him when he brought up Sue, and I groaned as I handed the fucking keys over.

He drove slower than I did. I made sure to inform him that if I had been driving, we'd have been home in about half the time. He threw my phone at me and told me to ask my parents to stay over at my house. I wanted to tell him I didn't need permission, but he just gave me one of those looks, and I was too tired to argue.

We got back to his place eventually and snuck inside. I was louder than Seth, but fuck, he was a fucking werewolf. He was almost as silent as Bella.

I crashed on his couch, groaning as his sister walked into the room and gave me a weird look. Seth rolled his eyes.

"He had the waitress spike all his drinks."

"How many did he have?" she snickered.

I flipped her off.

"About five," Seth said dryly. "I'm not too sure, though."

Leah laughed under her breath and said she'd be back in the morning.

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of food. God bless Sue Clearwater.

She looked at me and just shook her head as I fell into a kitchen chair, dropping my head onto the my folded arms resting on the table. She moved around, filling a glass with water, and stopped next to me, rubbing the back of my head kindly and holding out two Tylenol and the glass.

"You're a fucking saint," I told her reverently.

She just laughed at me.

Leah came in fresh from a shower, sitting across from me and smirking. "How ya feeling, Edward?" she snickered.

I gave her a sour look, deciding it wouldn't be intelligent to tell her to go fuck herself in front of her mother. Sue would probably wash my mouth out with soap if I did.

Seth came in a little later, and they all sat down at ate breakfast. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a sit-down-and-laugh meal with my family. I almost felt all choked up and nostalgic over the fact that the Clearwaters included me as if I were part of the family. An ache settled in my chest.

I went home, telling Seth I'd see him around, and fell onto my bed, falling back asleep. When I woke up, I grabbed a cig and went out back to smoke it as I stared into the woods.

It was April… I think. Maybe not. Fuck, it was close enough to count in my book, not that it was a fucking accurate book.

Bella would be back in about a month. Maybe more… Fuck I hated that. This time had been already too much, I couldn't stand much more. Those fuckers who might have wanted to kill me might be around right now, looking around for her or finding out about me. The thought made me uneasy, so I stabbed out the ciggy and went back inside.

The weekend passed and half the week came and went. So fucking boring. So fucking predictable. So fucking pointless.

I was ready to crack from the tension running inside of me, pulsing and building up. I thought the weekend out would help. It had only seemed to increase all of it.

"Hey Edward," Jessica said, leaning onto the table in front of me, displaying her boobs. I gave them a bored glance before picking at my disgusting school food again.

"Jess," I said curtly.

"I was wondering if-"

"No."

She frowned, but tried to keep it flirtatious looking. "Edward, I didn't even-"

"I don't care."

She was getting upset now. "You look like you need to have some fun."

I snorted, rolling my eyes. The bitch had _no_ fucking idea.

"Why don't you-"

"No."

"Forget it, Jess," Lauren sneered, giving me a disgusted look as she stopped near us, her lunch tray in hand and boy toy hanging off her fucking arm. "He's pining over that whore."

I clenched the table, taking a deep breath. The tension was slowly winding tighter.

Lauren didn't stop. "She left him, and he obviously has no balls." She sniffed. "I don't know why he's so hung up over her, though. She's probably just gives a good BJ or something. Other than sex, the girl has nothing to-"

I snapped.

I stood up so fast that Jessica gave a slight shout of surprise, and then I was tipping Lauren's tray so it all fell down her chest. Her boy toy gave an outraged shout as Lauren screeched and stepped forward, grabbing my arm to pull me away from her.

I didn't think. I just acted.

My fist connected with his jaw sharply, making him stumble backwards sharply. He hit a table behind himself and used it to regain his balance. We glared at each other for a long moment, and then launched towards each other, landing punches all over each other. Other guys jumped in to defend the jerk I was pounding and defend Lauren's slutty honor or some shit like that, and then the teachers came.

I sulked in the chair, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at the wall across from me when my mom entered the office. She sighed as she saw me, but didn't say anything. I was signed out and followed her home. Once there, we still didn't say anything. I went upstairs and closed the door tightly behind myself.

I was staring out the window, lost in my thoughts and oblivious to the time, when the door opened behind me. Mom didn't say anything, didn't move, so finally, I reluctantly rolled over to ask her what she wanted.

It wasn't Mom.

My father leaned against the closed door with his arms crossed over his chest. I groaned and sat upright, rubbing my hands over my face.

"Well, get on with it," I said eventually, gesturing. "Tell me how much I've fucked up - again. Tell me how I'm hurting Mom - again. Tell me how you fucking wish I wasn't your fucking son - _again!_" By the end, I was shouting, furious, angry, hurt…. Overwhelmed.

Slowly, my father shook his head. "I'm not going to say any of that."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, standing up to pace. "Really? You mean you've got a new spiel about how fucked I am this time? This should be great," I added sarcastically.

He shook his head again. "No. I think you know anything that I'd have to say to you; you don't need me to tell you what you already know. Do you?" he asked, raising a brow.

I glared at him, and he nodded.

"I didn't think so," he said quietly. Pushing off of the door, he stared me down. "What the hell happened, then?"

I glared at the floor. "Nothing. I beat the shit out of some guys."

He laughed. Fucking _laughed_. I eyed him suspiciously.

"Yeah," he said dryly, actually _grinning_. "I figured that out on my own, thanks. What I meant was, why?"

I stared at him, then sneered, "I thought they needed it."

My father nodded, stuffing his hands in his suit pants pockets, stepping to the side slightly and nodding to himself. "Right, right. I'm sure they did." He raised his gaze and gave me that "well, continue" look parents were so fucking good at.

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "They were being fucking disrespectful."

"How so?"

I groaned sharply. "What? You want a fucking play-by-play?"

His lips twitched. "Sure."

I groaned again, dragging my hands sharply through my hair.

My father chuckled again - bastard. "Listen, Edward, if it was for no reason, then fine, but I'm just trying to understand here." He held his hands up as if in surrender.

His words pissed me off. "Trying to understand?" I asked in disbelief. "Trying to _fucking understand?_" I felt years of rage at him build up… and explode. "Why weren't you trying to understand _five fucking years ago_ when I got fucking arrested for shoplifting? Why weren't you trying to understand when I was _four goddamn years old_ and blaming myself for the death of my babysitter? _Why weren't you trying to understand all these fucking goddamn years! WHY NOW!_"

He stood there, not saying anything, expressionless, as calm and cool as a fucking ice cube in the Antarctic. I was breathing heavily and fucking _shaking_, the complete opposite of him.

He nodded, looking down at the floor. "You're right," he said quietly. "I should have tried to understand better back then. I guess… I guess I was in denial. I… I didn't want to accept any responsibility for what happened to you. The psychiatrists and school counselors all said that I needed to talk with you, but… I guess I just never thought they were… right. And I'm sorry, Edward. I know it's a lame excuse, and I know as well as you do that things are never going to be _right_ between us, not like they should be. But…" He paused, swallowed. "I've been doing a lot of thinking. Talking with your mom a lot. I need to own up to my own mistakes with you. I don't…" HE stopped, ran a hand through his hair in the same fucking way I did. I never realized we both did that.

"I don't want you to leave this house come fall, and hate me. I don't want you to think I hate you, either."

I kept eyeing him suspiciously as he looked up and lifted his hands rather helplessly.

"I love you, Edward. I have a shitty way of showing it, I'll admit, but I love you. Always have. Always will."

It shouldn't have meant as much as it did. It shouldn't have made me tear up like some fucking after-school special.

But it did.

We both looked down, silent and recovering our emotions from his emotional speech.

"They were talking trash about my girl."

He looked up at me, I could tell, but I kept staring at the floor.

"Oh, yes. Your girlfriend…. Mom said her family was in… New York? For some specialty doctor?"

I nodded, swallowing. "We… had a fight before she left." I shook my head. "It was my fucking fault, as always," I laughed bitterly. "But… we haven't talked since. I miss her so goddamn much, and they were calling her a fucking whore and saying I wouldn't want her for anything but sex, and I just… cracked."

I glanced up and was surprised to see my father's lips twitching. "I did something similar."

I raised a brow. "Please don't tell me this is going to become even more like an episode of some family comedy where you share a story about you and mom and a similar situation to mine," I drawled dryly.

He laughed. "No, not really. It wasn't with your mom. I didn't meet her until my last year of college. It was in high school." His grin grew somewhat nostalgic. "I was into this cheerleader, Becky Coppers; she was always flirting with me," he laughed, shaking his head. "And nerd that I was, I thought it meant something."

I shook my head. Of course my fucking father was a nerd in high school. I had no clue what Mom had seen in him that made her give him a second look.

"Her boyfriend," he continued, sitting on the edge of my desk, grinning and shaking his head at himself, "Caught me flirting with her - rather blatantly - by her car one afternoon after school let out. He shoved me away from her… and I threw myself at him." He laughed loudly, and I felt my lips twitching as well.

"The jerk kicked my ass into next week." My father's lips twisted sardonically. "I hated that motherfucker!" He laughed again.

I rolled my eyes. "And this has to do with my situation… _how?_"

"I caught the jerk talking about her in a…" he paused and seemed to muse over how to phrase it before just saying, "He was talking about her in a vulgar and disrespectful way, and I once again launched myself on him. That time, however, I wasn't as guilty about the fight." He looked over at me, lips still twitched into a slight smile. "I'm not going to punish you for something I still think I did the right thing about."

He stood up, stretching. "Mom said dinner will be ready in about ten minutes." He reached the door and paused, looking back at me seriously. "Call her. And clean up your act. If you seriously love her so much, prove it to her. When you fuck up, son, you have to make up for it somehow, and that means cleaning up your act. Show her it's different, just for her."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Thanks for making this a fucking after-school special."

He laughed, nodded once at me with a slight smile, and closed the door behind himself.

Okay. So maybe the motherfucker wasn't _that_ bad.

BPOV

My cell phone rang, and I snarled a slew of curses under my breath as it startled the lynx I had been stalking. Tanya looked over at me and laughed.

I gave her a sour look. "Shut it."

She raised her hands innocently, and I snorted in disbelief. I pulled out my phone and glanced at the screen, raising my brows and swallowing uneasily.

Tanya stepped closer. "Who is it?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, answering as it started ringing again.

"Hello," I said smoothly.

"Bella," Paris's smooth voice floated down the line. Tanya raised her brows and mouthed at me the words 'after-sex bedroom voice'.

I flipped her off.

"Paris," I greeted in a forcefully cheerful voice. "How are you?"

"I'd be better if you were in Forks, dearest," he said in that same sweet and smooth voice. "But you aren't."

"Oh," I laughed. "I'm so sorry. I forgot you would be visiting us there. We left a month or so ago. It just became too hard to hide what we were."

"Well, where are you now?"

"Hunting with Tanya," I said in the same happy, carefree voice. "Actually, you interrupted my meal. I'll call you back, mkay?" Without waiting for a response, I hung up and flung the phone away from me.

"Oops," I said with wide-eyed innocence. "I lost my phone."

Tanya laughed, slinging an arm over my shoulder.

_**bows**_** Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight, lol.**

**Assward: Yeah, fuckers, have a great day and all that shit. Drink eggnog until you're drunk off your asses and wear some pretty fucking bows in your hair after unwrapping presents. **

**Haha, bye all! Hope you enjoyed!  
**


	25. Chapter 24

**Here's the next chapter, just in time for the last day or so of this year. And it's a doozy. And I think I just about love it, haha....**

**Enjoy!  
**

EPOV

It was Friday, and I was helping my mom out around the house by cleaning every surface she could find that might have a fucking _speck _of dust on it. It was her version of my punishment for getting suspended again. At this rate, I'd be expelled right before graduation. I smirked at the thought.

There was a knock on the door and I sighed in annoyance, getting up off of my knees and heading down the hall to the doorway.

"Hey Seth," I greeted, letting him in. His eyes were tight, his posture tense; I raised a brow.

"What's up?" I asked, closing the door behind him and heading into the living room. He was pacing, glancing occasionally out the front window. He opened his mouth a few times and shut it. Just as I was about to let my annoyance be known, he finally spoke the fuck up.

"Those vamps are back."

I froze. "What vamps?" I asked, but I knew what he was talking about.

"The ones that came before, that your girlfriend chased off. They're back. You need to call Bella, let her know."

When I hesitated, he sighed impatiently. "Come on, Edward, just _call _her already!"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair anxiously, but took the stairs in large steps and grabbed my phone. By the time I got back downstairs, Seth was even more antsy. I gave him a look and muttered, "Chill the fuck out, dude."

He just glared.

Rolling my eyes and sighing, fighting the nervous fluttering of my heart, I dialed Bella's number. It rang and rang and fucking rang.

I snapped the phone shut and glared at it, then Seth. "She didn't fucking answer."

He groaned, ordered me to give him her number, and then called her himself. Still no answer. I smirked smugly; if she _had_ picked up for him, I'd have had to deck him.

Seth was muttering under his breath, pacing still, and then stopped, grabbing his cell and dialing again. I leaned against the shelf behind me and crossed my arms, waiting somewhat impatiently for him to finally chill.

He moved outside, giving _me_ an annoyed look - what, like it was my fault his plan hadn't worked? - as he went. I rolled my eyes and moved back upstairs, immediately reaching onto my desk for a cig….

Before remembering I'd thrown them all out. I groaned, looking up at the ceiling in desperation. Fuck, I'd forgotten about that shit. Why had I decided to listen to my dad for the first time in… basically ever?

Running a hand through my hair, I paced, feeling the desperate urge for a smoke. But I didn't have any, so I should stop being a sissy and just man up.

I snorted and flipped open my phone, trying to call Bella again. I ended up stubbing my toe when I kicked the desk because she didn't answer.

Seth appeared in my doorway, making me jump and swear. "Fuck," I snapped irritably. "Can't you make any fucking _noise_?"

Seth just rolled his eyes. "Come on. Until the blood drinkers are gone, you're going to be staying on the rez."

I thought about that for about half a second before snorting. "Uh, no thanks. I don't think I'll like being around your _friends_ for too long."

He rolled his eyes. "Edward, just stay at my place. The Pack will leave you well enough alone…."

Seth trailed off as I gave him a look, and his lips twitched towards a grin. "If it helps, they're almost as reluctant as you are."

I laughed, shaking my head, and grabbed a bag, starting to throw shit I thought I might need into the bag. "Yeah, whatever. Your mom had better be feeding me a lot, otherwise I'll ditch you dogs and chance the vamps."

Seth laughed as well, leading the way downstairs. Apparently, the kid had run here because I didn't see a car anywhere nearby that didn't belong on the street.

When we got to Seth's house, it was getting dark. Seth led the way inside, and I followed behind him, hearing laughter from the kitchen. "Honey, I'm home!" I called jokingly.

Leah poked her head out from the kitchen and groaned. "Oh great. I'd hoped it was all a bad dream when I heard you'd be staying with us for a while."

I smirked at her and leaned close. "You know you're all tingly inside at the thought of me being here."

She patted my cheek patronizingly. "Get over yourself, Edward," she advised, smirking just a little, before slipping past me and down the hall. I stepped into the kitchen and held my arms open to Sue.

"Your favorite not-child is here," I told her.

Sue laughed; she was standing by the stove, stirring something that smelled fucking _delicious_, her hair pulled out of her face sloppily. I'd heard people call their friend's parents their second parents before, but never understood why. With Sue, it all made sense. I mean, I'd let her adopt me if it meant she'd feed me her fucking amazing food all the time. Seth was such a lucky bastard.

"How long are you staying, Edward?" Sue asked conversationally as I sat my ass in a chair and leaned back, sniffing the air appreciatively.

"I donno," I drawled, "Ask Seth and his buddies."

Her lips quirked slightly, but she didn't look at me. I rolled my eyes.

"This is not funny, Sue," I told her seriously. "I just wanted to stay home, but they're all 'they vant to suck your vlood!' on me and dragged my ass here!"

She looked over her shoulder and gave me a weird look. "That was probably the worst accent I've ever heard. And don't swear," she added as she turned back to whatever she was cooking.

I sighed exaggeratedly, then grinned innocently as she shot me a warning look. I held up my hands in surrender. "Okay, whatever you say, boss."

Seth laughed as he entered the room, pushing my chair forward and almost dumping me out of it. I braced myself against the edge of the table and glared at the kid.

"Looks good Mom," Seth said, peering over Sue's shoulder before grabbing glasses and shit from a cupboard. I hopped up, figuring I should get off my lazy ass and help set the fucking table.

Sue glanced at her son with a raised brow. "So, how long is Edward staying for? You know I don't approve of kidnapping for very long, Seth."

He laughed. "Just the weekend. Don't worry. I called his mom and asked and everything."

I glared at him. "When?"

The kid grinned cheekily. "When I was outside, right after I talked to Sam."

I rolled my eyes. "I just love how everyone controls my life but me," I muttered sourly. "I should just sit back and enjoy the show."

I was being sarcastic. Seth decided to join in with a "That's a perfect idea." I glanced slyly at a distracted Sue, and then flipped him off.

Sue set up the couch for me to sleep on later that night, and I fell onto it with a huge, gusty sigh. I pulled my cell phone over to me and tried Bella's number again, all fucking automatically even though I knew, _I knew_, she wasn't going to answer.

And surprise of all fucking surprises… she didn't.

I was annoyed, a little pissed, and okay maybe somewhat fucking upset and distressed. Hadn't she fuckin told me to call her when I was going to stop being an ass about the whole thing that happened? And how she wasn't picking up? What the fuck was up with that?

Yeah, okay, maybe it was my fault that all this was happening in the first place. If I hadn't been such a dips hit, she would have been talking to me this entire fucking two months she'd been gone. But I had just been…. Oh fuck it. I'd been angry as shit that she could leave so easily, even when I was fucking _begging _her not to, and then I'd been angry that I was being such a needy wuss. And maybe it was a fucking lame ass excuse, but I'd told her to get out because I knew if she didn't leave then, I'd do something even more stupid than usual.

Because I was a fucking asshole and couldn't help myself.

Either way, I had fucked myself over, but I had been hoping this would be the lesser route.

And _now_ she wasn't picking up her _goddamn phone!_

I tired again, ready to yell at her, and when she didn't pick up, I hung up, cursing nonstop under my breath until I ran out of words, and angrily rolled onto my side, away from the sight of my damn phone.

I woke up in the middle of the night to an annoying fucking buzzing noise. Groaning, I fumbled in the dark without opening my eyes, trying to locate that shit so I could throw it against a wall. My fingers bumbled into my phone, so I snatched it up and pressed a button. The buzzing stopped.

Sighing in relief, I settled back more comfortably. Not that anyone could get too comfortable on a couch.

The phone started vibrating again.

Groaning loudly, I rolled onto my side and picked it up.

"What?" I snapped harshly.

"Don't you talk to _me_ like that, Edward Masen!"

I blinked, sitting upright and running a hand through my hair. "Alice?" I asked in confusion.

"No, it's Tinkerbell!" she snapped in annoyance.

I grinned slyly. "Is there a difference?"

There was silence for a moment, then an even, "You are _so_ lucky I'm not in Washington right now Edward."

I chuckled, rolling my eyes. "What do you want, Tinkerbell? You _do_ realize it's the middle of the fucking night, right?"

"Stop complaining. Now, where are you? With the mutts?"

I raised a brow. "Shouldn't you know that shit?"

She sighed and I smirked to hear the impatient sound to it, like she was trying not to yell at me. You hear that sigh often enough, and no one - not even fucking old vampires - can hide it or make it sound like something else. "Not if you are with those dogs, Edward. I can't see anything involving those dogs. Now, are you with them?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I'm at Seth's house." Which reminded me…. "Asshole dragged me here when I couldn't reach Bella. Said those nasty ass vamps that would like to kill me are back."

Alice let out a single, harsh laugh. That was when I knew shit had hit the fan, at some point.

"Yeah, we know they're back. For one thing, they called Bella - which is why you can't reach her. She threw away her phone - and another I saw something."

I sighed when she didn't say anything for a few moments. "Alice, cut the ominous crap and just spit it out."

She mumbled some more about how lucky I was she wasn't in Washington. I rolled my eyes.

"Edward, you have to understand who these people are to understand how bad this is. Helen hates us. _Literally_ hates us. She hates most people, but us especially. I don't know why. Paris… Paris is mainly just an ass who likes sex too much for his own good. But he's a clever ass if he wants to be. And on top of that, he's possessive as hell. What he wants, he gets, and if he doesn't get it… no one else should, either. But he's also a coward. If he thinks he'll lose, he'll back down. He wants no one else touching Helen, but wants everyone _but _her. She kills anyone he ends up with, usually in clever and unusual ways. And _both_ of them are highly suspicious people. They have ties to the Volturi, especially Helen, so we can't touch them without due cause. And they won't think twice about killing people, Edward. They _don't care_. Worse than that, they aren't afraid of anyone, either.

"Helen suspects something. Paris went to our house to look for any unusual scents, while she is wandering the town also looking for places our scent is especially strong. I was searching for more visions of them, but both have also disappeared."

She waited a moment, probably letting that sink in.

"Fuck," I muttered, tugging my hair in agitation. "_Fuck!_" I repeated more loudly, realizing my parents might be in danger.

"Exactly," she said exhaustedly. "The minute Bella realized this she left. She's going to just run onto their land, Edward, and they'll kill her for it. She's not thinking."

I frowned at the way Alice said that, but asked something more important first. "How long until she gets here?"

Alice sighed. "I don't know, I don't know! Her future is gone too. I can't see anything as long as you all remain around those dogs! She left some time ago…. I tried calling earlier, but you didn't answer." Her voice was accusatory.

I rolled my eyes. "Excuse me for sleeping," I snapped.

"Sorry," Alice said as she blew out a breath. "This is just stressing, not seeing anything." She took a deep breath. "She should probably be there in about an hour, give or take twenty minutes."

"Okay," I said calmly. "Now what the hell happens when Bella gets pissed off."

"What?" Alice asked.

I wasn't buying that innocent act. "Whenever she loses her temper or gets worked up. She's not… herself. Explain that shit to me now."

Alice hesitated, then sighed. "It's her power. It's very… volatile. All her vampire traits get… amplified. But it's more than that." She stopped and sighed impatiently. "I can't explain it. I don't think anyone really can. Here," I listened to a slight rustling, and then a different voice was on the line.

"Edward," Carlisle said, "Are you safe?"

I snorted. "Who knows? Probably, I'm in a house with two werewolves."

Carlisle hesitated, then said, "I'm not sure I'd classify that as safe."

I laughed. "Well, it's better than defenseless or dead."

That got a chuckle. "True. What is it you need?"

I narrowed my eyes, though that wouldn't affect him. "Bella's power. Can you explain it at all?"

"Hmm," Carlisle mused. I heard as he shifted around. "Bella's power is hard to explain, because we know so little about it. Bella herself rarely remembers much of what happens when she uses it, and she can't control it. It makes it dangerous, makes her dangerous. She doesn't recognize friend from foe, innocent from guilty. She's all reaction, all instinct. She's stronger, faster, more violent. She's nearly impossible to reason with in that state. Mostly, she has to come down from it on her own, and that takes a few days."

"But there's more to it," I insisted.

"Oh, yes. There is," Carlisle agreed. "But this is the most difficult part to explain. The best way I can do so is to say that things around her _respond_ to her emotions, her anger. Things explode, shatter, fall apart. If she gets angry enough, things around her just seem to happen to the subjects of her anger."

"That sounds… fucking confusing," I admitted.

Carlisle chuckled darkly. "It is. And Bella fears what happens when her power takes control, so she never purposefully gets angry in an attempt to learn to control it. The first time it happened, she killed the man who tried to kill her."

I froze, the air in my lungs freezing as well. Closing my eyes, I choked out, "She did?"

"Yes," Carlisle said gravely. "She also killed the guards in the vehicle, caused the vehicle to blow up, and destroyed the road they were driving on."

I shook my head. "Fuck," I muttered under my breath. "And there's no way to calm her down?"

"Not that we know of," Carlisle admitted. "Even Jasper can't calm her when she's in that state."

"And she'd going to be like that when she gets here," I guessed.

"That's my suspicion," Carlisle sighed. "You might want to stay clear of her for a while," he advised.

I snorted. "Thanks for the advice," I told him, though, and hung up.

Seth was leaning against the wall at the other end of the room, frowning. "What's going on?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "Get Leah in here, cause I'm not explaining this shit twice."

When they both returned, I was pacing. "Those two vamps, the ones I'm hiding here from, are probably coming. And so is Bella, probably to kick their asses. I don't understand everything," I added quickly. "There seems to be some political shit as well going on."

"If they come on our lands, it's simple. We kill them," Leah said with a shrug.

I glared and stomped up into her face. "No, it's not that fucking simple Leah. Bella will show up on here, too, and she's gonna be pissed enough that she's not going to be thinking straight. Don't confront her, don't fucking antagonize her. _None_ of you should."

She raised a brow and gave me a flat look. "Try telling that to the others. Sam and Jacob, Paul, Embry, Quil, Jared. They're not going to be willing to overlook her breaking the treaty again."

"This is more than the treaty!" I yelled. "This is two bad vamps who won't think twice about killing people! I thought that was your whole mission or whatever?" I snarled. "To _save people_."

"It is," Seth interjected quickly. "But Leah and I have to follow the Alpha's rules, Edward. If he told us to, we'd have no choice in the matter."

I stared between them both. "That sounds like the most shitty scenario ever. You have no fucking control."

They shrugged. "It is the way it is, Edward," Seth said quietly. "And if Sam tells us to attack Bella… we're going to have to do it."

I groaned and fell back onto the couch. "That's just fucking great," I grumbled.

Leah and Seth were waiting with me in the living room. None of the vamps were getting through to me, at least, not without a bit of a fight. I was grumbling still under my breath, resenting the rules these two would have to follow and the way this had all worked out.

Leah froze and her head jerked towards the front of the house. Seth slowly rose to his feet, jerking his head at me.

I rolled my eyes, but got up and followed him away from the windows and as far from the door as possible. Just to be safe, he'd explained earlier. Whatever.

Leah opened the door and then that strange instance that my eyes couldn't process happened and a huge wolf jumped down the porch.

A snarl carried up to the inside of the house, then deep growls. I leaned to the side, trying to see out the open door.

I didn't see much, just a flash of pale skin and brown. I didn't know what Helen and Paris looked like…

But I knew Bella. I'd know her anywhere.

"Wait!" I shouted, leaping away from Seth, who cursed under his breath as he failed to snatch me successfully. I almost fell to my fucking knees as I took all the stairs in a single jump, and froze at the sight before me.

It was Bella…. A very pissed, very violent Bella. She looked… wild. Feral. She was crouched down, lips pulled back in a snarl, eyes pitch black and locked onto Leah. Leah, who was a huge, slim, light gray wolf, with equally huge and sharp teeth and lethal claws.

Holy fucking _crap_.

Leah's paw swiped out and Bella lunged to the side, darting in and snapping at Leah before darting back out just as quickly when Leah twisted and slashed at my girl again.

"Stop!" I shouted, getting to my feet. Seth yanked me back.

I swung around and grabbed his shirt in my hands, shaking him. "Why the fuck is she attacking Bella!"

Seth shook his head, glaring. "Leah doesn't know Bella, she wouldn't recognize her. Besides; Sam might have ordered her to once she phased." He stared at me. "I promise, I won't phase until I have to. I won't do what he wants until I have no other choice."

I ignored that. "Tell her it's Bella. Tell her to fucking stop!" I shouted.

"I can't!" Seth yelled, throwing his hands up. "She won't listen to me!"

A loud crash behind us caused me to whip back around, and Sue to call for us from inside worriedly. Vaguely, I was aware of Seth running up the steps and saying something to her. Bella picked herself out of the wreckage of a tree, ignoring the fact that her shirt was torn in the front, revealing thin, cracked looking scratches along her revealed skin. She simply leaped back at Leah, snarling viciously.

"Bella!" I yelled. Leah danced out of her way as Bella tried to get to her again, and then Bella threw herself backwards as Leah's paws tried to hit Bella again.

"Dammit!" I swore under my breath. "Bella!"

Leah's eyes turned to me, and then turned speculative. She glanced between Bella and I for a moment, before running towards me.

What the fuck?

Bella snarled and dashed in front of me; Leah froze, stock still, just far enough away that Bella couldn't reach her but that Bella still seemed uneasy.

I reached out, grabbing Bella's hand in my own. "Bella, babe, look at me," I said quietly.

She didn't respond. I sighed, then moved so I was in front of her, grabbed her face in my hands, and stared right into those black, frightening eyes. "Bella, I'm fine. It's safe here. Relax, babe. Please."

Leah shifted, and whatever progress I had made with Bella was ruined as she snarled and moved fast enough that I couldn't follow, standing right in front of me again. I sighed in frustration.

Seth stepped forward, and Bella's head whipped towards him, snarling slightly. I looked at him and shook my head. Calmly, Seth stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels.

"Hey Bella," he said, as if this were an every day occurrence. While his eyes stayed locked uneasily on her, he spoke to me. "Edward, Sam's on his way. Leah's supposed to keep Bella here… until the rest of the pack gets here."

I glared.

Seth's eyes flicked momentarily to me, apologetically. "If she runs, Leah will chase her…. But maybe Leah can hold back a bit. You guys have to leave now."

"Oh and where would the fun be in that?" A silky voice floated on the air towards us.

Bella's snarls grew as she faced this new threat.

If this was Helen, fucking hell. The chick was probably the definition of hot. She had dark curling hair, wide set, deep dark eyes with thick lashes, and full, pouty lips. Plus a body that was what every Playboy bunny strived to be.

"So." Her lips curled into a playful, smug smirk. "This is what you've been hiding, Bella. I have to say, he does look incredibly yummy." She sniffed deeply. "Smells good, too. If he tastes half as good as the meal we found at his residence, then…." She trailed off, but hummed appreciatively.

I paled. She'd fucking killed….

"Maybe Paris will let me play with him." Her head tilted. "What do you think?"

Then another vampire stepped out. He wasn't smiling. He wasn't smirking. He wasn't even frowning. But he was terrifying; I swear even Bella trembled a little at the sight of him. His gaze was focused entirely on her.

This had to be the fucker Paris.

"Perhaps," was all he said, as cold as fuck.

Helen smirked, leaning back casually against a tree trunk. They didn't seem at all threatened by Bella or the wolves and I remembered what Alice had said. They didn't worry about killing anyone. They didn't fear anyone.

Unless the rest of the wolves got here soon, we were screwed, and even when they did, they'd go after Bella too. Fuck, fuck, _fuck!_

Paris started circling in front of Bella, pacing to one side and then the other. Bella shifted the entire time, following his movements intensely.

"I'm disappointed, Bella," he finally said. Emotionless. Coldly. "I knew you and your coven were sympathetic to the humans, but to stoop so low as to have relations with one. And to break the laws over him." He shook his head. "They're inferior, not worth it. You could have had me," he added, a hint of anger coloring his voice. "Yet you chose this worthless human."

She just growled, lowly and constantly.

He tsked and shook his head slightly, his eyes never leaving hers. "You knew you were playing with fire, Bella. You knew what it would mean to be with him. He has to die." Paris slowly smiled, and it chilled me.

"Helen. Make sure it's long and painful."

Bella snarled, but before she could move, Leah was attacking that Helen bitch, her claws dragging with an unnatural noise against the skin of the vampire.

Bella leapt at Paris, both of them clashing together loudly. He pulled his fist back and slammed it into her head so hard, she flew backwards. Before she hit the ground, she righted herself and was rushing back at him.

Seth grabbed my arm, pulling me back, watching the fight uneasily. "I have to help Leah," he murmured. "I'm sorry, man. The rest of the pack will be here in minutes…."

He moved out to the edge of the fray and stripped off his clothes quickly. Sue was standing at the door. I had a feeling Seth and Leah didn't know she was watching. Quietly, she opened the door and clutched my hand tightly. I noted the lines of worry and fear on her face as she watched her two children fight Helen.

I squeezed her hand back reassuringly. "They'll be okay," I murmured. "They're tough. Bella will keep Paris distracted."

Sue looked at me, her eyes wide and frightened. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

I didn't know what she was apologizing for. For being scared. Maybe just because it was the only thing she could think of to say.

"I'm sorry too," I whispered.

The earth was shaking. I thought it was just the fighting, until the house started rattling. The other wolves rushed around the corner, snarling, and jumped into the fray, helping Leah and Seth with Helen, and separating Bella and Paris.

"No!" I shouted angrily. "Leave Bella the fuck alone, you bastards!"

Of course they didn't listen. Sue put her hand on my shoulder, and shook her head. "They won't listen, Edward."

I shrugged her angrily off, watching in horror as two of them ganged up on Bella. She snarled, ducking under them and trying to attack Paris again. Paris, who was kicking some wolf ass. Shit, shit, _shit!_

"Sue," I said quickly. "Get out of here. It's not safe."

She opened her mouth, obviously going to argue or some shit like that, when I said, "Seriously, go! I have to stay here and do anything I can to help Bella, but Leah and Seth can take care of themselves, don't worry! _Go!"_

Thank fuck she left.

Paris threw a huge wolf into the woods; a pained yelp and then silence followed. All the wolves shuddered, momentarily seeming at a loss…. Helen and Paris attacked more violently. Bella ducked around the wolves attacking her and went for Paris.

Helen pulled away from the wolf she'd been going after and tackled Bella.

The fight was so hard to follow. I felt like I was always a few steps behind. All the participants blurred and I could only see what was happening after it happened.

So I wasn't prepared for Helen showing up right in front of my fucking face.

"Such a yummy human," she cooed.

I glared. "Fuck off, hag," I snapped.

Her eyes turned black, and a snarl pulled up her lips grotesquely. Before she could do anything, though, a wolf grabbed her by the legs and threw her away. Then it winked at me. I laughed, breathlessly, with relief and some leftover fear.

"Thank Seth," I said.

He grinned and jumped back into the fight.

The shaking had kept progressing, and then loud groaning sounds started echoing above the sounds of the fight. A loud snap sounded, and a tree branch - huge and gnarled - fell into the middle of the group. One of the wolves yelped painfully and kept a leg curled tight to its body.

"Bella," I breathed, searching for her. She was fighting off three wolves, eyes locked on Paris the entire time. Nearby him, the ground split open, literally fucking spilt open, and he almost fell in. He didn't, but glared angrily at Bella. He knew it was her. He knew what she could do.

A large red wolf attacked her, his paw hitting her hard and knocking her towards the porch. I jumped down next to her, brushing hair out of her face. She looked so fucking dazed, so out of it, but her eyes were still black and violent.

"Bella," I whispered. "Let's get the fuck out of here. Please. Can we just get the hell out of this place?"

"Get your hands off of her."

I glared and stood up, standing in front of Paris. He took a step forward….

Bella hit him before he could seem to realize what was happening. Her hands grabbed his hair and chin, and her mouth latched onto his neck.

With a horrific sound, his head disconnected from his neck.

Helen howled, trying to get to Bella but the wolves were keeping her back. She glanced around, seemed to realize she was totally outnumbered, and glared at us.

"Your lives are fucking over," she hissed, before dashing away. Some of the wolves followed her; the others turned to Bella, snarling, teeth on display.

I ran in front of her, glaring at them all. "Back off." They kept coming.

And then Seth was standing next to me, hunched and snarling. They froze in surprise, then growled more loudly. Seth was shaking, whining slightly, but holding his ground. Then Leah joined him, her teeth on display. I didn't think she was protecting me, or Bella. She was there for her brother.

The snarls grew between the wolves, angry.

Bella's hand closed around my wrist. I glanced back and she tugged me gently. I stepped backwards, keeping my eyes locked on the feuding wolves. We reached the edge of the house… and then Bella had yanked me off the ground and was running.

Okay that was fucking _weird_. And I hoped it never happened fucking again. I wasn't sure I liked the idea of it being possible for my girlfriend to carry me while running without breaking a sweat.

BPOV

I slowed when I thought it was safe. I set Edward down, and dashed around the abounded house, locking doors and windows and drawing blinds. I dashed around to check for any other exits and places for dangers to hide, and satisfied there were none, finally stopped in the middle of an empty kitchen.

Edward walked into the room, gently grabbing my hand and stepping forward so our torsos touched. His free hand cupped my cheek. It was warm, soothing. I leaned into the touch, sighing.

"Here," he said softly, pulling off his sweatshirt. I frowned in confusion, until he pulled it on me. My shirt was in tatters; it hardly covered anything. Sighing to myself, I tore the shirt off and tossed it away, snuggling my nose into the neck of the jacket and sniffed. It smelled just like Edward, and was still warm from being on him.

He brushed some hair out of my face, searching it for… something.

"We're fine now, babe. You can… calm down."

A sound came from outside and I tensed, growling.

He chuckled. "That's just thunder, babe. You know, it happens around here when it rains," he teased.

I rolled my eyes. He could be such a butthead.

His arms wrapped around me from behind, pulling me back into his chest, and his lips pressed into my hair. "Thank you."

I twisted around to look at him curiously, tilting my head.

He smiled slightly. "For all of it. For putting up with me. For being who you are, amazing and beautiful and so fucking kick ass." He grinned. "I know I fucked things up when you left-"

I closed his lips by putting mine over them. He sighed, his hands flexing on my hips.

"Bella?" he said softly as his forehead rested against mine.

I hummed, feeling safe finally.

"I fucking love you," he whispered.

The red haze dropped entirely, gone, gone, gone. I looked up at him, feeling my eyes glaze over with tears that would never fall. My lips twitched into a smile.

"Yeah," I murmured. "I know. And I fucking love you too."

He grinned, pulling me closer again. "I love it when you swear," he chuckled, before kissing me like he was a dying man… and I was his everything.

**Assward****:There, bitches, I said it finally. Okay? I'm fucking whipped and I love my girl and so all you dreamers gotta stop putting me as your starring role man. Got it? Okay. Have a great fucking new year - party your asses off and leave IG some reviews. She is suffering computer lock down at night _laughs loudly and appreciatively_ and the girl is going through withdrawals. _smirks_**

**_Gives Assward a sour look_ Shut up. It's not fun to have computer time limited. Not. At. A-**

**Gah, was that my dad? _peers out curtain of window in front of her_ Whew. It wasn't. _sighs heavily_ Gah. **

**Heh, anyhow, hope you have great new years. My New Year Resolution will be to update more regularly. As in, like, every ten days or something.... Though, I'll be busy next semester until I get the rest of my Senior Project done, although that might happen within the next three weeks.... Still, I'll be getting up way too early and junk like that. _rolls eyes _You guys let me know what your resolutions are, what you think of the chapter, and I promise there will be an interview up this Sunday. Give Questions you have for Assward! Any will work!**

**OH OH! And I have an end-of-the-year rec for you guys. I have been reading this fic, How to Save a Life by unholyobsession and it is amazing and fabulous and I wanna hug her Potward but I'm afraid he'd just yell at me or something, so I don't. But it's a great fic, really really wonderful, and please all of you go read it!!!  
**


	26. Chapter 25

_**Is super nervous and unable to speak at moment**_

**Assward: Eh, there was something to tell ya all...._runs hand through hair_ Oh, whatever, I forgot. Enjoy the fucking chapter.  
**

BPOV

I didn't want to leave Edward alone. The mere thought of it caused the red haze to lift in my mind, threatening to overwhelm my sensibilities again and take control. But I needed to hunt. The fight, the panic that had been overwhelming me the better part of several hours, my power draining me of energy, all of it, made me oh so thirsty.

But I didn't want to leave Edward.

It wasn't _that_ bad; I could manage myself just fine for another day or two, until the family got here. Wherever here was….

He tsked in annoyance and rolled his eyes. "Babe, if you need to go, go. You don't have to go far."

"All she needs is a moment," I murmured, staring out the window, hugging my knees to my chest.

He groaned and rolled his eyes again. "What if I come with you? Will that-"

I whisked my head around, hissing and glaring. He froze, but calmly raised his brows in surprise. "That reaction seems to hint at a definite _no_."

"Never," I specified. "Edward, we give ourselves _completely_ over to our senses. I could hurt you!"

This didn't seem to phase him… at all. And not even in his normal disregard for his safety and health way, in an entirely new way. He just smiled slightly, _amusedly_ even, and shook his head, watching me the whole time.

"Bella, I think you're just being a negative Nancy," he teased.

I huffed, letting go of my knees and leaning forward. "Am _not_," I insisted.

He just stood there, hands stuffed in his jean pockets, smirking the whole time. I clenched my teeth.

"Edward-"

"You were entirely out of control of yourself, given 'completely over to your senses' as you put it," he said pointedly, "When you were fighting earlier. When you go… when your power happens. Right?"

I stared at him suspiciously. "You've been talking to my family," I accused.

He shrugged and nodded. "Alice, and Carlisle when she couldn't explain it. Not that he could that much better."

I made an impatient sound when he smirked at me, like he'd won his case or something. "It's not the same."

"Why not?' he instantly questioned. Like I was just trying to make excuses.

I stood up, eyes narrowed, stalking towards him. He remained calm except for a slight pick up in his heartbeat. I couldn't say if it was fear that caused that though.

"Because," I said silkily. "My power rose up because of my need to protect you." I came closer, and he twisted to continue facing me as I moved around him. "It had a… focus, if you will. If I go hunting," I moved even closer, closing in on him. His body was slowly tensing in response. "my focus isn't on protection." I smiled slowly. "It's on the hunt. The kill. The stalking of my prey, and knowing it's helpless against my strength and speed. It's about that moment of tension before I attack," I leapt on him, knocking him backwards into the couch and straddling him. His breath left in a whoosh, and he stared at me, first in surprise… then his eyes darkened. I licked my lips.

"And then it's about the sensation of feeding. Like getting a fix, or eating after days of starving. It's…" I shuddered. "Delicious. Carnal," I breathed into his ear.

He drew in a hissing breath, his hands clenching my hips tightly. I purred slightly as he arched his hips, holding me against him. I had missed Edward, and all his traits… including his intense need for physical touch. Of all kinds. Especially the mature kinds.

His hands slid up my hips to my waist, burning the skin they made contact with. My purr grew louder as his rough fingers slid along my ribs in a slow, purposeful way. Leaning down, I rubbed my nose along the pulse line of his neck, my tongue darting out to taste it without my actually telling it to. Salty; Edward. A soft growl left his chest when I did that , and he took one hand off of my skin to grab the back of my head and tug me down so he could lean up and _kiss_ me.

And boy, did he mean business apparently.

I rested my hands on his chest, feeling it rise and fall, feeling his heart pumping steadily - if quickly - under me. His heat was rising up into me… or perhaps I was just getting very hot and bothered. Maybe it was both. Maybe the first was lending to the last.

Oh, who the hell _cared_?

When he pulled away to do that pesky breathing thing humans had to do, I licked his jaw line, surprised to feel some scruff there. Not a lot. Probably hardly even noticeable to a human. But I wasn't human, and I could feel it. I rubbed my cheek against his jaw, purring again, more deeply, as it scratched and tickled. Usually, Edward was clean shaven. I swear, the boy probably did it twice a day or something, because I never really felt any scruff from him.

I nipped his earlobe, before he moved his mouth back to mine, desperate and hungry.

Ooh…

His hand slid under my bra; he didn't even bother taking it off. For a moment, he just held it, then squeezed gently and as he tugged on my bottom lip… his fingers gently pinched my nipple.

I gasped, yanking back slightly, breathing heavily. He stared up at me, eyes so dark a green it almost appeared black even to my eyes. For a long moment, we stayed that way.

Then, cautiously, he shifted upright, so his free arm - the one not connected to the hand up my bra - braced him, and slowly kissed me, the tip of his tongue tracing the outline of my bottom lip and then slowly and surely inside my mouth.

Good _god_ this boy knew his way around a kiss!

I loosely wrapped my arms around his neck, elbows on his shoulders, and he moved so he was sitting upright and I was still in his lap. His free hand grabbed my thigh, sliding down to my knee and tugging it so I was even closer to him. Then he slid it back up… and up to squeeze my cheek and hold me right over his erection.

And I didn't stop him.

While _most_ of my mind was absorbed entirely in what we were doing, a small part of me was still rational. Bloodlust and _lust _lust sometimes came together… blended or added to the other. The fact that Edward _was_ my mate - human or not - and I'd been away from him, only to have to rush back to find him in terrible danger…. Well, let's simply say that my instincts were at an all time high and they wanted me to be with him.

Didn't that happen all the time though? Situations that concerned death or almost death, the loss or almost loss of someone important… it all led to feelings of needing to reconfirm that _we_ were still here, still alive, still able to _feel_. And I needed - so desperately, desperately needed - that confirmation that Edward was here and safe and mine. And that we both felt this… _intensity_.

I wasn't sure I'd stop him this time…. I wasn't sure I wanted to anymore.

My fingers quickly snatched the bottom hem of his long-sleeved shirt, tugging it towards his head, but Edward refused to cooperate, damn him. I growled, almost tearing it off, but then remembered he didn't have any other clothes to wear. So I simply kept tugging at it insistently, until he pulled away and let me yank the offending scrap of cloth off of him. His hands tugged his sweatjacket off of me right after, leaving me in my bra.

He stared, eyes flickering all over my bare skin, as if memorizing it. Slowly, he reached out to caress the top swells of my breasts with the back of a hand, his expression tender. I licked my lips, my breathing still too fast, though I wasn't panting any longer. Still moving slowly, he leaned forward and pressed a gentle, openmouthed kiss to the skin he'd just touched.

I shivered, and he pulled back, looking at me. "I love you, Bella."

I nodded shakily. "I know," I whispered, "I-"

"Let me show you. Please."

I blinked several times. I don't know why, but my mind couldn't seem to process his words. And he waited. For once, Edward… waited. Patiently.

That sealed the deal, even though my mind was still struggling to comprehend what he'd just said, what _I'd_ just agreed to. It didn't matter - it _felt_ right.

He grinned at me in that crooked way he had, and it made me melt all over again just like it did every time. He leaned forward, kissing my lips sweetly but thoroughly. His hands trailed up my sides, down my arms… and up my back. The pad of a finger traced each and every vertebrae of my spine. Then he was unhooking my bra, slowly lowering it down my arms.

I couldn't remember a time Edward had been so… cautious, so paced, in what he was doing.

He pulled away, glancing around us with a slight pucker between his brows. Then he looked at me. "Is there a bed somewhere in here Bella? A couch isn't really that comfortable." He grinned.

I nodded, pointing down the hall, and he stood up, holding the backs of my thighs as he moved. After I pointed out the room I'd seen with a bed in it, he backed into the door and into the room, then kicked it shut. His head ducked down and he kissed me some more, moving at the same time. I tightened my legs around his waist and tilted my head, arching up to kiss him more firmly than before.

He lowered me down onto the bed, which thankfully didn't have much dust on it. The people who had lived here must have only left recently, for whatever reason. He took his mouth from mine, trailing sweet nibbles down my neck, until he reached my chest. Anticipation curled in my gut, made my breathing spike somewhat. He pressed butterfly-soft kisses around one breast, ignoring the tight bud, and then did the same with the other. I growled in frustration.

He chuckled, his warm breath skittering over my bare flesh and making me shiver again. But he still didn't do what I wanted him to do.

Instead, he trailed his mouth down _between _my breasts to my bellybutton, which he nudged with his nose. I fought back the urge to tug him back up to where I wanted him. Yes, I could do it; I was stronger than him. But… it just wouldn't be right.

At least… for now it wouldn't.

I swallowed as Edward's mouth drifted lower, to the waistband of my jeans. His hands were caressing the outsides of my thighs, warm and hot even through the thick levis. But he simply placed a kiss right where my skin ended and shifted back up my body again, kissing me with that same sweetness from before.

His hands, however, weren't so… sweet.

They were wicked. And I loved it.

At the first gentle pinch, I made a noise of surprise and shifted just slightly. Edward's chest rumbled with a soft growl and he nipped my lips as a… chastisement. His fingers were so hot, burning against my frigid, frozen skin, but I swore I was on fire again. Was I even cold anymore? Between the way he was making me feel and his body warming my own, maybe I wasn't.

Clever tongue, clever fingers…. I gasped as he twisted a nipple while pinching it more tightly than before.

He pulled away from kissing me, and I moved to follow after him, definitely not wanting to be through kissing him for the moment

Edward laughed against my lips as I grabbed his hair and tugged him back down, resting against the pillows.

Eventually, he pulled away, smiling at me as he did so, and gently and chastely (I didn't know he knew how to kiss like that) gave me a last little peck. Before he ducked his head back down to my breasts. One hand released a hardened bud, only for his mouth to cover it, sucking it. And I'd thought his _fingers _were hot…. I panted like I actually needed to breathe so desperately, small whimper-like noises coming from me. I arched my back, pressing myself closer to him, needing more… more… more!

Edward's hands left my breasts, trailing down my stomach to the waistband of my jeans again. One paused at the waistline, and the other slid down my thigh, gently gripping it and tugging it up towards his hips. My mind was everywhere, trying to focus on what he was doing all at once, but it was hard to focus on… anything, really.

He slipped the button of my jeans free, and unzipped them.

I realized in a delayed reaction sort of way, and started to sit up, but then Edward was at my mouth again, kissing me, his hands caressing my sides and blistering my skin. I relaxed, wrapping my arms around his neck again, kissing him back. I slid my hands down his back, tracing the wings that screamed of the pain he'd been through in his life. He'd marked himself forever. He'd never be able to escape or forget his pain….

Was it shallow of me to still think it was hot? To think his marks of pain were entirely sexy?

_He should get another_, my mind lazily mused. _A happier one_.

He was sliding my pants down my legs. I wasn't stopping him. A finger slid along the top of my panties, just inside. I shivered as goosebumps broke across my skin. I didn't know vampires could get goosebumps.

His kisses were turning sweet again. Savoring, that was the word. They were more like he was savoring me. A purr of satisfaction vibrated up from my chest at that and I slid my hands along to the front of his chest, caressing him. I wanted to savor him, too.

He moved down my body, pausing to lick teasingly at my sensitive, aching breasts, and then dipping his tongue into my bellybutton. Just _how many_ nerve endings did that place _have?_ His fingers curled around the sides of my panties, and I closed my eyes, breathing deeply.

A part of me was… nervous. Anxious. Maybe a little bit afraid. Then I was also excited, eager, wanting all of this and more. I licked my lips again and swallowed as he slowly, slowly pulled them down, one side tug at a time, until they were past my ankles. His hands slid up my calves, one pausing at my knee as he moved back up until his face hovered over mine. I opened my eyes when I felt his hand press down on the mattress near my shoulder and his breath fan over my face.

He smiled at me, leaning down for a slow gentle kiss. "So beautiful," he murmured, lips brushing mine. "Perfect. I love you. I love you so much." He kept his lips right over mine. Like he was breathing the words into me.

The hand at my knee was sliding upwards, along the inside of my thigh. It paused there, tracing soothing circles on the skin, until I squirmed. He kissed me again on the lips tenderly, taking his time, as his hand slid higher.

I shuddered violently as it just brushed against my sex.

He murmured soothing nonsense against my lips, just barely brushing me again. Teasing and testing all at once. I was trembling, that anxiety and anticipation from before confusing me, making it hard to figure out what I was really feeling at this moment. Was I more excited than nervous? Or was I nervous about finally taking this step with him?

Rosalie wondered why I hadn't yet. And she'd noted that maybe, I still had some secret doubts about him. About us lasting. Did I think if I gave it up, he'd lose interest?

No, I immediately realized, I didn't think he'd leave. It was as preposterous as Rosalie and Emmett separating, as Esme and Carlisle or Alice and Jasper leaving each other. No, I wasn't holding back and nervous about taking our relationship to this place.

Almost as if he somehow _knew_ I was no longer even possibly nervous, he pressed his finger against me more firmly, stroking it slowly along my slit. I hissed in pleasure and arched my body. With a growl, his hand near my head clenched into a fist and his lips grew more frantic. I couldn't blame him, because mine did too. I was alternating tugging on his hair and fisting it, to digging my fingers into his shoulders, careful not to hurt him of course.

Such a fine line to walk… the precarious, fine edge of a knife.

I made a wordless noise of protest as he pulled his mouth away from mine, but he knew how to quiet that. I drew in another hissing breath as he bit down gently on my nipple, licking it right after as if apologizing. The thought was almost laughable, because I knew he wasn't at all apologetic about what he was doing.

His hand that wasn't busy between my thighs slid down and grabbed my knee, pulling it higher and to the side. He nipped at the skin of my stomach, biting a trail lower….

His hand left my sex and gently pushed my thighs farther apart. I was breathing heavily as my mind caught on to what he was planning to do….

"No!" I gasped breathlessly, shooting up onto my elbows, peering down at him.

I went somewhat mindless then, completely checking out at the sight of him, between my legs, looking at me hungrily through his dark lashes, his eyes practically black with lust. They probably matched mine.

"The… venom," I explained, getting back on track about why this was _not_ a good position right now. "You can't… the venom." I added breathlessly, hardly able to get the words out.

He slowly raised a brow, and I wondered if he was going to listen to me. When he ducked his head again, I got ready to tell him to stop all over again when he pursed his lips and… blew.

I gave a small shriek and jumped. His hands tightened around my thighs and he smirked at me, smug as I'd ever seen anyone. I panted, staring at him with wide eyes, and he leaned down….

I trembled.

He did it again, making me moan and my head fall back. My arms were going to give out on me any-

He leaned even closer and blew more slowly against my heated core, making my trembling pick up the tempo and my arms fall back. I panted, waiting for him to do it again, but he didn't. Instead, he brushed his _nose_ - his damn nose! - along my slit, deliberately breathing directly over the flesh.

The anticipation was becoming more and more difficult to bear.

Edward shifted - no, he _stalked_ back up my body, kissing my lips unhurriedly yet firmly, his tongue warm as it brushed against mine. I lifted my arms and wrapped them around him again, needing to keep him _here_. His free hand returned to my sex, fingers spreading the wetness around, and then flicking against my clit.

I moaned sharply, arching towards him. "Again," I gasped, and he obliged, flicking his finger against the sensitive nub, and then slowly circling it. I whimpered as the anticipation became a firm tension lodged somewhere just below the pit of my stomach, winding tighter with each pass Edward's finger made around me.

He shifted his fingers, and slowly pushed two inside of me, his thumb taking over what his finger had been doing just moments before. I gasped, moaned, and raised my hips to encourage him to continue. I didn't think I could form a word if my life depended on it.

Edward was breathing heavily as well, kissing and sucking on my neck like he was determined to leave a mark there. I tightened my hold around his neck, then thought better of it and simply wrapped my arms around his back and grabbed his shoulders, gluing myself to him.

He was panting. "Bella," he murmured against my skin. I felt him smirk as he pressed his thumb more firmly against me for a moment and I whimpered in pleasure. "You liked that?"

What, he wanted me to form words now? Psht. I nodded frantically, because that was seriously the best I could manage.

Chuckling, Edward kissed my neck and pressed firmly with his thumb as he swiped over my clit again, his fingers pumping faster than before now. I don't know what noise came out of me then - it sounded like a purr with hard edge to it. Or was that a soft growl? Hard to say.

"So close," he breathed. "I can feel it…." He hissed in a breath and lifted his head, staring into my eyes. The way he looked at me, the raw emotions in his eyes… it just made the tension that much more tighter.

My hips were moving, seeking. His thumb rubbed against me with more pressure, his fingers sliding in and out of my sex with more speed.

"Come for me, Bella. Don't hold yourself back… just come." He leaned down, kissing me deeply, pushing his fingers higher inside of me….

I gasped, crying out as the tension exploded, spiraling out to the farthest reaches of my body, my claws biting into Edward's skin as I dragged them down his back, pressing closer to him as it all hit me.

It wasn't like this was my fist time or first orgasm. Maybe it was more intense because I was a vampire now… but I had a feeling that wasn't the case. It was because it was with Edward.

I felt drowsy, almost like I could sleep, as I rested back against the pillows. Edward pulled his fingers from inside of me, and the cool air around us slithered against my exposed skin. I was too tired to care. Edward stood up, and I blinked quickly, reaching out to grab his arm. He glanced back at me, questioning, and turned, kneeling at the side of the bed. Sweet, sweet man. Now I didn't have to move, which was something I didn't think my limbs wanted to be doing for a while.

I didn't even get to say anything. I opened my mouth, about to tell him it wasn't fair to just let him pleasure me and not give back, when he suddenly grinned and pressed a finger to my lips. "Don't. No."

I was going to argue, when he laughed quietly and kissed me without hurry, as if we had all the time in the world. I guess, in a way, we did. Then he got up and walked out of the room. After a few minutes, he walked back in with a blanket. I could smell soap on his hands, and the mothballs on the blanket, and scrunched my nose. He chuckled, shaking it out several times.

He threw it over me, then crawled onto the bed beside me, tucking me into his side. I rested my hands on his chest, smiling as I listened to his heart right under my ear. His fingers shifted through my hair, his expression relaxed and… content. As long as he was content, so was I.

He leaned down and kissed my forehead, murmuring almost inaudibly, "Good night, my love, my Bella. I love you."

I smiled, sighing happily, and closed my eyes, though I knew I'd never sleep. "Absolutely," I whispered back.

~*~*~

My cell vibrated in my pants pocket, and I stealthily shifted out of Edward's hold to gather it. I flipped it open, speaking softly so as not to wake Edward.

"Hey, Alice, when are you guys going to get here?" She was quiet, and I frowned in concern. "Alice?"

She sighed. "Bella…. I've just seen something… terrible."

"What?" I asked in a hurried panic.

"Helen," she spat, her voice shaking in anger. That seemed to be all she could get out, because then Rosalie spoke.

"That bitch is underhanded. She went to Edward's house, you remember?" When I confirmed I did, she continued in an infuriated tone, a hiss just audibly accompanying her words. "She killed Edward's father."

I winced, glancing over at my sleeping mate. "And… Elizabeth?"

Alice spoke up again, spitting the words out angrily. "This is where the real _bitch _part comes in."

"Give her another two days and she'll be up and at 'em," Rosalie drawled.

I stared blindly at the bed with horror. "She didn't… she wouldn't…."

"You so know she would," Rosalie said in disgust. "And she did. She changed his _fucking mother_ to get to both of you."

"How did she know she wouldn't get to him or me…?"

"I don't think she did know," Alice said. "I think she did it just to be evil, spiteful, and just in case she didn't. If you guys hadn't escaped, maybe she'd have gone back and killed Elizabeth as well. Who knows? All I know is in two days, Elizabeth will be finished with the change, and in just less than that, we'll have to explain all of this to Edward."

"How are you two doing?" Rosalie asked suddenly. "Did-"

"We're fine," I assured them quickly, my lips pulling up into a smile. "More than fine," I murmured.

Both were quiet for a long moment, before Rosalie said suspiciously, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say Bella just got laid."

Alice added a suspicious, wordless agreement.

I grinned slightly, but didn't say anything.

Alice gasped. "She did!"

Rosalie laughed. "About frickin' time."

I told her to "Fuck off."

"Edward must really be rubbing off on you. Lucky for you Esme isn't around to wash your mouth out with soap," Rosalie teased.

I rolled my eyes.

"So how was it?" she asked. Alice giggled as I made a noise of disgust and protest.

"I'm not telling you guys that!"

"Oh, come on!" Rosalie said impatiently. "Just say if it was good or not. What's so bad about that?"

I sighed and admitted, "Phenomenal." Then I immediately hung up, smirking. They were probably screaming now.

But when I glanced back over at Edward, it faded away. His father was dead… and his mother would wish she were when she woke up.

EPOV

I'd finally convinced Bella to go hunting. It helped that Alice called while I was doing so and said it'd be perfectly safe. Right now, I was in the bathroom. This house was low on essentials, and there wasn't anything in the fridge and cupboards except canned foods and water bottles. My guess was this was a retreat or something. Likely, people had just left less than a month ago. It all worked out for me.

I dug around and found towels - old, somewhat ragged ones - under the sink in the bathroom. Turning on the water, I waited for it to heat up….

Twisting, I glanced at my back in the mirror above the sink. Thin scratches stood out from my shoulders to about halfway down my back. They didn't hurt; when she'd scratched me, it had stung, but not terribly. Smirking, I turned back towards the shower and stepped inside.

When I stepped out, Bella was waiting in the room, her eyes that light golden color again, a smile on her face. She came forward, wrapping her arms around me and nuzzling her nose into the crook of my neck.

"Smell good," she mumbled.

I laughed, massaging the back of her neck and holding her in place. "You always say that," I teased.

I felt her smile against my skin. "That's because it's true. But you smell best after you shower," she added softly, breathing deeply again. Her tongue darted out to lick away a drop of water. I shivered and groaned.

"Bella, you're such a tease." I muttered. "Knock it off." I didn't want her thinking that it was all about the physical shit now, all the time or anything. Though that was going to be in my mind for a _long, long_ time.

She pulled away with a cheeky grin. "That's not what you were saying last night," she said, turning and walking away, shaking her hips.

I stared, then threw my head back and groaned. "You're _such_ a fucking _tease!_" I called after her.

She just laughed.

Grinning, I ran up behind her and swooped her into my arms; I didn't even have to lean down to reach her lips because she was grabbing my head and tugging me down.

"I learned from the best," she whispered in my ear.

I gave her a look. "I am not a tease."

She just laughed.

**Assward****: I think she's under her bed... still trying not to be sick. She's never written this type of shit before, so it's making her nervous. _shrugs_ I don't see why - I'm in it, so it's bound to be hot.**

**Anyhow, why don't you all leave her some reviews. Be all constructive and stuff, but if you guys make her fucking upset, I'll come and kick your asses. _glares _An upset IG means no story for a while, and I bet it also means no more fucking for me. And a longer wait to see what the hell's going on beyond this abandoned fucking house.  
**


	27. Chapter 26

**This isn't really my favorite chapter, but that's more because I want to get to the next chapter, lol. I have that one all planned out... this one basically sets the scene for it.**

**Enjoy!  
**

EPOV

I was lying on my back on the couch, just running my fingers through Bella's hair, when she shifted upright, watching the front door of this place intently before relaxing and standing up, her hand tightly twined with mine.

"They're here," she said, leading me towards the front door and opening it, stepping out into the misty and cold air. It wasn't even fucking five o'clock, but it was getting dark and cold already. Made me _really_ miss fucking Phoenix.

Bella's family stepped out from the trees around the house, all coupled off. Alice came forward and hugged me instantly, making my eyes roll. I glanced over at Bella and smirked to see her doing the same. Then Esme came forward and smiled sweetly at me, hugging me as well.

"I'm so glad you're safe, Edward," she whispered.

I shifted uncomfortably and nodded. "Thanks." What the hell was I _supposed _to say to that?

Rosalie stayed back with Emmett, smirking as she glanced between Bella and I. That bitch was weird sometimes.

Carlisle suggested we all go inside and talk. His voice was serious and solemn; foreboding shivered down my spine as they all exchanged glances. _All _of them, including Bella. I stared at her as they filed past us into the house.

She sighed, glancing away uneasily. So there _had_ been something bothering her over the past day. I'd known it, but she'd just kept brushing it off as nothing. I'd figured it was just the whole fucking situation we found ourselves in.

Now…. Well, I was thinking I was a fucking idiot for not realizing it was something else.

I didn't sit down, even when Bella implored at me to with her eyes. I shook my head slightly and leaned back against the wall, arms crossed and scowl in place. I felt myself grow defensive, though I didn't know why. Of all the people in my lives, the Cullens hadn't really ever given me a reason to _be_ defensive. But the way they were all uneasy and holding hands for support, and I just knew…. I had to brace myself for whatever was coming.

"Edward, we have bad news." Carlisle began in a tone I figured was his doctor's tone. I frowned and braced myself.

Esme stood up and came closer, her hand landing on my arm, cool and attempting to relay comfort. I refused to accept any comfort though, until I knew what the fuck they were dancing around telling me.

"Edward," she said gently, "Helen visited your house…. She attacked your parents."

I tensed, suddenly remembering what that bitch had said before all the fighting really started. With everything else, I hadn't thought about it. Something about tasting as good as a fucking _meal_ she'd found at my fucking house….

Esme wrapped her arms around me in a hug, her tone soothing as she said stuff that didn't process as words in my fucking head. I slowly turned my head until I saw Bella.

"You knew," I said hoarsely.

She froze momentarily, before slowly nodding. "Alice called me," she said quietly. "She let me know, and I wanted to wait until the family was here…."

"Why?" Past the shock, I felt something else start to bubble up. Pain. Pain that my parents were gone when I'd just started fucking _trying_. Pain that Bella had known all this fucking time and hadn't _said_ anything, that she'd kept this from me. And anger. Anger she hadn't told me. Anger that Helen had done this. Anger at myself for being such a fucking magnet for catastrophe all the fucking time.

I pulled myself out of Esme's hold and stormed in front of Bella. "_Why?"_ I yelled, hands fisting. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, before she simply stood up and said, "I don't know, Edward."

"_That's not good enough!"_ I yelled the pain boiling over. "That's _not _- _fucking _- _good enough!_" I whirled around and slammed my fist into the wall, yelling out in anger and pain.

Her slim arms wrapped around me from behind, her face nuzzling my back. "I know. I'm sorry. Shh…"

I was gasping, I realized. I couldn't get enough air. Couldn't seem to process this. Process any of it beyond that I was fucking _alone_. I sank to my knees, fists clenching, still fucking gasping. Bella moved around until she knelt in front of me, her hands brushing hair out of my face.

"There's more," Alice said softly.

I groaned and slammed my fists into the ground. Bella shot her a glare. "Not now," she hissed.

Alice glared back. "When then? Huh?"

"Later," Bella retorted snippily. "Just-"

"Your mom's not dead," Alice quickly cut in. Before the words had fully left her mouth, Bella had leapt away from me and tackled Alice with a snarl. Jasper growled, half rising, but Rosalie was there first, separating the two and glaring at Alice as well. Jasper finished rising, standing behind Alice and watching Rosalie with a look that said for her to move cautiously.

Emmett sighed heavily. "Seriously, shouldn't we be focusing on Edward at the moment?" He shifted his gaze over to me and shrugged. "Family politics. You'll get used to it quickly, bro." Standing, he pushed both sides of his siblings apart for him to pass through and crouched down in front of me.

"That bitch killed your father, but left your mother to change. By the end of today, your mom will be a vampire newborn. Bloodthirsty, volatile, stronger than older vampires, and almost uncontrollable. Just like all newborns are. She's going to use your own mother against you. Bella didn't tell you because we thought it would be better for all of us to be here. Alice saw some things in a vision, which is how we knew about your mom, and it would be easier for her to explain it to you." He laughed. "Bella's still pretty young for a vampire, you have to remember. Carlisle or fuck, even I, could explain things a little better than she could."

I stared at him. "Why the fuck did that bitch change my mom?" That was the question that kept bothering me. Why? Why Mom? Why at all?

Emmett laughed and shrugged, raising a brow. "Helen's decision making processes are weird. Now that Paris is dead? She's out for blood."

I breathed deeply through my nose, trying to keep a cap on my emotions. Bella had meant well… even if I thought it was slightly fucking stupid not to tell me. She'd meant well. And I wasn't about to let something this fucking stupid keep me from her after all the shit we'd gone through.

I glanced over at the group of Cullens; Esme and Carlisle were watching me in concern and Esme smiled slightly when I glanced at her. I shifted my gaze towards Bella and her siblings. They were all speaking in soundless, fast murmurs. As I watched, all of them seemed to relax some… until Alice said something that caused Bella to hiss at her.

I stood up, shakily, shoving back the emotions pounding at me to move behind Bella, wrapping my hands around her wrists gently and pulling her back. She was shaking in anger, her eyes dark and narrowed.

"What's going on?" I asked, clearing my throat with a frown when it came out hoarsely again.

"Helen," Rosalie spat. "Bitch," she added in a mutter, rolling her eyes.

"Can't you see _anything?_" Bella asked Alice in annoyance, leaning forward just slightly.

Alice shook her head helplessly. "You know newborns are unpredictable. It makes them incredibly difficult to see."

Bella huffed, staring at the ground. Rosalie sighed and went to Emmett; Jasper pulled Alice to the couch.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "There are many issues we have to take care of." His gaze turned to me. "Edward, we will have to find some cause for why you have disappeared and your parents are dead and missing. On top of that, there may be issues with the wolves. Bella was on their land, and took Edward. Plus, other vampires killed Edward's family, but the wolves might use that against us."

Bella sighed in annoyance. "Damn mutts."

I frowned slightly, and whispered in her ear. "Seth and Leah made sure we got away, remember?"

Her head tilted back and she nodded. "I remember."

"Fuck, I hope they're okay," I muttered, straightening and watching Carlisle. He was watching Alice, who shrugged.

"I can't tell anything about what will happen in Edward's future. There's too many variables around it."

"Check the bitch's, then," Rosalie shrugged.

Alice sighed. "I have been watching it, you know. I'm not _completely _incompetent. But she's too close to Elizabeth. And I don't think even Helen knows what she's going to do - go to the Volturi or attack us or what." Alice slowly rubbed her temples, resting her elbows on her knees. "Fucking Helen."

I smirked momentarily. That seemed to be a popular sentiment among these girls.

I sighed, hugging Bella tightly before loosening my grip on her and stepping away. "I'm gonna call Seth, m'kay babe?"

She nodded, but slipped an arm through one of mine, staring up at me. "I'll come too."

I almost told her that I wanted to be alone for a while. I opened my mouth to say it and fucking everything, too, but as I stared down at her, I couldn't. So I shut my fucking mouth and nodded, pulling her to the room I'd been sleeping in while we'd been here.

I leaned back on the door, pulling my cell from my pocket and dialing his number. It rang several times, enough that I started to worry, before it was answered, though he didn't say anything.

"Seth?" I asked, frowning.

"Hold on a sec," he said, his voice scratchy and quiet. I waited, tapping my foot impatiently, wondering what the fuck I was waiting for.

After a few moments, Seth spoke again. "Edward, you okay?"

"Yeah," I said. "I'm fucking fine." I rolled my eyes. If I wasn't fine, would I have been calling? "How about you? Those bastards didn't look happy that you were clearing the way for Bella's escape with me."

Seth laughed hoarsely. "No, they were pretty pissed. I think the only reason Leah and I are still standing is because we…" His voice choked over.

"Seth?" I asked quickly.

"One of us died," he said quietly. "It's been a major shock here, a… there's a lot of pain. Leah's been with Kim, his imprint, this whole time, but-"

"Imprint?" I asked. "What the fuck is that?"

"That'd take too damn long to really explain. Think love at first sight, soul mates, absolute devotion type stuff."

I glanced at Bella. "Okay, makes sense, I guess."

"All without a single choice in the matter on the guy's part."

I was quiet for a moment. "More fucked werewolf stuff."

Seth laughed, then started coughing.

"What the fuck's up with you?" I asked.

Seth sighed. "I told you, the only reason we're _not_ dead is because we were already suffering from the loss of one of our own. Doesn't mean they didn't kick our asses to next month."

"_Fuck_," I swore. "Shit, man," I added, feeling rather guilty about the fact they got the shit knocked out of them because of me. "Sorry."

Seth was grinning, I could hear it in his mischievous tone. "Don't worry about it. I'm still breathing, aren't I?"

I grinned as well, but raised a brow when Bella held out her hand. "Hey, Seth, Bella wants to talk to you."

She took the phone from me, holding it to her ear. "Thank you," she instantly said, and not even a fucking idiot could deny the sincerity in her voice. "You didn't have to stand between us and them, but you did, and I'll owe you."

It was quiet for a moment, then she said, "I still need your help, if you're willing and able to give it."

More quiet.

"Go to Edward's house. Hide…. Yeah, but be careful. I don't know if Helen's still around, and she can be… entrancing. We suspect it is something of a power of hers."

Quiet. Again. I was getting so fucking annoyed that they could hear my conversations and I couldn't listen in on theirs.

"Thank you. We're near the border of Canada. Thanks Seth. Bye." She flipped the phone closed and stepped over, tucking it in my pocket and leaning her head against my chest. "He's going to help us out; he should be here tomorrow night."

"What if his boss or whatever tries to stop him, huh?" I asked.

Bella shrugged. "I assume he'll cross that bridge when he gets to it." She sighed. "For a dog, he's not that bad. He's a great friend to you, at the very least."

I snorted quietly. "I'm sure he'll be fucking delighted to hear it."

She rolled her eyes, then sighed again. "I have to go hunting again, with my family. I'll be back in a couple hours." Leaning up, she kissed my lips. "You'll be okay here?"

I nodded. "Sure, babe. I'm just… gonna think about shit," I sighed, moving to sit on the bed.

Bella hesitated at the door, then moved over, getting on her knees on the ground in front of me. "I… I know it hurts a lot. And I know… you were hoping things could get better with your family." She looked at the floor, then glanced up between her lashes and smiled slightly. "But…. Maybe it's selfish to think this, but I see it as a way for us to be together just that much sooner. You'll have your mother with you, you'll have forever to make things right for her."

I smiled slightly. "There's that," I admitted.

Her head tilted to the side and she smiled again. "And you have forever to be the man your father never gave up on."

I closed my eyes. "That too," I whispered past the fucking lump in my throat.

Her lips brushed over mine sweetly and then she was gone without a single whisper of sound.

I fell back onto the bed and groaned, scrubbing my hands over my face. I managed to hold it in for a while, until I was sure they were gone and too far to really hear shit, and finally I gave in to the urge and mourned for the loss of all I'd been fucking trying for the past few weeks.

BPOV

I grumbled as Alice dragged me along. "I'm eighty percent sure he'll be fine for the next two days, Bella. And we aren't going to be _gone_ for that long, just a few hours."

When I continued just to grumble, she tsked and let my arm go. "You're so suspicious all the time. Have a little faith."

I rolled my eyes. "Not when Helen's involved," I snipped under my breath.

Rosalie snickered as she passed, reaching out to squeeze my hand in support.

Emmett's large hand clapped my shoulder. "Hey, don't worry Bells! Edward's smart, he can take care of himself. And Helen's seduction powers won't work on him. He's got eyes only for you," he added with a warm grin.

I smiled up at him. "I know. And I'm not worried about that…. I killed Paris," I whispered. "She's going to retaliate. What if she tells the Volturi about Edward? None of us can fight them off without dire consequences."

"We will take care of that if it becomes a problem," Carlisle said. "Now, go hunt Bella. I am sure you only fed enough to control your thirst the other night, and we all need to be at top strength for when Helen shows up."

All of us separated, going in separate directions. A few hours later, I had gorged myself on the wildlife in the area. I felt much more relaxed, wandering in the direction my family had set to meet up, when I heard a laugh that sent chills deep into my bones and made the red haze flare.

"Helen," I hissed, crouching and glaring around.

She laughed again.

I began running, hurrying to meet my family. I purposefully made the decision to immediately head back to Edward if the majority of the family wasn't there. It gave Alice a chance to know what was up in some way. Helen's laughter followed me the whole way.

My family was in the clearing, looking around uneasily. I skidded to a halt, glaring at the treetops. "Helen, what the fuck do you want?" I hissed.

She laughed, making the whole family snarl and growl. I scanned the treetops slowly, searching. The red haze blazed higher and I let it, not stopping it for once in my life. Not holding back at all, even the slightest.

There.

I leapt into the trees, tackling Helen to the ground. She snarled, and we wrestled around for a bit until Emmett stepped in, lifting Helen off of me and pinning her arms behind her back. I snickered and she struggled against Emmett's hold, snapping her teeth at me.

I hissed, Rosalie, Alice, and even Esme joining me. Helen spat at us. Rosalie glanced down at it in disgust.

"Seriously, Helen, I know that in your time that was the biggest insult next to biting a thumb and shit, but these days it's simply gross."

"Fuck you." Helen sneered. "Better?"

"Don't talk to my daughter like that," Esme snarled, fingers curling into claws.

I smirked at Helen, the red haze encouraging me to kill her, common sense telling me to wait… for a few minutes, at least.

Jasper stepped forward, eyes dark. Helen's own eyes shot wide for a moment, and she froze in her struggles. It happened occasionally that the older vampires knew of Jasper's reputation with the southern armies. Sometimes it caused problems… others, it was rather helpful.

Almost immediately, Helen grinned seductively. She tilted her head flirtatiously, and lightly ran her tongue along the seam of her lips, across the bottom and half of the top. "General," she purred. "Such a pleasure meeting you."

Alice tensed and hissed lowly. "Mine," she snarled, taking a step closer to Helen and putting herself between the two.

Helen just looked right over Alice, still staring straight at Jasper. "I won't run. Cross my heart and hope to die." She smiled, and it was a sweet, playful, sexy one.

Emmett snorted from behind her. "Honey, they're happily mated. Your seduction won't do squat."

She glared over her shoulder at him sourly.

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked.

Helen examined her toenails as best she could with a slight smirk. "Oh, I'm sure you know. Paris's little obsession there killed him." She jerked her head towards me.

I smirked, stepping into her face. "With infinite pleasure."

She hissed, trying to bite me, and I jerked back with a chuckle. The rest of my family gave me slightly uneasy glances.

"You didn't kill me when I was alone," I pointed out. "Why is that?"

She laughed. It was starting to piss me off.

Emmett shook her, which was rather amusing. "Hey, answer her," he snapped dangerously.

Helen just laughed some more. Jasper stepped forward until he was next to Emmett, then reached behind and ripped off one of her hands.

"Ouch! Fuck!" Helen screamed, snarling at Jasper as he stepped in front of her line of vision again, tossing her hand up and down in the air. He raised a brow.

"I can make each tears as painful as possible."

Helen glared, then sneered. Laughed. Looked at me.

"Really, it's too late now."

"What do you mean?" Rosalie growled.

Helen laughed some more. I resisted the urge to rip out her eyeballs.

She stared straight at me, tilting her head with a small smile. "It's amazing, isn't it? How mothers will do anything to protect their sons?" She grinned. "Even believe complete strangers when they say his girlfriend is actually planning to kill him. And of course, I helped her find him. And promised to make sure no one stopped her from keeping him safe. I might have," she laughed. "Forgotten to warn her about the fact that she'll be tempted to kill him herself."

I want to say I didn't think. That I ran on the red haze, which was demanding Helen's death and damn any consequences. But that would be a lie. I knew exactly what I was doing, was entirely conscious of everything. The red haze was in place, but I could see past it for once. It lent me all the benefits of speed and strength, but wasn't a controlling force. Maybe because I needed to be in control of myself to take care of Edward, and taking care of him was all that mattered to me. Before any of my family could do more than yell in surprise, I had torn her head from her shoulders and tossed it into the woods.

Turning, I began running. I was aware of Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett joining me, of Carlisle and Esme saying they'd take care of the rest of Helen.

Alice's eyes went unfocused, and Jasper instantly scooped her up, not breaking stride once. After a few moments, she came out of it and he set her down lightly.

"Bella, she keeps changing her mind. Her instincts are in conflict, I think. Maternal versus newborn vampire…. She might run…."

I flicked a glance at her, just as Rosalie drawled, "I hear a 'but' in that statement."

Alice nodded, staring at me seriously. "But I also see a very strong chance of her draining him."

Jasper spoke up. "In my experiences, human instincts can't overcome newborn instincts."

Emmett chimed in. "Then we had better hur-"

Alice stumbled, and Jasper made to grab her except she righted herself quickly, expression grim. "Yes. Or he'll be dead in five minutes."

**Oh dear! lol....**

**Assward is unavailable right now, as you might have guessed, and so I have very little to say as well. Except I think the next chapter should be soon. ;)  
**


	28. Chapter 27

**Tada! lol. Hmm... I guess all I have to say is brace yourselves.**

EPOV

I jerked upright, heart pounding. I looked around the dark room, and didn't see anything. Adrenaline pumped in my veins and sweat broke out along my back and on my brow. Carefully, I scanned the room again, swallowing past the too fast pump of my heart. I couldn't say what was… wrong. Just that something was.

"Bella?" I called out softly. There was no response. My eyes narrowed. "Emmett?" I asked suspiciously. If anyone was going to be trying to scare the shit out of me, it would be that jokester.

I slowly reached over and flicked on the bedroom light, glancing around quickly. Nothing.

My eyes narrowed; nothing… except the door was slightly ajar, and Bella had closed it when she'd left.

Standing up, I grabbed the lamp on the bedside table, yanking the plug out of the wall and creeping out of the room. I made it to the end of the hall, and peered around the corner.

"Jesus Christ, Mom, you scared the shit outta me!" I shouted, letting the hand clutching the lamp fall to my side. I stared at her, frowning as I looked over all the changes. Her skin was like the Cullens' - pale and luminous. She was staring out the window, her face away from mine. Her hair was tangled and had leaves in it. Her clothes had tears and bloodstains. She was missing a shoe. I swallowed and called to her softly. "Mom?"

"We should leave," she whispered. "I don't know how long she'll be able to hold them off."

I frowned; she was making no sense.

She paused, breathing deeply, her body shuddering violently.

"Are you okay?" I asked in concern.

After a moment, she nodded without turning to face me. She was too still. "Really, Edward, we should leave."

I spoke slowly, unsure why she wanted to leave so badly and also unsure how she was going to take what I had to say. "No, I don't think we should. Mom, it's safe here. Where's… where's Helen?"

"Keeping them away," she said as if it was obvious. "That's why we have to hurry. If-" She stopped, breathing deeply again. Shuddered again….

"…Mom?" I whispered.

She turned, and I hardly repressed the flinch and gasp that threatened to break free. Her eyes were vibrantly red. Pure, vibrant, terribly red. And slowly growing darker by the minute.

"She wants to kill you Edward!" she said frantically, and then a dark glare overtook her features. "I've already lost my husband because of her, I won't lose my son!" she yelled. "I won't! I won't let her kill you!"

"Mom, that's why we have to stay here. Bella-"

Mom hissed violently, moving so I couldn't see her do so until she stopped right in front of me. My heart's rhythm picked up unsteadily. Every instinct in me screamed about the danger, the same danger that had woken me up from me sleep.

"No! No, she brought you here to kill you Edward! I won't let her kill my baby!" The anger dissipated and pain took its place. "I won't! I won't!"

"She's not going to kill me," I said softly.

"That's what she wants you to think!" Mom snarled. "We have to-" Her rant stopped as she breathed deeply, her eyes fluttering shut and shuddering again. When her eyes opened, they were even darker. Closer to black….

I took a single step back. She followed, unease evident as she did so.

"They plan on killing you, Edward. She said so! We have to go! Now, now, now…." Her words drifted from frantic cries to absent mumbles, her body swaying towards me, eyes darkening until they were more black than red. Her tongue darted out to pass over her lips, and her gaze dropped to my neck. I swallowed thickly.

"Mom," I said hoarsely. "Bella loves me. It's the same Bella that we used to know. Who used to baby-sit me. She died for me… she wouldn't kill me," I tried to explain. "She loves me, Mom. She's been doing everything she can to help me since shortly after we came here. Why would she kill me after all that work?"

Mom blinked rapidly, eyes moving back up to mine. Mentally, I sighed in relief and relaxed infinitesimally. "She's made you believe that. So you'd be easier to kill."

I shook my head. "Mom, she's powerful enough that she wouldn't have to do that. Think about it."

She shook her head, glaring darkly. "Lies, lies, all lies!" she hissed, crouching slightly, fingers curling. "I'll kill her if she touches you!" Then her persona shifted again from anger to something more desperate. "Please, Edward, please! I don't want to lose you! You're my baby, my baby boy! I won't fail you this time!" She sobbed brokenly.

I shook my head sharply, confused. "Mom, you've never failed me."

"Yes, I have, I have!" she continued to sob dryly. "I've let you down so many times! I gave up on making you better! I gave up on you, your own mother!" She sobbed harshly, her whole frame shaking. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry!" Another shift. Determination. "I won't! Not this time! I can't let her kill you, I have to protect my baby!"

"Mom," I sighed. "You've never failed me. I promise. If anything, I failed you. I knew what I was doing, how it was hurting you and…" My throat tried to clog, and I forced the words past it. "And Dad. I knew. And I didn't stop. You never failed me. You were the only person to stand by me and love me despite my failures. Mom," I said, "I love you. And I promise you - Bella isn't going to hurt us. She'll help us. Both of us."

She was staring, unmoving, her head slightly tilted.

"Please," I begged. "Trust me."

"I trust you," she whispered. "But…."

I took a step towards her, reaching out, and she stiffened. "No buts," I said. "Just trust me." I took another small step closer to her.

Her eyes went pitch black and she growled. "You smell so good."

The blood shot straight out of my face, and I stumbled quickly backwards. She followed, silently, with a poised tension that made me think of when Bella had stalked me in play. The only difference was the way I was reacting and the look in their eyes. Bella's had been intent, but not threatening. More playful than anything, I figured. Mom's were… hungry, dark, and scared the fucking hell out of me. While I scrambled backwards, the forgotten lamp in my hand falling to the floor with a shattering crash, Mom simply slowly paced forward after me. I didn't want to turn my back, every instinct screaming not to, yet to also run like hell.

My hand trailed along the side of the hall wall, bumping into the doorknob of a room. I yanked it open and backed into it, shutting the door behind myself. Which was stupid, and I knew it; she was a vampire now and could break through freakin' walls of steel if she so chose. But I was hoping it'd slow her down, just for a few moments, which was a few moments more for the Cullens to get their asses over here.

"Edward," she cooed slowly, in a sickly sweet voice. I shuddered. That creature out there might look like my mom, but the reality was that it wasn't. Not now, not at this moment. And that freaked me out the most of all.

She knocked on the door softly. "Come on out, Edward…."

I swallowed thickly, glancing around the room quickly. Maybe there was a window…? Yes! I leapt towards it, yanking at the old latch, swearing as it hardly budged, slamming the flat of my fist onto the glass and watching it shake under the force of the blow.

"What are you doing, Edward" Menace slithered into the voice. "Are you being naughty?"

Swallowing, I glanced over at the door, and back at the window. Closing my eyes, bracing myself, I pulled back my fist.

Slammed it into the window, causing the glass to shatter and slice the knuckles of my hand.

Loud growls floated in from outside the door as I dangerously and carelessly hoisted myself through the broken window, unmindful of the shards still sticking out haphazardly.

Wood splintered behind me.

Snarls.

I was yanked backwards by my ankles, my hands tearing up on the glass, my chest slicing open as well.

I was flipped onto my back.

Her lips were pulled back from her teeth, her eyes the blackest of any eyes I'd ever seen. A finger ran down a laceration on my chest, gathering blood on it. Her tongue wrapped around the digit and licked it clean, humming in pleasure.

"So good," she slurred, sounding drugged or drunk. I was fucking embarrassed to find I was shaking.

"Mom," I whispered, choked. "Mom, please. Don't-"

"Sorry," she whispered, for a moment actually sounding like my mom, sad and apologetic and horrified with what was happening.

I screamed as her teeth broke the skin of my neck. I struggled against her, but it was pointless and I knew it.

Things began to get fuzzy. The pain in my neck was strong, and growing stronger. Then the rest of me began to numb. My toes, my fingers. My mind. I thought of Bella, and her sweet scent and beautiful eyes. I thought of the talk I'd had with Dad, the one where I'd realized I'd made just as many mistakes regarding us as he had. I thought of the things I'd done to fuck up my life in Phoenix.

I remembered the night Bella had been taken from my life and she'd "died". I thought of the pizza, and the movie, and Peter Pan, pixie dust, magic, flying. I thought of Teddy. I thought of the fearful look on her face, of how she'd smacked the second guy upside the head with a frying pan. Of how she'd taken bullets for me. I thought of the way that for months afterwards… I'd been unable _not_ to look at where I remembered her falling, of where I remembered a faint bloodstain being for a few days after the incident…. I recalled how I'd finally purposefully averted my eyes from there because it hurt too much. How it became a habit _not_ to look, ever, except those times in the middle of the night when the guilt and pain and tears… had hit me exceptionally strongly.

I thought of kissing Bella that first time…. I thought of her protecting me from Helen and Paris and the wolves, of how I owed Seth and Leah for standing by us against… everything they knew…. I remembered telling Bella I loved her…. I lingered over memories of showing her….

I wasn't sure how much time had passed. My life was flashing before my eyes though, and I wanted to laugh at the fucking craziness of that fucking cliché. Of all clichés to be true….

I didn't remember my eyes closing.

I peeled them open, frowning. Maybe. Was I smiling? Why would I be smiling?

I closed my eyes again. Or maybe I'd never opened them in the first place.

I really hoped that cliché of a light at the end of the tunnel didn't apply to my death, also. One cliché was enough for me.

I drew up Bella's smiling face, soft hair, gentle eyes, fucking kissable lips.

In my mind, I drew her close and held her tight, kissing her one last time. I told her I loved her.

I said goodbye.

Her snarls of anger erupted around me.

BPOV

There were benefits to this red haze not controlling me. I was in control of myself, yet still had better hearing, more strength, more speed and agility.

Then there was the fact that the red haze gifting me with these things was also a curse, because it made it that much easier to hear glass shattering and growls coming from the house while we were still too far away.

I screamed in helpless rage and pushed myself faster. My family called for me to slow down, stay with them, but I didn't listen anymore, especially once I heard Edward scream. I had to go faster, get there sooner. I _knew_ we shouldn't have left….

Fucking Helen.

I finally had the house in sight. Despite wanting to run in there, guns metaphorically blazing, I slowed down and silently stalked closer to the house, cutting off the flow of air to my lungs to keep _all_ sounds from me nonexistent.

I didn't slip through the shattered window. I didn't use the front door that was crookedly open on it's hinges. I eyed the back door for a moment, scanning it to decide how to get it to open the most silently.

Jasper appeared behind me, clapping a hand on my shoulder for a moment before scanning the door as well. "We'll just bust it open," he said so quietly I hardly heard him.

"But Edward-"

Jasper sent me a quelling look. "I'm not going to do something that will get him killed, Bella."

I bit my lip, forced back the instincts that screamed I kill him, and nodded once sharply.

He kicked the door in and ran inside. I was right behind him, shoving lightly past him to get to Edward first.

Elizabeth was growling threateningly, sucking at Edward's neck.

I let loose the control I'd had on my power, and leapt at her.

She pulled away from Edward's neck, snarling at me, and jumped. I was slammed backwards by the force of her attack, but threw her off of me across the room. Jasper joined in, keeping her cornered, right as the rest of my siblings ran in the room. I took a protective stance in front of Edward, watching the room warily.

Alice glanced over at me, staying near Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper who were holding back Elizabeth, who was trying to get to me. Or Edward. It was actually hard to tell.

"You have less than half a minute to get enough venom into him, Bella. He's lost a lot of blood, and has too little venom to actually survive."

I hissed at the thought of him dead forever.

Rosalie glanced over in annoyance. "Do it, Bella. Now!"

I bared my teeth at her snappiness, then whirled around and dropped to my knees by Edward. "Stay with me," I murmured. "Stay with me!" I added as his heart gave an unsteady shift in beating. I grabbed his hand, biting into his wrist quickly before moving on to his other wrist and repeating. His blood was on my tongue, delicious if diluted, as I moved to his shirt. I grabbed one of the tears already in it and ripped, throwing the scraps away and pressing my palms against the fading warmth.

I felt his heart beating, his lungs filling, his blood moving. All for basically the last time.

I kissed him, right above his heart, and then dug my teeth in, biting deeply. His heart gave a spasm at the close injection of venom.

I rested my forehead above his heart, whispering words that floated off of my lips without my consciously realizing what I was saying. Someone stepped closer and I growled low in my throat.

"It's just me," Rosalie said, placing her hand on my shoulder. I lifted my head, and we both watched him for a moment.

"He'll be fine," Alice said quietly. "Because of the extreme loss of blood, it won't take all of seventy-two hours… but I can't say how much less."

I didn't care, as long as he'd make it through the change.

I glanced around the room, realizing Jasper, Emmett, and Elizabeth were gone. "Where-"

"She got away. They were trying to keep from hurting her as you know, and she wasn't trying not to hurt them, so she managed to get past them." Alice explained. "They went after her, but…"

Rosalie shrugged. "You know how fast newborns are."

I stared at Alice. "She's gone."

She nodded.

"Will we see her again?" I asked slowly. "Will Edward see her again?"

"I don't know," Alice whispered. "I don't think so."

We were quiet, sitting around Edward, when Carlisle showed up with Esme. Shortly after them, Jasper and Emmett appeared, murmuring apologies about losing Elizabeth.

"We should leave," Carlisle said. "The Denalis will probably be willing to harbor us for a few days, until Edward is finished with his change and we can move to another house, farther from civilization."

I lifted Edward up, internally wincing as a sound of pain drifted from him.

"Hurry," I whispered. The venom would start attacking his body more violently soon, and then he'd be screaming.

Everyone but Rosalie hurried past me on the porch, disappearing into the tree line and towards a road where they'd parked their cars. I sat down, Edward in my lap, pressing my cold hands on his skin everywhere. He was murmuring in pain every few minutes, his breathing labored. I leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"Do you regret any of it?" Rosalie asked me. I glanced over at her, and she was watching me curiously. Several stray strands of her hair had fallen from her ponytail, giving her a slightly flustered appearance.

"Knowing it ends like this…?" I shook my head. "I still can't regret it. We were going to reach this point sometime in the future. And it's sad, because he's lost so much now…. But I love him." I shrugged. "We love each other, and I just… I just can't think that _he_ would regret it despite all of this."

Rosalie smiled, leaning over to hug me. "It makes me so glad to see you happy. I always wished you could have a human life, or even that Carlisle hadn't given you this…. But seeing it make you happy; seeing how it changed Edward's life for the better…." She smiled slightly. "I guess I should have had more faith in things, huh?"

I laughed.

"At least he can't fuck up like before any longer," Rosalie mused after a moment, and we both chuckled.

Alice appeared in her Porsche with Jasper, and Carlisle in the Mercedes. He stepped out as Emmett pulled up in Rose's car, and handed me the keys. "We can ride with Emmett," he said. "You and Rose can take the Mercedes and take turns driving and restraining Edward."

I thanked Carlisle, tossing the keys to Rosalie and letting her know she could drive, slipping into the backseat with Edward. I laid him out comfortably, placing his head in my lap and stroking his hair from his face.

"Alaska, here we come," Rosalie muttered, starting up the car. "Again," she added in annoyance as we pulled out quickly.

I smirked at her momentarily before leaning down to kiss Edward's forehead. Three days. Three more days before I would be able to hold him again, kiss him, speak with him.

I took a deep breath as he shifted in pain, a muted cry leaving his lips. Three… long… days.

**Well, I hope that didn't disappoint. I must admit, it seemed much more exciting in my head hahaha! Yeah, I know, I'm strange. It's back to school on Tuesday for me, so it's sort of sad, but don't worry. I'll try to keep updates regular. ;)**


	29. Chapter 28

**Once again I have to thank Susanpr for saving my butt. AGAIN. _shakes head_**

**Assward: _laughs and points at IG_ You seriously suck at making sure only to mess up chapters you have copies of, you know that? What did you do, piss of the FF Gods or something? _laughs some more_**

**Shut up, Assward.**

**Enjoy the chapter!!!  
**

BPOV

Tanya entered the room, unerringly making her way towards where I sat curled up on the kitchen chair next to the bed despite the dark. She half-sat on the bedside desk next to me, looking between me and Edward with a slightly amused smile.

"Bella, he's not going anywhere," she slowly said, as if I were a child.

I simply glared at her.

After a moment, she continued. "That means you can go hunting."

I snorted. "I just _went_ less than three days ago," I pointed out testily. "I don't need to hunt that often anymore, thank you."

Tanya reached up and mused her hair, somehow making it appear even sexier than before. Which was incredibly unfair, just in the general order of life. Just like people who got their original figures back after they were pregnant, and people who could eat a bag a chips a day and drink all the soda they wanted, yet never gain an ounce. Yet it was basically impossible to hate Tanya. She was a sweet girl, beyond the whole sex-goddess persona.

"Well, yeah. I know that," she laughed a little. "But you're completely stressed out. It would be very relaxing to expel all that energy boiling under your pretty little surface." She danced her fingers along my shoulder and down my arm. I swatted her hand away in annoyance and she just laughed, grinning teasingly.

After a moment, her grin faded and she tilted her head to catch my eyes. "I am serious, though. Hunting would relax you greatly."

I shook my head. "I want to be _here_," I insisted.

She dragged me off of the chair. "And you will be," she said cheerfully. "After you hunt, so you're not going to stress _him_ out - once he awakens - by the fact that you're about ready to jump a mile at the drop of a pin."

I glared at her over my shoulder as she shoved me down the stairs. "You can be a real bossy bitch, you know that?"

She grinned and nodded happily, like it was great news. I rolled my eyes, allowing a small smile to tug up my lips, and went out into the dark cold of Alaska.

Alaska was nothing like anywhere else in the world that I had seen thus far. It was beautiful and terrible, rugged and calm. It was a place of contradictions, and perhaps that was what I loved about it the most. That being here I could feel so small and so significant at the same time.

I spent an hour hunting, reveling in the wilderness of Alaska. For a hunt, that was incredibly short, and I was soon hurrying back to the house. I climbed the stairs and frowned at seeing Tanya in my seat in Edward's room. She looked over her shoulder at me and smiled. "Alice said he should be waking up soon. I didn't want to let him wake up alone, and we didn't know when you'd be back…."

I leaned against the wall, feeling oddly possessive. Tanya was pretty, seductive; I'd been serious when I'd told Edward I wasn't sure I ever wanted him meeting the Denali sisters.

Tanya didn't help my possessive streak when she added, "He's fucking gorgeous."

My first instinct was to hiss _mine!_ at her, but I managed to tamp that and the red haze down and nod once curtly. My eyes followed her as she stood up, stretching, grinned languidly at me, and left the room, closing the door.

I quickly sat in the chair next to Edward, folding my legs on the seat and resting my elbows on my knees so I could lean forward towards him. His scent was changing as the venom slowly finished coursing through his body. His heart was faint now, his breathing almost indiscernible. It really was just a simple matter of time now, and not a lot of it.

I wondered what he'd remember. I wasn't sure I _wanted_ him to remember his mother attacking him. Yet I didn't want to be the one to tell him about it, either. Which would be best for Edward?

How would he react upon awakening? Newborns were always irrational and volatile, but the degree of that depended on many factors. The circumstances of death, the person themselves, their familiarity with those they awake surrounded by.

Sighing quietly, I reached a hand out and brushed a sweat-dampened lock of hair out of his eyes. His breathing was almost finished, his heart giving some last frantic and weak spasms.

I sat there for an hour watching and waiting. The closer to waking Edward became, the more still I grew. Eventually, I realized I was holding my breath in anticipation.

I closed my eyes as his heart gave a final, half-hearted stuttering beat before falling still and silent. There was no noise in the Denali household. No one was moving, no one was breathing. All of us were waiting for Edward to open his eyes, to make a move, to _do_ something. Anything. I was sure Jasper was dying from the overload of anticipation.

A hand brushed across my cheek and my eyes shot open to meet the bright crimson of Edward's gaze.

It was shocking. Even though I'd expected the change in color, even though I'd known they'd turn such a vivid red, it was such a shock. It was such a different color from the vibrant green his eyes had been before. A part of me lamented that I'd never see that green again.

But I'd have Edward for forever. That's what was most important.

His eyes scanned my face, slightly widened in surprise. He took in a deep breath suddenly, probably suddenly realizing he wasn't breathing. He blinked several times then grinned.

"Hey," he said quietly.

He seemed so… in control. I was amazed, but also cautious. Newborns were irrational and that was that. At some point, he'd crack.

"Hey," I responded, reaching out to touch his cheek as well. His grin widened, and he tilted his head into my palm, eyes closing and a soft purr climbing out of his throat. I grinned widely, feeling a strange sense of pride in the fact that I could make him purr so satisfactorily. All the times he'd brought the same sound from me, and now I brought it from him.

His face nuzzled slightly at my hand, his eyes still shut.

Then, of all people who should have _known_ better, Alice opened the door quickly, excitedly.

Edward's entire personality changed from docile to antagonistic in a split second. He leapt backwards, landing in a crouch, deep growls echoing from his chest. Alice froze, eyes wide, and I spared a fast, annoyed glance over my shoulder at her.

"I saw he'd be fine with it," she tried to weakly defend. We both knew that it didn't matter what she saw concerning a newborn. They were too volatile and indecisive to make any of her visions accurate.

"Out," I snapped in irritation. Alice quietly shut the door as she stepped back out of the room and I focused my attention back at Edward.

Slowly, I stood up from the chair, holding my hands in front of myself and backing away a few steps.

"It's okay, Edward," I murmured. "Sorry Alice startled you."

He actually looked afraid, which saddened me. He'd backed up until his back was to a corner of the room, and he was watching all the exits, as if he expected someone to come at him out of nowhere.

I tried stepping towards him and he snarled a violent warning. I backed off again.

Carlisle slipped into the room, despite Edward's obvious upset, and spoke quietly from the wall behind me.

"It's likely his instincts are reminding him of the last moments he remembers, even if it's just subconsciously. It's understandable that he's exceptionally defensive, even around people he knows, and would usually trust. After all, it was his own mother who nearly killed him," Carlisle finished sadly.

I nodded, swallowing. "Should I take him hunting?"

"No," Carlisle replied after a few moments thought. "Take him once he is calmed down and relatively in control again. For now, we can just wait for him to regain control of his instincts once again." He paused, then added, "I'm going to leave you alone in here, Bella. He would trust you sooner than any of the rest of us. If you need us, just call."

I waited until Carlisle left the room, albeit somewhat reluctantly, before taking another small step towards Edward. He growled at me, but I didn't let it stop me this time. I made it about three or four steps more, before he snapped at me threateningly. So I stopped once again.

"We killed Helen," I said, not liking the silence. Well, it was silent except for his growls, which weren't all that helpful. "I tore her head off and Carlisle and Esme set her on fire. Elizabeth… we don't know where she is," I explained apologetically. "Perhaps one day we can search for her. I don't know." I shrugged, then tilted my head at him. "You're safe here, Edward, I promise."

"I don't recognize…." he started, then frowned, shaking his head. Growled in frustration.

"We're in the Denali house," I reminded him slowly. "You're probably picking up on their scents and the surrounding scents of Alaska. I promise you, though, you're perfectly safe."

I took some more steps forward as Edward closed his eyes and clenched his fists, obviously trying to get control of himself. He was breathing deeply and sharply through his nose, an effort to calm down I guessed.

Right when I stopped just in front of him, his eyes shot open, dark and hungry.

He launched himself onto me, growling deep in his chest, his hands closing around my wrists, restraining. My back pressed into the floor and Edward leaned over me, his nose brushing along the length of my neck as he inhaled sharply.

I froze, eyes wide, feeling panic creep up my chest, when Edward's tongue darted out. At first, it just flashed against my skin quickly, killing the panic and turning it to shock. That changed to pleasure as he flattened his tongue against the base of my neck and slowly dragged it upwards again.

I moaned. In turn, he let out a satisfied growl, nuzzling my neck and down to my breasts. After a moment, he lifted his head. With a short, sharp growl, he grabbed the top of the fabric of my shirt that was resting at the top of my cleavage and yanked. It tore with a harsh sound, fluttering from his mouth to rest on either side of my torso. He dipped his head and returned to nestling my breasts, his tongue occasionally dipping past his lips to wet my skin as he dragged his lips everywhere across my chest.

I struggled a little, trying to free my hands, itching to run my fingers through his hair, to lock them in place and drag his mouth up to mine. His soft growls gained a hard note, fingers tightening around my wrists pointedly.

For the first time in our relationship, I was weaker than Edward. I couldn't make him lift his head to kiss me like I had before. I couldn't _make _him do anything.

Edward's teeth lightly nipped at my earlobe, making me gasp and arch up into him. He ground back into me, a deep purr rumbling out of his chest. I felt the vibrations of it where we touched, and it made me shiver in pleasure.

Finally, _finally_, his lips brushed just before mine, not quite touching but oh so close. He did that a few times, pulling back every time I pressed forward to try to reach his lips. I could tell he was enjoying himself, see the spark of smug amusement in his eyes.

"Please," I asked breathily.

He groaned, and crushed his lips against mine. It was harsh, possessive, demanding; I finally managed to yank my wrists free and wrap them around Edward, pulling us tighter together.

We broke apart, panting, staring at each other with wide eyes. After a few moments, I laughed breathlessly, sitting upright and folding my legs. Edward mimicked my movement, reaching out to grab my hand in his. He began fiddling with my fingers mindlessly, head tilted.

"Are you okay?" I asked, because I just knew… something was bothering him.

He sighed a few moments later, glancing up at me, then away to the wall across the room. His eyes were sightless, sad.

"I remembered. I mean… I knew it, I knew what happened. But… it didn't really… connect. Not until Alice burst in. The door slammed on the wall, making that noise…. It was so similar to the noise the door made when Mom burst in." He closed his eyes, taking a deep supportive breath.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." I swallowed, closing my eyes. "If I-"

"Please," he said desperately, eyes snapping back to mine, frantic. "Don't blame yourself. Please don't do that. I know better than anyone else what fucking blame and guilt can do to a person. You don't need that type of shit hanging over your head. It's not your fault, babe. It's not even her fault. She couldn't help herself right?" He shook his head, looking at the floor between us. "It's not my fault, either."

He was trying to convince himself right then, and I knew it. I squeezed his hand with my own and smiled at him when he flicked a glance back towards me. "No, it's not."

I rose, pulling him up with me. "Come on. Let's go take you for your first hunt," I said teasingly, trying to lighten the mood. He smiled at me, and tugged my hand. He wasn't used to his strength, though, and I crashed into his chest and we stumbled several paces backwards, laughing.

"Oops," he chuckled.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and stretched up to kiss his chin. "Watch it, mister."

He laughed, letting me step away. I spared a glance for my torn shirt on the floor, then shook my head and wandered to the dresser. This was Kate's room; she wouldn't mind if I borrowed a shirt of hers. I tugged it over my head, letting go of Edward's hand to do so, then grabbed it back quickly. He followed me to the door and downstairs.

Tanya popped up from the couch, gliding over to us with a large smile. Edward raised his brows as he saw her, and I suddenly felt a searing jealousy sizzle my blood. Jasper chuckled, and I glared so darkly at him that he instantly shut up.

"Hello, Edward, I'm Tanya. I've heard so much about you," she gushed.

For the first time ever, I wanted to tear her eyes out of her skull. I'd never understood why it upset Alice and Rosalie so much when Tanya would innocently flirt with their mates. I didn't think Tanya could help it - she just had to flirt with everyone. Maybe it was something of a power for her, but she was naturally flirty.

Now I got it. Now I hated it.

The red haze turned up several notches.

Edward went to shake her hand, murmuring something about the pleasure being all his - asshole - when Tanya yanked him in for a hug, pressing her large chest against him.

I was going to burn her 'knockers' off, I swear to god.

EPOV

Everything was so different. It was like several things were processing at once, like I was multitasking at an extreme rate. Some part of me was processing all the new _smells_ and what they meant and who or what they belonged to. Another was taking in all these finite _details_ I'd never noticed before. Like how dust looked in the air or how the light glinted just barely off of everyone's skin, causing them to glimmer faintly. And on top of all of that, there was this nagging urge to do things. To hunt, to run, to fight, to finally have Bella as I'd wanted her for I couldn't remember just how long.

Then there was the steady burn in my throat, distracting me from focusing on anything else for very long.

The woman hugging me had to be the infamous Tanya Bella had told me about. One of the original succubae, wasn't that how Bella had described her? I could see why; the chick looked good, large and round in all the right places yet with a thin waist. Her hair was that strange red-blond, her eyes the same gold as the Cullens.

But she held not a single fucking candle against _my Bella_.

I released her from the hug, just in time to realize - somehow - that Bella was about to attack Tanya, viciously and dangerously, and she'd regret it greatly afterwards. Somehow… I could see it all in my head. Whirling around, I grabbed Bella around the waist just as she launched herself, yanking her to my chest as she struggled angrily.

She was hissing something, her words blending together, but I gathered she thought I was defending Tanya. I snorted and rolled my eyes. Like I really cared what happened to the woman? I'd let Bella attack her, except I just… _knew_ it would upset Bella greatly.

I didn't want Bella upset. Ever.

Rosalie shook her head, smirking, and gestured for me to follow her. We stepped out a door onto a large winding porch, and down the steps onto the snow.

"Just carry her out into the woods," Rosalie chuckled. "She'll come out of the Red once she has a chance to calm down a bit." She laughed again. "Then she'll show you the ropes of a hunt." She turned for the house, but froze for a second before turning back to me. Her hand landed on her shoulder and she smiled. "I'm glad you're okay, Edward. And welcome to the family." Her brows waggled at that last one and she laughed as she turned back inside.

I carted Bella for a while, into the woods and deeper inside until she finally stilled in my arms, panting. I set her down on her feet, gently turning her to face me. She wouldn't look at me, so I grabbed her chin and forced her eyes to mine.

A part of me noted that I could do that now. I could _make_ her look at me, I could keep her from moving out of my grasp unlike before.

"Hey," I said tenderly. "Babe, it's okay."

She glared at me defiantly suddenly. "Do you like her?"

I was confused. "Who? Tanya?" I shrugged when she nodded sharply. "Yeah. Sure."

Her glare intensified and a growl climbed her throat. I didn't get it. "Bella, what-" Then it hit me, and I laughed, shaking my head. I realized this upset Bella more, but I just found it so ridiculous. "Bella," I chided. "She seems nice and all, but I don't feel anything for her. All the lust I feel, all the," I swallowed, the word still so new and unfamiliar, yet seeming _right_ on my lips going to her. "All the _love _I feel, it's all _just for you_. No one else. Never anyone else. Just you," I whispered, leaning down and kissing her.

The urges grew louder then, roaring through me and making it difficult to focus on anything else in my mind.

I backed her against a boulder covered in snow, my hands tightly gripping her arms, shifting to pin them above her head. Bella arched closer, kissing me back just as frantically. I groaned, pushing a thigh between her legs and up.

She gasped and groaned loudly.

A growl hiked up my throat, deep and echoing in the silent woods around us. The compulsion to make her mine - make sure everyone _knew_ she was _mine dammit!_ - roared through me, and again I _knew_ what acting on that compulsion would mean. And I liked it. I moved my lips to attack her neck, and found myself unable to stop from opening my lips, my mouth, and biting her neck.

"Edward!" she gasped, trying to yank away. I didn't let her, laving the broken skin on her neck with my tongue several times until the small wound closed again.

She tried to knee me and I dodged out of the way, kissing her neck gently. "Bella," I whispered. Another growl worked its way through me. "Bella," I repeated, lower this time. I dragged my parted lips over her skin growling at the shirt that got in my way too quickly.

Her knee slammed into my stomach.

With a snarl, I jumped away from her, glaring blackly.

Bella glared back, one hand reaching up to touch the mark on her neck. The bite mark I'd left. A pleased, primal growl rumbled from me. _Mine_. _My mate._

"What the hell!" she yelled at me, stalking forward and hitting me on the chest. My hand darted out to grab hers, then snatched the other one when she lifted it to hit me. Her frustration grew obviously, and she snarled at me, trying to yank free.

"Why'd you bite me!" she snapped, finally stilling her struggles.

I growled low in my chest. "Mine."

Her mouth opened to retort when she stopped, slowly grinning, eyes darkening in pleasure. She stepped closer until our chests brushed, and then she nuzzled her face into mine. With a soft purr, she asked, "Is that why?" She chuckled. "Possessive much Edward?"

The feeling of her so close. Of her rubbing her face against my chest so intimately. I wanted her. I needed her. Now. Now, now, _now!_

I yanked her mouth up to mine, holding her face tightly between my palms. What surprised me - pleasantly - was when she put her hands on my shoulders and hopped up to wrap her legs around my waist. A delighted purr vibrated between us - mine, hers? I wasn't sure.

My hands slid under the shirt, rubbing against her bare skin. _More. More, more, moremoremoremore!_

Her fingers twisted and tugged at my hair.

Our teeth clacked together, our lips desperate.

Never once did I have to come up for air. It was wonderful.

Suddenly, Bella yanked away, panting. I continued my way down her throat, stopping only to lick greedily, possessively, at the faint scar my bite had left in her skin. Permanently. I shivered with the delight and desire such a thought brought along, the urges in me pleased, but not content. Demanding more.

"Edward," she murmured. "You need to hunt. We can't… we shouldn't." Her words were choppy, but firm. "Not here. Not now."

I tensed, torn. Part of me wanted to listen to her because it was what she wanted and she probably was right. But so demanding were the urges, so intense and strong, that I couldn't think.

Her fingers stroked my cheek gently, moving down to trace my jaw. I stared into her eyes, finding some form of control in doing so. She smiled sweetly and tenderly, and I braced my forehead against hers.

"Okay," I breathed. "Okay." Swallowing against the burn - which seemed to have blazed higher as I denied my arousal - I lowered her gently to her feet. She grabbed my hand in hers and led me deeper into the woods, breathing deeply.

"A lot of it is letting yourself go. Animals smell no where as arousing as humans do, they couldn't possibly smell as good. But it helps curb the temptation. Depending on how long you go without feeding, your control may be stronger or weaker; though, it also depends on the will of the person." She glanced over her shoulder at me and grinned. I sped up my pace to walk beside her.

"Once you catch the scent, just let your instincts take control. You'll know what to do." She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. "As a newborn, you need to hunt more often, and of course you'll be stronger and faster. That'll wear off in about a year. Enjoy it while it lasts. Until you can control your thirst, we'll make sure to keep you far from civilization as possible. After a few years, we'll slowly reintegrate you." She smiled sadly at me. "Perhaps you'll be able to finish high school in less than a decade, if you do really well."

I tightened my grip on her hand, bringing her to a stop, and kissed her quickly. It was the only way to keep the lust from blazing too high once again.

"Ten years with you all to myself? Sounds good to me."

She laughed and moved forward once again.

It took a while for us to find a scent. I kept getting distracted by things, which she explained casually was normal too, and then I kept wanting to stop to touch her. She'd laugh, let me for a little while, then urge us on.

I wasn't distracted once a scent hit my senses that made the burn rage higher than before. I didn't think, I shot off towards it.

Things went hazy in those moments. I saw a meal in front of me, saw it unaware of a predator nearby. I scaled a tree, knowing that launching onto it from above would be the best tactic of attack. I waited until it moved directly below me. I dropped down.

I sunk my teeth into it and shook violently with bliss that was almost ecstasy. It slithered across my tongue, down my throat, coating the burn until it faded somewhat. I was purring loudly until the last drop past my lips, which is when it became a growl of desperate frustration.

More. I needed more.

I _wanted_ more.

I rose, scenting the air around me.

There. Somewhere to my right. I shot off in that direction, running so fast that the landscape around me blurred into single colors. I didn't stalk carefully this time, I leapt directly out of the trees onto my prey, taking it down and sinking my teeth in, drinking with delight.

I was breathing heavily and unnecessarily when I rose that time, but the burn felt muted. I looked around, frowning at the lack of recognition of the forest. Shit. I'd fucking gotten myself lost, hadn't I?

Where was Bella?

I turned in a slow circle, a small sense of panic rising up. What if I couldn't find her? What would I do then? What if she was in trouble and needed help? I wouldn't be there to protect her.

A slightly hazy memory rose up, of my mother before me threatening to kill Bella. Bella said they'd lost Mom. What if _she_ hadn't lost them?

Fearful, I looked around and dashed off the way I thought I'd come. I kept sorting through the scents on the air, searching for Bella's unique one. Good, so good. Like freshly cut strawberries in the summer. Just thinking of her scent made me lick my lips.

It took much longer than I would have liked to find even a hint of her scent. I shot in the direction it had drifted from, desperate to reach her. Slowly - far too slowly - it grew stronger. And with it came another scent, one that cause my nose to scrunch and lips to curl in a snarl.

_Danger_ whispered the urges

I burst through the trees into a huge expanse of unbroken white snow.

Bella was standing there, talking quickly with a boy. He seemed familiar, but his scent was the one that warned the urges. They told me not to trust him, while some faint recollection insisted I could. I stopped, confused, shaking my head slowly, then clutching it as the confusion grew. Did I listen to the urges of that faint memory?

"Hey Edward."

My head shot up, staring at the kid. He stayed behind Bella, quite a distance away, watching me cautiously. Bella murmured something to him, smiling kindly, and then came forward towards me.

I couldn't help but draw her behind me, watching the boy carefully.

Bella's hands massaged my shoulders. She leaned forward, putting her lips at my ear. "It's okay. That's Seth, remember? The Pup?"

I did remember, now that she'd said his name. He'd helped me, befriended me. He'd kept Bella safe when he didn't have to. He was a friend.

"You stink."

Seth grinned, throwing back his head and laughing. Bella chuckled against my ear, making shivers race along my skin. When Seth finally stopped laughing, he shook his head at me. "I don't know when you smelled worse - after you got drunk and high, or now."

I flipped him off with a roll of my eyes.

While the urges still insisted he was dangerous, they were easier to ignore now that I truly recognized him. He was a friend. No matter what anyone else said - even these fucking vampire instincts - I knew I could trust him with not only _my_ life, but something far more important.

_Bella's_.

"I have to get back to the Rez," Seth said. "But I'll try to keep in touch, okay?"

"How are things?" I asked abruptly. "How's Leah? And Sue, is your mom okay?"

Seth smiled and nodded. "They're fine. I… didn't tell Mom what happened, though. Didn't know if you'd want me to."

I hesitated, then shrugged. "Whichever you think would be best, kid. I trust you."

Seth grinned and nodded. "As for the Pack…." He shrugged. "When I left, Jacob was planning to challenge Sam. With Jared dead, the Pack is in turmoil. It's the best time for him to do so." In a mutter, he added, "Not that I want to follow either of them."

"Maybe you should take charge," I laughed.

"Oh, yeah, _sure." _Seth rolled his eyes, sarcasm clear. "See you around," he added, turning. As I watched, the wolf exploded from him and he ran off into the snow.

I twisted around to face Bella, tracing a hand down from her temple to her lips. "I was worried," I said. "I couldn't find you."

She shrugged, smiling up at me happily. "You found me now."

I grinned. "Hell yeah I did. I wasn't about to let you get away from me now that we're on equal grounds." I lifted her up in my arms suddenly, throwing her over one shoulder. I could smell the Cullens and Tanya from here, albeit it barely. I could find my way back to the house.

Bella punched my back. "Edward Anthony Masen, put me down this instant or I'll-"

"What?" I laughed sharply, rolling my eyes and grinning. "Put me in a corner? Give me a spanking?" I lightly slapped her bottom with that last one, grin turning sly.

"Edward!" she yelled.

I just laughed. It was so good to be on equal ground with her. She'd not be getting away from me now….

**Tada! probably one chapter after this - maybe two - and PD will be over. _sniffles_ That's really depressing.**

**Assward: Hell, IG, I think I might actually miss you. And the readers. Think maybe I'll have an interview put on the blog before you finish? Or should we do that after, hahaha!**

**_shrugs_ Anyhow, I hope you guys enjoyed! Have great weekends everyone!!! Kisses and Hugs! (The chocolate kind, unless you want the other kind, too.)  
**


	30. Epilogue

**Here it is, finally.**

**Thank The Readers: You're all wonderful. Whether you've been with me from the start or just joined in, I love you all. You've been absolutely amazing.**

**Thanks to all my reporters, even if things kind of faded out there. (All my fault, by the way. Sorry.) **

**I hope you all enjoy.  
**

3rd POV

Edward leaned back from the laptop and sighed, staring blankly at the screen. He'd finally done it; after seven months of adjusting to his new life, seven months of learning to accept and understand the events that had led to his change from human to vampire, Edward had put his thoughts into words for the one person who needed them more than anyone. She also happened to be the one person who might never see them.

Edward knew what guilt did to a person. He knew how it ate away at the soul and how eventually you began to punish yourself. How your perception of everything changed drastically until you were no longer the same person.

Bella walked into the room, sitting down next to his side and curling up close; he draped his arm around her, stroking her soft firm skin lazily. She tilted her chin up, kissing the underside of his jaw sweetly. He looked down at her, smiling contently.

It was amazing to see how happy he was no, in comparison to when he'd first appeared in Forks. There were no haunting shadows in his eyes, no guilt-driven self destruction. He smiled - really truly smiled - all the time now, and he fit in well with the family. It reminded her of the little boy, how happy and content with life he'd been.

Full circle, she thought, closing her eyes as his lips brushed hers slowly and teasingly.

Her lips parted on a sigh; Edward trailed his hands down to her waist, fiddling with the hem of her silky shirt. Before things could grow more heated between them, Tanya interrupted.

"Hey, this house has a PG-13 rule, and if I have to follow it, so do you two."

Unconcerned, still kissing Bella, Edward lifted his hand to flip the tall beauty off. She laughed, smirking at the two of them, and pointedly sat down next to them, leaning over to pluck the laptop off of Edward's thighs.

"So, what were you doing huh?" she asked. When Edward pulled back from Bella to give Tanya an impatient look, she waggled her brows and teased, "Looking up porn?"

Bella's face scrunched. "That's just disgusting Tanya, don't ask that."

She shrugged, sending a sly glance towards the brunette. "I suppose it's a stupid question. He doesn't have to watch porn when he's got you in bed most hours of the day."

Bella glared playfully and tugged Tanya's hair teasingly. "You're just jealous."

"Absolutely," Tanya agreed seriously, before grinning and waking up Edward's laptop. "Email? You were checking your email? Who would be emailing you who isn't here?"

"The Pup," Bella suggested.

Tanya made a face, muttering about dogs being useless friends.

Edward reached over, taking his laptop back. "Don't knock Seth, Tanya. He'd totally kick your ass."

Snorting, Tanya muttered a dismissive whatever. "Well," she drawled, standing and stretching. "I can't say I won't miss him visiting all the time now that you're leaving. Where are you going again?"  
she asked, raising her brows.

"Russia," Bella supplied, running her hands through Edward's hair as he fiddled with his computer. His head tilted into her touch unconsciously, his eyes half-closed with pleasure. As Tanya watched in amusement, he began purring lowly.

"Well, I suppose I'll just head out for a hunt."

Edward looked up, amused. "You do that."

He watched as she walked outside, closing the door behind herself, before looking at Bella devilishly, lips curling temptingly.

Quickly, he set his laptop aside and pulled her into his lap, standing. She wrapped her legs around his waist, nuzzling her face into his neck. As he walked upstairs he ducked his face into her neck to lick the bite mark he'd left months ago, purring smugly.

They reached the guestroom they'd been staying in, which looked once again empty except for their boxes and suitcases. Dropping her onto the bed, climbing on top of her, Edward slid his hands under her shirt, pushing it up and past her head, dropping it on the floor.

"No one's home right now," he murmured. "We could have complete privacy for once."

She laughed, trailing her hands down his now-bare back. "I'm sure you miss that, don't you?"

"Oh yeah," he muttered, licking and nipping his way from her neck to her chest. "I really truly do. We should get our own place. And never let Emmett inside."

Bella laughed, running her hands through his hair. "He'd hate that," she whispered.

Edward lifted his head, grinning with arrogant amusement. "That's the whole point."

As Bella chuckled, he slipped her pants off, and his own, running his hands over her skin reverently. She sighed lovingly, arching up into his touches.

Later, as they both held each other in the messed up sheets, Bella's face tucked into his neck and her soft breaths caressing his skin, Edward took a deep breath.

"I was quasi-serious, you know."

"Hmm?" Bella hummed, pulling her face back slightly to look up at him from where it was resting on his shoulder.

"About getting our own place."

As if in sync, they both shifted so they were sitting upright on the bed, knees brushing, fingers playing together mindlessly. Bella tilted her head, her hair falling over one shoulder.

"You don't want to stay with the rest of the Cullens?"

Immediately, Edward frowned, shaking his head. "No, no. That's not what I meant. I want to stay close to them…. But I want you to myself. Does that make sense?"

Bella smiled gently. "Yeah. I know what you mean. You never did particularly like sharing," she added teasingly.

Edward grinned, pulling her hand so it was next to his lips. He brushed a kiss across it, murmuring, "Especially when it came to sharing you. When it _comes_ to sharing you," he corrected, grin widening.

Bella smiled at him, then glanced off thoughtfully. "I suppose we could find our own house. A little privacy might be nice."

Edward snorted. "Might? Come on now, Bella. You know it would be amazingly perfectly _wonderful_." With the last word, he leaned closer, whispering it against her ear, making her shiver delightfully.

Bella shoved him away playfully, smiling happily. "Yeah, okay, I'll admit it." Her eyes crinkled as she continued smiling, basking in the _rightness_ of the moment, of her life. "Esme could probably find us a good one."

Edward leaned forward quickly, pecking her lips in a rapidly but thoroughly. "Good," he murmured against them. "We'll talk to her about it when she gets back."

"Mmm," Bella sighed, eyes closed. "Okay."

*~*~*~

Seth leaned against the pine tree, watching the white woods in front of him. His ears picked up the sounds of Edward coming closer, and then his nose the scent of his friend as he leaned on a tree next to him.

"It's gonna be strange," Seth said quietly. "Not being able to run up here and see you within a couple of days."

"Yeah," Edward sighed. "Our fucked up friendship will be growing more screwed now."

Seth laughed once huskily. "Fucked-up, huh? I suppose that's one word for it."

Edward tilted his head, grinning wryly. "Yeah. Mutt."

"Leech," Seth retorted, grinning over at him. Then he shook his head. "Mom says good luck and that you better keep in touch or she'll come hunt your ass down."

Edward threw back his head, laughing, startling a rabbit out of a bush across the clearing. They both watched as it dashed away, leaving faint prints behind, the only evidence of its mad dash.

"I'll miss her. Fuck knows I miss her cooking."

Seth grinned. "Well, you said human food tastes like crap, so you will probably be fine in time," he teased.

Edward smirked for a moment, then raised a brow. "How's Leah? And the rest of your mutts?"

Seth nodded thoughtfully. "…Good. Surprisingly good."

The wolves had been suffering after the death of Jared. The fight between Sam and Jacob so soon afterwards had shaken them up as well. Sam had nearly died; it had only been through sheer luck that he'd lived. That, and Leah. She may have resented Sam for all that had happened, but she loved her cousin Emily. Sam's death would have hurt her incredibly.

So Leah jumped Jacob before he could deliver the death blow. Not one to let his sister do anything without his help, Seth had jumped in to help.

Jacob had been kicked out of the pack, gone lone wolf. Seth suspected that it wasn't the last they'd hear of him, but for now, the pack was settling. Sam's recovery had taken longer than anyone had thought, which caused some worry, but it seemed the Alpha was fine with it. He stayed home with Emily, planning and preparing for their wedding.

"They listen to us," Seth said to Edward, musing out loud. "They might not completely believe us, but they listen and trust us more than they did before."

"Well, I bet the Alpha owing you his fucking life helps matters."

Seth laughed and nodded, smirking as well. "I'll bet that's part of it."

"And us leaving probably helped matters our of shit creek."

Seth rolled his eyes. "Just a bit. They were all antsy over your changing, but we just blamed the bitch who escaped the fight."

Edward nodded, smirk fading from his lips. "If you think about it, it really is her fault."

Seth reached out and clapped a hand comfortingly on Edward's shoulder, mentally shooting himself in the foot for bringing up the sore subject, even if it had been somewhat inadvertently.

Edward shook off his black mood and grinned. "I'm gonna miss your ass, Kid."

They hugged in a fast, briefly touching movement before separating, shaking it off. In the far distance, Bella rolled her eyes.

_Boys_, she thought in amusement.

Edward glanced up sharply as her scent reached him, his eyes unerringly locking on her. Seth smiled slightly as he saw this, shaking his head the faintest bit. The guy was so whipped, and so happy about it.

"Keep in touch, man," Seth said, clapping Edward's shoulder one last time.

"Yeah," Edward said softly, tearing his gaze from his mate. "You too. Good luck."

Seth smiled, walking far enough away to phase without triggering Edward's still-jumpy newborn instincts, and paused at the end of the clearing. He grinned wolfishly, howled, then turned tail and ran off into the snow.

Bella showed up next to Edward, wrapping her arms around him from behind, resting her face against his back between his shoulders. She pressed a gentle kiss there.

"We'll see him again one day," she assured him.

"Yeah. I hope so."

~*~*~*~

The house in Russia was small, just perfect for two people. It was a good fifteen minute run from the rest of the family; close enough that they felt like a part of them still, but far enough away for plenty of privacy. Bella and Edward were curled up on the floor in front of the fireplace, lazily kissing each other every few minutes.

"I love you," Edward murmured pleasantly. "I love you so fucking much."

Bella grinned, flicking her tongue against his neck sweetly, making him growl lowly. "And I love you very," she leaned half over him, placing his lips at his ear as she whispered, "_fucking_ much too," she finished as she pulled back, grinning coyly.

Quickly, she popped to her feet as his growls grew louder, his eyes darkening with lust. She sashayed away, grinning snarkily over her shoulder, only to widen her eyes in surprise as Edward leapt at her from a crouch, tackling her. He twisted around so she fell on top of him, but quickly switched their positions, pining her to the floor. He grinned arrogantly down at her, pinning her down with his body and keeping her arms still with his hands restraining her wrists. When she wiggled, trying to see if she could get free, his growls deepened.

Both their eyes darkened as their bodies rubbed together.

One of Edward's hands drifted up to link with Bella's, his finger stroking the silver band on the ring finger of her left hand, turning it until the stone brushed against his skin, twisting it back around again. Soon, there'd be a gold band there as well.

As their kisses and touches heated up, Edward's laptop, which was charging upstairs in his room, dinged to show he had a new email. The screen woke up as Bella laughed loudly and the house shook once, Edward growling playfully.

It showed his email, which he'd kept up consistently for the past few weeks. His inbox was filled with jokes and chain mail from Emmett, advice on learning to control his thirst and plans for practicing fighting with Jasper, coupons for local fashion stores from Alice, and conversations with Carlisle about thing that had been bothering him.

At the top was a single new message, the sender a jumble of nonsense numbers, the address unfamiliar. The subject simply said I Still Love You.

~*~*~*~

_I don't know when you'll get this, if ever. I'm not even sure what the hell to say or if I'll use the right words for what I want to tell you. I'm not fucking good with words as you know._

_ For the most part, I need to tell you that I'm not angry with you. I'm not sorry about what ultimately happened, just that it had to be so hurtful between us. I wanted this for myself. I want this life, and I'm not sorry that I know have it. If it hadn't happened the way it did, it would have occurred in some other fashion. So don't fucking kill yourself over that._

_ I want to tell you that there's more than one way to live this life. That you don't have to be a monster, a murderer like that bitch who ruined our lives._

_ Maybe one day, when you can get over any unnecessary guilt you're feeling over this fucked-up thing, we can see each other again. I want to see you again one day, and I don't want you thinking that I hate you._

_ You were there for me when I fucked myself over countless times. You were there when I let myself blame and guilt-toss and hurt my wellbeing and you countless times over. I was fucking selfish and screwed up, and I didn't want to be saved. I wanted to be punished for something I thought was my fault._

_ That night all those years ago, I blamed myself for something I couldn't really control. I remember that she had been reading me Peter Pan, and I thought I should have been like him, saving the day. I was so young and full of guilt that I didn't realize that the magic was in believing. And that by believing something so vile and wrong, I was killing the magic. _

_ I remember asking her to let me know when she found a pixie, so we could use the pixie dust to fly. I found a way to fly, to get high; but my pixie dust was detrimental to all that she'd stood for._

_ She wasn't there, at the time, to tell me otherwise than what I was thinking. She wasn't around to talk sense into me, to take that guilt off of my shoulders. Not until years later. Sometimes, the only person who can give you back the magic is the one you think you took it from._

_ I don't want you to suffer what I did to myself for so many years. I want you to know that whatever you're blaming yourself for, I forgive you for. You never once blamed me._

_ The least I can do is always forgive you._

_ I love you, Mom. If it takes a thousand years to meet up with you again, I'll still love you. And just like you waited for me to realize what you always knew, I'll wait for you. _

_ I'm happy. I promise you. I'm with the girl I love, about to marry her, and I'll be able to spend eternity with her. What more can a guy ask for? I don't know when you'll get this - fuck, I already said that…. But I'll send you pictures, okay? _

_ I… I miss you. I love you. I know I never said it enough, and I wish I could go back and fix up all the fuck-ups I made. But then again… if I did, I might not have met the love of my life. So, I have eternity to make up for them now, I guess._

_ Don't blame yourself. And don't be afraid to find me. I'll be trying to find you, too._

_ Love you for always, Mom._

_ Edward _

Elizabeth bit her lip once again, feeling like she could burst into tears except apparently what she was now couldn't cry. She couldn't help but read the words once again, hardly daring to believe they were true. He forgave her? After she attacked her own son, he forgave her? She'd made him a monster. She'd almost killed him; if Bella - Bella Swan! - hadn't stopped her, her son would have died at her hand.

But he forgave her. As easy as that, he forgave her.

And he was getting married.

She wanted to be there. But she didn't trust herself. After what she'd done, once the realization had hit, she'd already been on the run from the ones who'd saved Edward. She'd kept running until she couldn't smell anything that taunted her senses. She was weak and starving and had finally lost all sense of herself once again.

When she became aware again, she'd been at the throat of another human being, shuddering in ecstasy as the red life's blood flooded her mouth and down her throat.

That was when she'd realized there was no avoiding what she was, no stopping it.

But according to Edward, there was. There was a way not to be a murdering monster.

She'd gotten to this house and… fed. She shuddered, pushing the thought of it from her mind forcefully. It had been a whim, but she'd wanted to know what people had been saying about her family's disappearance. So she'd looked up old articles on the internet, realizing the house had been set on fire, the blaze razing _everything _to the ground. Three bodies had been found inside.

She wondered where the other two had come from.

Habit had prompted her to sign in to her email before she'd realized what she was doing. When she was about to click out, she'd caught sight of an email from Edward… recently.

She'd just had to read it. She was glad she had.

Maybe one day, she'd gain enough courage to find Edward. But for now, his email and her response was enough.

_I still love you Edward, always will. I am glad you're happy. Maybe, one day, we can meet again._

_ Until then._

_ Momma_

_~*~*~*~_

"I love you Edward." Bella sighed, shifting closer.

Edward grinned softly. "I told you I'd never love another girl, babe. And I meant that shit."

Slowly, her lips curled as well. "Yeah, you did. And it looks like you got your way with the whole going to Never Land thing. Now you're not going to grow up as well."

Edward laughed, kissing her slowly, passionately. "You saved me, Bella."

"No, Edward." Bella corrected, cupping his cheek in her hand. "We saved each other, made the most of our second chance. So let's make the most of it," she suggested.

Edward's eyes darkened, his smirk growing. "If you insist," he purred.

Bella laughed as Edward's lips returned to hers, and they made some of their own magic once again.


End file.
